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xyz48B
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16 minutes ago, xyz48B said:

My issue is not selectiveness. You clearly haven’t read that in my responses to you. I’m done responding to you on this post on this matter unless you can move beyond the matter of selectiveness. That’s not my issue.

Glad to see you changed your tune. You were vocalizing objections to providers having as much discretion as people on grindr and likened their work and boundaries to selling bread. Baking and escorting is a false equivalency. Getting paid doesn't negate you being able to decide who you meet. 

Edited by rn901
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3 minutes ago, Lazarus said:

The problem is you contacted someone who doesn’t know anything at all about you & asked him for a 3 day BFE. Who in their right mind would commit to a 3 day BFE with someone they never met before, have  no idea what they look like or what type of personality they have? For all he knows you could be Jabba the Hut or Hannibal Lechter. Maybe the next time you should a try to arrange a 1 or 2 hour “BFE’ before you ask a complete stranger for a 3 day BFE weekend. 

I’m going to disagree. I’ve hired guys (my three regulars for example) for multiple nights out the gate and it was a perfectly fine time. And…if that was his issue, it does seem that saying so would be the way to proceed.

This is just one example. I don’t always lead with a specific about time spent to together. That just had to be part of this exchange. The pattern of behavior cuts across different providers, regardless if I mention time spent together. 

If the issue was the time, it would’ve been nice to be told that. And it doesn’t seem that it was an issue when he said “sure” in response to that. Unless of course the “sure” was an empty “sure.” 

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My two cents (For whatever it’s worth…)

You point out a straight offer of a wanted BFE, then tell him you want a [dominant] top and wrap up with asking for a price estimate.  Not a provider here, just another paying client; but, I wouldn’t know how to respond either.  

Perhaps being more concise about what you expect out of three days.  Nights out doing what? The entire weekend fucking? Out of town trip? Daytime excursions?  Does he get some off time within 72-hours?  

He know zero about you.  If you’re in town, our of town, a description of what you look like.  If he’s a young escort starting out he may not know to ask these thing so you need to take the lead.  I think it is much easier to ask for longer periods of time with someone you’ve met and been with rather than ask this of someone new and new to the profession.

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7 hours ago, Swazca said:

My two cents (For whatever it’s worth…)

You point out a straight offer of a wanted BFE, then tell him you want a [dominant] top and wrap up with asking for a price estimate.  Not a provider here, just another paying client; but, I wouldn’t know how to respond either.  

Perhaps being more concise about what you expect out of three days.  Nights out doing what? The entire weekend fucking? Out of town trip? Daytime excursions?  Does he get some off time within 72-hours?  

He know zero about you.  If you’re in town, our of town, a description of what you look like.  If he’s a young escort starting out he may not know to ask these thing so you need to take the lead.  I think it is much easier to ask for longer periods of time with someone you’ve met and been with rather than ask this of someone new and new to the profession.

I've been around this forum long enough to have seen plenty of comments by providers who voice displeasure with, on the one side,  one word initial texts and on the other, a dissertation.  There are no cut and dry rules for initial contact, so we, as the clients, are left walking a tight rope. How much information is too little or too much?  This has nothing to do with being selective, as was challenged up-thread. 

However, for everyone saying the provider was put-off, confused, etc., @xyz48Basked a couple initial questions (rate for a defined duration, what he was looking for) in his text.  Again, how much information is appropriate for the provider to engage with the client to determine if they're compatible and would be a match?  Wouldn't it be in the provider's and his potential client's best-interest, especially since the client is asking for an extended session, to engage and answer the initial questions?  If the provider isn't interested in an extended session with an unknown client, shouldn't he be professional enough to reply with that?  And if they do engage, and he still feels uncomfortable, he (or the client) has every right to be "selective" and disengage.   

This isn't rocket science.  It's basic communication and mutual respect.   

.  

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"This has nothing to do with being selective, as was challenged up-thread. "

No, the original post is pretty clear. It was very much about boundaries, discretion or being "selective" then when that was challenged the topic was changed to poor communication in one text exchange. 

The original post:

 

"I don’t understand why it’s so hard to hire a guy. It shouldn’t be hard. We’re not playing matchmaker here. It’s almost as difficult as setting up a Grindr date with some of these guys. The ones who really see this as their job are infinitely easier to arrange with, but I sincerely believe A LOT of these providers are looking to get paid to do the Grindr thing.

Rentmen isn’t Grindr.

The selectiveness from some providers is almost akin a baker saying they won’t make a cake for certain types of clients. I totally get when it is clear that a potential client is likely not a potential client, but you can’t know if a client is serious in four texts between the two of you that total less than 50 words, sometimes less than 25…

I really am thankful for my regulars who are a dream to work with…"


When it was contended that escorting is not akin to selling muffins at a bakery and that providers can turn down anyone regardless of the amount of words exchanged and that they should have as much discretion as any person on grindr or else where, then we were given a text exchange with a provider not responding to the original poster's request of three overnights of BFE despite never meeting. People then pointed out very reasonable explanations as to why this provider may have been distrustful, distant, or disengaged after a few texts. The original poster then disagreed because they have had past set ups work for them "right out of the gate". Yet, here they are complaining that plenty of others have not worked out and have not taken him up on his offer. So what's the solution? We can either continue to gripe and complain about providers being selective and/or communicating poorly or we can change our approach in how we reach out to providers with the new insight others have given on here and a perspective of providers being able to turn you down as much as any person. The former option doesn't seem to change much if we are unhappy with the present. It's not rocket science, correct. 

Edited by rn901
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@RJD, it’s almost as if we’re supposed to me mind readers! 

Whatever the case may be, the provided text “conversation” was poor on the part of the provider. If he wasn’t interested, for whatever reason, in multiple nights, then say so up front. If that’s the issue. He never indicated however that was the issue. Everyone else here seems to think so but that’s only surmising what could be the problem on my part, because of course the problem is mine, not the escort’s…

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5 hours ago, rn901 said:

"This has nothing to do with being selective, as was challenged up-thread. "

No, the original post is pretty clear. It was very much about boundaries, discretion or being "selective" then when that was challenged the topic was changed to poor communication in one text exchange. 

The original post:

 

"I don’t understand why it’s so hard to hire a guy. It shouldn’t be hard. We’re not playing matchmaker here. It’s almost as difficult as setting up a Grindr date with some of these guys. The ones who really see this as their job are infinitely easier to arrange with, but I sincerely believe A LOT of these providers are looking to get paid to do the Grindr thing.

Rentmen isn’t Grindr.

The selectiveness from some providers is almost akin a baker saying they won’t make a cake for certain types of clients. I totally get when it is clear that a potential client is likely not a potential client, but you can’t know if a client is serious in four texts between the two of you that total less than 50 words, sometimes less than 25…

I really am thankful for my regulars who are a dream to work with…"


When it was contended that escorting is not akin to selling muffins at a bakery and that providers can turn down anyone regardless of the amount of words exchanged and that they should have as much discretion as any person on grindr or else where, then we were given a text exchange with a provider not responding to the original poster's request of three overnights of BFE despite never meeting. People then pointed out very reasonable explanations as to why this provider may have been distrustful, distant, or disengaged after a few texts. The original poster then disagreed because they have had past set ups work for them "right out of the gate". Yet, here they are complaining that plenty of others have not worked out and have not taken him up on his offer. So what's the solution? We can either continue to gripe and complain about providers being selective and/or communicating poorly or we can change our approach in how we reach out to providers with the new insight others have given on here and a perspective of providers being able to turn you down as much as any person. The former option doesn't seem to change much if we are unhappy with the present. It's not rocket science, correct. 

Interesting.  You joined this site less than a day ago, but your confrontational and myopic approach to posts is eerily similar to another member who hasn't appeared since embarrassing himself over a month ago.

You continue to hang your hat on the OP's original use of "selective" but are ignoring the substance of his post.  He has stated  multiple times he has no problem with a provider being selective once they engage in conversation.  He has even said his use of the word selective in his original post was unfortunate.  I also stated I had no problem with either the provider or client being selective after they engage in a conversation to determine compatibility or comfort level, but you continue to ignore that and remain laser focused on his initial post.  

In my world,  mutual respect includes replying to an inquiry even if it's to decline said inquiry. 

Edited by RJD
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You're 33 and having problems getting people to be paid by you to spend time with you.  Also, you're with a mindset that you are entitled to someone's body as you are to service at a bakery and they shouldn't be able to reject you like they do on grindr. Clearly nothing needs changing on your part. Carry on then and continue to wonder why some will ignore you. Like I said, there are two options on your part: continue the current course of complaining online which changes nothing or take a new approach with new insight and a new perspective.  

Edited by rn901
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"Interesting.  You joined this site less than a day ago, but your confrontational and myopic approach to posts is eerily similar to another member who hasn't appeared since embarrassing himself over a month ago."

LMAO I don't know who that is or who you are referring to, but another deflection from the topic at hand noted. The things people do to avert self-growth and introspection. 

Edited by rn901
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6 minutes ago, rn901 said:
LMAO I don't know who that is or who you are referring to, but another deflection from the topic at hand noted. The things people do to avert self-growth and introspection. 

An observation is not deflection.  

You’re right.  The things people do to avert self-growth, introspection and responsibility is remarkable.  
 

 

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9 minutes ago, RJD said:

An observation is not deflection.  

You’re right.  The things people do to avert self-growth, introspection and responsibility is remarkable.  
 

 

An observation that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. People aren't allowed to join this site? You're just looking for a way to discredit what has been argued by accusing me of being someone else because you can't offer any other substantive response. Good luck to you both. 

Edited by rn901
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The Grindr-ization of RM started years ago. Grindr is Grindr, and that's fine. I occasionally use it and have successfully met a few guys for fun in different cities. RM should be RM, but it's not; the communications often mimic Grindr. That's the reason I am far less likely to take chances on newbies than I did in years past.

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41 minutes ago, rn901 said:

An observation that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. People aren't allowed to join this site? You're just looking for a way to discredit what has been argued by accusing me of being someone else because you can't offer any other substantive response. Good luck to you both. 

You think you're making substantive responses?  Seriously?  You joined yesterday and just about every post under this screen name has been aggressive and confrontational.  Not  to mention, you subtlely insulted the OP.  Attractive entree in the forum.     

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1 hour ago, rn901 said:

The OP was insulting in that he's entitled to people's bodies as he is to service at a bakery. 

Not sure where you read that.  I reviewed this entire thread.  I don't see where the OP insinuated he was entitled to anyone's body.  He expressed frustration and disappointment that, other than the one word reply, the provider didn't even asnwer his questions or engage with him in order to determine if they were compatible, at which time one or both could decline to move forward.  Or, he could have declined in the first reply if he was concerned about an extended session with a new client.  

1 hour ago, rn901 said:

Sounds like you don't want any challenge from the other side. Too bad. Tough luck. Get use to it. 

This is where you go off the rails.  You approach this as a confrontation as if you need to challenge people and be abrasive to be persuasive.  You may be more effective and successful if you exchanged ideas in a civil manner without the rancor and acrimony.

 

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8 hours ago, RJD said:

 

However, for everyone saying the provider was put-off, confused, etc., @xyz48Basked a couple initial questions (rate for a defined duration, what he was looking for) in his text.  Again, how much information is appropriate for the provider to engage with the client to determine if they're compatible and would be a match?  Wouldn't it be in the provider's and his potential client's best-interest, especially since the client is asking for an extended session, to engage and answer the initial questions?  If the provider isn't interested in an extended session with an unknown client, shouldn't he be professional enough to reply with that?  And if they do engage, and he still feels uncomfortable, he (or the client) has every right to be "selective" and disengage.   

This isn't rocket science.  It's basic communication and mutual respect.   

.  

Don’t jump on my ass over my two cents.  Like it said for whatever my statement was worth… apparently nothing since you jump on my ass for a mistake the PROVIDER made NOT ME!!!!

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Moderator's Note: There have been more than plenty of back-and-forth barbs for one thread. Please stop criticizing one another and stick to the topic of issues encountered when engaging providers. The moderators would rather you stop yourselves than us stop you.

Thank you

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3 hours ago, RJD said:

Not sure where you read that.  I reviewed this entire thread.  I don't see where the OP insinuated he was entitled to anyone's body.  He expressed frustration and disappointment that, other than the one word reply, the provider didn't even asnwer his questions or engage with him in order to determine if they were compatible, at which time one or both could decline to move forward.  Or, he could have declined in the first reply if he was concerned about an extended session with a new client.  

This is where you go off the rails.  You approach this as a confrontation as if you need to challenge people and be abrasive to be persuasive.  You may be more effective and successful if you exchanged ideas in a civil manner without the rancor and acrimony.

 

That was not stated in the original post. The single text exchange used as an example of poor communication was back pedaling from ridiculous statements, arguments and comparisons to escorting. It indicated an absurd yet common mentality when hiring among clients. I'm not going to quote the original post a third time for you. You know full well the mentality expressed when comparing escorting to service at a bakery and complaining about guys being as selective on RM as they are on grindr. It was pure entitlement that often goes way too unchecked on here. The divergence to the single text exchange then was met with alternative ways of viewing why a provider might be standoffish or disengaged in responding. This was met with a lack of introspection and lack of consideration of alternative ways of going about things. As stated twice before, you have two options: continue the same approach and wonder why you're dissatisfied or try a different approach with a better fuller perspective. If you have a third option on the part of clients, then provide it. The majority of escorts last one to two years in the industry max. Less than 25% last more than five years according to a 2016 study that compared demographics of escorts on Rentboy versus Craigslist. This is a turn over rate worse than inner city teachers and nurses.  Being highly selective is how one lasts longterm in this business. Otherwise a provider will burn themselves out the first or second year on the most taxing of clients (who often feel they can treat you like a cashier at a bakery or who go all Karen if you don't respond with paragraphs to their paragraphs of questions). Many escorts get several inquiries a day, with very few inquiries serious and following through. Many providers will have neither the time or energy to write an essay to each one. If I didn't start to filter out the nonsensical and entitled, I would have not made it past my second year. One can find lots of complaints on here about the pool of providers to chose from, yet little is suggested on the part of clients to lessen such a terrible retention rate and improve the labor market. When alternative perspectives are offered, they're met with contempt and hostility because it suggests that the other end of the transaction has more decision-making and bargaining power than originally presumed on the part of entitled clients. If you want better escorts, the way to go isn't petulant complaining and worse working conditions. Seems like common sense. Taking in a diverse set of input from various perspectives and altering the ways one approaches providers seems a better way forward than the other option which is a dead end. 

Edited by rn901
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On 9/25/2021 at 8:42 PM, xyz48B said:

I don’t understand why it’s so hard to hire a guy. It shouldn’t be hard. We’re not playing matchmaker here. It’s almost as difficult as setting up a Grindr date with some of these guys. The ones who really see this as their job are infinitely easier to arrange with, but I sincerely believe A LOT of these providers are looking to get paid to do the Grindr thing.

Rentmen isn’t Grindr.

The selectiveness from some providers is almost akin a baker saying they won’t make a cake for certain types of clients. I totally get when it is clear that a potential client is likely not a potential client, but you can’t know if a client is serious in four texts between the two of you that total less than 50 words, sometimes less than 25…

I really am thankful for my regulars who are a dream to work with…

As for me on my site:  All Ages/Body Types "Sizes"  / Race Welcome"

Lucky for me.. its works no problem(s) soo far..

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Maybe…or maybe the provider is just not a good provider, as are many providers. Maybe…Maybe…

🤷🏼‍♂️ 

Why is it we’ll paint clients with wide brushstrokes but providers are to be afforded every imaginable possibility for why they don’t behave with some level of decency, even when it pushes the limits of reasonability? I’d contend the out-the-gate assumption that every client is going to waste your time is a problem. Maybe some providers are fine losing the business, but it seems to me if making money or, as so many providers advertise, providing a phenomenal experience for the client is the goal, then providers might want to learn more about a potential client before determining he’s a potential danger.

So let me understand. My suggesting a 3-night BFE was out of line? That’s poor form. What then of providers on RM who specifically stipulate not to approach them unless your message includes your name and what you’re looking for and the dates you’re looking for? We all know those ads are there. For him, that’s needed. For others, it’s not. Sorry that I don’t have the energy to perform the necessary triage to determine if a provider needs a casual text to not be spooked or a 56-slide PowerPoint presentation to consider me serious. I, for my part, tried to send a polite message that was direct and to the point. It seems courtesy would say I’m owed a “Sorry, but I don’t think you’re the client for me” or “Sorry, but I don’t think I’m the provider for you,” instead of saying “sure” when I said what I was looking for if it wasn’t in fact okay. In the world I live in, “sure” is an affirmative response to a question or request. So it just really baffles me that someone can say the issue was asking for a 3-night BFE when the response from the provider himself was “sure.” Unless of course the escort wasn’t genuine – which, to come back to the OP, is a huge problem on Grindr.

Guys on Grindr will say anything to get a hookup and as soon as the need is satisfied, they disappear. My point about mentioning Grindr communication in relationship to RM was that some providers behave the same way, but expect to get paid whereas on Grindr the meetup is free. It’s almost as if the providers who behave like this on RM feel entitled to be paid for deigning to be with a guy in any way, shape, or form while wanting to behave according Grindr norms – not really out to provide a service. If that makes me an evil person for feeling that way, I guess I’m an evil person. 

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11 minutes ago, xyz48B said:If that makes me an evil person for feeling that way, I guess I’m an evil person. 

Really? @xyz48B 

Stop with the victim card.  With hundreds and thousands of other escorts out there who would gladly take your cash — why are you self-loathing and wasting energy on this one escort in particular?  Does he remind you specifics of a boy you had your sights set on from your youth?  Just move on from him.  He obviously doesn’t want or need the business.  
 

As any other savvy consumers would do — move on and ask someone else.  You’re wasting your time and good energy; not to mention reaching for the opinion of various clients on here who are a vast diverse group of personalities who are so different, you will never achieve a unanimous vote of approval for how you should or should not have approached this situation.  

Personally I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way to ask for the services of an escort or masseur.  I ask, lay out a specific — if they respond, they respond.  If they don’t respond I chock it up to them not wanting the business and find someone else.  It’s not worth my time and energy letting them have free rent in my head as to why they didn’t respond.  Not everyone thinks alike.  
 

In the end we receive what we project out to the universe.  If you want your Grindr or Rent.men experiences you start off bad then you’ll attract that.  
 

But don’t ever let someone steal your energy over a one worded response.  It is not worth your time!  

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