How much time do you estimate you lose each week (wasting time).

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I try to keep a level head when it comes down to it, but some days (or weeks) I just really feel like it makes no damn sense.

 

I can go thru my phone on texts and just see so many responses that just have gone nowhere. Either they just flat out stop responding, or don’t reply to a request to confirm a time, or when trying to arrange something they can’t make it happen outside of the immediate time they want to do it. Or they contact me booking a session, when they clearly are in a position to not be able to (at work, etc etc reason)

 

After a daily dosing of this type of communication, I just end up fatigued of the whole thing because then I start to feel like I’m in a rat race.

 

So I been using the freeze mode of my ad fairly regularly...simply because it’s like a week of break seems a good idea considering the amount of time wasted, adds up to a lot of time that could be expended toward other things.

 

And today I feel like freezing my ad again ??‍♂️

[BuffaloKyle]

That is why I stopped going on regular hookup sites. I value my free time and was tired of being flaked on, lied to, ghosted, or have people make horrible and hurtful comments about my appearance. I know how you feel! People can flat out suck. ?

 

I hope the good people you meet make up for the bad ones.

[kingsley88]

I agree with you BuffaloKyle. When I was on grindr/scruff, some conversations looked promising but then when I ask to meetup somehow there's always a reason they can't or they ask for more photos or they just ghost me. This is why I much prefer going to a bar and the old school way of picking up guys or hire a masseur.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

That is why I stopped going on regular hookup sites. I value my free time and was tired of being flaked on, lied to, ghosted, or have people make horrible and hurtful comments about my appearance. I know how you feel! People can flat out suck. ?

 

I hope the good people you meet make up for the bad ones.

 

ugh, tell me about it. hookup sites are a whole other animal of course.

 

but you’d think as paying members of these sites we advertise on, there would be a little less in the way of faff occurring. Yet I feel I’m wasting just as much time as I would be just doing it for free, and that’s a problem.

 

And I’m sure someone will be like, “well in other businesses...” this is not other businesses. This is advertising on RentMen and Rentmasseur and sometimes A4A (which has surprisingly become less of a time waster site than the other 2).

 

It used to be Adam4Adam was the biggest time waste site, but I’ve easily mitigated that because I just send out auto replies with my number and if they don’t reach out, I don’t bother. With the other sites, people have our number (or IM) to their advantage, so most of the screening out has to be done from my own phone. And it’s just hours and hours wasted each week. Sometimes with not a whole lot to show from it. Just over the weekend I had a “bucket” of inquiries in one of my rotational cities, but only 1 really showed up.

 

I seen how 1 guy I met took calls: he would deal with time wasting clients round the clock (often even the Grindr types) and seem total unphased. But he also didn’t seem to really care about the clients or his presentation (and was usually pretty drugged out). And I’m like, that’s not me. Some guys see clients as numbers, some clients see us as just a phone number. That does not help to build any sort of rapport.

Edited April 28, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[+ Coolwave35]

My industry is so far out of sex work, but I too am plagued with time wasters. I have piles of dead leads of people that sucked up a substantial amount of my time and resulted in no sale. It’s discouraging for sure.

[marylander1940]

I try to keep a level head when it comes down to it, but some days (or weeks) I just really feel like it makes no damn sense.

 

I can go thru my phone on texts and just see so many responses that just have gone nowhere. Either they just flat out stop responding, or don’t reply to a request to confirm a time, or when trying to arrange something they can’t make it happen outside of the immediate time they want to do it. Or they contact me booking a session, when they clearly are in a position to not be able to (at work, etc etc reason)

 

After a daily dosing of this type of communication, I just end up fatigued of the whole thing because then I start to feel like I’m in a rat race.

 

So I been using the freeze mode of my ad fairly regularly...simply because it’s like a week of break seems a good idea considering the amount of time wasted, adds up to a lot of time that could be expended toward other things.

 

And today I feel like freezing my ad again ??‍♂️

 

Unfortunately waiting for the phone to ring is part of the business... I know guys who started in the early 90's (one of them still works in SF) he had to say in his place to pick up the phone because cellphones were very expensive and costly to maintain... at least escorts now can go to they gym, take a walk, etc. while carrying their iPhone waiting for a client to contact them and make in one hour what it would take others several days of minimum wage hard labor to make. Enjoy!

 

My industry is so far out of sex work, but I too am plagued with time wasters. I have piles of dead leads of people that sucked up a substantial amount of my time and resulted in no sale. It’s discouraging for sure.

 

you're not alone... plenty of folks out there in similar situation.

 

 

I agree with you BuffaloKyle. When I was on grindr/scruff, some conversations looked promising but then when I ask to meetup somehow there's always a reason they can't or they ask for more photos or they just ghost me. This is why I much prefer going to a bar and the old school way of picking up guys or hire a masseur.

 

Exactly folks go out for a reason. Unfortunately now a days you'll see them checking their phones in a bar too.

Edited April 29, 2021 by marylander1940

[Jamie21]

Definitely agree with Jarrod. I never understand it. I’ll get a text asking if I’m available for a massage on x date /time. I reply quickly with details of my availability and then.....nothing. No response not even a message saying “I changed my mind”. Why do that??

I’m professional, I have a website, I take my work seriously, I prepare for clients, I make myself available, I cancel personal appointments all to accommodate a client’s request....then as happened today my client who booked yesterday messaged an hour before the time to cancel.

 

I understand things happen, but an hour before the time? I believe in a lot of these situations the client has just changed their mind or got cold feet. It’s very disappointing.

 

Other times I’ve had a client book a couple of weeks in advance. Lots of messages went back and forth to make the booking. Including details of what he wanted. I messaged him the day before to confirm (as I always do) and he replies by saying “oh sorry I forgot mate, I’ve got something else booked now”. So I guess had I not checked he’d have just not turned up and I’d be waiting with everything ready. Why book it if you then aren’t so interested that you even note it in your diary?

 

Even worse, I had a request for a 4 hands with a masseuse and me. The client had specific requests which I was able to meet by contacting one of the masseuses I work with. She made arrangements for the date, so did I. It took a lot of time to schedule it and find the right masseuse. Then, the day before the client cancelled because of “issues at home”. Fortunately he did agree to pay to cover the costs my masseuse incurred (she was travelling a long way for the session) which was decent of him. But the worse thing is all the time wasted.

 

I think there’s an attitude that sex workers time is unimportant and we can be treated with disregard. If something better comes up they choose to either cancel at short notice or just not turn up. I definitely value my clients who book and do turn up, they get great service. I’ve learned the signs that indicate whether someone is unlikely to turn up. If they book and don’t show up I’ll never book them again. If they cancel last minute without genuine reason they’ll also never get a booking again.

[Islesguy]

As a client, I like to book in advance so I can block out my schedule since things tend to come up for me randomly at times. Without scheduling while I know I'm free, there's always a chance something immediate might arise. I have never once flaked nor cancelled on a guy. I even trekked out to an appointment when I wasn't feeling great because I hadn't been able to get ahold of him to cancel the day before.

 

My time is super important to me so I understand what it's like when someone wastes it. Ergo, I tried to never waste someone else's.

[+ Coolwave35]

I think people are wildly inconsiderate. I also think it’s really challenging for some people to hire and their nerves get the best of them.

[dbar123]

Lately I’ve had the opposite experience- where I make an appointment with a provider in advance and at the last minute, usually because they’ve changed their travel plans, they bail. My favorite was the guy who couldn’t meet me in DC because he lost his wallet and couldn’t take the train...

[Jamie21]

I think people are wildly inconsiderate. I also think it’s really challenging for some people to hire and their nerves get the best of them.

Yes I agree, I try to understand the nervous guys and to reassure them. I forget how difficult it can be making an exploration of your sexual desires. But I wish they’d only book once they’re sure!

[+ Coolwave35]

Yes I agree, I try to understand the nervous guys and to reassure them. I forget how difficult it can be making an exploration of your sexual desires. But I wish they’d only book once they’re sure!

When I first started out, 13 years ago, I was the exact client you’re all complaining about. I remember the fear and dread and anxiety that a response from a provider would provoke in me. I probably bothered a dozen guys and ghosted before I finally made the plunge.

 

That first time was more nervous than pleasurable. We didn’t click. I was convinced he was a cop. I couldn’t express my desire because I didn’t even know what my desires were. He didn’t look like his photo and he had no patience for the type of client I was. All of which was understandable. I shouldn’t have hired at that time.

 

I have since atoned, become a pretty decent client, and have enjoyed time with many many providers and haven’t wasted another man’s’ time since.

[kingsley88]

When I first started out, 13 years ago, I was the exact client you’re all complaining about. I remember the fear and dread and anxiety that a response from a provider would provoke in me. I probably bothered a dozen guys and ghosted before I finally made the plunge.

 

That first time was more nervous than pleasurable. We didn’t click. I was convinced he was a cop. I couldn’t express my desire because I didn’t even know what my desires were. He didn’t look like his photo and he had no patience for the type of client I was. All of which was understandable. I shouldn’t have hired at that time.

 

I have since atoned, become a pretty decent client, and have enjoyed time with many many providers and haven’t wasted another man’s’ time since.

Did you communicate by texts back then? I remember getting my first smartphone back in 2009 and I finally got an unlimited text plan that year. Before 2009, I called and either left a voicemail and he called me back. Somehow the actual conversation helped ease me since I'd explain more about what I'm looking for, etc. and the provider can probably sense how nervous I was.

 

The only time I left right when I got to the session was when the guy did not look like his pictures. I told him that too and just left. I felt like he wasted my time. Kudos to you for still continuing the session even though the guy didn't look like his photo (hopefully he was better looking in person!)

[Jamie21]

When I first started out, 13 years ago, I was the exact client you’re all complaining about. I remember the fear and dread and anxiety that a response from a provider would provoke in me. I probably bothered a dozen guys and ghosted before I finally made the plunge.

 

That first time was more nervous than pleasurable. We didn’t click. I was convinced he was a cop. I couldn’t express my desire because I didn’t even know what my desires were. He didn’t look like his photo and he had no patience for the type of client I was. All of which was understandable. I shouldn’t have hired at that time.

 

I have since atoned, become a pretty decent client, and have enjoyed time with many many providers and haven’t wasted another man’s’ time since.

You’re so right, it’s always worth reminding myself that visiting me or any other provider must be pretty daunting for someone who’s never done anything like it before. For me seeing clients is fairly routine but I guess from their perspective it’s a big thing and takes a lot of courage. It’s good to be reminded of their perspective - thanks!!

[+ Coolwave35]

You’re so right, it’s always worth reminding myself that visiting me or any other provider must be pretty daunting for someone who’s never done anything like it before. For me seeing clients is fairly routine but I guess from their perspective it’s a big thing and takes a lot of courage. It’s good to be reminded of their perspective - thanks!!

You’re website is wildly comforting, and I suppose if I had stumbled on it for a first hire it would have been a vastly different experience.

 

As for how I hired the guy, it was through email. I remember being able to email through my television somehow with a keyboard from the cable company and seeing his photo pop up on the screen as an attachment felt exciting and wrong. I lived alone in an apartment and was sooooo scared a neighbor would catch him in the foyer and somehow know.

 

as another aside, the escort is still using those photos in his rentmen ad lol by now I’d imagine they are 17-20 years old.

[HoleTrainer]

I'd estimate around 10 hours per week spent communicating with time wasters. Would actually be a lot higher, but I'm pretty good at identifying more than half of time wasters and declining to communicate with them off the bat. If their first message to me is some kind of sexual dirty talk or an overly casual greeting rather than a serious sounding inquiry about where when or how much, I often send a copy/paste response or firmly redirect them to booking an appointment. Or don't respond at all. But there's still a good number of guys who know to start off their inquiry with date/time/rate who still turn out to be time wasters. I'm trying to get guys on the phone immediately more and more these days. Average time to chat and set an appointment via text is 30-45 minutes. Average time to chat and set an appointment over the phone is 5-10 minutes.

[Jarrod_Uncut]

I was convinced he was a cop.

 

I think this is a big part of the issue here. There needs to be a big shift away from fearing to meet another man for sex over concerns of it being a cop. Hopefully police reform will help curb some of these issues.

 

You’re so right, it’s always worth reminding myself that visiting me or any other provider must be pretty daunting for someone who’s never done anything like it before. For me seeing clients is fairly routine but I guess from their perspective it’s a big thing and takes a lot of courage. It’s good to be reminded of their perspective - thanks!!

 

That’s true, but I feel some of it is also just habitual dick behavior that guys pull. Case in point: a problem client who I’ve blocked and sent away multiple times over the years, because he would flake every other booking, will every so often end up in my inbox. Just yesterday he did again. Because I was very nearby to him, I figured I’d give him another chance to prove himself, he goes thru the whole process, even arranging a time... and no shows. Which I figured he would, which is why I accepted a non business date about an hour after the time we had set to meet.

 

Another client last week reached out to book last Friday. Claims “a friend” gave him my info. But he could’nt meet because work issues. Says he’ll book Saturday. Again, work issues and can’t. He asks how long I’m in town. Asked about Sunday... at that point I said contact me, but I had already decided to go out of town. Sure enough, didn’t contact.

 

I’m just getting real fed up with everything right about now. Part of the problem seems to be there is too many escorts starting out here currently. One escort I met was like, “we’re not competition, they call all of us and they all play games”. It’s almost like he’s essentially saying clients don’t have any discernment, and that I didn’t agree with. I don’t want a client who’s “calling everybody”. But if I can’t get the chance to be a limited commodity, then that’s probably what ends up happening. That can be fixed by changing cities, and I’m pretty much ready to cut ties with certain cities because of that.

 

I think my next step going forward may be to take my number down, require clients to instead give me their number thru IM or email. That way it could be more like, I’ll contact YOU, once I can verify you’re serious. Idk.

Edited April 29, 2021 by Jarrod_Uncut

[Jamie21]

I think this is a big part of the issue here. There needs to be a big shift away from fearing to meet another man for sex over concerns of it being a cop. Hopefully police reform will help curb some of these issues.

 

 

 

That’s true, but I feel some of it is also just habitual dick behavior that guys pull. Case in point: a problem client who I’ve blocked and sent away multiple times over the years, because he would flake every other booking, will every so often end up in my inbox. Just yesterday he did again. Because I was very nearby to him, I figured I’d give him another chance to prove himself, he goes thru the whole process, even arranging a time... and no shows. Which I figured he would, which is why I accepted a non business date about an hour after the time we had set to meet.

 

Another client last week reached out to book last Friday. Claims “a friend” gave him my info. But he could’nt meet because work issues. Says he’ll book Saturday. Again, work issues and can’t. He asks how long I’m in town. Asked about Sunday... at that point I said contact me, but I had already decided to go out of town. Sure enough, didn’t contact.

 

I’m just getting real fed up with everything right about now. Part of the problem seems to be there is too many escorts starting out here currently. One escort I met was like, “we’re not competition, they call all of us and they all play games”. It’s almost like he’s essentially saying clients don’t have any discernment, and that I didn’t agree with. I don’t want a client who’s “calling everybody”. But if I can’t get the chance to be a limited commodity, then that’s probably what ends up happening. That can be fixed by changing cities, and I’m pretty much ready to cut ties with certain cities because of that.

 

I think my next step going forward may be to take my number down, require clients to instead give me their number thru IM or email. That way it could be more like, I’ll contact YOU, once I can verify you’re serious. Idk.

I think I’ll be strict now: If they flake on me once, I give them a second chance. If they flake twice then it’s either no more bookings or they pay full price up front. And flaking is cancelling on the day or just no showing. Cancelling the day before is ok, things happen.

[Islesguy]

Yes I agree, I try to understand the nervous guys and to reassure them. I forget how difficult it can be making an exploration of your sexual desires. But I wish they’d only book once they’re sure!

That's why it took me so long to book my first session.

[MrMattBig]

Me, I understand cold feet, changing your mind. I hire girls once or twice a year so I get it. What I don't understand is the self centered nature of communication or lack thereof nowadays. Like others have pointed out, it permeates other industries besides sex work. "How long you in town for" or "I'll get back to you" 99% if the time means this isn't happening from their end. I'll usually give cancelations a free pass as far as consideration for another booking. But when someone says they will follow up and doesn't, or when I ask if a certain time will work or ask what their availability is and get no response, if someone does that a second time it's usually a blacklist from me. Just communicate upfront, not that hard.

 

I have someone in Boston who has hit me up at least a half dozen times inquires but an appointment doesn't materialize. But I would meet with them in a heartbeat if it ever does. Why? Because they have communicated upfront about their situation.

[+ keroscenefire]

The problem I've come into recently was guys that I have previously hired reaching out to me when they are back in town. I truly appreciate that they do this and it has often worked out into a nice repeat meeting. But I actually use a Google Voice number for this hobby and don't regularly check my texts on there as I do my regular number.

 

So unfortunately one guy reached out to me and then kinda got a little peeved that I didn't respond right away. By the time I did, he was only in town one more day and I couldn't meet on that day.

 

I do understand from his perspective and tried to explain that I'm not checking that number as regularly. But him getting upset with me kinda turned me off hiring in the future. Sometimes it really is a miscommunication.

[mike carey]

I have someone in Boston who has hit me up at least a half dozen times inquires but an appointment doesn't materialize. But I would meet with them in a heartbeat if it ever does. Why? Because they have communicated upfront about their situation.

This makes sense to me. I've had no difficulty maintaining a conversation with several overseas ecorts when I've started by saying I'm in Australia and plan to visit your country in the next 12 months.. That's how my meeting with Alec Andrews was arranged, and he was not the only one. I have also met a number of escorts socially (such as at Forum functions), and followed them on Twitter. I've chatted with several of them by DM or exchanged comments on their tweets, and they seem happy to do that. Of course, in those cases, they know that I travel, so it may seem to them to be time well spent rather than wasted, or they might just like chatting to me.

[italianboyph]

I try to keep a level head when it comes down to it, but some days (or weeks) I just really feel like it makes no damn sense.

 

I can go thru my phone on texts and just see so many responses that just have gone nowhere. Either they just flat out stop responding, or don’t reply to a request to confirm a time, or when trying to arrange something they can’t make it happen outside of the immediate time they want to do it. Or they contact me booking a session, when they clearly are in a position to not be able to (at work, etc etc reason)

 

After a daily dosing of this type of communication, I just end up fatigued of the whole thing because then I start to feel like I’m in a rat race.

 

So I been using the freeze mode of my ad fairly regularly...simply because it’s like a week of break seems a good idea considering the amount of time wasted, adds up to a lot of time that could be expended toward other things.

 

And today I feel like freezing my ad again ??‍♂️

 

 

id be here all day if I counted how many times I’ve had my time wasted. I’ve gone to hotels to them not answering the door or text, I’ve waited for guys to come and never show up, or guys block after they get to see your pics. I always say if you have no intention to meet don’t say anything or waste people’s time. Not to mention I’ve had guys try not to give me a donation. Were all adults leave the games elsewhere.

Edited April 30, 2021 by italianboyph

[Jarrod_Uncut]

The problem I've come into recently was guys that I have previously hired reaching out to me when they are back in townt. I truly appreciate that they do this and it has often worked out into a nice repeat meeting. But I actually use a Google Voice number for this hobby and don't regularly check my texts on there as I do my regular number.

 

So unfortunately one guy reached out to me and then kinda got a little peeved that I didn't respond right away. By the time I did, he was only in town one more day and I couldn't meet on that day.

 

I do understand from his perspective and tried to explain that I'm not checking that number as regularly. But him getting upset with me kinda turned me off hiring in the future. Sometimes it really is a miscommunication.

 

That always gets a bit tricky. Trying to catch missed connections. But when you say you didn’t respond right away, how much time went by between the time of contact and the time of reply? And was there any comm in between that time?

 

I had a bit of a “miscommunication” with someone as well earlier this week. But considering the first time he had contacted me in another city and sorta “flaked” (didn’t return my message when I replied to his asking about a session)...I did have to ask for a cancel payment.

 

I wonder if there’s any escorts out there who just get tired of the whole “process” of the duck, duck, goose and retire because of that. Just be done, with it. Because for me that’s really what just makes me want to walk away from it most days. It’s not the escorting itself that’s the issue, it’s the constant having to be plugged in, and running after people. Like I say some cities are worse than others. The South and some areas of the Midwest tend to be where it’s the most common. Probably due to the repressive gay mentality that exists.

 

like yesterday I had someone text me at midnight for a booking. I was out getting pub and grub so I just sent a text saying I wasn’t available right then, but to leave me their contact info and I’ll follow up. They asked about yesterday or tonight, and I replied in the morning. No reply so far. But if he waits hours and hours to respond back, the session might get missed because how am I to know if this is actually going to be an appointment at this point?

 

I wish there was a booking system where people could just make appointments thru online, pay deposit and just be done. But it’s not that easy because obviously there’s too many variables. It’s not we’re a hotel or salon that has set hours and 1 location. I mean, I guess if a guy does have his own incall place and doesn’t travel or have other work obligations, that may could work.

[kingsley88]

I wish there was a booking system where people could just make appointments thru online, pay deposit and just be done. But it’s not that easy because obviously there’s too many variables. It’s not we’re a hotel or salon that has set hours and 1 location. I mean, I guess if a guy does have his own incall place and doesn’t travel or have other work obligations, that may could work.

Back in the day I remember there was this place called The Gaiety here in NYC where male strippers performed but got the $$$ when meeting potential clients afterwards in a lounge area. Back then I guess it was easier to commit to a meeting since it was done in person. Nowadays with text messages it's so much easier to cancel or ghost.