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Can someone please offer me some (CRUSH) advice


Sidnerf
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It seems like every time I find a masseur that I like, I end up having feelings for him.

 

Without failure I end up with a crush for him. I find myself checking up on him just to see how he’s doing. During the pandemic I even gave him $100-$300 weekly as I felt sorry for him because his business came to an end because of social distancing and people weren’t ready to get massages.

 

He always declines my social invitations nicely and always has a reason but when we’re together I just get lost in his touch and his ability to find all my spots that turn me on like no other. Maybe secretly I was hoping he would start to have feelings for me too.

 

Please know that I am not playing the victim here. I understand that (for him) it’s just business. I’m wondering if anyone can offer me any kind of advice or tips on not developing feelings for my masseur or how to avoid them?

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It seems like every time I find a masseur that I like, I end up having feelings for him.

 

Without failure I end up with a crush for him. I find myself checking up on him just to see how he’s doing. During the pandemic I even gave him $100-$300 weekly as I felt sorry for him because his business came to an end because of social distancing and people weren’t ready to get massages.

 

He always declines my social invitations nicely and always has a reason but when we’re together I just get lost in his touch and his ability to find all my spots that turn me on like no other. Maybe secretly I was hoping he would start to have feelings for me too.

 

Please know that I am not playing the victim here. I understand that (for him) it’s just business. I’m wondering if anyone can offer me any kind of advice or tips on not developing feelings for my masseur or how to avoid them?

Are you single or in an open relationship where the other knows you’re getting massages?

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Are you single or in an open relationship where the other knows you’re getting massages?

And do you know if the masseur has a boyfriend or husband? A lot of guys are in relationships and that could be why he is declining your invitations to go out “off the clock.”

 

That being said, it seems like this is totally a one-way street. You have been very generous with him but he is keeping it all business. You have to decide if your emotional health will suffer if you continue seeing him given your strong feelings. If so you need to move on. Trust me, there are masseurs out there who would appreciate having such a committed and generous client as you have been with this masseur.

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Good to hear that you understand that it’s likely only a transactional relationship. Not that masseurs/escorts aren’t people - I’m sure there are times where fondness is reciprocated.

 

I’ve had it happen to me from time to time and what usually helps me is reminding myself it’s likely that I’m having feelings for the provider because they’re really good at their job. Part of what gets repeat clients is treating them in a way that makes them feel cared for, sexy, etc. Plus it’s only natural when physical contact is happening and the pheromones are flying!

 

I’d try moving on once the feelings start. For me personally it would be extremely distracting to put energy into something that is most likely not going anywhere.

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And do you know if the masseur has a boyfriend or husband? A lot of guys are in relationships and that could be why he is declining your invitations to go out “off the clock.”

 

That being said, it seems like this is totally a one-way street. You have been very generous with him but he is keeping it all business. You have to decide if your emotional health will suffer if you continue seeing him given your strong feelings. If so you need to move on. Trust me, there are masseurs out there who would appreciate having such a committed and generous client as you have been with this masseur.

Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate your input. Makes total sense.

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Good to hear that you understand that it’s likely only a transactional relationship. Not that masseurs/escorts aren’t people - I’m sure there are times where fondness is reciprocated.

 

I’ve had it happen to me from time to time and what usually helps me is reminding myself it’s likely that I’m having feelings for the provider because they’re really good at their job. Part of what gets repeat clients is treating them in a way that makes them feel cared for, sexy, etc. Plus it’s only natural when physical contact is happening and the pheromones are flying!

 

I’d try moving on once the feelings start. For me personally it would be extremely distracting to put energy into something that is most likely not going anywhere.

You're probably right. I do feel cared for and sexy when I'm with him. I may take your advice and move on because I feel like the feelings are getting stronger (on my end) and it's probably all business for him. He's super nice and I'm not a victim so I need to learn to understand when it's happening. Thanks so much for this Bluefin!

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You're probably right. I do feel cared for and sexy when I'm with him. I may take your advice and move on because I feel like the feelings are getting stronger (on my end) and it's probably all business for him. He's super nice and I'm not a victim so I need to learn to understand when it's happening. Thanks so much for this Bluefin!

 

Remember to not confuse surrogacy for the real thing. I think of providers essentially as straight men who aren't capable of reciprocating feelings and it makes it easier for me to not develop anything. I also have breaks in between where I look for another provider for the next 3 times I'm looking, it definitely helps to change the romantic goggles.

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The feelings are natural. You just have to learn how to keep them in their place.

 

It’s important to remember that the things you’re imagining about him are made up. Sure, they’re based on your interactions, but no one is ever the person we imagine them to be. You have to put in the time and energy to get to know people.

 

My point is that the more you consciously remind yourself that he’s not actually all the things you’re projecting onto him, the more you’ll be willing to accept him as a nice guy who massages you. That way you can enjoy those sessions and open yourself up to meeting someone else who is more likely to share your feelings.

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It seems like every time I find a masseur that I like, I end up having feelings for him.

I’m wondering if anyone can offer me any kind of advice or tips on not developing feelings for my masseur or how to avoid them?

You are certainly not a lone traveler along that path. If you do get effective advice/tips on how to navigate or avoid those feelings, please share. As someone who has been through it (more than once), I say give yourself some time, think it through, and it will pass. In the meantime, enjoy the "massages." ;)

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Remember to not confuse surrogacy for the real thing. I think of providers essentially as straight men who aren't capable of reciprocating feelings and it makes it easier for me to not develop anything. I also have breaks in between where I look for another provider for the next 3 times I'm looking, it definitely helps to change the romantic goggles.

I like your idea about taking breaks in between. I never thought about that. Thanks so much!

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And just want to second what @Bluefin said. When you interact with someone else in an intimate setting it is easy to get drawn into the feelings that will invariably come with that type of a connection. It has happened to all of us I am sure at some point.

Thank you WestGuy! I agree.

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Sorry for this Bluefin. :( I think it's ok to have a crush on your masseur as long as it doesn't start to become toxic to your emotional/mental health. I think the majority of guys (especially those who are single) are always in the search for a human connection and human touch is an amazing feeling.

I am single so it's probably alittle worse for me. I definitely need to keep my emotions in check. Thanks for your comment.

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Continue to find and try out other providers. Also, you should get out and date too. Remember you’re someone’s flavor.

I love that "REMEMBER YOU'RE SOMEONE'S FLAVOR"!!! Would love to meet someone. I think as the weather gets nicer and more things open up, it'll be easier to get out and meet. Thank you for your comment.

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The feelings are natural. You just have to learn how to keep them in their place.

 

It’s important to remember that the things you’re imagining about him are made up. Sure, they’re based on your interactions, but no one is ever the person we imagine them to be. You have to put in the time and energy to get to know people.

 

My point is that the more you consciously remind yourself that he’s not actually all the things you’re projecting onto him, the more you’ll be willing to accept him as a nice guy who massages you. That way you can enjoy those sessions and open yourself up to meeting someone else who is more likely to share your feelings.

Love this!!! Thank you for your comment. Especially the "more I'll be willing to accept him as a nice guy who massages me" will make it easier for me to open myself up to meeting someone else. Thank you.

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You are certainly not a lone traveler along that path. If you do get effective advice/tips on how to navigate or avoid those feelings, please share. As someone who has been through it (more than once), I say give yourself some time, think it through, and it will pass. In the meantime, enjoy the "massages." ;)

Thanks so much! I will!

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Seconding all Bluefin and rubmythighs are saying. I had a friend back in the day who used to joke of hiring: "I'm not paying them to massage /have sex with me. I'm paying them to make me believe they want to!" Glib, yes, but I always keep that in mind. They're good at their job. It's not deceitful just talent and maybe some necessary compartmentalization on their part. Good luck!

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It seems like every time I find a masseur that I like, I end up having feelings for him.

 

Without failure I end up with a crush for him. I find myself checking up on him just to see how he’s doing. During the pandemic I even gave him $100-$300 weekly as I felt sorry for him because his business came to an end because of social distancing and people weren’t ready to get massages.

 

He always declines my social invitations nicely and always has a reason but when we’re together I just get lost in his touch and his ability to find all my spots that turn me on like no other. Maybe secretly I was hoping he would start to have feelings for me too.

 

Please know that I am not playing the victim here. I understand that (for him) it’s just business. I’m wondering if anyone can offer me any kind of advice or tips on not developing feelings for my masseur or how to avoid them?

I have developed feelings for my massage therapists. I'm fine with it.

 

There are some that are truly nice guys. I can't deny I am a little sweet on them. Not a problem for me. I tip them well.

 

Anyway, give yourself a sanity check now and then, and just enjoy their company. That's one approach.

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Seconding all Bluefin and rubmythighs are saying. I had a friend back in the day who used to joke of hiring: "I'm not paying them to massage /have sex with me. I'm paying them to make me believe they want to!" Glib, yes, but I always keep that in mind. They're good at their job. It's not deceitful just talent and maybe some necessary compartmentalization on their part. Good luck!

Thank you for this. I will definitely remind myself of this when getting worked on.

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I have developed feelings for my massage therapists. I'm fine with it.

 

There are some that are truly nice guys. I can't deny I am a little sweet on them. Not a problem for me. I tip them well.

 

Anyway, give yourself a sanity check now and then, and just enjoy their company. That's one approach.

Sounds good to me! I like your approach. Thank you.

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It seems like every time I find a masseur that I like, I end up having feelings for him.

 

Without failure I end up with a crush for him. I find myself checking up on him just to see how he’s doing. During the pandemic I even gave him $100-$300 weekly as I felt sorry for him because his business came to an end because of social distancing and people weren’t ready to get massages.

 

He always declines my social invitations nicely and always has a reason but when we’re together I just get lost in his touch and his ability to find all my spots that turn me on like no other. Maybe secretly I was hoping he would start to have feelings for me too.

 

Please know that I am not playing the victim here. I understand that (for him) it’s just business. I’m wondering if anyone can offer me any kind of advice or tips on not developing feelings for my masseur or how to avoid them?

Consider that if you offer your emotions and feelings to another, (regardless of who they are), do so without attachment~ Give it freely without expectation of return~ If it is returned you can be appreciative and grateful... if not returned you have neither exceeded your expectations nor missed something you didn’t have to begin with~ Either way, the result is that you will have both loved and lived, (Lovingly)~

~Tyger~

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Consider that if you offer your emotions and feelings to another, (regardless of who they are), do so without attachment~ Give it freely without expectation of return~ If it is returned you can be appreciative and grateful... if not returned you have neither exceeded your expectations nor missed something you didn’t have to begin with~ Either way, the result is that you will have both loved and lived, (Lovingly)~

~Tyger~

So poetic! I LOVE IT! Thanks so much for this.

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