What to do if your falling in love with your regular masseur or escort ?

[Jvaldez1976]

Has this happen to any one? I’ve been seeing this guy regularly, and I just can’t get enough, I know I’m nothing like what he probably likes but I can’t help my self... thinking to ask him on a date but afraid he will say no, so I’ll just keep hiring him I guess ?

[orville]

You stole my thread (I was planning to post this). I'm in exactly the same situation. And I desperately need HELP.

The worst is that he's telling me now that he's planning to take a break from working. I just hope is not a break from me

Edited September 18, 2020 by orville

[+ nycman]

Cut bait and run.

 

This hobby can be fun, but like all fun things there is a dark side.

Keeping a healthy perspective can be difficult and kudos to you

for realizing that you may be in over your head. If he’s a true professional

he’ll understand and help you depart gracefully with your dignity intact.

 

Although I have occasionally developed strong feelings, I’ve never fallen

in love with an escort. If I ever did realize I was starting to develop deeper

feelings I would disclose that to the escort and then stop seeing them.

 

Its hard to do, but like ripping off a bandaid, it’s less painful in the long run.

[+ keroscenefire]

You stole my thread (I was planning to post this). I'm in exactly the same situation. And I desperately need HELP.

The worst is that he's telling me now that he's planning to take a break from working. I just hope is not a break from me

 

I still see an escort semi-regularly that is no longer advertising and not seeing very many clients. But because we developed a good friendship and have excellent chemistry we still hang out. Unfortunately, he actually has a live-in partner so I know that it's not going to be anything more. But I wouldn't say that just because he is taking a break means that he won't stop seeing you.

 

Not sure if that actually helps with your feeling or not though.

[KrisParr]

That’s a hazard of this so-called hobby. It’s happened to me 3 times. First one was a masseur. in my naive way, I was sure it was two-sided, but eventually when I pushed for more, the let-down was crushing. The next one was an escort. Movie star quality - Mr. Perfect. And he picked up on the vibes and took me on a long, fantasy ride for over a year. And like the first one, he had met “someone” new and it was over. Yeah, after I’d taken him to Hawaii for a week, and spent gawd-knows how much $$$ on his wardrobe, sports tickets and food. Number three was even more painful. Again, Mr. Adonis was nearly perfect and we went so far as to move in together. My job changed and he had some family obligations that mysteriously appeared at the same time. So I was headed to a new city, and he was going back “home” - it was a tough breakup; but then through the wonders of social media I discovered that he found another dude within days. Moral of these stories? Escorts and masseurs are entrepreneurs- and they for the most part are wonderful people. But they are almost always not seeking a love interest in their client base.

Edited December 5, 2020 by KrisParr

[jeezifonly]

COUNTESS DeLAVE: “I bet you married YOURS for character, didn’t you, dear... and where did it get you? On the train to Reno!!”

[+ 7829V]

There’s a movie about a client that made a plan so the escort would fall I love with him, and it worked. I don’t remember the name of the movie.

[+ Coolwave35]

Been there done that. I fell hard for him while I was married. Was ready to leave my husband. We made a move in plan. I changed my mind and decided to reconcile with my husband. 4 days later the escort died tragically. Have you ever had to mourn your lover in front of your husband? AWKWARD!!!!!

[Becket]

It's easy to do. Part of what many of us are seeking is the emotional connection. And sometimes the provider is just so dam nice to us. It's easy to swoon. One fellow I really fell for once told me that "that sort of thing happens to him all the time." It reminded me that the thing that I fantasize about- a loving long term relationship, is not gonna happen with my favorite provider. Once in a blue moon you hear about a client/provider relationship turning into something more long term. But these usually develop if there is a great deal of money involved. And that's fine. A couple of times I have developed a bit of a friendship with a provider. And I am grateful for the friendship. But that's as far as it would ever go. Enjoy your provider as a friend if you wish. Anything more is exceedingly rare.

[Bluefin]

I figure that the ones I have feelings for are the ones that are really good at their jobs. Which then reminds me that it’s their job and I’m their client.

[sbguy]

The escort I fell in love with had to move across county for graduate school. And then he moved back once he graduated but I’m pretty sure he has a partner now. We occasionally text (every 5-6 months) just to say hello and to wish the other well. And he had texted me recently wanting to get “reacquainted” sometime in the near future but I simply can’t see him again because I’m still in love with him and it would be too emotionally vulnerable for me to see him. I’ve never been the jealous type but when I had heard he had a boyfriend I was jealous, incredibly crushed, and hurt; that’s when it really struck me that I was in love with him.

I do realize that I can never see him again and that I have to stop sending those occasional texts as well. As much as I wish (or thought) there was some sort of deeper connection that we had made, I know in reality that the times we saw each other were merely transactional and that I just have to forget about him and move on.

[jharrison10343]

There’s a movie about a client that made a plan so the escort would fall I love with him, and it worked. I don’t remember the name of the movie.

 

Pretty Woman?

 

Also a Vietnamese film called Three Seasons that had a similar, albeit more dramatic plot

[+ FrankR]

Has this happen to any one? I’ve been seeing this guy regularly, and I just can’t get enough, I know I’m nothing like what he probably likes but I can’t help my self... thinking to ask him on a date but afraid he will say no, so I’ll just keep hiring him I guess ?

As you can tell, this is fairly common. Every hobby has a dark side and this is it for us.

1) Disengaging is important. You may feel like you are “dating” but you are not. Don’t keep texting the guy. Don’t meet with him in person to “break up”.

2) If he keeps texting you (why wouldn’t he - you are a paying client) be respectful but clear: I have other commitments and cannot see you. That is not a lie - your commitment is to yourself and your own mental wellbeing. Get your priorities straight.

3) Make it stick. It is not a negotiation. Be polite but resolute. Even if it breaks your heart and wants to make you cry.

Block his number if you have to.

4) Learn from the experience. Professionals (doctors, lawyers, auditors) all learn how to grow a thicker skin and to maintain an emotional distance. You can do that too.

 

My comments probably make me sound like a heartless person. I assure you that is not the case. I care for many of the guys I have met. Experience is the hardest teacher... Good luck! ?

[orville]

There’s a movie about a client that made a plan so the escort would fall I love with him, and it worked. I don’t remember the name of the movie.

I would like to know the movie title.

[Pittlookalike]

Yup, you are not alone. Although i consider myself to be astute and smart etc., i sort of fell for a gorgeous masseur. I got massages frequently from him, brought him gifts, took him out for meals, etc. i just willed myself to hope we had a chance at a future, which was simply stupid and unrealistic. When the masseur pulled away from me during a massage, i felt rejected and that was the end. I felt stupid, used, and mad at myself.

 

I think my experience is not uncommon.

 

While a relationship could develop between masseur and client, it would be rare.

[+ 7829V]

Pretty Woman?

 

Also a Vietnamese film called Three Seasons that had a similar, albeit more dramatic plot

I would like to know the movie title.

 

Is not Pretty Woman.

 

Is actually a gay themed movie. I think is a foreign movie. And is about this guy that escorts... and meets several clients... but then he meets this particular older guy and he makes the escort to fall in love with him. You can see how the relationship starts to change and what the older guy does so the escort falls in love with him... In once scene the escort stops taking the envelope that the client leaves for him with the money...

 

I would like to watch the movie again... but can't remember the name

[orville]

Is not Pretty Woman.

 

Is actually a gay themed movie. I think is a foreign movie. And is about this guy that escorts... and meets several clients... but then he meets this particular older guy and he makes the escort to fall in love with him. You can see how the relationship starts to change and what the older guy does so the escort falls in love with him... In once scene the escort stops taking the envelope that the client leaves for him with the money...

 

I would like to watch the movie again... but can't remember the name

Story develops in Eastern Europe? Young guy is Romanian, part of a sex trafficking gang, and they met for the first time outside of a Train Terminal Station?

[+ FrankR]

Is not Pretty Woman.

 

Is actually a gay themed movie. I think is a foreign movie. And is about this guy that escorts... and meets several clients... but then he meets this particular older guy and he makes the escort to fall in love with him. You can see how the relationship starts to change and what the older guy does so the escort falls in love with him... In once scene the escort stops taking the envelope that the client leaves for him with the money...

 

I would like to watch the movie again... but can't remember the name

Sounds like the plot of Boy Culture... An older gentleman seduces the younger escort...

 

Edited September 18, 2020 by FrankR

[orville]

Sounds like the plot of Boy Culture... An older gentleman seduces the younger escort...

 

Is it @7829V ?

[Geriatric Otter]

I first started hiring more than 19 years ago, and the third guy I hired from an escort service in NY knocked me off my adolescent feet (I was 53). we both crossed lines, and one time when I went up to see him, he seemed awkward. While he was giving me a back rub, he stopped and said "I can't do this." Turned out both he and his long term partner (who also worked in full-time finance) were worried that lines were crossed. He left, I cried, and I made the lonely train ride back to Philly the next AM. I sent an apologetic email, and he wrote back and suggested a break. About 6 months later, we got back together and I saw him for almost 15 years until he officially retired. We're still in touch for holidays and birthdays. He married his partner 5 years ago.

[+ 7829V]

Story develops in Eastern Europe? Young guy is Romanian, part of a sex trafficking gang, and they met for the first time outside of a Train Terminal Station?

Sounds like the plot of Boy Culture... An older gentleman seduces the younger escort...

 

Is it @7829V ?

 

 

Yes!!!! Thanks @orville @FrankR for the ID on the movie. That's the one.

You can watch it on youtube... here is the link. I'll watch it this weekend again.

 

[orville]

I first started hiring more than 19 years ago, and the third guy I hired from an escort service in NY knocked me off my adolescent feet (I was 53). we both crossed lines, and one time when I went up to see him, he seemed awkward. While he was giving me a back rub, he stopped and said "I can't do this." Turned out both he and his long term partner (who also worked in full-time finance) were worried that lines were crossed. He left, I cried, and I made the lonely train ride back to Philly the next AM. I sent an apologetic email, and he wrote back and suggested a break. About 6 months later, we got back together and I saw him for almost 15 years until he officially retired. We're still in touch for holidays and birthdays. He married his partner 5 years ago.

You must be a cute otter. I hope my story has a similar resolution as yours.

[down_to_business]

I think there is a difference between developing a crush and falling in love which we often confuse.

 

the difference

 

"A crush is based on a false sense of connection, while love is genuine. With crushes, there is no genuine basis for how you’re feeling. It’s mostly superficial and shallow, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. Love is genuine, deep, and very much real."

 

 

http://www.withoutbeingcrushed.com/2008/03/10/7-signs-of-a-crush-gone-bad/

 

"At one point or another, you’re going to have a crush that goes from light and fun to downright dark and destructive.

 

It happens to the best of us, no matter how well we know ourselves, no matter how hard we try to keep it form happening. It’s just part of the process.

 

The important thing is to, in those moments of clarity that always pop up in such a situation, to be able to recognize you’ve crossed a line. Once you’re aware of that, then you can pull yourself back before you get totally squished by an obsessive crush."

 

 

My take:

If you can't step back, then you must walk away.

[CheckCar]

A good escort knows how to sell the fantasy. But usually, it remains just a fantasy.

[big-n-tall]

I recounted my story ad infinitum about my experience. So I won't go into it now.

 

I will say, in general (as others have already suggested), unless you know the feelings are absolutely mutual, you need to walk away before your feelings are hurt. I know it can be devastating in any relationship if you think someone likes you as much as you like them and they don't.