Do I Need to Disclose My Race?

[Monarchy79]

Thank you, I am having a sublime weekend in Mediterranean, at an island where I can fully enjoy my prejudgement, bias, racism, ageism and privilege. Actually there is a beach club named Privileged. ?

 

Well....

At least you got to a point of standing in your truth. congratulations!!

[Monarchy79]

I said that I have a certain preference for my sex partners and was called a racist. So to stop being a racist, I need to stop having any preferences for my sex partners. Just fuck everyone, even the ones I do not like. ?

 

Ummm no...First...I’d suggest dislodging your head out of your butt....

 

Then...... taking a look in the mirror and asking yourself why you have your “preferences....

and examining the roots of your prejudices.

 

You can literally do this without having sex with anyone.

 

You keep focusing on the “What”.....

We are focused on the “WHY”.

 

 

Which is the part of this discussion you have ducked, dodged and avoided THE ENTIRE TIME.

[The_Impeccable_G]

Ummm no...First...I’d suggest dislodging your head out of your butt....

 

Then...... taking a look in the mirror and asking yourself why you have your “preferences....

and examining the roots of your prejudices.

 

You can literally do this without having sex with anyone.

 

You keep focusing on the “What”.....

We are focused on the “WHY”.

 

 

Which is the part of this discussion you have ducked, dodged and avoided THE ENTIRE TIME.

You are obsessed with this and I am bored. So for the last time, I don't care. ?

Edited August 1, 2020 by The_Impeccable_G

[xyz48B]

So for the last time, I don't care.

Thank God. I’m glad you’re done talking about it.

[Monarchy79]

You are obsessed with this and I am bored. So for the last time, I don't care. ?

If you can’t take the heat... then get out of the Kitchen....

[Strafe13]

All right, so what you're telling me is that it's very common for racists to be sexually attracted to the race they're racist against. So it sounds like you're just agreeing with me and saying that a person's racism and sexual attraction when it comes to race are separate issues. I'm glad you've come to agree with me. Thank you for illustrating my point.

 

Oh dear God. Seriously? What you took from that is that racism and sexual attraction are entirely separate issues because racists can be attracted to those against whom they're prejudiced? Does that also mean, for example, that sexism and sexual attraction are also entirely separate issues because misogynistic straight men are sexually attracted to women? The points that you and the other guy seem to be willfully refusing to see are that there are degrees of racism and bias, and that we are all affected in many interrelated ways by living in a culture where white supremacy (and also patriarchy) is the dominant ideology. Sometimes people are fine with their children befriending those of different races, but draws the line at dating; or is okay with dating but draws the line at marriage or having kids. Or people are fine with working alongside women or colleagues of a different race, but get uncomfortable if the woman or person of color is their boss. These are simplistic examples of the degrees of racism which wouldn't always get revealed if the relationships stayed at the level at which the person remained comfortable. Some of these people may not even have realized that they had these biases until confronted with the new situation.

 

Everyone in this society, even those of us who feel we're not racist or sexist, have been inundated with these ideologies and cultural norms our whole lives, causing them to manifest in various ways which often surprise us and appear counter intuitive. So, as in your example, you'll get a gay Asian man who's not attracted to other Asian men, or even a black person who doesn't find darker skinned black folk attractive. Members of these communities of color speak often as to, sadly, how common this is that racism is so pervasive that it can unconsciously impact us in ways we'd never think to expect. So why would white people, even well-meaning ones who sincerely don't view themselves as racist, be immune from this phenomenon? How you take that as illustrative of the notion that racism and sexual attraction are entirely separate issues defies logic.

[Guest]

Sorry, @Strafe13. There are plenty of people who have preferences that have nothing to do with racism or sexism. Where I work, we vote for our leaders/supervisors, and women and people of color have been voted as our bosses. That has nothing to do with who turns us on sexually. I have no idea why my Korean-American friend can't get turned on by Asian men. Maybe it's Hollywood's influence or Madison Avenue's influence. Maybe he was exposed to a lot of Asian men in his childhood and longs for something different. But he's most certainly not racist. Why have I no sexual interest in women? It's certainly not because of "cultural norms." There are probably some who get turned off by certain races due to racism, but you yourself admitted that many racists get sexually turned on by races they're prejudiced against. For the most part, it's really a separate issue.

[Strafe13]

Sorry, @Strafe13. There are plenty of people who have preferences that have nothing to do with racism or sexism. Where I work, we vote for our leaders/supervisors, and women and people of color have been voted as our bosses. That has nothing to do with who turns us on sexually. I have no idea why my Korean-American friend can't get turned on by Asian men. Maybe it's Hollywood's influence or Madison Avenue's influence. Maybe he was exposed to a lot of Asian men in his childhood and longs for something different. But he's most certainly not racist. Why have I no sexual interest in women? It's certainly not because of "cultural norms." There are probably some who get turned off by certain races due to racism, but you yourself admitted that many racists get sexually turned on by races they're prejudiced against. For the most part, it's really a separate issue.

 

No need to apologize, @Unicorn. We're having a civil, if not passionate discussion. It seems like you view racism as a personal or individual belief system, rather than as a multifaceted sociological phenomenon that includes, but isn't limited to, the former. Hence, your seeming inference that I was arguing that your Asian friend is an intentional bigot (which I wasn't saying). But acknowledging that we are inundated with our society's racist and sexist values doesn't mean that we are irredeemably bad, prejudiced people.

 

You seem to be very resistant to the notion that we are all afflicted with implicit and explicit biases to some degree because we necessarily incorporate societal values into our personalities. We live in a society whose foundations include patriarchy and white supremacy, so it's inevitable that we would be impacted to varying degrees by this. When we hear examples of people who find entire racial groups unattractive, the notion that one would automatically dismiss societal influences as separate and unrelated sounds ridiculous to me. I also don't understand why you'd think that just because self-avowed racists can sexually fetishize people of the racial groups they despise, that this somehow proves that racism is entirely separate from how our minds get programmed (consciously and unconsciously) to process and develop all kinds of beliefs and feelings, including sexual desire.

 

Both things can be, and are true -- unconscious or implicit bias can cause us to disregard entire racial groups as romantic/sexual candidates, even when we don't think of ourselves as holding racial prejudices; AND knowingly racist people can sexually desire members of other racial groups. The latter does not in any way prove that sexual "preferences" are entirely separate from racial bias. As another poster incredulously asked earlier, (and I'm paraphrasing, here): since we're really talking about RACIAL preferences in sex partners, how does declaring implicit RACIAL bias an entirely separate issue not sound ludicrous on its face?

 

It seems like people are using "preference" as a safety word to avoid an uncomfortable reality. But acknowledging this reality doesn't necessarily make any of us "bad" people. Irrationally denying it does, however, raise a whole new set of issues for us to deal with as a society at large, and within the LGBTQ community.

[ArmyHands]

I am of an ethnicity that is generally considered less than desirable in the gay community. I've faced sexual and non-sexual racial discrimination on many occasions in my life. It doesn't feel great. This is one of the many reasons I considering hiring an escort. I want to be able to connect with men that normally would not give me the time of day because of my race.

 

However, I guess I am being naive in assuming a financial incentive would completely eliminate a person's racial bias. Would the escorts still go forward with your session with them regardless of your race? How do you navigate this?

 

It's soo sad too read this etc... I been in your shoes many many times over...... I been doing massages for a long time... When clients show up they would freak out and say " Oh Damm Your Black" or "Sorry Not into Blacks" soo then I had to add my race / stats / pics etc too my listing to make it clear what race I am.... It was bad when people would call me on my cell with block numbers and just call me the " N-Word" Soo now I have my cell phone forward my calls to my landline to show caller ID and stops blocked number(s)...

 

When new clients contact me I make sure they goto my site to see my pics / race etc... it works... less hassles / drama... I even have it posted on my site ALL RACES WELCOME.....

[marylander1940]

 

-- Pardon my French, but are you freaking kidding me? Rather than being "safe," the general applicability of this assumption is pretty much conclusively disproved by human experience throughout history. That members of the African diaspora (i.e., black people from the Americas and Caribbean who are descendants of slaves brought to the "new world") have, on average, about 25% white European ancestry is living proof of the absurdity of this premise. There may be individuals to whom your assumption applies, but by and large, human beings can have all kinds of terrible beliefs and feelings about other groups of people but still be sexually attracted to members of those groups. Your conception of racism is way too limited, and these issues are far more complicated and multifaceted than your mostly anecdotal analysis will admit.

 

Rape and breeding at a time when marriage between whites and blacks wasn't legal has a lot to do with that high percentage of white in the Americas specially in USA and Brazil.

[Strafe13]

Rape and breeding at a time when marriage between whites and blacks wasn't legal has a lot to do with that high percentage of white in the Americas specially in USA and Brazil.

 

I think I understand what you're saying here, but this is not just a past phenomenon. Yes, the reason why tests show that for people of the African Diaspora in the "new world" whom Western culture has taught us to view as "black," on average, up to 1/4 of our DNA is white European; and this is largely due to the regular raping of black women during generations of slavery. Since the "1-drop" rule classified these women's resulting offspring as "black," and not white, segregation ensured that until relatively recent times, nearly all of those children would eventually marry and procreate only with those also classified as non-white. But long after slavery there have been (and likely continue to be) interracial romantic and sexual liaisons where at least one of those partners is undoubtedly racist. As an example, Strom Thurmond, the infamous 20th century segregationist senator from South Carolina, comes to mind (he had a biracial daughter from his youthful dalliance with a black woman, and he financially supported her, despite being an avowed segregationist). I've also heard from Asian female friends bemoan how common it is for white men (including their former romantic partners) to fetishize them. They certainly don't appreciate that level of benign or unconscious racism, even if, as I suspect, most if not all of those guys probably would never think of themselves as having racist tendencies. Like I said, racism is itself very complicated, and often irrational, as are the varying and unpredictable ways it which it can impact human behavior, including our feelings and desires.

 

I understand the temptation of so many to say that excluding racial groups in this context shouldn't be a problem because we like what we like, and we supposedly can't control that. This comes up each time these types of threads get resurrected on the forum. Notwithstanding the fallacy of the assumption that we're powerless to change what we think of as beautiful or desirable, there's a good reason why we shouldn't just throw our hands up and say that these attitudes are meaningless preferences undeserving of introspection. We've already seen at least two posters on this thread (including the OP) who've expressed the harm these prejudices can inflict on both client and professional alike. It is most assuredly not the same kind of rejection that we all must face at some time in the dating world based on our own individual traits or lack of connection with specific persons.

 

Since the gay community is largely differentiated from the straight community on the ground of sexual/romantic attraction, such arbitrary exclusions of entire racial groups from the realm of possibility seems, to me, to strike at the very heart of what should be the bonds of our community.

[RandyVue]

Why do u want to hire guys who are racist? I ask this earnestly: Where is your dignity? Self respect? Why not hire guys who you know have no issues with your skin color or ethnic background?? Is being degraded, demeaned and disrespected part of the turn on? Perhaps it may behoove you and benefit you to do some self study or therapy to get to the bottom of this, which could serve you well in all areas of your life including your sexual life.

 

With that being said, I’m Black (very good looking if I do say so myself) and i do give a description of myself including that I am Black when Im hiring. I tend to hire smooth, muscular Black guys because that's what I like and I haven’t had any issues...but if I were to ever come across a white boy that I wanted to hire or anyone for that matter and if there were ANY indication in his ad or through his communication that he were anti-black, id be turned off immediately! I can't imagine wanting to throw money at someone like that.

Edited August 5, 2020 by RandyVue

[Strafe13]

Why do u want to hire guys who are racist? I ask this earnestly: Where is your dignity? Self respect? Why not hire guys who you know have no issues with your skin color or ethnic background?? Is being degraded, demeaned and disrespected part of the turn on? Perhaps it may behoove you and benefit you to do some self study or therapy to get to the bottom of this, which could serve you and all in all areas of your life including your sexual life.

 

With that being said, i do give a description of myself including that I am Black when Im hiring. I tend to hire Black guys exclusively and I haven’t had any issues...but if I were to ever come across a white boy or anyone who I was considering hiring, if there were any indication in his ad or through His communication that he were anti-black, id be turned off immediately! I cant imagine wanting to throw money at someone like that.

 

I totally agree with this too, from a practical standpoint. In both the regular dating and escorting contexts, the rejected person should never *want* to be with a guy who'd categorically reject all persons of his racial or ethnic background. We can all understand the hurt and insult, but if the rejected person still desires to be with such a guy, he really needs to work those issues out in counseling.

 

That being said, speaking solely with regards to escorting, when any other type of service is denied, our response isn't to tell the prospective employee or customer that they should have the dignity to not want to work at, or purchase there. We rightly shame and punish those discriminatory employers or businesses. You may not know this as a newer forum participant, but so many folks on this board routinely defend the discriminatory escorts, while in another breath saying that escorts are supposed to be professionals. Some of these folks have also been adamant that the discriminatory escorts shouldn't be viewed negatively for not listing their racial exclusions in their ads so that the clients could at least avoid the indignity of the personal rejection (either directly or via ghosting) once their race is revealed. For many here, it seems to be about denying the reality of racism and even protecting discriminatory escorts at all costs, clients be damned. Even actions from clients to protect themselves from this (by discussing providers with a history of racist or at least racially problematic statements and conduct) seems to be frowned upon. We've got a lot of work to do as a community, both online and in the real world.

[tj_forplay]

I started hiring masseurs in 2018, which grew to escorts a year later. I think I've hired or randomly hooked up with every color in the rainbow & varying body types. I'm more attracted to confidence than body type, race or even gender. In my 33 years on this Earth, my unscientific study says all dicks taste the same. Also if you're fucked blindfolded, you can't tell anything, but maybe dick size, about the person who is fucking you. Basically we're all the same when the lights are out. No need to limit yourself to just one type. Personally, I think those who do limit themselves to certain races or body types are depriving themselves of the full buffet that was created for all of us to enjoy, and might miss out on their one true love. So if someone isn't interested based on silly "preferences", it's their lost. Other dicks in the sea.

[xyz48B]

I prefer to only see caucasian male MDs.

[Guest]

I prefer to only see caucasian male MDs.

[mike carey]

I prefer to only see caucasian male MDs.

Is that your choice of sexual partners or of doctors?

[xyz48B]

Is that your choice of sexual partners or of doctors?

Does it matter? Especially if by sexual partner you mean escort. I don’t think of escorts as sexual partners. Maybe friends, if we get on well over time, but that’s a stretch too.

[The_Impeccable_G]

I don’t think of escorts as sexual partners. Maybe friends, if we get on well over time, but that’s a stretch too.

So you hire escorts to play bridge? That will be an expensive game.

[xyz48B]

So you hire escorts to play bridge? That will be an expensive game.

We don’t play bridge. Usually go shopping. ??

[Monarchy79]

expensive if you buy clothes for your size

 

That’s it...

 

First you pledge your allegiance to your bullshit racist ideologies.. and now you’re making snarky remarks on someone’s size, whom you don’t even know.

 

And you’ve made posts on other threads, calling people fat, and other childish names....

 

You are an ignorant, delusional, aged twink, whose FAR past your prime and is trying to hold on to whatever crumbs of self-proclaimed “admiration”, you had probably more than twenty years ago.

 

Take your insults, and your ignorance and shove them all the way up your filthy, miserable, EuroTrash ass.

[Cooper]

Can we continue without making personal attacks?

[ArmyHands]

I prefer to only see caucasian male MDs.

 

Soo if you're dying with a GSW "Gun Shot Wound" and the only Medical Doctor on staff is BLACK / LATIN / ASIAN who can save your life what would you do ?????

[xyz48B]

Soo if you're dying with a GSW "Gun Shot Wound" and the only Medical Doctor on staff is BLACK / LATIN / ASIAN who can save your life what would you do ?????

I guess I’d have to die. I mean, I’m entitled to my preferences, right?

 

I’m trying to point out how absurd the idea of “preferences should go unchallenged” is…argumentum ad absurdum – you’re right. It’s lunacy to categorically discount an entitle swath of the population for superficial reasons. We have our attractions, yes, but preferences are different. And acting like preferences don’t necessarily need examination or come with some level of inherited discrimination, in some circumstances, is myopic. Not all preferences are racism, but all racism is rooted in preferences.

[Alec]

You must enhance your self esteem, do you view yourself as equal to a prostitute ?

 

I would mention it because connection is important.