When you find out your lover is a racist.

[+ purplekow]

Unfortunately, this is a case in which politics and a disease have become so intertwined that it is difficult to talk about one without reference to the other, and much of our discussion about our daily lives these days concerns issues related to CoVid. For example, she was very eager to see the restrictions on most activities lifted in Florida, so she could return to the gym (unmasked) and eating in restaurants, because she thought that there shouldn't have been restrictions imposed in the first place. She thought many "deaths from CoVid" were really not due to CoVid at all. That's the kind of thing I find hard to ignore, or to discuss without getting into politics.

In this situation I might say something to her about how this is a worldwide event and not just a US event. Tell her that you are concerned that she is safe and healthy and that perhaps she should try some non political sources, such a medical journals for her information regarding CoVid. I think that she still may take offense, but if you approach it from an angle of concern rather than a political angle, you may have a chance to protect her and your friendship. Otherwise, I would decrease but not stop contact unless her thoughts or yours are invasive into most conversations.

[+ WilliamM]

In this situation I might say something to her about how this is a worldwide event and not just a US event. Tell her that you are concerned that she is safe and healthy and that perhaps she should try some non political sources, such a medical journals for her information regarding CoVid. I think that she still may take offense, but if you approach it from an angle of concern rather than a political angle, you may have a chance to protect her and your friendship. Otherwise, I would decrease but not stop contact unless her thoughts or yours are invasive into most conversations.

 

Dedicated Trump supporters are quite unlikely to change their minds even during a pandemic. I have tried unsuccessfully.

[+ Charlie]

In this situation I might say something to her about how this is a worldwide event and not just a US event. Tell her that you are concerned that she is safe and healthy and that perhaps she should try some non political sources, such a medical journals for her information regarding CoVid. I think that she still may take offense, but if you approach it from an angle of concern rather than a political angle, you may have a chance to protect her and your friendship. Otherwise, I would decrease but not stop contact unless her thoughts or yours are invasive into most conversations.

That is how I would approach the subject with most people, but I am not sure how much she trusts medical journals. I think she may be getting anecdotal info from people she worked with at the hospital, and generalizing from that. Unfortunately, there has been so much media controversy over the accuracy of the statistical reporting in Florida that she is not likely to accept anything from official sources, which is typical of her general cynicism about government bureaucracy. She wears a mask when it is a rule, but because of her own medical background (a half century of working in medical labs) she trusts her own instincts more than she does my advice about medical matters.

[+ Lucky]

That is how I would approach the subject with most people, but I am not sure how much she trusts medical journals. I think she may be getting anecdotal info from people she worked with at the hospital, and generalizing from that. Unfortunately, there has been so much media controversy over the accuracy of the statistical reporting in Florida that she is not likely to accept anything from official sources, which is typical of her general cynicism about government bureaucracy. She wears a mask when it is a rule, but because of her own medical background (a half century of working in medical labs) she trusts her own instincts more than she does my advice about medical matters.

She has kindly taken care of an AIDS patient and a cancer patient. What would she do with a COVID patient?

[+ purplekow]

That is how I would approach the subject with most people, but I am not sure how much she trusts medical journals. I think she may be getting anecdotal info from people she worked with at the hospital, and generalizing from that. Unfortunately, there has been so much media controversy over the accuracy of the statistical reporting in Florida that she is not likely to accept anything from official sources, which is typical of her general cynicism about government bureaucracy. She wears a mask when it is a rule, but because of her own medical background (a half century of working in medical labs) she trusts her own instincts more than she does my advice about medical matters.

Another approach is to ask to speak to a doctor for whom she has respect. She has been in the medical field for a long time, she must have a doctor she trusts. If not, then I am afraid her kind of skepticism defies rational thought and you will either accept her flawed thinking and all or simply social distance yourself from her physically and mentally.

[+ Charlie]

Unfortunately, I know nothing about her doctor(s). She had orthopedic surgery 5 weeks ago, but I noticed that she disdained much of the doctor's post-operative advice, and she was satisfied with her results. She is 75 and has spent a good deal of her life taking care of other people (parents, brother, husband, even her brother's boyfriend, who was an oncologist), so she tends to trust her own judgment, often with good reason. This time I think she is letting her political beliefs overwhelm her usual good sense.

[MscleLovr]

Well, if she has had the results she desired from the surgery, why not just be happy for her @Charlie? I understand you dislike her political beliefs, but have you considered that she may dislike something about you?

 

We cannot expect friends to be duplicates of ourselves or for them to echo every view and opinion we hold. That’s why I believe strongly that you should ‘agree to disagree’ as she has requested. Please show her some of the compassion you have described her as giving in very difficult times.

[Becket]

Not to be too "pollyana" about it. But.....If you love your lover and you think you might be able at some point to forgive him for this flaw........then you stay. Besides, racism is learned behavior. It (theoretically) can be unlearned. Perhaps he will become more educated. Maybe you can help him along. You can't change him. You might be able to help him learn something new. Won't be easy. Takes lots of patience on your part.

 

I am reminded of a line from a Don Henley song. "When you find somebody to love you better hang on tooth and nail...." I think I'd stay. See where things go.

[+ Charlie]

Well, if she has had the results she desired from the surgery, why not just be happy for her @Charlie? I understand you dislike her political beliefs, but have you considered that she may dislike something about you?

 

We cannot expect friends to be duplicates of ourselves or for them to echo every view and opinion we hold. That’s why I believe strongly that you should ‘agree to disagree’ as she has requested. Please show her some of the compassion you have described her as giving in very difficult times.

I am happy that the surgery worked out. I mentioned that incident in response to @purplekow's suggestion that I get a doctor to talk to her about CoVid, as an example of the fact that she doesn't always believe what a doctor tells her, because she thinks she knows better. And of course she dislikes my political beliefs. We both have managed to live with that until the coronavirus came along. It's hard to discuss daily life in a pandemic when one person doesn't believe the pandemic is real.

[+ WilliamM]

I am happy that the surgery worked out. I mentioned that incident in response to @purplekow's suggestion that I get a doctor to talk to her about CoVid, as an example of the fact that she doesn't always believe what a doctor tells her, because she thinks she knows better. And of course she dislikes my political beliefs. We both have managed to live with that until the coronavirus came along. It's hard to discuss daily life in a pandemic when one person doesn't believe the pandemic is real.

 

I am able to do it by having less contact during the Covid19 crisis. Messages are shorter and phone calls less frequent.

[+ keroscenefire]

It just happened to me... he was never a lover but a friend, now I can't stand him.

 

I got together with this old friend from Colombia and I asked "how's your family back home?" referring to the virus... My friend went on a rant talking about Venezuelans who "are all prostitutes, have AIDS and Covid-19 and are ruining the lives of law-abiding Colombians". "Immigrants ruin everything because they lower wages", " the middle class it's been destroyed by them", "they bring drugs", etc.

 

Friendship is over! I can't stand the hypocrisy of an immigrant in the U.S.A. hating immigrants back home in Colombia!

 

Yes, I've had to deal with this from a cousin who is anti-immigrant despite our mutual grandparents being immigrants from Mexico. Ultimately, I have cut her out of my life as much as possible and only deal with her if I absolutely have to for family reasons. To PurpleKow: One thing I did was both hide and not allow my cousin to read any posts on my social media. I know she would make a fuss if I actually unfriended her, but not seeing any of her crap and not having her see any of (what she probably considers) my crap definitely has helped. Sometimes ignorance is bliss if it's a relationship that you can't cut off completely.

[njr47]

One of the first guys I hired, was handsome, buff, charming and had a deep rich voice. I wrote a nice review on Daddy's site. Then I learned from posts here that he was both a racist and a Trump supporter. After that, never had any interest in meeting him again.

[+ purplekow]

One of the first guys I hired, was handsome, buff, charming and had a deep rich voice. I wrote a nice review on Daddy's site. Then I learned from posts here that he was both a racist and a Trump supporter. After that, never had any interest in meeting him again.

It is hard to picture a fantasy man when he is the fantasy on the outside, and on the inside, a nightmare. Sometimes it is better to avoid reality when dealing with fantasy men.

[+ DynamicUno]

I met a couple several years ago for a hookup. They seemed friendly enough and they each sent me a facebook request, and hoooooly shit one of the guys was a complete jerk online, super conservative and aggressive with his opinions. This was way before Trump, but if he were alive now he'd be hard in on the Trump thing.

 

Unfortunately, he also ran through my profile and sent friend requests to a bunch of my friends, and even started posting comments on their posts. I had a few awkward questions from a few friends about how I knew the guy, and I told them I'd met them at a social function and accepted a friend request to be 'polite'. I had unfriended them quietly after that incident and suggested my friends asking about it do the same.

 

Needless to say there was never a second hookup. I locked down my account after that so my friends can't go through my contacts. His surviving husband send me a friend request some months back and I've ignored it. He wasn't nearly as caustic online but occasionally let some things show, and I don't need that kind of crazy.

 

I'm acquaintances with another couple in NY were one is obnoxiously republican online and his husband is equally obnoxiously democrat. I've had to mute both because of the noise they generate constantly on my feed. I occasionally wonder what their home dynamic must be like, since I know the liberal partner is a dom top, but I'd probably be scarred for life if I went down that rabbit hole.