Alone on Thanksgiving....

[+ oldNbusted]

The rise of Friendsgiving

 

More than half a million people have been invited to a Friendsgiving party this year, and searches for Friendsgiving ideas have tripled since 2015, according to Evite and Google Trends data.

Why it matters: The traditional Thanksgiving celebration is changing. That reflects broader transformations across America: booming cities and social media, a growing foreign-born population, delayed marriage and family building, and young adults relying on "urban tribes" of friends instead of kin.

By the numbers: Friendsgiving — at least in name — is more common in urban areas.

The top areas for Friendsgiving Google searches include Boston, New York, Philadelphia, San Jose and Chicago.

The top cities for Friendsgivings according to Evite data are Chicago, Houston and L.A.

While the number of people invited to Friendsgiving gatherings has risen, the average size of each party has stayed the same — at 21 people, according to Evite.

Most are potluck style, with almost a quarter of hosts asking guests to sign up to bring something.

The fare doesn't always have to be traditional either, etiquette expert Lizzie Post told the Atlantic.

The big picture: According to Merriam-Webster, the use of "Friendsgiving" to describe an event that merges friends with Thanksgiving started around 2007 — and the coining of the word may itself have helped to popularize and commercialize the idea.

Friendsgivings for many are just a pre-party to a still family-centric holiday, but the trend also mirrors shifting lifestyles and demographics in the U.S.

Urbanization, delayed marriage and delayed childbearing over the past few decades have reshaped social connections and personal obligations. Many young, single adults move to cities where they work, make friends, pay off college debt, date on apps and wait longer to settle down.

Journalist Ethan Watters has argued that tight-knit friend groups of these young adults — or ""urban tribes" — are replacing family. Some city-dwelling adults may prefer to spend Thanksgiving with their tribe rather than relatives.

 

"Lots of people who live in cities moved away for a reason," University of Toronto professor and urban theorist Richard Florida told Axios. "There is a pull and a push... maybe they 'can’t' go home" for Thanksgiving.

 

The immigrant share of the population has also risen significantly since the 1970s. Several Friendsgiving participants who work at Axios or responded to an Axios Instagram question said sharing the iconic American holiday with friends can provide a special experience for foreign-born guests who might not have the same points of reference.

One person first started attending Friendsgiving while studying in the U.S. Now, they "keep doing it even though I'm back in Europe."

Between the lines: Friendsgiving is not just for Millennials. Some Gen Xers and Boomers tell Axios they were hosting and attending such gatherings in the '80s and '90s, without the catchy name.

What they're saying: Friendsgiving goers told Axios why Friendsgivings matter:

"Have friends who have been cast out of their family because of their lifestyles."

"Chosen family can be stronger than blood for some. It’s a great alternative for folks who struggle around the holidays."

"Now that we live so far from family it's replaced the traditional family celebration."

 

 

I hadn't thought about this, but I don't recall that I've been to a Thanksgiving dinner with my own relatives as an adult. For me, in the gathering I've attended for the last 15 years, no one is related.

[rvwnsd]

It's interesting. My parents have now both passed away. We're still having a family Thanksgiving with my step-mother and siblings this year, but I wonder what's going to happen when my step-mother dies. My nieces do their own thing at Thanksgiving. This may be my last family Thanksgiving. Maybe friends will invite me?

My last family Thanksgiving was in 1999. In September, 2000 I moved from Chicago to San Diego, where I had friends but no family. The thought of traveling cross-country was sickening as was subjecting my parents to picking me up at O'Hare. For years one set of friends hosted Thanksgiving. At one point, some mutual friends started having Thanksgiving and I spent it with them until this year when I just didn't have the energy to drive 6 hours to join them.

 

That's the long-form way of saying "you'll be OK, @Unicorn ." You will be surprised how many people step up and invite their friends.

[+ Charlie]

When I was 23 and in grad school in California, I chose to go to the beach and read for Thanksgiving. Every other year I spend it with part of my large family, whom I enjoy enormously. Since 2000, I’ve run a Turkey Trot and am having coffee now ahead of joining my nephew and his wife for an 8k, followed by breakfast at my place.

Unfortunately, no one in California is going to the beach today: it is very cold, grey and windy. Even here in Palm Springs, my morning tennis match was cancelled because of the forecast of rain (though it hasn't started yet).

[Islesguy]

The rise of Friendsgiving

 

More than half a million people have been invited to a Friendsgiving party this year, and searches for Friendsgiving ideas have tripled since 2015, according to Evite and Google Trends data.

Why it matters: The traditional Thanksgiving celebration is changing. That reflects broader transformations across America: booming cities and social media, a growing foreign-born population, delayed marriage and family building, and young adults relying on "urban tribes" of friends instead of kin.

By the numbers: Friendsgiving — at least in name — is more common in urban areas.

The top areas for Friendsgiving Google searches include Boston, New York, Philadelphia, San Jose and Chicago.

The top cities for Friendsgivings according to Evite data are Chicago, Houston and L.A.

While the number of people invited to Friendsgiving gatherings has risen, the average size of each party has stayed the same — at 21 people, according to Evite.

Most are potluck style, with almost a quarter of hosts asking guests to sign up to bring something.

The fare doesn't always have to be traditional either, etiquette expert Lizzie Post told the Atlantic.

The big picture: According to Merriam-Webster, the use of "Friendsgiving" to describe an event that merges friends with Thanksgiving started around 2007 — and the coining of the word may itself have helped to popularize and commercialize the idea.

Friendsgivings for many are just a pre-party to a still family-centric holiday, but the trend also mirrors shifting lifestyles and demographics in the U.S.

Urbanization, delayed marriage and delayed childbearing over the past few decades have reshaped social connections and personal obligations. Many young, single adults move to cities where they work, make friends, pay off college debt, date on apps and wait longer to settle down.

Journalist Ethan Watters has argued that tight-knit friend groups of these young adults — or ""urban tribes" — are replacing family. Some city-dwelling adults may prefer to spend Thanksgiving with their tribe rather than relatives.

 

"Lots of people who live in cities moved away for a reason," University of Toronto professor and urban theorist Richard Florida told Axios. "There is a pull and a push... maybe they 'can’t' go home" for Thanksgiving.

 

The immigrant share of the population has also risen significantly since the 1970s. Several Friendsgiving participants who work at Axios or responded to an Axios Instagram question said sharing the iconic American holiday with friends can provide a special experience for foreign-born guests who might not have the same points of reference.

One person first started attending Friendsgiving while studying in the U.S. Now, they "keep doing it even though I'm back in Europe."

Between the lines: Friendsgiving is not just for Millennials. Some Gen Xers and Boomers tell Axios they were hosting and attending such gatherings in the '80s and '90s, without the catchy name.

What they're saying: Friendsgiving goers told Axios why Friendsgivings matter:

"Have friends who have been cast out of their family because of their lifestyles."

"Chosen family can be stronger than blood for some. It’s a great alternative for folks who struggle around the holidays."

"Now that we live so far from family it's replaced the traditional family celebration."

 

 

I hadn't thought about this, but I don't recall that I've been to a Thanksgiving dinner with my own relatives as an adult. For me, in the gathering I've attended for the last 15 years, no one is related.

I started having a Friendsgiving last year but we decided on doing it the weekend prior so all of us can still going to whatever traditional Thanksgiving we are doing.

[+ pdxleo]

Usually I have the local friends and relatives over, around 8-10 people. Last Thanksgiving, my longtime friend and roommate Therese passed away the day before, so Thanksgiving was basically called off- drinks at the lounge of the Chinese restaurant in downtown Tigard was the get together, as a farewell to her. This year, my brother's inlaws asked if I could do a ranch-sit for them at their orchard in the Columbia River gorge above Hood River, OR, so they could travel- I jumped at the chance, to have the time alone and not have to be reminded about all the changes over the last year. Its been bittersweet, but I did cook up a regular turkey meal and fed the two farmhands staying over for the winter. At least the food isn't going to waste, could not have eaten all that myself! Happy Thanksgiving to all of us!

[craigville beach]

Usually I have the local friends and relatives over, around 8-10 people. Last Thanksgiving, my longtime friend and roommate Therese passed away the day before, so Thanksgiving was basically called off- drinks at the lounge of the Chinese restaurant in downtown Tigard was the get together, as a farewell to her. This year, my brother's inlaws asked if I could do a ranch-sit for them at their orchard in the Columbia River gorge above Hood River, OR, so they could travel- I jumped at the chance, to have the time alone and not have to be reminded about all the changes over the last year. Its been bittersweet, but I did cook up a regular turkey meal and fed the two farmhands staying over for the winter. At least the food isn't going to waste, could not have eaten all that myself! Happy Thanksgiving to all of us!

 

yours sounds like a perfect holiday

[+ poolboy48220]

A couple of years ago my cousin-in-law, one of my favorite relatives, declined to come to Christmas dinner. I asked her about it and she said she just felt like a day on the couch binging Sex and the City. I half-envied her.

[+ purplekow]

A couple of years ago my cousin-in-law, one of my favorite relatives, declined to come to Christmas dinner. I asked her about it and she said she just felt like a day on the couch binging Sex and the City. I half-envied her.

Hopefully the series and not the movies.

[alkan]

A couple of years ago my cousin-in-law, one of my favorite relatives, declined to come to Christmas dinner. I asked her about it and she said she just felt like a day on the couch binging Sex and the City. I half-envied her.

 

Hopefully the series and not the movies.

 

Hopefully reality and not the series, you mean.

[+ purplekow]

Hopefully reality and not the series, you mean.

That does sound better

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

Don't think of it as being alone on a holiday.

 

Think of it as not having to be at that overpriced shithole Atlantis

[Rudynate]

Just curious.... How many people spend Thanksgiving alone?

 

I had the option of going to 'Atlantis' this year with my sister's brood.... Not my ideal vacation.... so for the first time in my life, I will be alone for Thanksgiving. I have lied to my family and use my fictional 'other city' friends....

 

Not sure how I feel about the being alone part.... Holidays, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, hold little value for me.

 

Planning on being 'productive' on the actual day.... maybe go for a long walk.....

 

 

I actually used to enjoy spending Christmas day by myself. I would get up late, go have a great breakfast in a luxury hotel, go to the Jewish Community Center to workout, take in a movie, order Chinese takeout, call my family late in the day. They all thought my solitary Christmases were weird.

[+ poolboy48220]

Hopefully the series and not the movies.

Hopefully reality and not the series, you mean.

Hahaha. I don't remember asking her, which makes me think this might have been before the movies, and hence more than "a couple of years ago".

[+ oldNbusted]

take in a movie, order Chinese takeout, call my family late in the day. They all thought my solitary Christmases were weird.

 

I have been getting together on Christmas Day with the same crew as Thanksgiving for the same ~15 years. In the beginning, the only restaurants open were in Chinatown and the movies were empty. The last few years, it has become insane, basically the same as any other Sat., so this year, we are ending the tradition of going out and we are staying in.

[+ purplekow]

Well /I completed my Saturday Thanksgiving with two friends. I started to low temperature cooked at turkey about 10 AM and it was 17 pounds. It should have been done at 14 minutes per pound by 3 PM. It was not. Served some shrimp, still uncooked. So we had a cheese and cold cuts course. Then awhile soup course . We sat and talked and I realized I had not checked the turkey for an hour. Still turkey was not done. We sat and talked more, had some wine and I prepared the side dishes. An hour later, still not cooked. Checked the temperature of the bird, it wa still 155. So I put the low temperature, 210, to medium, 250. Still after another hour, nothing, temperature of bird 160. Finally put the temperature up to 400 after coating the bird with honey and maple syrup. It took yet another hour but finally the temperature reached 180. The outside was golden brown. The sides were ready. And after letting the bird sit of a bit, it was carved. Damn, it was the best turkey I have ever had. Juicy. Sweet. Cooked to perfection, Total time in the oven, 8 hours. Now this cannot be the way one cooks a turkey regularly and certainly when I have low temperature cook turkey in the past it has taken 15 minutes a pound. So I do not know if the heat on my oven is off or if the bird was still cold from the defrost. I doubt I could replicate this, but it was a fine meal.

We sat, talked, had course by course with time in between. Never felt bloated. Even had room for coffee and pastry when all was said and done.

So PB and J for Thenksgiving and then a great turkey two days later.

[fedssocr1]

isn't 180 way too high? I've always seen cook to 160 and then let it rest while the temp continues to rise to 170ish. The turkey breast I made was overcooked...325 for about 2 hours and it was 185 when I checked it.