it’s not personal – it’s just business.

[tenderloin]

As I am well into middle age and have hired more than occasionally, and I should know better, but....

 

My favorite experiences are with guys who can really seem to be into it, who act like they actually like me and are happy to hang out afterwards and chat and cuddle. The genuine BFE. I am amazed at how often I start to mistake a $$ transaction for friendship of some sort.

 

I've just recently been reminded that, however convincing the act is, at the end of the day it is just an act, and our experience is, for him at least, ultimately a transaction. Time is money, and rates are rates, and he wouldn't even be talking to me if I wasn't paying him. That can be tough to remember. To be clear, that is not a complaint or a criticism of any particular pro - they are literally doing their jobs LOL -- but is more an observation about myself: how an ordinarily hard-minded businessman can be completely disarmed by a young, well-hung, sweet and friendly guy who is willing to fulfill my fantasies for a short time.

 

Does that happen to others, or am I just a ridiculously naïve romantic?

[+ Topseed]

Been there, tenderloin. I applaud your discernment. This is important to know.

 

"Does this happen to others?" Yes. Are you a "ridiculously naive romantic"? Maybe.

 

Welcome to the club.

[bigjsd]

I don't think this just applies to this industry, it applies to anything. I am more likely to continue to patronize someone if they seem to enjoy the fact that I am spending my money right then, right there. Whether it's buying a pizza, getting a massage or getting something more intimate -- if you can 'act' like the money is an inconsequential portion of the exchange, I am more likely to return.

 

I once received a massage that was so mechanical that not only was I not relaxed, I ended up mostly uncomfortable and felt bad that I was wasting her time.

[+ StLouisOct]

As I am well into middle age and have hired more than occasionally, and I should know better, but....

 

My favorite experiences are with guys who can really seem to be into it, who act like they actually like me and are happy to hang out afterwards and chat and cuddle. The genuine BFE. I am amazed at how often I start to mistake a $$ transaction for friendship of some sort.

 

I've just recently been reminded that, however convincing the act is, at the end of the day it is just an act, and our experience is, for him at least, ultimately a transaction. Time is money, and rates are rates, and he wouldn't even be talking to me if I wasn't paying him. That can be tough to remember. To be clear, that is not a complaint or a criticism of any particular pro - they are literally doing their jobs LOL -- but is more an observation about myself: how an ordinarily hard-minded businessman can be completely disarmed by a young, well-hung, sweet and friendly guy who is willing to fulfill my fantasies for a short time.

 

Does that happen to others, or am I just a ridiculously naïve romantic?

Happens to me all the time, and I know in the end it’s business. I don’t think you’re a ridiculously naive romantic. I think you’re a romantic. ?

[kko123]

As I am well into middle age and have hired more than occasionally, and I should know better, but....

 

My favorite experiences are with guys who can really seem to be into it, who act like they actually like me and are happy to hang out afterwards and chat and cuddle. The genuine BFE. I am amazed at how often I start to mistake a $$ transaction for friendship of some sort.

 

I've just recently been reminded that, however convincing the act is, at the end of the day it is just an act, and our experience is, for him at least, ultimately a transaction. Time is money, and rates are rates, and he wouldn't even be talking to me if I wasn't paying him. That can be tough to remember. To be clear, that is not a complaint or a criticism of any particular pro - they are literally doing their jobs LOL -- but is more an observation about myself: how an ordinarily hard-minded businessman can be completely disarmed by a young, well-hung, sweet and friendly guy who is willing to fulfill my fantasies for a short time.

 

Does that happen to others, or am I just a ridiculously naïve romantic?

The twink I recommended you turned out to be a delightful BFE I think because he’s so new and getting used to meeting generous gentlemen. Was precious. I just remember thinking while looking into his eyes while pumping him he had the look of “please love me”

[+ BenjaminNicholas]

The difference between a hustler and a good escort is that a hustler will take advantage of that emotional baggage every single time.

 

Sure, while it's fine to tell yourself that this is 'just business,' it's a lot more than that for some guys. Escorts can and do enjoy their work, their clients, the sex, the conversation, the friendship, a bond. Only the truly jaded think that that's not possible.

 

Is this how many of us make our living? Yes.

Does this involve the exchange of money? Yes.

Does that mean that's all we focus on? No.

[+ Seaninsf]

ridiculously naïve romantic

 

You say that like it's a negative thing!

 

Seriously, I think an important part of what makes for a great connection and a pleasurable encounter is the ability to let go for a bit and enjoy the experience. Allowing yourself to get lost in the moment is amongst the best outcomes from these engagements (for those of us who prefer a BFE) and I think it really does require both parties to "suspend disbelief" for a bit, like enjoying a great play.

 

It sounds like you do a good job of enjoying your time to the fullest while remaining aware of the fact that you've engaged the gentleman for these services.

 

And I agree with @Benjamin_Nicholas, there are absolutely providers who enjoy and appreciate these connections even though they occur within the parameters of a "transaction". I enjoy lots of people I encounter in my professional life.

[Gadfly22]

I've just recently been reminded that, however convincing the act is, at the end of the day it is just an act, and our experience is, for him at least, ultimately a transaction. Time is money, and rates are rates,

You apparently haven't been with [uSER=12155]@Dominiking[/uSER]

[+ Keith30309]

You say that like it's a negative thing!

 

Seriously, I think an important part of what makes for a great connection and a pleasurable encounter is the ability to let go for a bit and enjoy the experience. Allowing yourself to get lost in the moment is amongst the best outcomes from these engagements (for those of us who prefer a BFE) and I think it really does require both parties to "suspend disbelief" for a bit, like enjoying a great play.

 

It sounds like you do a good job of enjoying your time to the fullest while remaining aware of the fact that you've engaged the gentleman for these services.

 

And I agree with @Benjamin_Nicholas, there are absolutely providers who enjoy and appreciate these connections even though they occur within the parameters of a "transaction". I enjoy lots of people I encounter in my professional life.

I think this is spot-on. When you find that rare guy with whom you can sincerely connect it’s an awesome experience.

 

Unfortunately there’s not many guys who are able to do this and many of my 2-hr meets feel mechanical and routine. It’s like an industrial process.

 

When I started using Seekingarrangement the best thing about it was that 90% of the guys I met were not “professional” in any sense of the word... for them it was a unique experience and not routine or transactional in any way (even though the main reason most were there was ultimately financial.). Few of those guys had ever gone to a guys hotel room and the entire experience was new. And when I do my homework and pick guys with whom I have chemistry it is a terrific experience.

 

I think the great escorts project that same feeling of a new, unique experience with every client.

[tenderloin]

I think this is spot-on. When you find that rare guy with whom you can sincerely connect it’s an awesome experience...I think the great escorts project that same feeling of a new, unique experience with every client.

 

I think you are right, but even there, the trick is not to go to the next step: Me, thinking to myself: "gee, I had such an intense, emotional, real connection with this guy. Maybe he wants to grab a quick bite to eat -- my treat? " Him: "sure, that would be nice. I only charge you one more hour" Me: "back to reality"

[RealAvalon]

I think you are right, but even there, the trick is not to go to the next step: Me, thinking to myself: "gee, I had such an intense, emotional, real connection with this guy. Maybe he wants to grab a quick bite to eat -- my treat? " Him: "sure, that would be nice. I only charge you one more hour" Me: "back to reality"

It'd be like having an expectation of free legal work from your lawyer. You might get it, but any expectation of it would be a mistake and awkward.

[tenderloin]

It'd be like having an expectation of free legal work from your lawyer. You might get it, but any expectation of it would be a mistake and awkward.

 

Right - but with most lawyers you are not kissing and fucking them (though a few may fuck you...)

[RealAvalon]

Right - but with most lawyers you are not kissing and fucking them (though a few may fuck you...)

It was an analogy, about expecting free follow-up work, after you've paid for work. But I expect you probably got that, and think I'm being humorless … haha

[Rudynate]

I've never felt in danger of falling in love with an escort. I' ve never looked for companionship from an escort, its always been about sex for me. I might get together with a guy a few times, but when the novelty is gone, my interest wanes.

[+ keroscenefire]

I've genuinely felt connected as something close to a friend with a couple of my regulars. With one it's gotten to the point where we have exchanged e-mails and have a long-running back and forth kinda "pen-pal" thing where we just talk about issues of mutual interest. Another one has invited me to his birthday party celebration at a local bar and to hang out to watch a drag performance (with no expectation that it was "escort/client" thing).

 

But since both of them have become somewhat friends, when I do seek them out I always pay the agreed upon rate for the agreed upon amount of time and often include a bit of a tip just because they are awesome. I kind of think of it as if you had a friend who owned a small business like a bar or restaurant...you are really being a better friend by going there often, ordering everything at full price and tipping well. You want to see your friend succeed in his business and you do that by supporting it financially not by asking for discounts.

[Guest Lonlyboy]

So my thoughts are not as a client type of thing but a hook up. At one point I was in an open relationship due to my travel job at the time.

I was stuck in this really small town for 2 months. I met a guy and we hooked up. We then hooked up and hung out several times over 2 months.

I think in a small way I fell in love with him he is a very kind soul.

 

It has been 2 years since I have seen him in person and we still chat on occasion but it is clear I was more of a port in the storm to him.

 

He is literally the reason I stopped being in an open relationship because I realized I might run into someone like him again that I built a connection with over just sex.

[Rudynate]

So my thoughts are not as a client type of thing but a hook up. At one point I was in an open relationship due to my travel job at the time.

I was stuck in this really small town for 2 months. I met a guy and we hooked up. We then hooked up and hung out several times over 2 months.

I think in a small way I fell in love with him he is a very kind soul.

 

It has been 2 years since I have seen him in person and we still chat on occasion but it is clear I was more of a port in the storm to him.

 

He is literally the reason I stopped being in an open relationship because I realized I might run into someone like him again that I built a connection with over just sex.

 

 

I agree that you have to protect your primary relationship. I f you feel yourself developing an attachment that threatens your primary relationship, it has to go.