holiday guests and the television

[Smurof]

My mother is an impossible person to be around (which is where I suppose I get that from). A sticking point other people have with her and never want her in their home again is her demanding the tv gets put on a channel she wants to watch, and won't let it go until people relent, as they grumble she will never be invited back.

 

What is the protocol? I say if you're a guest, whatever the home you're at has on (even if it's violent R-rated war films at full volume) is their business. It's their home. Eating at my mother's home for me is never an option, as she is a horrible cook and unsanitary to boot, using unwashed bare hands to scoop ice into glasses!

[+ pdxleo]

"Sorry Ma, the TV"s broke, it ain't working today, gonna hafta actually talk with Uncle Rudy tonite."

[+ Avalon]

As the old expression says "When in Rome do as the Romans do".

 

My sister was 11 years older than I was. When I was a young teen she once invited me to visit for a few days. My father reminded me that I would have no control over the tv set. That was enough for me; I declined!

 

When I used to visit friends in southern California (10x 1988-1997) they controlled the tv set. One was Latino and everytime I entered the room he would switch the channel from a Spanish language channel to an English language one.

[MikeBiDude]

using unwashed bare hands to scoop ice into glasses!

The horror

[Gvtire]

Buy her a TV for her own use, a pair of wireless headphones and lock her in the basement

Edited November 17, 2018 by Gvtire

[Smurof]

Buyers will her a TV for her own use, a pair of wireless headphones and lock her in the basement

That's how I watched the "Seinfeld Chronicles" at my grandparents back in 1989, except for the headphones and locked door part.

[+ oldNbusted]

Not respecting normal boundaries means getting kicked out (politely) and no more invitations until there is an apology. I'm not taking any disrespect in my own home. If I knew about this ahead of time, there would be no invite.

[bigvalboy]

What is the protocol? I say if you're a guest, whatever the home you're at has on is their business. It's their home.

 

I think it depends. If you are an out-of-towner and someone insisted that you stay with them, like my relatives always do, then I would think that you certainly have some say as to what is on the television. I might be a guest, but if the invite was the hosts idea, and they refused to let me go to a hotel, then there isn't anyway that I would sit and watch FOX news, not without a protest.

 

That said, this year we were forced to evacuate because of the hurricanes. We were invited to a friends home several hundred miles north. I was grateful for the gracious gesture, and with a car stuffed with personal belongings, my friend and his dog, we arrived just after midnight, exhausted from being in 9 hours of bumper to bumper traffic, stressed because we had left everything behind, and anxious because we didn't know what we would return to. The door opened to warm greetings, a full meal was served, and food just kept coming out of the kitchen. I had my own room with fresh linens, so I sat quietly watching FOX news for the rest of the evening before retiring to my room for the night. For the next three days, I bit my tongue and was the perfect guest. It was the hardest three days of my life...

Edited November 18, 2018 by bigvalboy

[+ oldNbusted]

For the next three days, I bit my tongue and was the perfect guest. It was the hardest three days of my life...

 

I can imagine, it's hard for me to watch that without laughing out loud every few minutes.

[samhexum]

It was the hardest three days of my life...

 

You have seen those commercials that say 'seek immediate medical attention for an erection that lasts over four hours', right?

[rvwnsd]

I am not much of a TV watcher, so whatever is playing is typically fine. Even a program I wouldn't watch would serve as an adventure. That said, I was visiting my brother (who is NOT a Fox News watcher) and one of the kids was called by their mom while changing channels. What channel did they land on just as they were summoned? You guessed it - Fox News. I'm talking with my brother who is on the other side of the room and at some point a commentator came on and started talking shit about gays and lesbians. Despite being insulting, the commentator was interesting. After about five minutes my brother realized what was on, switched off the TV, and said "you don't have to watch that shit at my house." When the kids came back in he reminded them that Fox News is not watched in their home.

[KeepItReal]

You have seen those commercials that say 'seek immediate medical attention for an erection that lasts over four hours', right?

It came on the other night on the Food network, during a show that dealt with a souffle that wouldn't rise...I couldn't help but think: well, I know how to fix that!

[samhexum]

Buy her a TV for her own use, a pair of wireless headphones and lock her in the basement

If the basement door is thick enough, with a good lock, why bother with steps one and two? :cool:

[+ friendofsheila]

What is the protocol? I say if you're a guest, whatever the home you're at has on (even if it's violent R-rated war films at full volume) is their business. It's their home.

 

I agree. But I think that it invites a battle with her if you even have the TV on, or even available.

 

I'd say, if you have to have her back in your house, put the TV away. And anticipate:

 

"Where's the TV? I want to watch something."

 

"Sorry, Mom. I've put the TV away. We won't be using it this week [or however long she is visiting]."

 

"But I want to watch something!"

 

"Sorry, Mom. I've put the TV away. We won't be using it this week."

 

"You're being rude. I'm a guest in your house and you need to get the TV out for me."

 

"Sorry, Mom. We won't be using it this week."

 

"You're doing this because of me, aren't you?"

 

"I'd just prefer not to use it this week."

 

"But why did you put it away?"

 

"I'd just prefer not to use it this week."

 

"That's no reason. Why are you doing this?"

 

"I'd just prefer not to use it this week."

 

I think you understand the tactic here....

[+ bashful]

insisted that you stay with them

 

I declined. Stayed at a hotel. My sister-in-law was mad at me for over a year.

 

(and I still think she is)

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

In her latter years, my grandmother felt she had a right to say anything she thought in public to whomever she felt needed to hear it. We discussed it with her several times and nothing changed. While out for Sunday brunch, she made an inappropriate comment to her great-grandson loudly enough that the customers at nearby tables all stopped talking and stared at my nephew. I stood up without saying anything, released the brakes on here wheelchair and rolled her out the front door to the car.

 

When she claimed that she wasn't done yet, I explained to her why she was done and told her if she ever again made such a comment, I would not join her for family meals again. After many years of conversation, that finally hit the mark.

 

I recommend straight talk now, let her know there will be consequences. Include how her behavior affects your enjoyment of the event and you are tired of it. Let her know if she does it again, you will not be attending future events if she continues the behavior so that you can enjoy the holidays.