Would it be rude to ask an escort for his HIV status?

[JohnGerman]

This might be a sensitive topic, but I wonder if it's considered rude to ask an escort for his HIV status? Even with safe sex, I guess there is still some, albeit minor, risk, right? What is the trend now in terms of medication and prevention? If the guy is on PrP, then I guess there is no infection risk. Is that correct? What if a guy is positive but with viral load undetectable? Does it still have infection risk?

[+ OliverSaks]

U=U, undetectable is untransmittable, per CDC

[+ harey]

@JohnGerman No, it's not rude at all. You shouldn't hesitate to ask, but keep in mind you may not get an honest answer. I wouldn't book an escort who didn't disclose status or thought it was rude when asked.

[LaffingBear]

No.. just pointless

[rvwnsd]

I agree that it is not rude, but the questions to ask yourself are 1) what you will do with the information and 2) will it change the protocol and practice you follow when having sex with someone.

 

To me, it is more important to educate yourself on the risks associated with having sex and the methods by which you can mitigate them than it is to ask about HIV status, particularly if you are not going to inquire about other STIs.

[+ glutes]

If you asked them, would you believe their answer?

[+ carlos45]

I agree that it can be a sensitive topic, but I learned after coming out in 1987, to assume that everyone is HIV+, and I do it to this day.

[Guest MikeThomas]

U=U, undetectable is untransmittable, per CDC

CDC doesn’t exactly say that. See question 7...

 

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/transmission.html

[+ José Soplanucas]

I do think it is rude. Someone's HIV status is no one's business.

Indeed, it is also pointless as several friends point to.

Rude and pointless.

[Youngmilkman]

Unless you don't intend to fck, it's a totally reasonable question. But likewise I would add that the escort also has the right to ask the client's status.

[Rudynate]

This might be a sensitive topic, but I wonder if it's considered rude to ask an escort for his HIV status? Even with safe sex, I guess there is still some, albeit minor, risk, right? What is the trend now in terms of medication and prevention? If the guy is on PrP, then I guess there is no infection risk. Is that correct? What if a guy is positive but with viral load undetectable? Does it still have infection risk?

 

No.

[EastbayMike]

Unless you don't intend to fck, it's a totally reasonable question. But likewise I would add that the escort also has the right to ask the client's status.

How so? Whether you intend to fuck or not is not the issue. The issue is whether you believe the reply. From your post it appears that the answer would have a bearing (baring?) on what activities you'd include in your encounter and/or the use of condoms. If a stranger tells you they're negative and you believe them and then have unsafe sex you're an idiot to think it means there is no potential exposure to HIV (or any other STDs). Even if the stranger did receive a negative result, the result is only as good as his last sexual encounter prior to being tested. If he's having unsafe sex with you he's also having unsafe sex with other people who are also saying "don't worry, I'm negative."

 

All of us are free to act as we see fit every time we fuck. Just make sure you understand that each encounter has risk and you shouldn't rely on the "don't worry I'm negative" bullshit. Same for "don't worry I'm on PrEP." What he's really saying are two potential falsehoods, "I'm negative AND I'm on PrEP." Again, believe if you want to but understand the risk.

 

If people ask me, I tell them I'm negative and on PrEP but I also tell them they it's a meaningless question and they shouldn't believe me. Carlos45 gives the best advice, assume everyone is positive and act accordingly.

Edited June 17, 2018 by EastbayMike

[+ sniper]

I would say if you are this concerned you should consider going on PreP yourself and then not worry about it. It gives you the same level of protection as the person with HIV being in treatment.

It's not that it's rude to ask so much as you can't trust the answer since a)you are not a mindreader; so you can't tell if he's lying b)it's possible he seroconverted since his last test; and c)you shouldn't engage in riskier behavior based on the answer anyway.

I have seen some escorts advertise that they are negative and on PreP. While I guess I'm happy they are promoting PreP, I wouldn't bareback with them unless I were on PreP also.

[corndog]

Some escorts may find it rude, particularly those that are HIV+ and undetectable. Those escorts, who have very likely gotten tired of trying to educate everyone that undetectable=untransmittable, may consider it ethically acceptable to lie and say they are HIV-. (I believe the CDC link above is out-of-date, here is a more current article that references the CDC's latest position: https://www.hivplusmag.com/undetectable/2017/9/27/breaking-cdc-officially-recognizes-undetectableuntransmittable-hiv-prevention)

 

More importantly, however, it's a useless question. If they answer "no," you really don't know anything more than you did before you asked the question. As explained above, a "no" answer doesn't help you if he's lying, or unaware.

 

Ultimately, each of us must take personally responsibility for our sexual health. That means you must make sure you use condoms or take PrEP as directed. For me, personally, I was never comfortable bottoming with condoms because it places too much trust and responsibility in the hands of the top, who, in the context we're speaking about, is essentially a stranger. Two years ago I was very, very skeptical about PrEP, but now I'm completely sold on its importance. The only side effect I've experienced is a profound sense of sexual liberation.

[Youngmilkman]

How so? Whether you intend to fuck or not is not the issue. The issue is whether you believe the reply. From your post it appears that the answer would have a bearing (baring?) on what activities you'd include in your encounter and/or the use of condoms. If a stranger tells you they're negative and you believe them and then have unsafe sex you're an idiot to think it means there is no potential exposure to HIV (or any other STDs). Even if the stranger did receive a negative result, the result is only as good as his last sexual encounter prior to being tested. If he's having unsafe sex with you he's also having unsafe sex with other people who are also saying "don't worry, I'm negative."

 

All of us are free to act as we see fit every time we fuck. Just make sure you understand that each encounter has risk and you shouldn't rely on the "don't worry I'm negative" bullshit. Same for "don't worry I'm on PrEP." What he's really saying are two potential falsehoods, "I'm negative AND I'm on PrEP." Again, believe if you want to but understand the risk.

 

If people ask me, I tell them I'm negative and on PrEP but I also tell them they it's a meaningless question and they shouldn't believe me. Carlos45 gives the best advice, assume everyone is positive and act accordingly.

My comment was more about whether it's an offensive question, rather than anything else. I never ask an escort's status myself because I agree it's futile. But the original question is whether it's rude to ask.

[tradehunter]

I do think it is rude. Someone's HIV status is no one's business.

Indeed, it is also pointless as several friends point to.

Rude and pointless.

 

I dont think its rude but its pointless. Right up there with are you a cop? Any guy who barebacks is pretty dumb imo. Clients dealing with guys who bareback are not too wise either. Be safe and always act as if someone is positive. The days of being willy nilly with your body ended over 40 yrs ago. Yes there have been improvements but is hiv worth the risk of a cheap thrill? That is not that cheap when you think about it.

[marylander1940]

This might be a sensitive topic, but I wonder if it's considered rude to ask an escort for his HIV status? Even with safe sex, I guess there is still some, albeit minor, risk, right? What is the trend now in terms of medication and prevention? If the guy is on PrP, then I guess there is no infection risk. Is that correct? What if a guy is positive but with viral load undetectable? Does it still have infection risk?

 

If you asked them, would you believe their answer?

 

No it wouldn't be rude... How can you expect someone telling you the truth if a certain answer would be a deal breaker?

[marylander1940]

I agree that it can be a sensitive topic, but I learned after coming out in 1987, to assume that everyone is HIV+, and I do it to this day.

 

That's why you, me and so many others on here are still alive.

If we had kept using condoms in the 90's when it became livable now HIV would be in the history books. I'm glad PrEP exists yet I've always thought of a cure or a vaccine.

[corndog]

Any guy who barebacks is pretty dumb imo.

Not long ago, this was exactly my thinking, but today this feels more like judgmental slut-shaming. PrEP has changed everything. Outside the U.S., where PrEP is still rare, expensive and hard to get, it seems like most guys are still using condoms, but my recent experiences in the U.S. have been that most guys I've met strongly prefer doing it bare, and don't even ask if you don't bring it up. Afterwards, I've often had casual conversions with these guys and most of them extoll the virtues of PrEP, too.

 

Of course, this conversation isn't complete without discussing all the other STIs which PrEP offers no protection against. The PrEP prescription protocols dictate quarterly screening for all of those, and, in my opinion, this early detection and treatment has secondary public health benefits.

[tradehunter]

Not long ago, this was exactly my thinking, but today this feels more like judgmental slut-shaming. PrEP has changed everything. Outside the U.S., where PrEP is still rare, expensive and hard to get, it seems like most guys are still using condoms, but my recent experiences in the U.S. have been that most guys I've met strongly prefer doing it bare, and don't even ask if you don't bring it up. Afterwards, I've often had casual conversions with these guys and most of them extoll the virtues of PrEP, too.

 

Of course, this conversation isn't complete without discussing all the other STIs which PrEP offers no protection against. The PrEP prescription protocols dictate quarterly screening for all of those, and, in my opinion, this early detection and treatment has secondary public health benefits.

 

You beat me to the punch. Gonhorrea syphillis chlamydia herpes crabs etc cant be prevented with prep.Sometimes what ppl call slut shaming is simply givin ppl a hard dose of reality. Hiv took alot of lives and many ppl werent interested in learning from it. If you could sit alot of ppl down personally you will see alot of carelessness and wanton disregard was at play. Very few ppl were/are ignorant of hiv n how to prevent it. They just chose their fun over their safety n the safety of others.

Edited June 18, 2018 by tradehunter

[+ sniper]

I think there's an oral cancer time bomb coming down the pike with HPV rampant and no reliable tests, so the PreP screening does nothing about that. Seems like an ugly way to go.

[+ freecahill1965]

I think there's an oral cancer time bomb coming down the pike with HPV rampant and no reliable tests, so the PreP screening does nothing about that. Seems like an ugly way to go.

Isn't there a HPV vaccine?

[+ oldNbusted]

Yes, it's rude.

[+ sniper]

Isn't there a HPV vaccine?

Yes but I think the horse is out of the barn for a large cohort of gay men who just did oral because it was fairly safe wrt HIV, and the vaccine was rolled out to girls first and most guys still don't get it. And if you're over 26 I beleive insurance won't pay. Long before the vaccine came out, more than half of MSM had HPV if I recall correctly.

[corndog]

I think there's an oral cancer time bomb coming down the pike with HPV rampant and no reliable tests, so the PreP screening does nothing about that. Seems like an ugly way to go.

Unfortunately, condoms aren't particularly effective protection against HPV, especially HPV transmitted orally. Even most people who claim to practice "safe sex" usually don't use condoms for oral sex.