Reluctant Daddy

I never had a chance to hire Killian. When I first started hiring and discovered the forum, Killian was always very sweet and kind to me with advice and answers to questions

I have a Facebook account to keep in touch with some old friends, family and some people that do animal rescue.
 
For the past 6 months or so, I’ve noticed that Facebook has been tracking my shopping/window shopping habits and making suggestions for similar items at different vendors.
 
I’ve recently been aware that it has been suggesting some escorts in the “people you may know” section. I recognize some faces from Rentmen ads, but these are escorts that I’ve never contacted and don’t have in my contacts (either phone numbers or emails). One in particular is Leo Sweetwood. I’ve never contacted him, don’t follow him in Facebook and I’m pretty sure that he’s not following me, yet I’m getting Facebook notices that say he likes certain posts, he’s posted a response to a post, etc.
 
This morning, after reading the Palm Springs thread on here, I got a Facebook notice about a realtor selling a home in Palm Springs.
 
I’ve checked off most of the privacy boxes, yet this has is still happening. Just how far into ones life is Facebook delving?

Relatively tech stupid, but are cookies tracked when browsing incognito? I browse RM and this site incognito so neither appears in search history.

In a 12 month period, I’ve spent around 10k, most of it one one guy. I take the money I would have spent on cigarettes and those extra Starbucks’s lattes and save it up for those times.

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish the other members of this forum a very Happy Holiday and New Year. And I wish to extend my thanks and gratitude to those members who have been so kind in helping me navigate this complex maze of hiring from the very beginning. I’ve been a bit of a rube with this whole hiring thing, and I’m sorry.
 
I think that I’m taking a break from this for a while. Because of my location, work and home life, and in some ways my finances, the planning I need to go through to hire puts the Normandy invasion plans to shame. And while I understand the theory and basis behind hiring, I find that I’m less of a “boy toy of the week” kind of guy and drawn more toward finding a regular. I thought that it might be easier than the panic and uncertainty of starting fresh each time I hire. And because of this I find myself with more questions than answers, and more doubt about who and what I am (yes, I’m well aware of the fact that I’m the personification of a 50 car pileup on the interstate - and I’m working on it).
 
Again, thanks to those forum members who have been there with answers, and thanks to those providers who have been there as caring human beings.
 
 
Much joy to you all! ❤️

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish the other members of this forum a very Happy Holiday and New Year. And I wish to extend my thanks and gratitude to those members who have been so kind in helping me navigate this complex maze of hiring from the very beginning. I’ve been a bit of a rube with this whole hiring thing, and I’m sorry.
 
I think that I’m taking a break from this for a while. Because of my location, work and home life, and in some ways my finances, the planning I need to go through to hire puts the Normandy invasion plans to shame. And while I understand the theory and basis behind hiring, I find that I’m less of a “boy toy of the week” kind of guy and drawn more toward finding a regular. I thought that it might be easier than the panic and uncertainty of starting fresh each time I hire. And because of this I find myself with more questions than answers, and more doubt about who and what I am (yes, I’m well aware of the fact that I’m the personification of a 50 car pileup on the interstate - and I’m working on it).
 
Again, thanks to those forum members who have been there with answers, and thanks to those providers who have been there as caring human beings.
 
 
Much joy to you all! ❤️

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish the other members of this forum a very Happy Holiday and New Year. And I wish to extend my thanks and gratitude to those members who have been so kind in helping me navigate this complex maze of hiring from the very beginning. I’ve been a bit of a rube with this whole hiring thing, and I’m sorry.
 
I think that I’m taking a break from this for a while. Because of my location, work and home life, and in some ways my finances, the planning I need to go through to hire puts the Normandy invasion plans to shame. And while I understand the theory and basis behind hiring, I find that I’m less of a “boy toy of the week” kind of guy and drawn more toward finding a regular. I thought that it might be easier than the panic and uncertainty of starting fresh each time I hire. And because of this I find myself with more questions than answers, and more doubt about who and what I am (yes, I’m well aware of the fact that I’m the personification of a 50 car pileup on the interstate - and I’m working on it).
 
Again, thanks to those forum members who have been there with answers, and thanks to those providers who have been there as caring human beings.
 
 
Much joy to you all! ❤️

The dinner wasn’t meant to show him off as a trophy, trinket, arm candy, or a “look what I got” prize. My friends happen to be within 2-5 years of his age, and I thought he might enjoy spending some time with them. I have younger friends that I go out with often. And they all know that I hang out with other younger guys for completely non-sexual reasons. I’m interested in the same music, movies and culture they’re interested in, and it’s an opportunity for me to enjoy that connection. Sadly, I’m a young soul trapped in a old man’s body. Peter Pan’s got some serious wrinkles.

If, by high maintenance, you mean that I expected a provider to deliver on the services agreed on and paid for, then yes, by all means consider me extremely high maintenance.
 

 
The only different situation from previous hires was that of the dinner with friends. Something that was discussed and agreed upon 3 weeks prior to the actual engagement. I ended up altering my plans with friends and did a fast breakfast with them alone instead.
 
Sorry, I’m not out to destroy this provider or his reputation. This was a series of events that unfolded for me with him during this particular engagement. It happened, for whatever reason. My original post was to set forth what happened, and to pose a question as to whether I should try to salvage this business relationship or to walk away and call it a lesson learned.
 
In my very short time of hiring, I’ve learned that being thorough and discussing expectations is certainly not a guarantee of delivery.

If, by high maintenance, you mean that I expected a provider to deliver on the services agreed on and paid for, then yes, by all means consider me extremely high maintenance.
 

 
The only different situation from previous hires was that of the dinner with friends. Something that was discussed and agreed upon 3 weeks prior to the actual engagement. I ended up altering my plans with friends and did a fast breakfast with them alone instead.
 
Sorry, I’m not out to destroy this provider or his reputation. This was a series of events that unfolded for me with him during this particular engagement. It happened, for whatever reason. My original post was to set forth what happened, and to pose a question as to whether I should try to salvage this business relationship or to walk away and call it a lesson learned.
 
In my very short time of hiring, I’ve learned that being thorough and discussing expectations is certainly not a guarantee of delivery.

I believe that he may have seen this post, and has been discussing it with others. If that is correct, he hasn’t reached out to me to discuss it and probably not be interested in continuing the hiring arrangement. And if that is the case, it’s time to close this chapter in my life. If he reads this last post from me on this, I want him to know that I had a lot of fun and happy times with him, I have no ill feeling toward him, and that I wish him well. His presence in my life will be sadly missed
 
I had fun kid. Thanks

Part of it is a paid fantasy, but not at all like the theater. At the end of a play, I don’t sit down over a meal with the cast members and trade stories about our lives. I don’t curl up with them on the couch and watch a bad scary movie and laugh over it. Beyond that pretend part of him being into me, there’s a certain amount of bonding that happens. It’s human nature to try to connect on a certain level.
 
I’ve never liked the term BFE, and see my hiring more as a FB relationship. I never once believed that he was the BF I’d never have. I don’t care for PDA’s, and there’s no illusion that he’s ever going to fall for me. I’m twice his age, not a looker, and not rich enough to be a catch.
 
The soul crushing, humbling part for me is the realization that he apparently sees me less as a person and more of an ATM that sucks dick. And that stings just a little.

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old oil company road maps......
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Piqued my interest. Do you ship?

I’m a mature gay male, who was not HWP, a face only a mother could love, and most certainly not gifted in the penis department. Two years ago I made the leap and hired an escort. He was much younger than me, and incredibly beautiful (yes, I know, WTF was I thinking?). He was also incredibly kind, sweet and understanding. And while I felt like the most disgusting thing on earth, he made me feel otherwise when I was with him. You’re not being stupid at all. Look for someone who seems genuine, has multiple positive reviews both on Rentmen and Daddy’s, and take the plunge.

I’m a mature gay male, who was not HWP, a face only a mother could love, and most certainly not gifted in the penis department. Two years ago I made the leap and hired an escort. He was much younger than me, and incredibly beautiful (yes, I know, WTF was I thinking?). He was also incredibly kind, sweet and understanding. And while I felt like the most disgusting thing on earth, he made me feel otherwise when I was with him. You’re not being stupid at all. Look for someone who seems genuine, has multiple positive reviews both on Rentmen and Daddy’s, and take the plunge.

I’m a mature gay male, who was not HWP, a face only a mother could love, and most certainly not gifted in the penis department. Two years ago I made the leap and hired an escort. He was much younger than me, and incredibly beautiful (yes, I know, WTF was I thinking?). He was also incredibly kind, sweet and understanding. And while I felt like the most disgusting thing on earth, he made me feel otherwise when I was with him. You’re not being stupid at all. Look for someone who seems genuine, has multiple positive reviews both on Rentmen and Daddy’s, and take the plunge.

I’m a bit limited in choices since I’m only looking locally for an arrangement. Of the few replies I received from locals, his seemed to be the most promising. My big concern is how he buckled so easily in the services he was willing to provide. When I proposed deep kissing, I received a “I’m not into kissing guys” response. A week later I got an “I thought it over, and kissing is cool” response. The rationale behind the sudden reverse was that he tried it and really liked it. Most definitely a meet and greet over coffee before any arrangement is agreed on. Maybe it will work, maybe not.

I generally go for much younger guys (20's). When I contact an escort, I generally ask if they have any age or body restrictions. I have body image problems and would rather an email or text rejection than a soul crushing face to face rejection.

Love.
 
Far too many people use it without the heart behind it. Yeah, I'm jaded.

Why did my eyes go the bowl of spaghetti first?

Basically in truce mode and holding. No further discussion of the events or what may happen in the future. I'm going counseling alone and it's pretty difficult and painful. At this point my counselor thinks that we both have far too much invested in our time together to call it quits over this. She also thinks mentioning the fact that I'm hiring would further complicate matters. And to my surprise, she completely supports my hiring. She thinks I'm getting both the physical and emotional support missing from my marriage and thinks that it's important to continue that. The trick is to discreetly balance the two and to not become too dependent on an escort for those things.
 
At this point I'm not sure what I'm going to do, and will retreat to my burrow with my bottle of gin to think it out.

First, I would like to say that I am extremely grateful for all of the advice, guidance and support I've received from many of you in this forum. It has been helpful, and appreciated more than I can express. I now find myself in a very distressing situation and really need some thoughts on what to do and where to go from here. I truly agonized over posting this for fear of being eaten alive in a public forum, but I have absolutely no other outlet to discuss this particular problem. My posts are now under a new screen name since I discovered Google links back to posts on this forum
 
I've been in a relationship with a man for the past 36 years, married for the past 6. There was a very healthy and active sex life until 7 years ago. It stopped dead, with all discussions ending with, "we're too old..." and the tongue in cheek suggestion of "go find a boy to play with." For 6 of those years, I resisted the hookup sites and apps. It didn't feel right getting into a relationship of any sort with someone I might find on them. I have used them to chat with people about movies, music and photography, but drew the line at that. Last year I discovered hiring. In my mind hiring didn't present a problem or, at least to me, constitute cheating - there are ground rules and the relationship doesn't progress beyond them when hiring.
 
Last month I took the plunge and booked a weekend with someone. Two weeks prior, I went through STI testing and received the results (negative) through my online patient portal. Little did I know that the HMO would also mail the results to my home. As bad luck would have it, they were intercepted. Based on that there was an inspection of my "weekend away" suitcase, where several well hidden items (condoms, douche, etc.) were discovered. Nothing was mentioned until a few nights ago when it all came to a boil. He believes I spent the weekend with someone I met on Grindr. He would be absolutely livid if he knew the truth about my companion.
 
I've been asked to leave, relinquish ownership of my dogs, and there's a promise of a very acrimonious divorce which will leave me with very little at the end. The thought of having to start a brand new life at my age is absolutely terrifying.
 
I believe I have 2 to 3 choices. One is to try to make amends and live a life devoid of sex. One is to make amends and continue to hire on the extreme down low. The last is to walk away and try my best to make a new life - under this choice, my ability to hire, among other things, would most likely be negatively impacted. There is another choice, but it involves a bridge and the icy Hudson - I haven't quite hit that point yet.
 
I'd appreciate any thoughts, advice, words of wisdom, anything really. Please spare me any negative comments or public flaying. It's embarrassing enough for me to post this, and it wouldn't be helpful and would only make me feel worse than I already do.
 
Thanks, and Happy Holidays

This is spot on. I started hiring because of those fears and insecurities. I wasn't certain how it would go, but the guys I hired didn't see me the way I see myself. There weren't any issues at all. I can't even begin to explain the feeling of being held, touched and tenderly kissed by someone who didn't treat me as old and out of shape.

I have a problem because I'm not sure where that pic may end up or how it may be used. I don't need the hassle and embarrassment of appearing on someone's tumblr blog or twitter feed as the sad old man trying to hire a 19 year old. I'm upfront when I contact an escort - my age, the fact that I'm not in shape, and that I'm not an attractive man. I think that should give them enough to help them with their decision.