smara

@azdr0710 you might try Science Care:
 
http://www.sciencecare.com
 
it takes what parts of your body are usable for medical research and then cremates the remainder; it delivers your ashes as requested; there is no cost.
 
I've had very positive experiences with the firm; compassionate, dignified and did what was promised when promised.

So. I haven't had much to report on this front, but I've been getting out, playing ball and hanging out afterwards with the group, volunteering, etc. I was talking to one of the basketball guys after playing today and we were discussing Agents of Shield, which we both like. I mentioned I hadn't seen Black Panther yet, and he said, "Let's go tonight."I said sure and asked him if he wanted to grab dinner first. He said sure. A nice guy, a little older than me, with a deep voice.
 
I think I'm going on a date tonight.

Peter Hung has been my favorite. Looking at the number of times he is suggested as a goto guy in Vegas, I think he remains a favorite of many I am sure

Peter Hung has been my favorite. Looking at the number of times he is suggested as a goto guy in Vegas, I think he remains a favorite of many I am sure

My happiest moments during the boys' holiday break were every morning, waking up, and hearing the shower running. As I posted before, the quiet house in the morning is hard, but I would get up to the sound of running water and murmuring voices and know that we were together. Some snapshots--
 
Getting ready to go to my folks' for Christmas dinner, Plebe twin comes downstairs in civilian clothes. Older brother tells him to wear his uniform, everyone will really like that. PT replies, "I have to wear it at school, I don't want to war it at home!" Heated argument ensues, which I stayed out of. Finally DePaul twin, who's been playing a video game, quietly interjects, "You should wear it." At which point PT heads upstairs to change. Everyone loved seeing him in his Service Dress Blues.
 
A funny discussion about roommates one evening. DT's Irish roommate and he get along great, but the guy is apparently quite the ladies' man, and twin spends a lot of time in the dorm lounge while the room is occupied-- "sexiled," he says. PT's two roommates have never shared a room with anyone before, and are having to get used to it. One of them changes clothes in the shower (each room at the Naval Academy has a shower stall and sink), and they are amused at how comfortable twin is about dressing etc in front of them. He shared a room and a bathroom with his brothers all his life, and there were times that end of the hall was pretty uncivilized, so that's no surprise. "He's naked again" has been proposed as the room's motto. Older brother has a great roommate and they've joined others in a four-man suite, so they have their own bathroom and a little living room. I believe it's his roommate getting sexiled more often.
 
Plebe Twin is honest about how hard it is, and had the most anecdotes. Of course, I've been able to see him a good deal, but he regaled the other two with the rigors of Academy life. He got very quiet, maybe wistful even, listening to his twin talk about how unstructured and free his life is, with parties and exploring Chicago. I don't think there are second thoughts, but the depth of his decision is sinking in.
 
Each separately asked me about being alone, and I told them some of what I told you-- that it's a learning curve but I'm doing okay. That eating alone and waking up to a silent house are no fun, but there are trade-offs. No coming out talks yet, although I told them I've been playing basketball, and that I went out a couple of times to play darts or shoot pool. Just not where.
 
Both twins spent a lot of time with the girlfriends, and they all seem to be handling the long distance thing fine. Older brother missed his girlfriend a lot and there was much skyping-- I think they're really serious. He's about the age I was when we got engaged, and not much younger than I was when he was conceived. Oy.
 
Everyone's been back for a while now, and the goodbyes were not too bad. DePaul Twin was the first to leave and he and his twin had another long hug at the airport, that separation will always be hard. One day I came into the den where they were watching football on the couch with their arms around each others' shoulders. I almost envy having that kind of bond with someone.
 
I am on a trip for work right now, which is why I sadly missed the DC gathering. I'll have a quick stop in Chicago so I'll check in on DT and his roomie, take them to dnner maybe. And perhaps I'll hire while I'm there-- recommendation of Chicago tops, anyone?

It is a fine line to walk. I had an escort I fell in love with once because the interactions seemed so genuine. He was just really good at his job. I stay grounded in reality now.

I agree with your thinking Brad, and with Jack G.'s summation too. Still, when I (personally) have a true BFE, it always seems to me that the escort is so invested and interactive that I actually fall in love for the time we spend together. Don't get me wrong, I don't carry the love past the end of our time together, but during our time together I feel a meshing of ourselves physically and mentally. Good acting? Maybe but so good I don't feel the line between authenticity and artifice, during our time together! Yes, it absolutely is a truly special escort skill but I do think all the greats I've connected with on the BFE level have that skill, some stronger than others!
 
JMHO
 
TruHart1

Everyone has their own ideas and perceptions about what a BFE is and what it involves. For many people the experiences of past relationships are what we use to define the interactions that we seek out in such an encounter.
 
How do you as a companion prepare for this type of request? Do you specifically ask? Do you instinctively know? Are they more difficult for you? More enjoyable? More taxing?
 
Clients: What defines this type of experience for you?

I bet that someone like Peter can get any LE (or anyone) whether straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual ,,,,,whatever they think they are, into doing all kinds of things with him anyway !!!

I have no idea how to label myself, and am not too worried about that right now. Certainly I'm not straight, but I remember being genuinely attracted to women, fantasizing about them when I jerked off, having sexual dreams about them. A girl I was attracted to would turn my dick hard with a look. My sex life during my marriage was active and satisfying, so that while I started acknowledging other interests I never considered acting on them, I thought of myself as "bi-curious" and that was all. In the end stages of my wife's illness, and after her death, I had no strong sexual urges at all, and when I masturbated after her death, I was thinking about her. When I began to watch porn, at first it was straight porn, but I began to pay more attention to the guys. Then bi porn, then gay porn, and that got me curious enough to finally try the real thing, to "get it out of my system." That didn't work.
 
So here I am, bisexual or gay? If I go by the numbers, I've had sex with more women than men. But I can't remember the last time I fantasized about a woman, or got hard at the sight of one, whereas a hot guy with his shirt off can make my dick spring to attention. (I do think about my wife and can remember the passion we had for each other, and that will give me a hard-on.) My brother-in-law's point, that I may be avoiding women in misguided grief that I haven't dealt with, is possible, but it doesn't really change anything.

I still don't know how anyone can tell about someone else! I certainly haven't got a clue what his preferred activities are.
 
And I don't know that I did justice to his reaction above. Yes, he was surprised, even flabbergasted. But the long talk after the revelation he was very sympathetic and helpful. He was very curious about how long I took to even acknowledge it to myself, he said he'd never not known about himself, even if he kept it hidden for a while.
 
And he told me that when we first started dating, my wife confided in him her concern about my past promiscuity. I knew she was hesitant to go out with me but never knew she had talked to anyone else about it. When I told him that I think I slept around so much to prove to myself I was straight but it was different with his sister, that was for real, he just nodded.

Sorry again about the lag time. Partly a result of craziness at work, but partly wanting to process some before I could verbalize. And warning to those who object to "novels"-- this post (well, this thread) isn't for you.
 
My late wife's older brother came to town for a meeting last week. He arrived Thursday, intending to stay until Sunday so we could visit Plebe twin at the Academy and see DePaul twin who came home over the weekend. Friday morning he offered to get us Wizards tickets for that evening, which normally I'd have jumped at, but I suggested watching on TV and getting pizza, and even told him I wanted to talk some. He nodded and said okay, ands went off to his meeting. I was nervous all day, playing and replaying what I wanted to tell him.
 
So, evening came. Pizza, basketball, and good wine. I wondered if he'd ask what I wanted to talk about, but we watched the game, chatted about the boys and our jobs. Then the game ended, and I turned the TV off. He looked curious but waited for me to start, which I couldn't, at first. I just didn't know what to say.
 
Finally I said that being alone this fall had been hard, and I missed his sister so much. He is a big guy (I guess I'd call him bear-ish) but he does have facial expressions that are just like hers. I said I know I have focused on the boys, maybe too much, and I can't do that any more, they don't need it for one thing.
 
I paused, unsure where to go, and he said that I didn't need to say anything, he and his parents have wanted me to do what I felt was best, and that his sister wouldn't have wanted me to be alone all this time. He clearly thought that my "talk" was going to be about moving on and starting to see women, maybe marrying again. So I smiled and sighed and said thanks but it's more complicated. My heart was pounding, and I'm sure he sensed I was nervous.
 
I said, as many of you have suggested, that I truly, dearly loved his sister and our marriage was great. But that I have had to acknowledge what I denied for a long time, and that's the fact that I have been physically attracted to men, and that at least for now, I'm more interested in men than in women.
 
Well. If he'd been drinking his wine at that point I think he'd have done a spit take, and as it was, his jaw literally dropped open. He sputtered a bit and finally said "What?" I repeated myself, I think in the same words. "Wait, wait. You... ?" he said, and I nodded. He shook his head and didn't say anything for a while. So I said, with my voice shaking, things I've posted here but never said to anyone. That I'd denied this to myself more than to anyone else, that I'd been a player with women to prove I was straight, that I'd married his sister and had kids and that it was much later that I began to acknowledge this, but never cheated on her with anyone, man or woman. And it was some time after her death that I let myself even consider it as a possible part of my life.
 
Finally he said, we all thought you weren't through grieving and that's why you never dated. And I said that was partly true. And he asked if I was sure this wasn't just a way of keeping my wife as the only woman I'd ever love, and I had to say no, I'm not sure about that, it's occurred to me. But that in any case, I know I am attracted to men, maybe I'm bisexual but at the moment the attraction for women that I remember is dormant.
 
He asked if the boys know, and I said no, he's the first person I've talked to (you guys are in a different category). He paused a long time, and asked if I knew to be careful, and that made me laugh, which broke any tension. He laughed too and said sorry, I had to ask. He asked if I had actually been with a man, and without getting too detailed, I told him I had had some online hookups and had hired escorts. Once again, the jaw dropped. I did not go into preferred sexual practices, I don't know what he'd have said if I'd told him I'm pretty much a total bottom.
 
Well, we finished the wine and talked late into the night. I asked him about his coming out experience, which was before I met him. I asked him to let me tell the family when the time was right, but he can tell his partner if he shares what the reaction is.
 
And, inspired by your speculation, I asked if he'd ever suspected. He shook his head and said, "I did not see this coming at all." He said he and his partner had discussed my not socializing with some concern, and one would sometimes say, "Of course, he might be gay," but never seriously.
 
So, we visited the Naval Academy on Saturday, on Sunday DePaul twin came in, that evening B-I-L left, having not given any sign that he knows something the boys don't. But he did get me alone to say I could talk to him any time, about anything. I won't say this was easy, but he made it as easy as it was ever going to be. Tonight all the boys will be home. I'm not sure when the next step happens, but I know it will.

I just spent the afternoon with Malecai and.... wow. He really should have some professional photos made because he is freaking gorgeous-definitely BelAmi material.
A review is in progress but he is a great kisser, wonderful cuddler and a really sweet guy.
 
Thank You @liubit !

Thank you for asking! I can't believe it's been so long since I posted, but I've been purposely keeping very busy, and trying to get into a routine without the boys.
 
Let's see. My oldest is turning out to be the social coordinator of the family, keeping us in touch and setting up group skype sessions now and then. And he very plainly checks in on me regularly far more than in the past. Despite his having been away at school for the past two years, I think he's aware of how different home life might be from now on. I think he and his girlfriend are getting very serious.
 
Plebe twin I see at home football games, and on Columbus Day I brought Chinese food to him and his roommates. It's hard, and he doesn't like one of his teachers at all, but he's doing fine. His homesick roommate is also doing well. He, interestingly, asked how I'm doing on my own, since part of his problem has been worrying about his parents, who are a good deal older than me. Plebe twin is playing intramural basketball, which is played on company teams. The upperclass in a company are usually hard on all the Plebes, but he's played well enough that the upperclass on his team have gotten friendly, easing up on him a little.
 
Once Plebe summer is over they can grow their hair out a bit, but he decided to go back to a close-cropped buzzcut. The next day he skyped with his twin, only to discover he had virtually the same haircut. Spooky. He can only skype on Saturday afternoons this semester.
 
DePaul twin seems to be loving everything. He and his roommate have become fast friends, likes his classes, likes Chicago. Although he and his gf were less sure about trying a long-distance thing, they are still taking on the phone a lot, so we'll see.
 
And me. Well, doing okay but still adjusting. I found myself staying late at work for no reason, basically just to avoid going home, and as I mentioned, I spend a lot of time at the gym or pool. But it gets easier all the time, with one exception-- I hate waking up to an empty, quiet house. I've gotten so I eat breakfast near my office to get out of the house faster.
 
And I'll share that I had a very bad day about a month into the solitude, although I can't say why. I was missing them and went into the twins' room, where most of Plebe's stuff still is, since he can't have civilian clothes or many possessions. I opened the closet and, looked at his clothes, and the fewer pieces of DePaul twins gear, and I could smell them-- I don't mean in a bad way, a clean smell I associate with them. And I lost it, I sat on one of the beds and had a good long ugly cry, about them ,about my wife, you name it. Probably a little bit about my sexual confusion, too. And after I pulled myself together, I felt much better, and have since.
 
Speaking of sexual confusion, I have dipped my toes in the water of the LGBT social scene with some ups and a couple of minor downs. That story to come...

If there’s anything about yourself that would cause you emotional harm if another person
rejected you in person because if it, then you should disclose it ahead of time.
 
I am painfully honest in my self description when hiring (and in non-paid encounters
as well). Like most, I’d rather they were pleasantly surprised instead of horrified when
they open the door.
 
Yes, they are professionals. Some more than others. But they are still humans with
all the accompanying baggage and hang ups. Again, some more than others.
 
Personally, it just makes me cherish the men with whom I have chemistry all the more!

I have tried this type of 2 escorts together only once in Vegas upon the recommendation of one of them and I felt exactly the same way as you. The most depressing feeling was that I had several very good individual meetings with both of them earlier.
I think each of us have our own individual experiences and it is very hard to generalize and so if any one wants to try he has to be prepared for a potential disappointment and count them as "lessons learnt" in this expensive hobby.

I have tried this type of 2 escorts together only once in Vegas upon the recommendation of one of them and I felt exactly the same way as you. The most depressing feeling was that I had several very good individual meetings with both of them earlier.
I think each of us have our own individual experiences and it is very hard to generalize and so if any one wants to try he has to be prepared for a potential disappointment and count them as "lessons learnt" in this expensive hobby.

I have tried this type of 2 escorts together only once in Vegas upon the recommendation of one of them and I felt exactly the same way as you. The most depressing feeling was that I had several very good individual meetings with both of them earlier.
I think each of us have our own individual experiences and it is very hard to generalize and so if any one wants to try he has to be prepared for a potential disappointment and count them as "lessons learnt" in this expensive hobby.

I'm sure some escorts have been asked this. There are occasionally 'escorts' who only offer this. There have even been bisexual escorts who have offered to have sex with a woman in front of clients.
 
It's interesting how we are all different in our likes. I know I'm not that great at sex. But watching two guys in front of me who are really good at sex (in the past I had two or three times hired two guys and had some but not a lot of interaction with the two of them) just depressed me more than any self-consciousness I felt about what my body looked like.
 
Gman

Just looked at his ad now and note that he has added some nice photos. I think I need to refresh my memories of him in person when I get a chance. He has always provided some of my best times in Las Vegas.

A Report on Week One of Home Alone--
 
I'm doing fine, adjusting, making discoveries of aspects of this I hadn't expected, to wit--
 
Plus- My grocery bill has plummeted.
Minus- It takes longer to shop since I keep having to go back to shelves and replacing packages that are too large for one person. (I did not intend the double entendre of "packages too large for one person," but I'll let it stand.) I can't believe how little milk has been used in a week!
 
Plus- There is less cooking to do, less laundry, less ironing.
Minus-- We used to take turns, so while there's less, I have to do it ALL!
 
Plus- I find everything where I left it.
Minus- That's fine when it's a book, not so much when it's dishes in the sink.
 
Plus- I can have whatever I want at meals, taking only my preferences in mind.
Minus- I eat it alone.
 
Plus- There is plenty of hot water, I can take a shower as long as I want.
Minus- I never realized it before, but the sound of the shower running was a constant in the morning. That's a time when the place has become too quiet.
 
Plus- I can stay out as long as I want, no one will worry or need me to be someplace at a certain time.
Minus- I'm sometimes at loose ends, with nothing much to do.
 
Plus- I get calls and texts at odd times from the boys, and skyped on the weekend with two (Plebe twin can't skype yet).
Minus- There's no minus in that.
 
Plus- I am working out a lot, alternating between gym and pool, to occupy my time. At this rate I'll be in great shape soon.
Minus- No real minus, except the boys often came to gym and pool with me, so it isn't really a distraction from the changes.
 
Plus- My elderly neighbors, who adore the boys, invited me to dinner and let me gas on about them.
Minus- I really should control the impulse to tell everyone what they're doing. But these two sweethearts, and their son who's moved in to care for them, didn't mind.
 
Plus- I'm exploring gay/bi friendly social and sport groups and am resolved to try them out.
Minus- No minus but I confess to being nervous. It feels the way I felt before I went to my high school freshman mixer-- will I dress right? Will I make a friend? Will it be obvious I am not used to this? Will any of the girls dance with me? (Okay, that was only at the freshman mixer, but you get the idea.)
 
So, all in all, I'm surviving and even finding the humor in my inexperience at being on my own. Onward.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart-warming experiences here. Wish you and family & especially the Plebe great success and best wishes.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart-warming experiences here. Wish you and family & especially the Plebe great success and best wishes.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart-warming experiences here. Wish you and family & especially the Plebe great success and best wishes.

I'm in my early 60's. For a variety of reasons I've never had the courage to come out of the closet. I've been seeing escorts one or two times a year, since I discovered them in the mid 1990's, and to tell you the truth I've never been interested in developing a relationship with a guy, partly because there are no guys I'm attracted to in my area, and because of the issues involved in having a relationship as a closeted gay man.
 
I'm only attracted to well built, younger men with the boy next door look, and so I don't sound completely shallow he needs to have a friendly, engaging personality. That's the type of escort I look for. I keep thinking that if I were ever to decide to try to find someone to be in a relationship with I'd be out of luck, because there's probably a very little chance that an older gentleman like me could come across the type of guy I'm attracted to, and even if I would find such a man the chances that he'd like an older guy like me are pretty slim. Seems like I should be attracted to men closer to my age, but I'm not. I like the muscular, younger men, so I stick with escorts. This may be a stupid question, but at my age can the type of person you're sexually attracted to change? All of this really isn't much of a problem for me. I deal with it okay. I was just wondering if anyone else can relate to my sexual preference issues?