Escorts: How is your "Boyfriend Experience" different from your Non-BFE?

[ZhenXBear]

Everyone has their own ideas and perceptions about what a BFE is and what it involves. For many people the experiences of past relationships are what we use to define the interactions that we seek out in such an encounter.

 

How do you as a companion prepare for this type of request? Do you specifically ask? Do you instinctively know? Are they more difficult for you? More enjoyable? More taxing?

 

Clients: What defines this type of experience for you?

[Brad]

Authenticity, opposed to putting on a show and being manipulative so that when your hand reaches out at the end of an appointment it's back-uped by how many hoops you jumped through. I don't believe it's something any escort can do, because that is the actual skill, being yourself, and when we know we're giving that… so will the client. It's not just an escort thing though… being yourself isn't for everyone. Humans are truly sophisticated, though we often deny that mechanism; but when we feel something real, opposed to the alternative, it's undeniable. It's the difference between sky diving from a plane and going on a roller coaster; your body knows the difference. So in that… there is no preparation aside from what you'd normally do. That's the BFE… real opposed to going to Disneyland. And how does it differ… from the Non-BFE? Same person… less exposed.

Edited May 17, 2015 by Brad

[curiousnomore]

I totally agree, Brad. I prefer a BFE type of experience. Most of the time, sessions feel like affectionate hookups. But, when there's a real connection and we both relax and just enjoy the moment, it's magical.

[Brad]

I totally agree, Brad. I prefer a BFE type of experience. Most of the time, sessions feel like affectionate hookups. But, when there's a real connection and we both relax and just enjoy the moment, it's magical.

Totally magical- real stuff… Why not? It can transcend.

[curiousnomore]

On his website, Jack Gunther referred to it as "The Authenticity of Fantasy." Sounds about right to me.

[Brad]

On his website, Jack Gunther referred to it as "The Authenticity of Fantasy." Sounds about right to me.

Or like Joan Rivers said "It's all like a movie…" I like what Jack says too…

[TruHart1]

Totally magical- real stuff… Why not? It can transcend.

On his website, Jack Gunther referred to it as "The Authenticity of Fantasy." Sounds about right to me.

 

I agree with your thinking Brad, and with Jack G.'s summation too. Still, when I (personally) have a true BFE, it always seems to me that the escort is so invested and interactive that I actually fall in love for the time we spend together. Don't get me wrong, I don't carry the love past the end of our time together, but during our time together I feel a meshing of ourselves physically and mentally. Good acting? Maybe but so good I don't feel the line between authenticity and artifice, during our time together! Yes, it absolutely is a truly special escort skill but I do think all the greats I've connected with on the BFE level have that skill, some stronger than others!

 

JMHO

 

TruHart1

[corndog]

I actually fall in love for the time we spend together.

 

I've experienced and totally believe in this short-term, closed-ended kind of love. It's rare and magical, but in the right situation, I've totally lost myself in the moment and felt an overwhelmingly strong connection to the person I'm with. When you know that it will be all over in 60 minutes, sometimes it's easier to feel love because you don't have to consider whether it could work in the long term.

 

I've had this experience during one night stands with a guy or two from a far away place. Knowing that there was no possibility of anything long lasting, we were able to live in the moment for our short time together, without any need for judgement or consideration of the future.

[Brad]

I agree with your thinking Brad, and with Jack G.'s summation too. Still, when I (personally) have a true BFE, it always seems to me that the escort is so invested and interactive that I actually fall in love for the time we spend together. Don't get me wrong, I don't carry the love past the end of our time together, but during our time together I feel a meshing of ourselves physically and mentally. Good acting? Maybe but so good I don't feel the line between authenticity and artifice, during our time together! Yes, it absolutely is a truly special escort skill but I do think all the greats I've connected with on the BFE level have that skill, some stronger than others!

 

JMHO

 

TruHart1

What would be so wrong with carrying the love past the appointment? Does that say something bad about you? No… it doesn't. The mature part about it is that there is an understanding. I have love for clients… but I am an adult and I know they're married or I'm fully aware of the parameters of how we know each other… I live my life…I'm a grown up; but it doesn't mean the love isn't real.

[corndog]

What would be so wrong with carrying the love past the appointment?

Carrying the love past the appointment is called "heartache."

[Guest Starbuck]

... When I have a true BFE, it always seems to me that the escort is so invested and interactive that I actually fall in love for the time we spend together. Don't get me wrong, I don't carry the love past the end of our time together, but during our time together I feel a meshing of ourselves physically and mentally.

 

TruHart, thank you for a thoughtful post. Some of us are better than others at keeping our emotions out of this. Those of us who like to "feel a connection" or will risk "falling in love a little" may occasionally need a reminder that there's a difference between a "boyfriend experience" and a "boyfriend."

 

... Good acting? Maybe, but so good I don't feel the line between authenticity and artifice...

 

We may be "escort" and "client," but we're also just two guys -- two human beings -- and aside from the advice we always read about "thinking with our big head, not our little head," sometimes it's not about thinking at all, but about feeling. Not with either head, but from the heart.

 

I've experienced and totally believe in this short-term, closed-ended kind of love. It's rare and magical, but in the right situation, I've totally lost myself in the moment and felt an overwhelmingly strong connection to the person I'm with.

 

Rare and magical indeed! I've liked some of the guys I've met through this "hobby" very much, but there's only one who really got to me -- on a completely different, deeper emotional level. There was no decision about it; it's just what I felt. For those of you shaking your heads at the foolishness of this -- hey, I won't even argue. I know perfectly well that we are not going to ride off into the sunset together, but I care about the guy, and I'd like to think that a friendly feeling -- if not a boyfriendly feeling -- is mutual.

 

I'd like to think it, but in addition to being one-third Romantic, I'm two-thirds Skeptic. (I don't even need another person for a tug-o-war.)

 

What would be so wrong with carrying the love past the appointment? Does that say something bad about you? No… it doesn't. The mature part about it is that there is an understanding. I have love for clients … but I am an adult and I know they're married or I'm fully aware of the parameters of how we know each other...

 

Sounds appealing, Brad ... unless the feelings aren't mutual and until the parameters are not respected ... and if only the relationship wasn't clouded by commerce. Which leaves me feeling that TruHart and corndog probably have the right idea -- practical, head-over-heart -- about "falling in love a little" only for the appointed hour or two and then getting back to reality.

 

[score one for the Skeptic, but I can feel the Romantic yanking my chain right now.]

[Brad]

Carrying the love past the appointment is called "heartache."

Heartache only means you're not living reality… falling in love doesn't have to entail being insane.

[Brad]

TruHart, thank you for a thoughtful post. Some of us are better than others at keeping our emotions out of this. Those of us who like to "feel a connection" or will risk "falling in love a little" may occasionally need a reminder that there's a difference between a "boyfriend experience" and a "boyfriend."

 

 

 

We may be "escort" and "client," but we're also just two guys -- two human beings -- and aside from the advice we always read about "thinking with our big head, not our little head," sometimes it's not about thinking at all, but about feeling. Not with either head, but from the heart.

 

 

 

Rare and magical indeed! I've liked some of the guys I've met through this "hobby" very much, but there's only one who really got to me -- on a completely different, deeper emotional level. There was no decision about it; it's just what I felt. For those of you shaking your heads at the foolishness of this -- hey, I won't even argue. I know perfectly well that we are not going to ride off into the sunset together, but I care about the guy, and I'd like to think that a friendly feeling -- if not a boyfriendly feeling -- is mutual.

 

I'd like to think it, but in addition to being one-third Romantic, I'm two-thirds Skeptic. (I don't even need another person for a tug-o-war.)

 

 

 

Sounds appealing, Brad ... unless the feelings aren't mutual and until the parameters are not respected ... and if only the relationship wasn't clouded by commerce. Which leaves me feeling that TruHart and corndog probably have the right idea -- practical, head-over-heart -- about "falling in love a little" only for the appointed hour or two and then getting back to reality.

 

[score one for the Skeptic, but I can feel the Romantic yanking my chain right now.]

Loving someone comes with accountability regardless if it's mutual… especially when you are an adult and have lived some. To expect reciprocation is the ego… Loving and true love is growth. It should always be the head over heart, especially when it's under the agreement of an escort client situation and when there is a wife and kids involved… but it doesn't mean you can't learn how to feel and allow it fully. Allowing it fully doesn't mean love letters and pining.

[TruHart1]

I am really impressed by all the positive comments on this thread and maybe a little surprised that so many of you do seem to understand the concept of falling in short-term love for the moment but being able to realize that after the session concludes, you can move on and get back to your own lives without being hung up on someone. An interactive mutually beneficial relationship with no strings.

 

Personally, I have found there are also a handful of escorts out there I've hired who continue our friendships off the clock, where they and I keep in touch but neither expects anything other than being good friends, with whatever that might entail for each individual!

 

TruHart1

[+ poolboy48220]

To quote Sara Jane Smith - "There are some things that are worth having your heart broken for".

[Brad]

To quote Sara Jane Smith - "There are some things that are worth having your heart broken for".

Love that quote… Life is worth it…

[Strafe13]

I've never had that "falling in love in that moment" experience with any random hookups, but have had it several times with garotos in Brazil when on vacation, and a few times with American pros like Andrew Justice and Jason Markus. I even had it with a gay4pay stripper here in NYC, which was weird and unexpected, but still quite nice.

 

I almost had such an experience with Ryan Thick in Los Angeles earlier this year, but I had a mental block that prevented me from completely falling into the experience. I hope to see him again, and go over that cliff next time! That's probably my favorite part about this wonderful hobby of ours.

 

Strangely, I had one intense connection with an escort here in the NYC area. It wasn't the "falling in love in that moment" experience, and we didn't even do everything I'd hoped to do. But it was so intense that I actually never hired him again, although I've cordially greeted him when running into him at other events. I really felt like I could actually fall for him, as in he's my kind of man personality-wise. It kind of scared me that I would not be able to handle my potential feelings, and that's why I never hired him again, and I got the sense in our subsequent encounters that he was wondering why we never hooked up again. Has anyone else ever had such an experience, and has it affected your hiring like that?

Edited May 20, 2015 by Strafe13

[curiousnomore]

:)Damn I'm glad it's not just me. I've been married almost half my life, so a relaxed, close feel is natural for me. Finding a companion that prefers a "Date Night With My Guy" vibe, without mentioning it, was beyond my wildest expectations.

[mike carey]

Off topic, when looking for a collective noun for a group of escorts, 'an anthology of pros' was the winning suggestion.

Edited May 20, 2015 by mike carey

[+ Robster]

Off topic, when looking for a collective noun for a group of escorts was, 'an anthology of pros' was the winning suggestion.

I love that!! So clever.

 

Rob

[+ quoththeraven]

There is such a thing as platonic love. That's how I'd describe the kind of love between client and escort (or escort and client, or both) that is healthy and okay to have beyond the session. I can't turn my emotions on and off the way some of you have described. I can either like the escort and love the experience, or I can love both, but for me, the love for both can't be confined to a session.

 

It's when the client wants a romantic relationship or sex off the clock or becomes obsessed that trouble begins.

[Guest Starbuck]

There is such a thing as platonic love. That's how I'd describe the kind of love between client and escort (or escort and client, or both) that is healthy and okay to have beyond the session.

 

I guess this is what Brad was getting at in his posts yesterday. And if a smitten client (or escort) can manage his/her feelings this way, great.

 

... I can't turn my emotions on and off the way some of you have described. I can either like the escort and love the experience, or I can love both, but for me, the love for both can't be confined to a session.

 

Yep. That's where it can get ... complicated.

 

And if the emotional tug is too great, if it feels risky or impractical, then perhaps Strafe's experience and how he handled it stands as good advice ...

 

... I had one intense connection with an escort here in the NYC area. It wasn't the "falling in love in that moment" experience, and we didn't even do everything I'd hoped to do. But it was so intense that I actually never hired him again... I felt like I could actually fall for him, as in he's my kind of man personality-wise. It kind of scared me that I would not be able to handle my potential feelings, and that's why I never hired him again...

 

A lot depends on the personalities involved ... and on the depth of feeling, the level of attachment ... but it's helpful to share perspectives and to admit out loud that we don't all go into these encounters with our emotional armor on (and wouldn't enjoy them as much if we did).

[+ DickyF]

I'm not a scientist but isn't a core difference between men and women in general is men can have and walk away from sex much more easily than women. One key indicator is men hire escorts much more than women.

Regardless I do tend to get attached more than most guys so I just have to deal. One way is to hire different pros

[Amoco]

Everybody needs to read a bit about "romantic love". Though not my overall favorite Scott Peck, MD in his book "The Road Less Travelled" does a great job describing and defining it. And unfortunately, regarding the kind of responses that clients and escorts may have to each other, (rather than the long term type of experience) , it is a form of temporary psychosis - or insanity, as Brad refers to it- when reality testing is abandoned and projective densification a are rampant. I suspect most escorts are more familiar with this process than clients, and might be better able to manage it. It's very tricky, potentially dangerous and can breed hostility for all the wrong reasons. It can also be costly. To simply suggest that "were all adults here" is naive and self serving. But hey, if you can handle it, know yourself and have confidence in your escort's ability to attend to what's going on, by all means, give it a shot.

[Guest Starbuck]

Everybody needs to read a bit about "romantic love". Though not my overall favorite Scott Peck, MD in his book "The Road Less Travelled" does a great job describing and defining it.

 

So many reading assignments today, Amoco. Are you suggesting that We Of The Forum are not (collectively) an incomparable brain trust? That there is more -- MORE! -- to learn outside these cyber walls? A radical notion.