Lance_Navarro

From my perspective, what usually causes sex problems in relationships isn't that people grow apart, but that they become emotionally fused. They depend too heavily on one another's validation, which becomes tiring and old and causes each to have less respect and therefore interest in the other. It's essential a struggle between being connected to another and having autonomy.

This is a natural occurrence in relationships, but in order to get the relationship and sex back to a healthy place, each person has to become more "differentiated", in other words learning to stand on their own two feet, be able to self-validate and have a stronger sense of self, rather than just being 1/2 of a relationship.

Kind of like what @Rudynate said, his partner opened up, express his interest in getting fisted (differentiation) and that sparked a positive shift.

Most people avoid saying or sharing things with their partner that are uncomfortable, but conflict is natural and when handled respectfully, is the key to growth and increased intimacy.

Clearly that is not what I wrote and y'all need to stop reading more into what I wrote than what is actually written there. If you're still reading it that way, then I'll reword it so its easier to understand but don't even try twisting my statement into something that it is not.

 

I will also repeat that the shower shows done on Friday evening WERE NOT SEX SHOWS. AGAIN WERE NOT. NOT. NOT. NOT. Thus, that would make Lance's statement null & void since his statement relates only to SEX SHOWS.

 

I seriously can't believe we're having a discussion about proper etiquette in a gay bar when it comes to dancers and there doesn't seem to be a full consensus that what happened on Friday night was not acceptable behavior.

I will acknowledge that I was under the perception that this took place at the actually Hustleball event, so knowing that it wasn't a sex show does change my perspective a bit, in terms of the fact that both you and the bar could have gotten trouble for your dick being exposed. I still, however have a hard to equating the incident on stage to an assault.

I believe the situation you described back-stage, in which the guy tried the penetrate you, not once, but twice, is certainly closer to sexual assault. Again though, these are just my feelings.

I've been dancing on a box and had my dick grabbed and even pulled out multiple times, it cause for someone being reprimanded, and if repeated, thrown out of a club, but I wouldn't push it further.

Can I come in the spring time? Sorry, that totally got me thinking of Dave Loggins.

Are you fucking kidding me?!? This is what happens when you're up on stage, doing a sex show and you're close enough to the audience. Some drunk, horny homo is gonna touch, grab or even try and suck your dick. I've been there, seen it and had it happen to me. It's not assault, and it just seems like someone wants to play the victim card. You didn't get Weinsteine'd or Cosby'd so stop equating it to assault and deligitimizing actual assault.

Viabestbuy.com

I've order from them a few times and always been happy. When you order in bulk, they are less than $1/pill. Sometimes there are issues processing card payments since it's overseas. I think I used bitcoin for it last time and got an extra 30% off.

I'll be in LA Friday-Monday, should you decide to travel to So Cal.

Over the course of a weekend with a client he purchased me Oliver People sunglasses, Giorgio Armani sneakers, a couple hundred dollars of stuff from Armani Exchange and a Louis Vuitton duffle to carry it all. Of course in the end I discovered he was a con-artist who had just recently been released from prison and had already pulled a new con and was blowing the money with me. I ceased communication immediately when I found out, and 3 months later he was back in prison.

I confess, I love the song Sissy that Walk, and this is my favorite lyric. Appropriate I think.

Although @Lance_Navarro posted that quote with a mirror photo, I dont interpret the quote as being only about looks.

 

I know several people whose sense of self seems to be increasingly external-driven. I dont know what the answer is.. but they are troubling examples of behavioral shift I attribute to social media and the device and information industries.

 

We live in an information age, and entire new categories of approved behavior have formed. Reality TV. People can earn a living being influencers on social media. Facebook & Instagram users whither if others aren't approving of their clothes/hair/baked goods/location/witticism/political commentaries.

 

People make a very common mistake; they interpret that attention as demand. They equate "likes" with wants. And so they continue with behaviors in pursuit of external approval, missing the point that attention is not the same as desire. We all slow down to watch a wreck on the highway. That doesn't mean we wanted to see a wreck.

And, so, if you remove the external approval, people feel bad about themselves. For those addicted to attention, it would make them feel bad to cease the behaviors that generate attention. They may also feel stifled if they can't disseminate the sights, experiences, or information they need to impart. Young people feel passive shame based on number of followers and online approval.

 

I don't know how to address the concern. While the methods and platforms are recent, self awareness and internally-sourced happiness are not new issues. Therapy for everyone seems ridiculous. And there's very little upside to telling others about perceived flaws.

 

I'm also aware that I'm middle-aged.... I've reached that age which, throughout human history, older people always express concern about new societal norms.

 

Except, I will note that Ive decreased my own dependence on external validation. I spent 2016 losing my mind on Facebook about the election. I blogged about the healthcare debate. And I occassionally checked in at restaurants and events, shared photos, etc. Early 2017, I stopped. In my case, it was a combination of factors that caused me to stop. Self-approval was, admittedly, not the primary reason I stopped. But I know I feel better for having stopped. Genuinely happier. With evidence I'm healthier.

 

....Now, if I could only refrain from lengthy explanations here on the Forum....

Thanks for the wonderful reply, and yes, I definetely was referring to more than just validation of our outward appearance.

I recently read this and it stuck with me. So, I figured I'd ask, how do we, especially in this age of social media, where outside validation becomes so appealing and motivating, maintain a positive sense of self? Are you able to look in the mirror and like what you see or do you tend to focus on the "flaws"? Is self-validation becoming more and more difficult and are the standards for beauty, which we idealize, fair and healthy?

I'd much rather have a client over 50 than under 30. My partner is 56, so needless to say, I prefer the company of older men.

I have quite a few clients with whom we say "I love you". Our work should be drawing from the energy of love, compassion and acceptance, so making someone feel loved, for me, is the hope. Therefore it's only natural that one would want to reciprocate and acknowledge that love. I understand the desire to maintain an emotional distance and to keep the relationship of client/provider defined, but we need to be less afraid of love. Its unfortunate that we can be so quick to anger and rage toward someone we barely know, or really don't know at all, yet so cautious at expressing love for someone we do.

Two years later I still feel exactly the same way. Incredibly blessed to hear the "L" word so much

Or if it's just someone random. I've used this a number of times on Grindr & Scruff

The clients whom I don’t look forward to seeing are in the small minority. I am genuinely excited to see the majority of my clients, it’s neither a marketing strategy or an “act”. Perhaps I’m blessed to attract good energy, which is far more important than a great body.

In sharing Adam's experience it was not my intent to make anyone afraid. We can't allow fear to keep us from the things we enjoy and from doing what we are passionate about. All we can do is be smart, trust our intuition and hope for the best. Does this mean that nothing bad will ever happen? Of course not, but on our death bed it's more likely the things we didn't do that we'll regret, not the things we did.

Working out of my home has certainly turned me into a much cleaner and tidier person. The ambiance of my space is very important to me. If there is any clutter, it's behind closed doors. I have invested in high quality linens (sheets & bath towels) and they are always clean and fresh. I always have play towels stocked and ready. I like a little music, something mellow, but uplifting usually. I am always looking for little ways to add to the visual or overall sensory experience of my space.

I can't imagine inviting a client into my space and having a mattress on the floor and dirty sheets, smells, garbage strewn about. Of course though there are varying levels of maturity and financial stability in the working guys out there.

How did I miss this???????

I'd be happy to recreate the look for ya!

I just wanted to share this post by SimplyAdam. I don't think he's active on the forum anymore, and he shared this with me a few months back, but wasn't quite ready to share it with the public. He shared it yesterday on FB though, so I figure it's safe now to share here. He was living in a luxury high rise in NYC, where he was arrested last year. Here's what he shared on FB.

"Because this latest (not the last!) patriarchal gasp is (truth be boldly, wholly told!) a one-sided heterosexual grasp:

At this very time on May 23rd I welcomed an undercover cop into Apartment 39G - then was unlawfully arrested.

And today, exactly half a year from my final court date (fittingly on the anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising), that open case gets closed. (I feel... freer?)

My "client" - my age - said he was going through a divorce, and wanted to explore the other side of his bisexuality. He was unsure which direction he wanted to pursue going forward. It felt disembodied, but my lease was up in six weeks, so I cast fears aside and rather freely ran my fingers through his hair as we sat side-by-side on my loveseat. He tensed up. I'd since deafened to the whispers of intuition.

Officer: "Now I guess we have to talk about the dirty part."

Me: "What is that?"

Officer: "Money."

Me: "I don't think of it as dirty at all. You're coming here to experience something you don't feel safe getting - or able to get - somewhere else. The hope is that what we do together translates into your day-to-day life... expands your overall possibilities."

Officer: "Oh, I guess so. So, how much for you to go down on me, and me down on you, and for me to put it in you?"

I stated my rates ("time and companionship," as a matter of course). He went to the restroom.

About a minute later, the doorbell rang. I turned around and the locked door opened on its own (unconstitutional entry), followed by seven NYPD officers barging in, and closing in on - encircling - me.

I'm in shock. It's surreal.

Them: "What a fucking nice place you've got here!" "Where'd you get this fucking massage table? I love getting massage!" "Fuck... Fuck... Fucking... Fuck... Fuck..."

Me: "I'm so sorry, but I'm very confused. Do you have a warrant?"

Lieutenant: "There was a complaint made. Do you know why we're here?"

Me: "No."

Lieutenant: "Prostitution."

Me: "I'm sincerely sorry, but I'm confused and would like to know if you have a warrant for my arrest."

Detective: "You've been watching too many fucking movies!"

I didn't #resist. They cuffed me. Escorted me down the elevator. Through the lobby, and past the drop-jawed doormen. I spent a night in an obscenely unclean cell block ("93G" scrawled across the wall above the bench). Had a court date in the morning. They kept my phone for two weeks. And, foremost, traumatized me - in a profoundly recognizable way.

Those old glasses got knocked off yet again.

We're living in tenuous times. Yes, it really does feel painfully familiar. I remember this sensation of danger - coming from anywhere. And while, truly, we were born and bred for the moment we're in - where to head from here (the answer assuredly lies within)?

What I know - know in my hollow bones - is that those unconscious assholes desecrated my space, and that this hoary #GayRage is sacred fuel for transformation.

#RottenApples #ThePastIsEntrapped #ThePresentIsIntensified #TheUnfoldingIsKnowing #UpsetTheAppleCart"

I'm just imagining walking up that stairway, 'Oh, I'm so sorry sir, I seem to be interrupting something!'

Hehe, love it!

Did a little photoshoot in the back stairwell of my building.

Grrrrr. Bitcoin cash trading on Coinbase halted an hour after it launched. Up 80% today... insider trading !!! :mad:

Yeah, I just saw yesterday that they added bitcoin cash to my coinbase account, but had no idea it would soar like it did. What Litecoin has done in the last 2 months is pretty impressive too.

Damn, way to make me regret not meeting you for a coffee @Lance_Navarro when I was in SF this year. Not that a coffee would, perhaps, have been the end of it.

Yeah, you need to get back out here again and make sure to save some time for us.

Thanks everyone that checked it out and for the compliments and reviews.

Nice video! You are a true sex-pert.

Ahhhhh, thanks for that hun. Love that term!