ApexNomad

Cover letters.

My retainer’s looking like a steal right now.

I think that oversimplifies a complex situation.

No two providers are the same.

I bet he’d also be amused there’s a duck on the loose.

You’re asking why it should change. The reality is, it always does. Your relationship was built on a clear foundation: client → provider. The moment you open that up to the provider paying the client for whatever service, the dynamic shifts. And in your case, it already has. You feel slighted (rightfully so) because he’s negotiating the rate you quoted for your services. He’s put his own value judgment on what your time is worth. Now you’re not being respected for your work, and you no longer wish to do business. That’s exactly why it changes. You’ve lost a regular provider you’ve seen for years. You’re right, it would be no different with a dog walker, house cleaner, or anyone else you hire. And if they responded the way he did, by asking why not do it for free or negotiating your price down, you’d probably think twice about hiring them again. Another key difference here is that a provider offers a very different kind of service than a dog walker, and part of that is a certain fantasy. Once that’s tainted for whatever reason, it’s hard for some to go back, and it looks like you won’t.

It’s not disagreement that’s the issue, it’s the refusal to engage in good faith, the deflection, and the labeling of anyone who challenges exclusion as oversensitive or superior. That’s not discussion. That’s a tactic. It’s exactly why so many people stop engaging altogether.

Stop excluding people under the pretense that you have nothing in common with them, and there won’t be a fight to begin with.

Your story keeps shifting. First “Trans people aren’t always part of the community.” Then “I don’t have anything in common with trans people.” Now they’re not part of the LGB because some are straight. One is your personal bias; the other is erasing people from a coalition they helped build. The “T” has always been there in practice because solidarity is what’s kept all of us from being picked off one group at a time. The rights you enjoy as a bi man didn’t arrive by accident, they came from that coalition. That’s the risk with carving people out—sooner or later, the knife turns back on you.

Just so I understand, are you saying that because you don’t have anything in common with trans people, they aren’t part of the same community as LGB people?

What exactly are you saying?

Truly, that’s a compliment to you. And to anyone else whose provider is staying well past the agreed upon time (and not charging you for it).

For me personally, when this happens the whole dynamic shifts. You have to be clear about how you came into that relationship and where it’s now headed. Once you start negotiating rates, especially if the other person counters, which he did, you’ve changed the nature and future dynamic of the relationship. The same way I wouldn’t counter their price, I wouldn’t expect them to counter mine. It’s happened to me a few times where a provider learns what I do and asks for help. I have helped a few, but once that happens, our provider/client relationship is over. We’re now friends, real friends, but not people I hire for services anymore. For me, it’s just too personal once we get into quid-pro-quo territory, comparing whose work is “worth more” or whose time is “more valuable.” That’s a layer I don’t want in the mix, so once that line is crossed, that professional relationship ends and it becomes something else entirely.

Respectfully, If I had a billion dollars, I wouldn’t be here… I’d be out testing my stadium rental theory. But give me a few years.

I saw your original post as an invitation to talk Madonna and Like a Virgin, a huge song of 1985. But somehow, we ended up in an AIDS symposium instead.

Not harder? We don’t need to compare who brings what to the table or confuse prep with performance, but as a total bottom, I can assure you my prep before the deed is far more rigorous than whatever a top does on his way to meet me. And that’s just the prep. I haven’t even performed yet. One could argue, flippantly, that a top only needs to show up and… make a contribution. But I won’t.

I understand what you mean, but my comment was purely tongue-in-cheek. I read the OP’s question as a playful “money no object” fantasy, not a literal accounting spreadsheet for escorts or a deep dive into ’80s realities. I was picturing an over-the-top, absurd, movie-montage scenario. Yet somehow, we’ve gone from that to discussing the AIDS epidemic with our hot tub time machine.

There are some guys I wouldn’t mind following me after and threatening me with a relationship. 😂

It really started with Professor Plum, in the bathroom, with the toothbrush…

According to his ad, he’s vers/top and has a weakness for older bottoms. Did you see him as a top or bottom? He also has experience in findom… at 23 years of age.

He’s a famous actor. Did he really pose for this? Or was his face photoshopped.

If I was under him and read that on his chest, I’d be like, “yep, turns out they do.”

Let me be the first to say that I take the AIDS epidemic very seriously. I lived through it. I lived through it in a time when we didn’t yet have the language, the resources, or the treatments, just fear, resilience, and each other. I lived through it when funerals outnumbered birthdays, and every new headline felt like another punch to the gut. Many of us here have. I lost many of my brothers. To this day, I still insist on condoms with providers, despite our wonderful and ground breaking advancements. So I understand and respect the meaning behind your post completely. That said, this whole scenario is so surreal it almost feels like a fever dream. A billion dollars, a time machine, and an all-access pass to meet the men of our choosing? This isn’t a post that’s begging for heaviness, at least not in my interpretation. I read it as pure fantasy, part absurdist wish-fulfillment, part “what if” daydream, and I played along with my fellow men. Sometimes it’s fun to just let the imagination go completely off the rails.

I wouldn’t say “dirty.” I’d say, “It looks like the crime scene from a Law & Order episode they never aired because it was too upsetting.”

@56harrisond do you happen to know the top performer here? I’ve seen him in porn but don’t know his name. Thank you.