ApexNomad

You say your sex life lacks intimacy, but intimacy isn’t something that magically appears—it’s something you build. If every hookup feels transactional, maybe it’s because you’re treating it that way too. If you’re bored even when you’re getting what you want, maybe the problem isn’t just the other person. You keep looking for a “solution” outside yourself—a new app, a new approach, an escort—but none of that will change anything unless you do. So what exactly are you bringing to the table beyond frustration and expectations?

You’re putting a lot of words around the same point: I’ve tried everything, nothing works, so it must be external factors. But if you’re the common denominator in every scenario, the answer is you. You say you don’t expect friendships to turn romantic, but you also don’t think meeting people through passions works. You reject dating apps, but also claim they’re your best shot. You dismiss “Disney concepts” but want something deeper than sex. You’re contradicting yourself left and right. It sounds to me like you’re more committed to proving you’re doomed than actually finding a solution and doing the real work — examine yourself.

Never heard of this kid. I could be his grandfather. These prices aren’t unheard of—I’ve been quoted similar rates for a few tops in NYC, many of whom have been spoken of favorably here. I was once quoted $4,000 for an overnight, though he dropped it to $3,500. A few porn stars in the business have quoted me $1,000 per/hour. Some NYC tops charge $500 per hour but require a two-hour minimum, which comes to $1,000. A few either insist on outcalls for the first appointment or only do outcalls, meaning you’re either hosting or covering the expense of a hotel… plus his Uber. Ultimately, it’s your move.

So now you’re pivoting to “tell me what to do,” which keeps the cycle going. You’re not actually engaging with the point—I already laid out that you’ve tried everything except genuine self-reflection. The issue isn’t what you’re doing; it’s how you’re approaching it. You’re treating dating like a checklist instead of an organic human experience. You don’t need another strategy—you need to actually sit with why you’re so resistant to looking inward. As for escorts, see what you wrote 22 hours ago (above). Whether you’re just asking or have been with one or not, escorts aren’t working for you either.

I had the laborious pleasure of reading what you wrote back in 2023–“Escort Suggestion for Hot Guy”—and here we are—same frustrations, same explanations, same lack of progress. You say you want to rethink your approach, but all you’re doing is rehashing the same complaints and dismissing every possible solution. If therapy, dating apps, social events, and now even escorts aren’t working, the issue isn’t the world—it’s you. So the real question is, are you actually willing to change something, or are you just looking for someone to validate your excuses?

That song is almost 40 years old - of course her voice is going to sound different. She has other great songs in her catalog.

I almost clutched my pearls. For shame on you.

You barely saw his front - it was mostly covered. He has a nice ass though. This season is going to be a slow burn.

What privileges are you talking about? You literally said you’re “hot,”—by gay dating standards, that already puts you ahead of a lot of people who are somehow managing to find connection. So what exactly is holding you back? Because it sounds less like external factors and more like something in your approach or mindset that’s keeping you stuck.

What do you do? You make friends. No one’s foolish enough to turn away from a genuine friendship for a fleeting fix.

^ here’s what you said. Now you’re saying you know escorts can’t be a BF or FWB. If you already know that, why are you even asking? You’re relying on a transactional encounter to fill a void, even though you know it won’t evolve into anything more substantial. It’s exactly what you’re trying to escape, and it just confirms the cycle you’re fed up with.

What’s “skinny fat?”

You are so funny about your quibbles, especially your number 2. I thought the same thing. In fact, the longer the scene went on, the more it took me out of it because I thought it was not plausible. Especially with Daphne not jumping in.

Meeting men as escorts is a transactional setup, where the power dynamic is entirely different. Expecting something more like a FWB or a boyfriend is not realistic. If you’re looking for that center-of-attention feeling—great—but remember, you’re paying for that service. Don’t leave the encounter thinking you’ve just made a new best friend or that something more permanent is on the horizon. Please manage your expectations accordingly.

If pleasure is what you want in the moment, I’m not here to stop you. Please enjoy yourself responsibly and respectfully with others. But if what you really want is to break free from this cycle you describe, it might take a little more than just finding the next thing to throw cash at. You deserve something that feels real, and that’s worth holding out for.

You say you want an FWB or a boyfriend, but it seems like you don’t actually believe that’s possible. You’ve decided the dating pool is trash, apps, clubs, and social circles don’t work, and cities are too flaky. So, how are you supposed to find what you want when you’ve ruled out every path to it? You also say you’re not concerned, but earlier you mentioned you’re afraid it won’t work out. So which is it? If you’ve tried everything and nothing worked, maybe the problem isn’t just external. Blaming cities, apps, and poor quality men keeps you stuck in a cycle where nothing will ever feel good enough. If you approach all of this with frustration and resentment, even the best opportunities will feel like disappointments. The escort path might offer a temporary escape, but it won’t give you what you’re really looking for. Intimacy—whether real or transactional—depends on what you bring to it. So, what do you actually want—a real connection, or just a way to break the monotony?

First of all, mid-30s is not old. Second, it sounds like you’re looking for something real but trying to find it in places that aren’t giving you what you need. Maybe it’s time to rethink where and how you’re looking instead of doubling down on what’s not working. Intimacy from an escort is a transaction, not a relationship. If you want something deeper, this route will only frustrate you more.

Whenever I have a shit day… I am watching this. Too cute for words.

I hope you continue to enjoy. Let me know what you think of the finale. (A season 2 is on its way.)

Bonds are only created between equals? Power dynamics exist in all kinds of relationships—mentorships, marriages, friendships, even parent-child relationships—and yet meaningful bonds still form. Financial disparity doesn’t automatically negate emotional connection. If that were the case, then friendships and marriages with economic imbalances wouldn’t exist. I appreciate your perspective. I think we have a difference of experience and philosophy. I will say if someone’s been having sex with me for eight years straight, there’s a bond forming, whether we acknowledge it or not. My barber isn’t in my bed. There’s a difference between being familiar with someone who provides a service and having an ongoing intimate connection, even if money is involved. You may not define that as a bond, but I’d argue that kind of consistency means something.

Guess I can always make it up to you another way. 😘

So you’re saying I shouldn’t expect a card from you?

Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically prevent someone from developing a bond or feelings with someone else. Connections can form in all kinds of situations. Just because there’s a financial exchange doesn’t mean a bond can’t develop. Maybe not for you it seems, but if I were seeing a man for 8 consecutive years—partnered or single—I’m almost certainly forming some kind of bond. To me, that’s natural—it means I like this person and care about them on some basic level to want to see them for 8 consecutive years. Doesn’t mean I love them. Some of the most genuine connections can form outside of traditional relationship structures, where both parties are clear on boundaries but still manage to bond in meaningful ways. Maybe the better question I should be asking—what do you mean by bond? Never forming a bond during a session? Maybe I’m not understanding.

In my bed, we say “makeroom.”