Mocha

I like that. So true. I've had enough of the drama and shit does happen, but I'll move on and get over it pretty quickly! Feeling better today already. In grateful that today while everyone else is going back to work, I atleast got to catch up on some sleep and feeling revived and ready for the next challenge.

I can't explain all my security measures ;-)

And since we're on this happy train: I might as well point out how I'm staying so delightful based on all the shit I've gone thru during this joyous holiday season: 1. My ad/client android phone had a sudden unrepairable malfunction. Almost paid it off. It won't stay on when it's removed from the charger. Fortunately I have my texts forwarded to my personal iPhone. 2. Someone decided to be an opportunist and steal some things from my car while it was (unknowingly) unlocked at a hotel. Fortunently it was a "nice" crook who only took stuff that's inexpensive to replace. But still had to place a fraud alert on my credit after they tried to ring up $900 in merchandise and have other documents (along with a book I was reading to get me thru all this bull) 3. That was the same night, where client who only wanted to pay me $140. I was beating myself up because had I took the appointment, I'd of noticed my door was unlocked sooner. 4. Regular client in the area has stopped communicating with me for no reason 5. Got stood up by a guy on a Sunday which is supposed to be Funday. 6. Got stood up by another guy on Sunday Funday. Just like some appointments, he claims he never stood me up, despite our conversation Saturday night where he cancelled and then said lets meet tomorrow. 7. I have been staying in hotels just about every night since November 29th. The area I'm in, I have no reliable friends with a place to stay as they're either in relationships or staying with roommates. Handling non-escort business in another state so I'm forced to stay in the area until it's finished...hopefully by end of this week. 8. Have lost a few friends this year. 9. Going thru a lot of nonsense trying to find new friends 10. People contacting my ads getting on my nerves. 11. Family back home driving me crazy 12. Had to threaten 2 different people just to get my cancellation fee 13. I'm feeling my throat is getting scratchy from the quick change of weather 14. I'm feeling discouraged due to all the shit I'm going thru So yeah..I'm just bursting with joy. But sarcasm aside, I'm not going to let those things steal my joy. At the same time, I'm not going to boast about being so happy as to pretend things don't need to be better than this. I'm just over it. And some of these people are fucking with me, not realizing what I'm going thru and I'm not being lenient to the bullshit and crap.

I see your point, but it's easier said than done. You're saying choose to be happy, but you're not seeing and dealing with the things I've dealt with. I am happy. It's not about not being happy. What is happiness anyway? Define it. I defined hate. You define happiness. You can't just tell someone to feel a certain way, without necessarily getting their definition of it. For example, I'm happy bitching about difficult clients once in awhile. That makes me happy. That may not make YOU happy, but it suits me just fine. Don't define my happiness by your measure of happiness. And until someone knows what someone else has been thru, is going thru, and is about to go thru...saying to just be happy is like telling a person who's not in shape to go lift 300 lbs and run 10 miles and get in shape. Also, I don't know your coworker. I don't know your job. Her bitching about everything under the sun is irrelevant to what I'm discussing. I'm discussing one particular matter, that is certainly not everything under the sun. A client interaction may only last 1 to 2 hours. There's 22 hours that I'm doing other things that make me happy.

I know, hate is a strong word. But when I say hate, I don't mean the exact definition of hate. I mean the overall vibe. The definition I'm using for hate is: Intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury. -Merriam Webster So based on some of the above referenced texts, there's hostility in some of these interactions...which may be based on fear, anger or I'd say...a sense of INSECURITY. Fear that I may not live up to their expectations, anger at previous experiences, or an insecurity about the overall encounter. So what do they do? Get hostile. Haggle the rate. Flake. Send nasty texts. And basically...HATE Everything you're suggesting, I'm doing it. I'm screening. I'm keeping it to a Minimum, I'm getting all the imperative information upfront. The reason why I'm able to collect when they flake, is because I've screened them to the point where they know, I'm to be taken seriously. This has been working great for the past couple months. It's just so happens, the season changes, people want to show their ass and act out. It's like school children, the closer to the holidays and summer break, the more they act out. 40, 50 and 60 year old men are still doing the same elementary school bullshit. My first reply is to have them introduce themselves along with when and where the session takes place. Even though it seems like I'm making rookie mistakes, I don't really know until that agreed time comes. Sometimes I can't help it. People act how they want to act. It's up to me to make sure I speak up when they do. And it's not just clients. I'm dealing with it across the entire gay life. I just feel the whole gay life has become one big lie. Too many people flake, too many lies, few are reliable. Unless you're providing drugs or have something someone can use you for long term, have a big apartment/house and throw parties year around, these gay guys want for nothing. And forget @Bearofdistinction and all that jive he talking. I will add that I feel race plays a part. I feel in addition to the hate towards escorts, there's definitely a hate towards the gay black male in many areas. And guess what? It's coming from both sides. From both Black and White men. The disrespect is appalling. The gay black dudes come off disrespectful as fuck toward myself as a black gay men and they train these white guys to disrespect us as well. And the white guys are training Black guys that we aren't shit either. Until they meet ME.

You've got that right!

It's hard. What's stopping me from burnout is that I still like the profession. If it wasn't for that, I'd of been long gone. I treat clients like (good) family and I expect the same. Meaning if we make plans, there's a responsibility to be had if a person stands someone up. And best believe, it's going to get around that Uncle so and so is a big flake. Like I mentioned, the good thing is 3 people this week have made good on their word. Even though I got reimbursed, I don't like to take money if I didn't do a session. At the same time...When I get fucked over, that causes me to have issues meeting my demands. And believe me, when you're 2,000 miles from home, those demands put you under immense pressure. But even when I'm at home it doesn't make a difference. Reminds me back in 2015, client started doing the same thing as another client I mentioned in this thread. He'd seen me 3 times, then came Christmas/December time he cancelled on 3 times each time he scheduled me. That's why I'm so over this devil worshipping holidays. Just brings out the worse in people, and for some reason, "some" (not tarring everyone with the same brush here) clients seem to use us as punching bags.

I know, you're of the rare breed...how they used to be back in the mid and early 2000s. That I imagine. I see how people treat employees, and I imagine them being one of the above listed dicks above. Especially the ones who cancel a big order if it doesn't go exactly as programmed. I do take deposits for travel at times. But, some of these are just passing same day or next day clients. I can only take deposits from so many people. Though, if you're referring to the deposit being the gateway to even speak to me, I have definitely been considering that. But that would be hard to enforce. I find cancellation fees a bit easier to understand, when combined with some leverage. Yes. It is good for business. I mean, as far as I know I've been compensated when I call them out. It creates respect. Maybe other escorts flake and/or allow flaky behavior. I'm not one of em. There needs to be a system. In order to make a difference in the business, someone needs to stand up and speak up. Just letting clients cancel and flake and do whatever they want just reinforces inappropriate behavior and disrespect for the profession. At the same time, not everyone can command such respect without it looking like extortion. It's not simply, "oh you cancelled, pay up". It's actually taking screenshots of our conversation, confirming and actually incurring expenses/loss. It's texting it back to them and reminding them: hey, you scheduled a session, you made these demands, and now you're trying to play Phantom of the Opera. You owe me.

Is that factual or experience based? I do believe the chicken and the egg theory with the relationships between escorts and clients. I honestly believe some clients start out "good", but then maybe having bad experiences causes the flakiness to rub off on them. That's why some cities are such a pain. Then again, even the small town Johns who've never encountered an escort before can be condescending upon initial setup. We've got to break this mythical cycle of escort=willing to put up with whatever because money is involved.

This is why there needs to be more escorts responding to these threads. It's really a tragedy to only hear the side of the hiring perspective in this section. I had started asking for client's name/age/stats/website seen on/host or travel about two years ago. We've talked about this before. First off, it has NOTHING to do with someone trying to figure out if they can't get it on with someone. Put the insecurities aside. Think business. Common sense. Safety. Liability. Think about how 90% of initial contact is being done by text, unlike the voice calls. I feel rentmen is the most popular gay escort site to ever come out. There's huge amounts of advertisers, and also huge amounts of people contacting. With text only, we don't know if it's a man or woman or transsexual. We don't know if it's a 15 year old or a 60 year old. We don't know if they are contacting from New York or from India. The only way to know is to Ask. I ask because I can't tell anything about someone from a text. I don't ask age/stats on a phone call because I can hear in the voice, what their age and even put a visual on them simply by a voice. Instead of me forcing people to call me. I decided is best to let them text, but to fill out a form describing themselves and their interests...and unless they offer it first, I ask on the VERY FIRST reply. I ALWAYS get a response back and no one has gotten offended. Every other business does it. When you call your billing company and get in touch with a rep, first thing they ask is verify your name, address, pin, last 4 social security, phone number, etc. that's what they need. So, don't be thinking just because you're hiring an escort, we want to just have random anonymous people come on over or trek to them without any information whatsoever. After awhile, one learns that not screening a client often ends up in unnecessary frustration and aggravation.

Unless the phone died and the iPhone is still charging up, in which case that can take a few minutes to power on. Otherwise...I've heard every excuse known to man https://m4m-forum.org/threads/why-do-clients-hate-us-why-why-why.131665/

Edit: the person who said was going to take me to court made amends and took care of half of the proposed rate in person last night. So he's been cleared. However, last night a different person thought it'd be cute to send me on an outcall out to a gated community....with no gate code, only to claim to have fell asleep upon arrival. I was just reimbursed for that this morning. I always tell myself every year, that I wish I could take off and not have to advertise or work from mid December until after the 1st week in January. And this year, it couldn't be more in hindsight. Just when I was on a money train the past few weeks, ended up hitting a predictable funk as Christmas nears. This whole week, it's been back to back dealing with unreliable, even abusive "clients". Some examples are: a twice met client of mine booked me this week. He even left me a review couple months ago. Well this time, he cancelled once and then finally left off with a no show. No responses to my texts, no offer of a cancellation fee...just completely MIA. Just completely blown off. Another client...booked me the night before for morning. He was asking me bunch of questions...but following thru for the most part. Then he cancels. I'm pissed because he caught me thru a different site and emailed instead of texted. When he texted me, it shows he had cancelled (in a rather condescending way) on 2 occasions. So when he cancelled again, I let it rip. Told him he would be reported on a warning board. He was already asking for a discount which I agreed to, moaning about my rate, then saying he doesn't know if it'll be as good as my full rate...just being a pest. I keep telling him stop making it harder than it needs to be. If I agree to something, I'm doing it out of good faith. But that if he can't get it together and show up, he's going to be blacklisted. He then says he's going to try and avoid me as much as possible. Well guess what...he ends up texting to come back and shows up after all. I was not wanting to see him but he came thru. I didn't feel like cumming after all of that, even though I wanted to. But it's not fair for others to pay the full fee, yet someone asks to pay less and gets the whole service. Another guy earlier this week, he gets mad and starts telling me there's cheaper guys out there way better than me, all because I didn't want to go to the Sheraton Grand downtown at 1 am for $140. Not just because the time, but because he hit me up earlier that day or even the day prior....only to wait until the last minute of the day to tell me he wanted me to do an outcall to him. I told him to Uber or Lyft to me because I'd already paid into my hotel and didn't want to be out all night when I have to wake up the next morning early for breakfast. Starts calling me names, putting me down, etc. Another guy says he arrived at my hotel...but never texted to say so. I wasn't at the hotel and had no idea when he was coming. Insults, called me a flake, etc. Another guy today...scheduled a session couple days ago. Supposed to been a long afternoon visit. Barrage of texts. Promises promises. Day comes, no show. Not responding to messages. I'm like you know what, you no show on me....I told him I will report you to nationalblacklist.com and my Twitter client warning list. He wants to come back saying someone died and hes going to sue me for libel and defamation and that he's going to "own my ass". I was like go ahead....I would LOVE to have my day in court with you. And show the judge every text and email he'd sent me. I can't make this stuff up. I'm coming to the conclusion many of these guys hate us. Some of em include those on the forum right now, which I expect to come out the woodwork. But, to me....that's just them hating themselves. They feel they have to punish an escort by depriving them of business or the money they had expected or ask for. It's like one minute they're complimenting and crazy over you, the next minute they're saying all sort of foul shit. And the reason why I tell clients I'm going to put them on such a list...is that's often the only way it seems it's going to get them to own up to their bullshit mindfuck games. They force my hand, push me to have to take drastic measures like this, in order for them to man up and just follow thru with their words. That's why, I will be creating a Twitter account soon...which will specifically be dedicated to reporting these type of people. It's not funny, it's not cute...these are people who are determined to take away and break our spirit. I am trying to find the slightest bit of Christmas joy in me right now, because dealing with these clients have affected me to the core. It's like dealing with a multitude of dishonest boyfriends on a daily basis.

When in Milwaukee...I have come down to the north of Chicago areas. Especially when the Cubs are in town and all hotels book up

My thing about tattoos: I don't care what tattoo someone has on their body. It's their body. Its not going to turn me off. It's not contagious or going to rub off on me (though hepatitis is...although seems the risk getting that from tattoo is questionable) Probably 90% of guys in my personal life and 60% in total between clients and personal life combined all have tattoos. Some more than others. Some guys have been "heavily inked". I think it's hot. BUT... I don't necessarily fault the OP for his concerns though. My only thing with tattoos nowadays is that it seems like a necessity, a status symbol, a social requirement, a sex symbol, a notch symbol, and a host of others. I get complimented on my body often, but I can almost read that gay guys don't know how to really do that in a social setting unless it involves a big tattoo stamp to reference to. Just spend some time around a group of 20s and 30s gays who don't know each other well. It ends up diverging into a conversation of shirt lifting and tattoo story telling. Then, once their story ends they turn and say, "so where's your tattoo?" So, tattooed guys usually end up having tattooed friends/boyfriends. I like tatted dudes too, but I've stop going after them as much as many seem overly into themselves and their body art, to a point where it becomes mostly all about them...all the time. Learned that....too many times. I find guys who aren't tatted up seem to be more consistent in their motives. This new age group of tatted guys, they can be flaky and 2 faced or just generally not reliable. Many have utilized tattoos to give them HUGE egos. That just creates all sorts of problems and I have been disrespected by more tattooed men than I can care to mention. But there's also some nice ones...but those are usually older guys. I'm not a bible thumper and I realize some things were said at a time when things were different. However, there is a scripture about the cutting of flesh for the dead that doesn't sit right with me, and some things just can't be ignored all together. So I'm in the: don't judge someone based on a tattoo...but at the same time, don't judge someone based on not having a tattoo either.

You are operating under the impression that everyone's reason here, is solely to market. Are you here to market yourself? Based on your anonymity, I doubt it. You're not here to market, so how can you question me? Same as with Biguy. Why are you here? Can an escort not be here for the same reason that you're here? To discuss topics, give their 2 cents, and just have something to shoot the shit and kill time over? But...based on what you're saying, you're not here to just have conversation, or enlighten or uplift, you're only here to pick at and put down someone who has a lifestyle different from yours. You are very clever. You twist the words I say, and use distort it against me. That's why its not efficient to argue with you and some of the others. I'm not here to be hired by MikeBiGuy. His existence and choice to hire or not hire me is not what I wake up to live and breathe for. So, it's not a matter of being entitled. It's a matter of, I don't CARE if HE alone chooses not to hire me. That goes for you, him, anybody else. His voicing that, is being used BY HIM to gain leverage over me, and to ineffectively, get me to do what he wants to do. And I'm saying...if he feels that's the only way he can reason with me, then that's something he needs to work out in counseling because it's not healthy. If he wants to withhold something (sex with someone) from HIMSELF, then that's HIS issue. Not mine. I can get sex anytime, paid or free. So it doesn't mean anything to me. Even writing this thread, I barely had time to do it because I've got several clients I'm scheduling this week. I don't know him, probably never met him unless he seen me at a forum function. And if he knows I was at a forum function and didn't address me personally in person, it proves he's a weak beta boy who is not worth me stressing over. Just like I told the OP, I'll listen to someone who addresses me politely (without the fake connotations).

I'm sorry you've allowed yourself to feel that way. But I have to tell you, you're operating in a way that an emotionally abusive person would, and need to work out those issues in counseling, not with me. That's a learned behavior. If you feel that withholding sex (e.g. Not hiring) from someone is your way of gaining power over that person, you are operating under an emotionally abusive personality. You just said, strictly based on my attitude here. Therefore, beyond anything else: it's a control factor on your end. You want me to act a certain way to appease you, but since I'm not doing that...you want to voice to me and the Internet, that you won't give me something that I never asked from you in the first place: your dick/ass/money. https://www.gentlepathmeadows.com/blog/item/68-withholding-sex-is-a-form-of-psychological-abuse

Well that sounds like a personal issue that doesn't concern me. If you have to make a claim to dislike someone you've never met and then announce it, ask yourself what you get from it. In addition. Just because you reach out to someone doesn't equate to an actual met. I've already had plenty others who've met me including but not limited to: @tanman4u @not2rowdy @dcguy20 @latbear4blk And none have said anything bad personally about having met. So you need to find it in yourself to let go of whatever animosity created, that has you wanting to actually feel good about thinking you can ostracize someone. http://massagebywil.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/pat-on-back.png

Grindr is a hobby. Escorting is not:

The fact that you needed to be "guided" to find an ignore button to begin with, proves my point that you don't have street smarts or the common sense you claim. Don't try to play the victim. We both know it was you whom initially bossed up and instigated on 2 occasions, a disagreement. The first time, I didn't even know you, and I still don't know you. You have this pompous attitude like you know it all, and then want to play cute and innocent like you're not a shit starter. Have a seat. If you really had heart, you'd of addressed me in a polite way and said: hey, I am a fellow escort, let's share those concerns. Instead, you come in guns blazing...and then want to play the ignore game when you get called out on your bullshit. And yet another error of judgement. You may get away with that once, but there's going to be times where just having a plane ticket alone is not going to be worth the circumstances. I know a friend who had a guy from Atlanta (who he never met) fly him into town from Denver. This was last year. My friend flew out, but then I couldn't reach him for 3 days. Phone off. I was getting worried. Turns out, the guy flew him into Atlanta....but then drove him 2 hours north to an unknown location in the mountains to some cabin with no reception, and basically kept him as his "boy". The scenario was complicated, and if my friend wasn't such a daft, any other person would have been terrified. I believe he said he left him there, and then drove back to Atlanta...and then came back a couple days later. Leaving my friend with no transportation to get back. Eventually; me, my friend and this stranger all met up. But the whole scenario was really odd and not being able to reach my friend those 3 days threw off our plans. Though it "worked out", the fact he was without phone signal shows the guy knew he had the "boy" by the balls and at his whim. Now, imagine if shit would have went left. There's probably some dead bodies out there. I don't play with that shit. Having someone I never met fly me out someplace and consider the plane ticket as a deposit is crazy. I would need plane ticket, rental car, $500 spending cash. Upfront. Rate not included. However, I don't travel in that fashion so it's generally not asked of. I also know an escort here who has an even more harrowing tale, but I won't name the name or the story. I also have some really good travel experiences, but non of them involved getting on a airplane at their expense and meeting the phantom client in a far away place.

Hmmm, I wonder who that references to? I like what you're saying, but what you're saying is more conditional than any kind of "karma". It doesn't really matter what your attitude is going into places, you're either going to come out well or you're not. From experience, you can have a smile on your face, but if you go someplace out of season or during a current event, you'll need more than a good attitude to pay for your way back home and eat the hotel costs. I gave up that principle long time ago. I've been traveling for the past 3 months straight, and know attitude has nothing to do with it. Sanity, safety and rest/excercise is what's going to determine a good outcome. And most importantly....reliable paying clients. For example, I went to Detroit for the first time last week. I already had a regular client there lined up for an overnight. He already sent me half, a week before I even got there. Then, the next day...I had another client...and he paid me $600 for just an hour. So best believe, I was flying high with a smile on my face wider than Peyton Manning, Tennessee and Jupiter combined. But, that didn't stop the fact that after that...I had other callers who were flaky and unreliable, claiming to have 'fell asleep' even despite having a smile and great attitude and working with them. Add the weather was shitty and dark and cold, even with fat pockets, my attitude went sour real quick. Other times, I've been in a depressing state of mind, and out of nowhere things significantly improve. It's all about just going with the flow. Thinking we can dictate how a trip will be based on our attitude is whimsical at best, disappointing at worst. I always try to just go with moderate expectations, no fake smiles or high hopes. If anything, a strong attitude and sense of security is what protects us from mischievous behavior like what @VictorPowers discusssed....because my experience would have NEVER allowed someone to know my hotel location or book an appointment by email or forum chat alone. The smiles can come later when I'm buying that $63,000 v8 Infinti Q80 with the 420 HP.

Or sucking/having someone suck the dick that just fucked someone else. ( the above requires high level of total clean of course). That said...since TarteGogo claims to have me ignored, he probably won't hear my suggestion that if he tongued unclean ass...FDA and CDC speaking, that's about as bad as eating raw pork and seafood and just straight up roadkill and should probably get checked for the parasite Giardia. In the rare cases someone is so sexy that I do lick it...I do the finger test first. Rub fingers about 1/2 inch in there and if it doesn't smell like mild man scent...definitely ain't going down. Only about half actually pass the screening.

Once again, you're making baseless ASSUMPTIONS. Plus, I never said anything relating to denial of HIV being a free pass to go bareback. Stop trying to connect one thing to another. That's like saying just because someone doesn't believe that airbags are safe, means they don't think seatbelts are useful. If I'm judging bareback, then by definition you're defending it. If you'd just understand where I'm coming from, you wouldn't be so quick to be so sassy and drop something so unrelated to negate what I'm talking about. And yes, consumers are pushing for such things...but what do we do to change that, without losing potential business?

To clarify, I'm not condemning or saying my safe sex practices as being superior. I've done all kinds of things...but I'm educated on all the risks involved, so ain't no shame in my (or anyone else's) game. The problem is, some people aren't. There's 40, 50 and 60 year old men out here who don't know you need to have your throat and ass tested for stds. Yet they're sucking off and giving their bare hole up to DOZENS of guys. I'm just questioning where the popularity and expectations of it is coming from. And I know where it's coming from, porn. I like what you're saying though. If this becomes too common an occurrence, it may be time to post up publicly that it's not something I wish to offer. However, it's just not as cut and dry as that. Black on white bareback porn has become such a big thing, that it seems that many guys either think all black guys fuck raw or that we're willing to do it. Even the videos on RM usually all show bare dicks in white ass. It's hot yeah but still...shouldn't be a widely expected thing. Keep it on the porn and just wear skyn or bareskin condoms. Also...I'm well aware that it doesn't take bareback to get something. However, it INCREASES the chances of passing stuff along. If Joe blow has the clap in his butt and bubba fucks him raw...John would be less likely to get gonorrhea in his throat had bubba not fucked Joe blow without a condom. The only reason John now has gonorrhea in his throat, is because he sucked the dick that went into Joe blow bareback. And now; Peter, Will, Tom and Harry are all infected because Joe Blow didn't get his ass and throat swabbed before giving blow jobs. Just Little scientific there.

https://www.menshealth.com/health/super-gonorrhea And because 90 percent of people who have gonorrhea in the throat are completely unaware that they are infected, they have no reason to seek treatment. I don't want to come off as judgmental, and maybe there's a topic already brewing on this subject so excuse if it is. But what's with the "whole" bareback thing now? People are just boldly texting out the blue for it, and tbh it's causing me concern about how safe the business is NOT becoming. I concern some activities and risks could lead to not only STDs, but to prostate or some other reproductive tract cancer later in life, and it's because this bareback thing is becoming all too common. No matter how much prep a person takes, Gonorreah and Chlamydia and Hep can still live in someone's asshole. Then, someone else or that same guy sucks that dick and gets it in the back of their throat. Then they suck someone off and pass it to them. Rinse and repeat. This is part of my reasoning for not doing porn. I feel the porn industry has pushed the bareback agenda to a point of normalcy and now it's become more common than ever. I wouldn't want to be part of an industry which promotes that, which in turn makes us have to do riskier and riskier acts to stay relevant. I know because, when I first started...2007, 8, 9 10...nobody was asking for bareback. It just wasn't a topic of discussion. Now, it's almost as if I'm competing with guys who are doing bareback, because clients seem to not have an issue finding someone to do it when I say I'm not into that. This is no diss to bare-backers or barebacking. If there's a mutual agreement and trust (which usually isn't), then by all means. Even the so called guys who ask if guys are into bareback to weed out someone who is into bareback, though clever...doesn't make sense considering the facts. I also find that's less common, as many guys turn down when you say not into bareback...meaning that's what they were looking for. Why? Edit: amusing literature referring to what I'm saying. http://str8upgayporn.com/bareback-gay-porn-vs-condom-gay-porn/ https://www.outfrontmagazine.com/culture/dear-denver-whats-your-obsession-with-bareback-sex/

I'll sign up...I'd love to get some things out there