Heartnet24

It sounds Ike he likes you, but is not interested in a sexual relationship with you. Sure, if you're willing to pay, he'll continue his services.  Personally,  I'd not want to continue this relationship.  I have no problem paying for an attractive guy to make believe he's into me for an hour or so, but if we were to have a real friendship,  I'd find it unappealing for him to want to charge me for intimacy.  The lines here are so blurred, I'd be inclined to either cut it off completely, or keep the friendship platonic AND FREE and see how long this guy remains interested in spending time with you.
Good luck. 

Surprisingly I have developed feelings for someone whom I hired too. And similarly they tell me everything from their day to hook up and we no longer play. Like you I was somewhat jealous why I wasn’t getting in on the actions when I was financially supporting them.. but after a few arguments my feelings subsided. We are still friends. I will say this, your infatuation will die down.. let it slowly go away and take your mind off of it. It is very unhealthy 

This thread has been very illuminating to me, and I wanted to give a summary of my story and see people's opinions. I first started seeing an escort in January 2025, the first meeting didn't go great (he had the flu) but after that they started going really well. As in I would pay for an hour, and end up staying 6+ hours and we would just hang out and watch movies. I did help him a little bit financially off the clock (like a few hundred here and there to buy things for his house because his heirlooms got damaged). Over the next year, he did ask for money, but it was airways a pay now, perform later situation that he did always follow through on. 
In January 2026, this changed. He asked for money, and i told him that I needed to be paid back, as I was going on a long trip i needed to save for (spoiler alert, he never did pay me back, which I'm rather ambivalent about, honestly). That time up until about a month ago, I would give him money if he needed it, and if i said I needed paid back, he paid me back 90% of the time. I'd say in March we started transitioning into being friends, and we would spend every day together, and have since. At this point, he's doing everything in his power to not borrow money from me, as he's aware of my financial situation. For example, today he had rent problems, and i offered to help a little bit, which he flatly refused, but he did ask if I could go with him to sell some items he was sentimentally attached to. 
As a probably relevant side note, while it has been diminishing lately, we have maintained a pretty physically intimate relationship, such as cuddling, or constantly having a hand on a thigh. 
I guess my problem is two fold. And for context, I have zero dating history besides a 12 year toxic situationship. But the first problem is I'm developing feelings for him, and he has explicitly said he's not looking for a relationship. The second problem is that I would like to have non transactional sex with him, and ive mentioned it twice. The first time in May, he said he was open to it, but was a little wary because he was staying to care for me and he didn't want to make it weird. The second time, last month, he said he'd prefer to not be in that situation. 
Let me first say, that I'm not going to push him to have sex or be in a relationship if he doesn't want to. My questions that I would appreciate advice on are 1) im not upset that he's sexually active both on and off the clock, but he's just not with me, and that does bother me, and i don't know how to reconcile that fact. 2) i don't know if I'm overly invested in him and have an uneven relationship with him, and whether I should back off to figure myself out, or if I should try to have a conversation with him to define our relationship. My fear is that I've conflated how we are now with the sexual intimacy we had while I was hiring him. 
 

Thank you for plainly laying this out. I am an overthinker and very prone to falling down rabbit holes. I will admit that your fifth point about the murky is kind of the hope I guess. But a blend of the third and fourth points should be what I work towards. 

@Heartnet24: I think you know the answers yourself.  We all do.  You just need someone who's more detached and objective to affirm your perspectives.  It will likely be a long, hard, and perhaps even painful process.  At least you should be grateful that he's not leading you on.  I wish you the best of luck.

In the grand tradition…. I feel a song coming on:
 

Thank you for sharing your story. I do appreciate it. And i agree woth you. I wish you luck on your journey.

I gave up this hobby because I found the man of my dreams on seeking arrangement that checked every box for me. I fell in love hard and fast, and I stayed there.
 
Just last night we had a really tough conversation.
When we met, I wanted him sexually and he wanted to travel and see the world. We spent 21 weeks out of the past 52 fucking in every corner of the world, filling passports and loving life. 
 
Last night he shared with me that this arrangement is no longer meeting his needs. That he absolutely loves our travel, but each trip is a distraction from him achieving his goal of financial independence.  He said the come down after each trip is a lot when he goes back to his real life and is reminded of his desire to be able to afford to do this with the man of his dreams.  
 
Our arrangement still meets my needs in every measurable way. Now it’s up to me to figure out a way to meet the new, pressing need he expressed to me, or risk losing it. Relationships are always evolving and don’t always look the same as when they started. 
 
I believe you have the emotional intelligence to find some common ground with him and enjoy the intimacy you create together.  

The obvious solution is for you to look for other men to date.  It's nice that you've developed a friendship with this guy and you can continue being friends, but maybe take some of that time that are you are using to hang out with him and use it to seek out other men who might be interested in dating you.

I wholeheartedly agree that no means no. And thats why I havent forced the issue regarding sex anymore. Or dating, though that was a minor want and not a big deal to me. As for the quoted part, thats currently the issue I'm having, and im struggling to separate the two. I do want him in my life, but I also think its not fair to him or myself to be feeling some type of way and not being able to separate it out or at least have a conversation about how im feeling (though that thought terrifies me on other levels). I have a therapy appointment next week and this will probably be the main point of discussion lol.

It sounds to me like your relationship has transitioned from a typical client-provider relationship to one of being close friends, which might be enough for you. It sounds like he likes you but needs other sexual relationships, transactional or not. That’s not likely to change and there’s nothing that you can do about it. I’d focus on doing the things that you enjoy doing together, and it sounds like there’s a lot, and see how the sex part evolves. Many of us, as we have grown older, get a lot of satisfaction from different compartments of our increasingly complicated lives. 

https://www.companyofmen.org/topic/152776-anybody-else-fall-for-the-men-they-hire/

Hello everyone! 
Does anyone have any experiences with RussianFlame? He's coming to my town, and I'm interested. Based on the amount of reviews he has, I'm assuming that he's had a name change. 
https://rent.men/RussianFlame

Hello everyone! 
Does anyone have any experiences with RussianFlame? He's coming to my town, and I'm interested. Based on the amount of reviews he has, I'm assuming that he's had a name change. 
https://rent.men/RussianFlame

https://rent.men/xxxREBELxxx
https://rentmen.eu/xxxREBELxxx
 
slight name change: https://www.companyofmen.org/topic/158880-411-on-xxrebelxx-in-fl/

Hello everyone! 
Does anyone have any experience with the following provider? I saw his ad and was interested. 
 
https://rent.men/AaronRios
 

I ended up seeing him a couple times. I would say that the experiences themselves were good, though he does have a tendency to go on rants and tirades. So, YMMV? I would probably recommend though.

Hello everyone! 
Does anyone have any experience with the following provider? I saw his ad and was interested. 
 
https://rent.men/AaronRios
 

Hello everyone! Does anyone have any experience with this gentleman? I'm very curious about him. Feel free to DM me!
https://rent.men/PompierCanada

He learned a lot at the academy:

Fisting,Pet play,Ballbusting,Brown,Piss,Foot Worship,machine,Whipping & Punishment,Spiting,Sissy training,Edging,Humiliation

I'll be going to Montreal and i was thinking about Oasis.
 
 Thank you everyone for your responses!

Patrick Marano has a bunch of YouTube videos on bathhouses including do’s, don’t’s, and how-to’s.  Here’s a thirteen and a half minute video specifically on Bathhouse etiquette he released.
 
 

Take Prep and get vax /boosters for Flu, COVID, and MP. Safety first. Common cold: count on it. Nice surprise if you don't! 
There will be all body types - hot guys, avg guys, older bears, skinny students, and in all races (potentially) and ages. No one is everyone's type (except for the one hung god) so you may be turned away. Yes it's personal, but more, it's just the nature of the venue. Average guys do very well at bathhouses. Most have an overall friendly vibe. We're all playmates there to have fun, right?
If your wit and charm are your biggest assets, save those for the TV Lounge. Very little, and hushed, conversation is taking place in the cruising spaces. Eye contact is key. Be open. 
First time, maybe get a room - you have a place to retreat and process the vibe, and enjoy provided video (no phones allowed) for motivation to resume the promenade. Bring personal toiletries and towelettes. 
If approached by someone you're not into, indicate it kindly. 'Thanks, maybe later' 

Bring sandals and toiletries. 

Think about the supplies you may want to bring, such as favorite brand of lube or condom.