I think I fell in love and need advice

[Heartnet24]

Hello everyone,

Forgive me if I'm a little vague on details, but I'm not sure what's allowed here. I met an escort several times last year, and we transitioned into being friends at the beginning of this year. Since then, we've been hanging out a lot (nearly every day since March), and i developed feelings for him. We have talked about being in a relationship, and he said he wasnt interested in one right now, which I respect, and i havent brought it up since. 

I do have somewhat obsessive thoughts, which I'm currently keeping in check, but I do want more out of him than what hes willing and capable of giving.

Ive only been in love with one other person in my life, and that was a strange complicated fourteen year ordeal.

Also, one of my biggest laments at the moment is that I've always had self esteem issues regarding my body, and hes incredibly active with everyone but me.

I dont know how to move past these feelings, without completely cutting him out, which I dont want to do. But maybe thats just creating a vicious cycle for me. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how I should proceed.

Feel free to ask questions or dm me.

Thanks!

[+ JamesB]

https://www.companyofmen.org/topic/152776-anybody-else-fall-for-the-men-they-hire/

[WoolCave]

Don’t focus on the sex you’re not having with him  that he’s having with everyone else. 
 

Focus on all the intimate emotional connection he’s having with you that he’s not having with everyone else. 
 

My best friend is a world renowned porn star 12 years younger than me. Our very real connection stems from a botched hire off Rentmen 6 years ago. In year two I remember being sad that he had no desire to fuck me. I just got back from visiting him in Brazil, staying with him in his place for 5 days. We just kept talking about how great our friendship is and I focus on all the parts of him he’s free to express with me, and I with him, that he doesn’t share with his tricks, nor me with my escorts. 
 

Try to be happy with the relationship you do have and don’t focus on the pieces that are lacking. 

[ACluelessGent]

12 hours ago, Heartnet24 said:

I do want more out of him than what hes willing and capable of giving.

 

Big trouble. Walk away.

[MscleLovr]

2 hours ago, WoolCave said:

Try to be happy with the relationship you do have and don’t focus on the pieces that are lacking. 

Excellent advice. This is key to you being happy in future.

 

15 hours ago, Heartnet24 said:

I met an escort….we transitioned into being friends at the beginning of this year….we've been hanging out a lot….and i developed feelings for him. We…talked about…a relationship, and…he wasnt interested…

When someone tells you something, believe them.
He didn’t respond the way you desired, and there is no reason to persist in your desire. 
All relationships change over time.
Be happy that you have a close, loving friendship with this man. It may or may not develop over the years.

I had an intense love affair with an escort - he made all the running - and it lasted some years. After a couple of years silence, he renewed contact. Since then, we’ve had a close and intimate friendship that’s now endured for 15 years. 
My partner (who’s a much younger man) has met him and he’s very comfortable with my ex being a good friend.

 

15 hours ago, Heartnet24 said:

Ive only been in love with one other person in my life, and that was a strange complicated fourteen year ordeal.

That’s an alarming statement. I don’t feel that love should ever be an “ordeal”. 
Are you simply overthinking everything?
Do you analyse every potential friendship or romance as soon as it starts?

I notice you didn’t mention your age nor that of the escort. I wonder if getting older is having an impact on you and your thinking.
You are allowed to find joy and take pleasure in the company of another man - even if it doesn’t meet some your definition of a relationship