Archangel

I find the stats on ads are basically useless, no matter the category.

Look, I’m not going to debate it anymore. It’s disingenuous to say an escort provides accompaniment and nothing more. Tell that to the vice squad when apprehended—if it ever actually happens. Any reasonable person understands what transpires between an escort and client. A guy who doesn’t provide services directed at pleasing the client but is looking to get paid for something he could get for free through hookup apps and other gay social settings isn’t an escort. You can tell me I’m wrong. I’m sure there are plenty here who agree with you. There may be a few who agree with me. Telling me I’m wrong and saying it’s so because you happen to be an escort doesn’t make me wrong. I’m not interested in picking a fight or having an argument. I’ve said my piece on that and that’s that. Let the applause begin because I’m shutting up.

Are we really going to say that an escort is someone who accompanies someone and nothing more? Really? Not a rhetorical question…

You know exactly what is meant and it’s not along those lines. Where did anyone suggest an escort isn’t a person? The closest comment was “sex object,” which some escorts even enjoy being “reduced” to. Some advertiser that they want to be used…if that’s what you’re looking for. I’m not looking for it so I move on from those profiles. The conversation, at least for me, was about escorts who feel entitled to a particular client and aren’t interested, really, at the end of the day, about the client’s satisfaction. Their chief concern is their own pleasure. And getting paid for sex does something for their ego. They could get the same thing for nothing with similar “partners,” but since some guys will pay for it, for whatever reason, they charge for it. In that respect, bully for them. But in another respect, the supercilious, entitled condescension they have toward those of us who aren’t Adonis is what I’m talking about. How dare we have the temerity approaching a good looking guy advertising his services! Tangential – a BFE doesn’t include sex?

They can not care because of their sheer size of their enterprise. If they lose a few dissatisfied customers, so what? And they also have a relative monopoly as a few industries on the market.

There are certain parameters that seem the bare minimum for calling yourself an “escort.” Certainly an escort can set limits as he feels fit, but at some point, limiting “services” provided, for whatever reasons, means you’re no longer an escort. This guy thinks he’s pope (Peter III). Does a lot of popish things. But that doesn’t make him pope. Even though he thinks it, has his defenders, and followers.

I’m not speaking of abusive customers. I it’s safe to say we all know that I’m not, either. I’m not asking for a free pass to be a jerk. I’m speaking of a service provider providing a service and understanding there is some level of sacrifice that comes with being a service provider (as one who works in a service profession, I know what it is to be expected to go beyond what I would do for “fun” and what it is to experience people inappropriately demanding things of me). I’m speaking of service providers whose egos delude them into feeling entitled to service themselves, from their clients. Or having requirements of us, the clients. I’m not speaking of expecting basic human respect and cleanliness. Those are givens. I’m speaking of a checklist of things that you might have for a hookup. If you think it’s my responsibility to live up to your ideal for gay model material in order for me to hire you, you aren’t providing a service – you’re demanding payment for the privilege of paying you. It’s my opinion 🤷🏼‍♂️ I’ll reiterate: that’s not me looking to degrade the escort; it’s me saying the escort isn’t interested in really providing service but instead looking to get paid for sex he’d likely get for free on hookup apps or the club anyhow. I, in part, hire precisely because I don’t score on apps or in typical gay venues. When you become a service provider, you subordinate yourself, at least to a degree, to the client. It’s not happenstance that “service” and “servant” share the same etymological root…not saying a provider is a servant, but if service doesn’t entail serving, at some level, at least for escorts, we need a better way of referring to it. I don’t like calling something one thing when we all know it’s something else.* *e.g. Guys who call their rate a donation.

@Bokomaru, that is kind! It’s like the file! 😂

My philosophy on hiring is first and foremost it’s about my fantasy, not the provider’s. Does that mean I don’t want him to enjoy himself and feel fulfilled? By no means. But I’m not paying for him to be pleased; I’m paying for him to please me. At the end of the day, it is about what the service is agreed upon. If at the outset you and the escort agree on X for a certain amount of payment, that’s the arrangement. It’s like a contractor building for you. The contractor has a chance to no agree but once the agreement is made to remodel your kitchen – and let’s say he says like many a escort, “Anything you want” – unless it’s illegal, he better deliver. I’m reasonable enough not to expect an escort to feel unsafe or violated, but deciding that he doesn’t do something you want after saying “Anything you want” because he doesn’t like it is just not how it works. What happened to “The customer is always right?” I just don’t understand why someone who’s looking to provide a service would have expectations about beauty and sexual standards for clients. I still insist that sounds like a guy looking to get paid for the privilege of pleasing him. Likely I’m not articulating my nuanced difference in feeling well.

I never found one of those! Most of them seem like they’d bill you by the second for planning if they could.

There are many guys who act like it’s our privilege to pay them to deign to fuck us. It’s a constellation of issues that breeds this mindset, but it’s definitely rife among a certain type of guy. A good indicator is a near carbon copy of every other popup ad on RM that is only 2-3 months old. Another huge turn off is “Serious only.” Who sees that and thinks, “Ah, damn. Can’t contact this guy. I’m not serious!”

And likely if you feel secure enough to do that, you already sense he’s a decent enough guy not to back out…

Can you say why you say this? What does a flake look like and what does a serious client look like? Unless I misunderstood something…

I have adopted a very similar approach – I tell him that comes later if communication continues before the meetup. I will send a picture right before we meet if it doesn’t come up in the communication. Typically a provider hasn’t asked me for a picture. And I have had guys basically ghost or outright ghost early on if they have asked. In the end, it’s probably for the best, because he wasn’t in it to provide a quality service for me if just seeing changes how he interacts - if at all!

That’s a huge red flag 🚩 for me. I find people aren’t very good at communicating in general, so while it most definitely is disappointing that people aren’t responding to your DMs, it’s also not surprising…

That’s your prerogative. And your discretion. If I have something that’s negative to share, I prefer to do so in DMs.

@Ali Gator’s post reminds me of the proverb – “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” The hand that grasps ends up empty, for greed devours itself.

It wasn’t even entertaining. It’s only halfway entertaining if they recognize it. Otherwise it’s wasted vexation.

Social media is where intelligibility goes to die a slow, languorous death. I was having a back-and-forth with a man (guessing from his profile picture a former marine) on my town’s general FB discussion group a few days ago. He took it upon himself to, what I’m sure he thought, cleverly and indirectly insult me by mis-orienting(?) me sexually and then used the would “complement” when he meant “compliment.” My response, which I thought was cleverly indirect, totally missed him and he proceeded in outright attack what he believed to be my political leaning. All that bereft of punctuation of course. Alas…

I love to write. When I’m impassioned, it flows. Scribal logorrhea! 😂

What did you teach?

Truth. Sometimes no matter how much caution you think you’re exercising too, there’s some hidden trap you walk right into.

I have adopted this approach with other things as well in the booking process. If it’s a hassle to book, I fear it won’t be a good interaction in person. And there are plenty of guys to choose from, and the new crop comes out every so often. It’s not worth the stress to try to “haggle” over those things. Even fees/rates. I just am now at the point if a fee/rate is just not what I want to even consider paying, I say “Sorry for wasting your time. All the best to you!” Some guys will come back wanting to negotiate but I still fear that will taint the interaction in person.

Reading all this makes me feel like I have been duped, or at least taken for a fool. I have never once paid after the fact.

So…I’ve been doing a little think. Classic reflective behavior. I want to say something, and I want to say it without flailing or making a scene (too late, I know). The truth is, I’ve been a bit much. Not in the fun, “he’s a bit much but we love him anyway” way. No. In the “oh god, he’s typing again” way. And I’m sorry. Sincerely. What I meant as cleverness or edge? It read like I was spoiling for a fight. What I called commentary? Often just me trying to land a punchline that nobody asked for. I’ve had outbursts. I’ve made attacks—yes, me. Not at me. From me. I brought a little too much theater, a little too much vinegar, and not enough chamomile tea energy. And if you’ve ever logged on and sighed because you saw my username—hi, I get it. There are people here who just float. They speak and everyone nods, like, yes, brilliant. Me? I drop in like a raccoon in a dog park. Loud. Confused. Unwanted. I thought I was adding to the conversation, but really I might’ve been the reason some of you muted notifications. And look, this isn’t me begging for absolution. This isn’t my tearful apology tour. This is me saying I’ve read the room—and the room has fluorescent lighting and a clipboard now—and it’s clear I need to recalibrate. There’s a rhythm here, and I’ve been clapping on the ones and threes. I’m going take a breath, find the beat, and talk less. I don’t expect confetti or cookies. I just want to own what’s mine, and not in a diva way. In a “I’ll be chill this time” way. I’m working on being less of a crash cymbal and more of a triangle—still present, but, you know, lightly. Tastefully. Thank you for your patience. Or your eye rolls. Honestly, either is valid.