JourneysEnd

I don’t have much of a sex life outside of work!  I agree with @Simon SuraciDoing sex work does indeed make your recreational sex life difficult. I recognise all those reasons he cites: The feeling of thinking “I could be being paid for this” is a strong one, as is trying to keep ‘fresh’ for client meetings. 
Sometimes I go to sex parties and that’s an opportunity for ‘off the clock’ sex which is nice but still there’s the feeling that it’s ‘work’. I almost said to one guy after a hookup at a party “how would you like to pay?” 😂.
One of the motivations for going to sex parties is because of the opportunity to meet guys who are keen to be in porn films I make, so even that is motivated by work. Doing sex work definitely changes your sex life. 

 

 

I've run into escorts and masseurs at bath houses,  sex clubs, and naked house parties so I assume they hook up just like the rest of us. 

I appreciate the other responses so far.
I guess what rubs me the wrong way is that the client is asking me something that presumably either a) requires me to lie in order to satisfy his fantasy, or b) costs me his business if I tell the truth.
I would rather tell the truth, but I am irritated that I am more than likely losing his business when I do, so I feel compelled to lie, and that makes me uncomfortable. In this case I tried to avoid losing his business but at the same time not have to lie. It backfired.
Keep in mind, I wouldn’t lie about consequential things like health status or something about my body, or anything that would actually impact his experience with me.
I’m leaning toward telling the truth and being ok with losing the business. If the client is still interested but wants to follow up with a lot of probing personal life questions, I might say that I prefer not to discuss my personal life and try to refocus attention on him and his needs and how I might be of service.

This is just how I look at it, too.
In conversations where I mentioned that I was married and my husband was in the loop about my activities, a couple of providers have shared that they were also in a committed relationship with partners who knew. For me, this was a positive signal about their own appropriate boundaries and expectations about our meeting.

A providers personal life is none of my business. I don’t ask my accountant, my insurance agent, my handyman etc. about their personal lives. When I worked, I would’ve been offended if one of my clients asked me about my personal life because it had absolutely nothing to do with the professional service I provided. If a provider chooses to share some of his personal life with me, that is certainly OK, but I don’t ask about it.

Maybe. But then I once in a while I get conversations like this that turn south rather quickly:

<more disrespectful client drivel…>
<client blocked>
^ I agree with this. It takes an emotionally mature client to handle hiring with grace.
I’m wondering how best to answer the relationship status question. I just don’t like lying which is the easiest way out of having to answer the inevitable follow up questions about the details of my relationship and how it works. Those answers at best distract, and at worst put off the client. I’m wondering if lying is the best way to go about maintaining the fantasy illusion for the client…
…but then again my best clients are the ones who know me quite well and connect with me on a deeper level after hiring me at least a few times. They appreciate my honesty and it doesn’t put them off. In fact, they have more respect for what I do and why I do it. I have a family and a life outside work like anyone else. They get it. Just sucks having to backtrack and say, actually I lied about being single…blah blah blah.

It is almost never a factor. As a young twink I dated an escort, and my college sugar daddy had no problem with me dating with guys my own age.
If they're in a happy relationship,  I'm happy for them. And no escort has or should say anything when I hire while dating another guy.

I pay for no-strings-attached as part of the service and a provider's relationship status is not a factor. Sometimes a provider asks about my status or offers up their status as part of a conversation. I want people to be happy in their relationships and appreciate their open-mindedness to provide a service to me.

This GIF is the best.  An insanely quotable film.

This is why I’m always careful to open text or WhatsApp messages when I’m in church. 

This is great advice. In fact all of your post is sound advice for any hirer. Professional guys will respond appropriately to a request. Those playing at this work will likely either not reply or appear disinterested. Take it as a sign of how he will be when you meet him.
It works the other way too. When I get clients open their communication with me with “Hey” or worse a cock pic, I am almost certain nothing will come of the enquiry. 

Some of my least enjoyable experiences have been with well-reviewed. highly touted providers, while some of my best experiences have been with new guys and guys who are not often talked about. I've found that some providers are highly touted because they are. It seems like no one wants to say "I had a "meh" time with Provider X" when everyone else raves about them. 
I have a pretty easy way of determining whether a provider is a good fit for me:
If something seems "off," the ad is off-putting/rude/self aggrandizing, or if it seems sketchy, I move on. No matter how handsome, worked out, or well hung he is, if something doesn't seem right, I do not pursue a meet-up. Period.  Obviously old pics, especially when they are recently uploaded, are a no-go. There was an escort who had mirror selfies (so far so good) and one of them showed his phone (also fine). It was a Blackberry smart phone that was exclusive to Sprint and has been out of production since the 2010's. All of his pics were from the same time period.  Pics that are also used in someone else's ad are a no-go. There was an LA-based escort who used a cropped version of a pic that a Palm Springs/Phoenix based masseur also uses. The masseur used them first. I took a pass on the LA-based escort. In my first communication I state what I am looking for and ask what he thinks about it. If a guy replies with "yeah, sure" or "'sup" or "what do you get into" or some such, I see that as a sign he isn't paying attention. If he isn't paying attention to what he has read, I can't see him paying attention in person. To me, this warrants a pass. In fairness, most guys reply with an enthusiastic "yes," or state they do some but not all that I am into, or state they are not a match. Note that when I am texting a provider I always start with "Hi, I am [my name] and I saw your ad on [the website I saw it on]. Let me know when is a good time to discuss a potential meet-up." In this case, a reply of "what's up," "hi," or "what do you get into " is appropriate because I haven't told him what I get into. Once I have his attention and I know he can text I describe what I am looking for. Like his ad, if his responses seem off, I move on.   

Until PreP is proven 100% effective for everyone, there IS still a bullet in the revolver.
The statistics for the general public are still between 96% and 98% effective.
Even in perfect controlled lab results it's 99%. So there's always a small chance you'll be the unlucky guy who gets that bullet....so it IS somewhat reassuring to be under the impression your partner is on PreP as well.

the word friend is wildly overused.  Being friendly & makIng friends are two very different things.  
being friendly wherever you go yields more pleasant interactions and friendly acquaintances, rather than actual enduring friendships that require time, energy, reciprocation, maintenance & nurturing. 
Facebook and similar have destroyed the meaning of what a real friend is.  There’s all kinds of studies showing humans have a maximum capacity for something like 100 friendly acquaintances & then typically a very small circle of actual real friends, less than 10.
So, can a provider be a real friend for some people ? - yes, it’s possible.
Is it probable given circumstances of the relationship & human bandwidth ? - no, not likely.
I’m not “friends” with my doctor, dentist, lawyer of massage therapist. I’m a client in those professional relationships with a friendly rapport. 

That's a really good point actually. It can get to that level for sure. But it's good that you had that open communication with him to be able to be honest with him like that. 

Why ?
Unless you're marrying the guy, the line is still clear that they're a paid service provider and you're the customer.

To be clear: none of them were "escorts".
I believe the key to "maintaining friendships" is to actually HAVING one to start.
Some clients mistake polite business manners as friendship.

Whether he is or isn't really isn't the issue. In this business, perception is rarely reality. 
It's whether YOU are on it and what precautions YOU'RE taking to minimize risk. 
Only you can help prevent forest fires. 

As always, assume the other guy is poz. You control your own prep status and nobody else's. 

Demand and supply. Nothing to do with what you think you’re worth or need. The market decides the rate. You and your clients decide whether or not you’re participating in that market. Nothing else is relevant. 

Escorts have a "sell by date".
The sort of young fit and handsome men who can run a successful OnlyFans can charge whatever they want for access to their dick and ass.
30-somethings who continue to keep fit and handsome have a dwindling - but still solid following. That said;  unless you keep up that gym routine, your pricing is going to start sliding backward.
Over 40: you're losing most of your audience and you need to take on budget customers or offer more extremely kinky services.
So escorts are like cars. A few years off the lot and the price has nothing to do with inflation....its all about how pristine you maintain the chassis.
 

That’s different though. The provider hasn’t asked for it. I’m saying the provider specifically asking for a picture is a red flag to the client. They should beware of the provider that only wants to see ‘hot’ clients because it’s a potential sign he’s not really interested in his clients satisfaction. 
The only reason I might need to know a client’s physical description is if they’re too big for the massage table or if they have a disability. Most clients offer those things up without me asking. Otherwise I find out when they turn up. 
I’ve never met a guy who has a pic of his ‘frontal areas’ that under represents his size!  I agree though…if I know he’s got big equipment and wants to top me I’ll be extra well prepared 🤪
 

The photo request is a red flag. Regardless of the deposit issue you were right to disengage when he asked for a photo. He shouldn’t need a photo. 

I still stand by my decision to require deposits, despite what may have been shared here. I also have a hard time believing someone who says they’ve never been asked for a deposit. I’m sorry, no offense, but unless someone is only contacting a certain type of provider…I just can’t see it. You can’t tell me you’ve asked a provider to come see you from an hour or 2, maybe even: visiting from halfway around the country away: and not been asked a deposit. I don’t believe it. If so: just say you’ve never asked to see a provider further than a few blocks away or, one who wasn’t ALREADY in attendance or visiting wherever you may have also been in attendance.
I know this topic been discussed to death, but I never get tired of talking about it though. I’m still willing to defend deposits as much as needed, even if I don’t need to. I’m also willing to accept exceptions: considering last week I did take 2 bookings without a deposit, however one was an outcall to a clients hotel very close to where I was staying, and the other ran into me in person after having prior seen my ad.
I have even heard clients tell me they don’t do deposits, but then later learn they have a cash app or Venmo account. And have even later paid be thru that method.
If the business ever moves into official Decrim, and/or if things continue online: I highly believe deposits would become the norm. I’ve already made deposits part of my website, there’s not much stopping other sites like RentM from making that a feature, and simply branding it as “pay for a pornstar”. So, don’t be surprised…if it ever happens. 
My thing is: for every person who talks about deposits, I rarely ever see a legitimate reason why one can’t. I’ve know people send deposits by all means: cash in mail (in fact a former member of this forum even offered to do so with me, but at the time: things were “different” and I told him I would settle upon arrival), other means are western Union, Moneygram, cash app, Venmo, etc etc. 
If someone is going to pay for something, what difference does it make whether they pay a portion ahead anyway? And then, some people expect to do the deed and pay afterwards. By the time you do all that, you basically got the person for free, and can pull a gun out on them and tell them to get the fuck out…technically. What’s stopping you from doing that. Morals?
 
Okay…so all clients have morals is what you’re saying, including the ones who no show, or fake appointment requests? Only to not respond and then do the same shit two years later, only to not respond again, do the same shit again the next year, and the next year, and the year after?  🤷🏾‍♂️ 
People need to get to a better mindset in this industry. So many people equate asking for any money upfront as a scam, or a sign of the provider not having money, etc etc. Time out for that. It’s a bit selfish and condescending to make as if the provider should shoulder all the initial responsibility of getting to/providing a place to host. Someone is going to end up alone or in a worse predicament.
Case in point: one of the clients I seen the other day, paid a couple guys. I don’t think they asked for deposits: but his story was, he paid one guy $1,000 for the night and only got 2 hours before the guy got “tired”.  He ended up booking with me later on. 
 
Overall: The big issue is, clients in 2023 and even particularly in some areas: have become more flakier than ever. Unless a provider works only from home, doesn’t travel or do Outcalls and possibly has another stream of revenue: deposit may not be needed. Or, if you’re in a city or neighborhood where things are relatively within close range…It may also not be required.
 
But not every escort has the same situation. Like for me, I often have to travel to the next city or state, FEW STATES away to see clients. I would be foolish to do that without at least mentioning deposits. If when I arrive I have the luxury to be flexible, I won’t. But I also feel it’s fair to require the same standards from all clients, and even hosting a client without asking a deposit: has caused issues for me; guys who pretend they are showing up around noon, and then I book the room an extra night and they don’t show, or people who show up with no/less money than agreed. Even have had walk outs and no pay after offering services.
The provider is always in the position of carrying the heavier burden, than the client. Even if you stand the chance to lose $50-$100: the provider can be losing $150-$300 per session for every flaky client. Just like for me last month, I counted up about $2,000 in fraudulent bookings, from clients who requested appointments but failed to follow thru. I hope each one gets the karma they deserve…

This all ceases to be cute after the age of 13 when it becomes predatory and delusional (no offense meant).
Might you have exhibited some behavior that scared off the provider in your outreach?