Simon Suraci

Here is a related post. I offer services for my time only and some (very few) take me up on it. Most of the time clients want something resembling a boyfriend experience, including bedroom time and other mundane activities. Sometimes a client just wants to hire me for something strictly platonic, and I’m happy to provide.

@Bokomaru you might try suggestions. “Would you be into me doing X? Would you enjoy doing Y? Would you rather do A, or rather do B? Would you enjoy C?” Suggestions make it easier for the provider to respond. I’m sure you have a range of interests that you could suggest and see which ones he prefers out of the choices you offer. That might get you closer to the things he likes, or finds easy or has the most skill or experience doing. Giving a choice of a few things is better than the “What are you into?” question. When I get this question, I hear: “Name anything and everything under the sun that you could possibly be into with any given person at any given time in the past, present, or future”. It’s an exhausting question to answer. We do all sorts of things with all sorts of people with varying levels of interest and skill in each one, based on the circumstances around a specific encounter. An open ended question assumes the provider has a canned answer that says X, Y, and Z turn me on, when in reality, the whole alphabet of possibilities and more could turn him on within any given set of circumstances, and with different clients. Offer suggestions. Those are easier questions to answer.

Totally fine. It need not be awkward. If you like one of the married providers better, you’re contributing to the same household income. They’re happy, you’re happy. Nobody cares. We providers don’t take these things very personally. One time I was meeting up at at traveling masseur’s rental apartment to join him for a 4-hand massage for one of his clients. One of my regular clients was walking out of the complex as I was walking in and we recognized one another naturally. It wasn’t awkward for me, but maybe moreso for my client that was leaving. I didn’t care that my client was hiring an out of town guy. It happens. It’s normal. My regular client continued to hire me for massage and more. It was fine. Even if he stopped hiring me in favor of someone else, I wouldn’t care. In fact, I regularly refer clients to other providers I know when I can see someone else might be a better fit for whatever reason. Clients and providers appreciate me facilitating a better match. Sometimes the client still hires me for certain things and then hires the referral for other things. I see no conflict. If I can help my clients meet their needs, it’s a win-win even if I miss out on short term earnings. The goodwill I put out into the world comes back to me many times over.

For starters, providers should answer directly the basics like rates, location, travel, and hosting info. There is no reason to be coy or indirect about those. Bad on them if they won’t send basic info upfront. That’s a sign of an unprofessional or inexperienced provider. As far as what the provider wants (compensation) or what will get him off, this question isn’t particularly fair to ask. He’s providing a service to YOU, not a service to himself. He may not be into doing a certain thing you want, or maybe he likes it generally but doesn’t enjoy it with you specifically. You don’t want to know this, and he doesn’t want to spoil anything by sharing that fact with you. It matters not what theoretically will please him. It only matters what he is willing and able to do for you for a specified fee. If he’s good, he will make it seem as if he’s into it regardless of whether he actually is. That’s what you’re paying for. No amount of money will guarantee that he will genuinely be into anything with a certain client. He could make something up to make you feel like you’re scratching his itch, but at the end of the day it’s a coin toss at best whether he will actually genuinely enjoy a certain act with a certain person at a certain place at a certain time. Since you’re paying for him to do what you’re into and meet YOUR needs, the question is irrelevant. You’re basically asking him to lie or make something up. Sure, he can generally be into a certain thing. If there’s genuine chemistry, all the better, but you can’t guarantee that chemistry occurs by specifying certain acts! It’s ok to ask “can we do xyz?”. It’s annoying to ask a provider “What are you into?”. Save that for hookups. To successfully hook up, both sides have to genuinely be interested in one another and the activities they discuss. The currency there is reciprocity. Both parties genuinely want to engage. The reward is purely mutual satisfaction. You’re trying to apply these same principles and logic from a hookup to a paid service. The incentive for your provider is compensation. Period. Not mutual satisfaction. If there happens to be some mutual satisfaction, it’s a bonus. At the end of the day, the provider is concerned with meeting YOUR needs and getting compensated appropriately for doing so. To pretend like he is doing this because he wants to on his own free time is an illusion. The relationship is inherently one-sided. You can keep asking the “what are you into?” questions, but you’re asking him to bullshit you. I recommend focusing on your needs and not trying to manufacture imaginary reciprocal desires. His needs are compensation, plain and simple. If you can hold up your end of the agreement, the rest is irrelevant. Let him do his job by meeting your needs and making it seem as though he’s into it regardless. It’s your responsibility to engage the fantasy. Suspend your disbelief, as it were. He can’t do that for you. He can only put on a good show for your entertainment. That’s what you’re paying for.

Anyone with the app can report. Copy/paste. Manual transcription is asking for errors. It’s designed for fraud and spam and I use it for those primarily. The comment feature is what allows us to flag problematic clients. There is no button for that, just the comment feature. I make comments on my phone contacts and block there vs through the app. My personal lists remain separate from the app. Email and RentMen messages are totally separate. Comments are associated with any ten digit phone number, whether a private listing or not. WhatsApp I don’t use so I can’t comment. If there is a ten digit phone number associated like Google Voice and others, then yes.

Agreed on this point. Clients pay me to coordinate more parties. Almost always it’s for other hired men. It’s too difficult and time consuming to arrange for additional guys the client isn’t paying for. The client can do that himself on his own time for free. Your personal satisfaction and gratification have nothing to do with this work. You work at the pleasure of the client. Oftentimes that excludes or limits your personal gratification.

^This. For a while I was offering services part time while juggling my full time architecture career. You have the responsibility of responding at all waking hours of the day and night while still being busy doing your primary work. It’s exhausting. Clients don’t read the ad and don’t care anyway even the few that do. Clients are demanding and expect you to be available for them all the time, even if it’s just setting up an appointment for later, or confirming your pricing, or telling them you aren’t available when they want, or dealing with the onslaught of dick pics and discount requests, and thinly veiled appeals for affirmation, or attempts to sext with you for free…or any number of other time consuming behaviors. Also there’s the flexibility factor. Some clients can only meet during the day, or only meet on a certain day or certain times. Maybe they are a business traveler who only has a few hours of free time on a trip. You can’t take that many potential clients if you only have narrow windows of availability. It’s hard enough to get clients to book when your schedule is fully flexible. We’ve discussed a lot of these frustrations in other threads, but my point is it takes crazy amounts of time to be successful in this business. There’s time preparing, traveling, waiting for late clients, laundry, self care, gym time (if you go), time for professional photo shoots, updating ads, managing your scheduling system, among many other things. All of them are small, but they add up in aggregate. Whatever time you’re actually with your clients, double it -no- triple it. If you work 10 hours a week (as in face time with clients), that’s 30 or more hours -nearly a full time job - worth of time to manage and grow your “part time” gig. If you grow at all, say 12-15 hours a week, that’s a full time job. All while working your regular 40+ hour per week job, managing your personal life, and taking time for yourself to recharge. That’s a very full life. I know, because I’ve been there, and it’s challenging. I’ve been burned out too, and it took me quitting my full time job to confirm and appreciate that it’s not worth the crazy. Working part time is possible, but it’s not for the faint of heart, and not for those who find success and want to grow their business. It’s certainly not for those serious about their business, at least not if they want to be successful. Sure, you can monetize your sex life only sleeping with people you’re interested in, but that makes for a bad SW. You’re really not offering any value in that case. You have to do it when you don’t feel like it. It’s a service, not a mutual hookup that happens to involve money. There’s nothing casual about this business. If you want to take it seriously and succeed, consider what it takes and be willing to commit to it. Even part time is a LOT of work!

@ManBearPig Go for it. It’s not an easy job. It takes a LOT behind the scenes and not everyone is cut out to be a good SW. I won’t even begin to outline all the things you would need to prepare yourself for emotionally, physically, time wise, and mentally. If you want to be successful, you have to be willing to go all the way on all those things, not just tick a few physical characteristic boxes. Not all the work is flashy and sexy. That’s just the front end. There is a market for every type. Straight/bi men have a special appeal for some. That’s a plus. Regarding body type, there’s a market for every shape and size and color and age. Let the clients come to you. It’s refreshing having options other than Abercrombie models. I wouldn’t be as concerned with the physical. Do NOT discount all the other demands of a successful SW.

Sex worker.

One man’s pleasure is another man’s nightmare. Haha

I offer tickle sessions. Usually the client wants to be tickled, but I reverse roles too. Often this is part of a bondage kink session with more going on than just tickling, but I do this too. I agree, it can be a lot for an hour of solid tickling. I use a wide range of stimuli from feathers to wartenberg wheels, to fabrics, to floggers - in addition to my fingers. It’s easier to break it up this way, more fun, and less monotonous. I charge my full escort rate, even if it’s in the context of a massage “scene” using the table and whatnot. It’s not massage though. It’s specialized, focused work that is more difficult to commodify than massage. Although arguably massage is so variable from masseur to masseur - that service too is not a commodity.

I wouldn’t mention that he’s your second choice. Clients reach out to me last minute all the time with no explanation at all and I don’t know the difference. I don’t care if I’m a back up. I’m glad to have the business, and glad to get a chance to prove my worth and potentially gain more future business because of it. I’m annoyed when you reach out last minute, because I want your business and the limitation on me getting that business is YOU (not giving sufficient notice), not me (in the middle of doing my job). However I recognize that other guys flake and that’s not on you. If I am available, I accept. Win-win. If I am not, you might not get a prompt response because I have to finish with my current client before texting a reply. If I am in the middle of a 2-hr or longer appointment it could be a while! So give some grace in that case. It’s amazing how butt hurt some guys get when I don’t treat them as if I am on call 24/7 exclusively for them. I’m not on call for them and they know it, but these clients still treat me with the same level of unreasonable expectations. It’s perfectly acceptable to request same day or last minute, but keep your expectations very low. Be kind, understanding, and courteous. We get constant requests for last minute bookings and we can’t even respond to them all that quickly because we are busy fulfilling requests that other clients made in advance.

@Unicorn I acknowledge it’s not for everyone. Some people’s bodies can’t tolerate PrEP. There are side effects for some people, albeit a minority.

Maybe something like a SW professional organization could help. At least there you can develop some more standards for how to operate professionally, and belonging to it can therefore boost credibility and therefore client confidence. The trouble is SWs are working for themselves for the most part. Unions work because you have distinct, large employers that feel the burn if a significant percentage of their employees were to strike under union organization. For us, it’s many individual clients that make up our “employers”, so to speak. We’re really working for ourselves. Since we don’t work for a big employer, all of those individual clients behave much differently than a big company. Also, since it’s still illegal in most parts of the US, legal enforcement and legal pressures do not apply like they do for other work. Striking doesn’t really work effectively. We don’t work for RentMen. If we don’t like how RentMen does things, someone (individual, company, or collective) can challenge their market share by offering an alternative platform. Instead of boycotting RentMen in a negative manner, we could invest time and resources in a positive manner into building an alternative platform clients and SW like using better than the current hegemony. Maybe this kind of organization could look more like a gofundme campaign rather than a “strike”.

@Jarrod_Uncut I hear you on the high costs of moving and generally higher costs of living in other cities/states. San Diego as an example is tough. Looking at the article you referenced, someone would have to make over $100k to live there in an average one bedroom apartment. It’s crazy. At the same time, if you do manage to move there or elsewhere, you could recoup the costs over time by leveraging a market that will better support you. Still, it takes money to make that first leap and I hear you there. Traveling can be profitable in sprints, but it helps to have a solid client base in a home market. Traveling for many months at a time can be a big drain financially and physically. I’m moving to San Diego this week. Actually I’m in El Paso tonight stopping over to rest, with a U-Haul and my Jeep in tow. I was already in an excellent market in Dallas, so it’s probably not a drastic change, but San Diego I have every confidence will support my business, even though my costs are going up by moving there. I hope you catch a break soon and with your next windfall consider moving to a more profitable market outside of Kansas City. In the right market, you will do well, I’m sure. At the end of the day, clients are a challenge in any market, but if you have enough consistent business, that lays the right groundwork for success.

To each his own to assess his own risk. If PrEP is available, affordable, and advisable considering your particular body and overall health, AND you’re having sex, or at least open to the possibility of having sex, you have a chance of getting infected. I see no reason not to take it - perhaps other than discretion. Condoms obviously further lower your risk. Only 20 in one million have documented breakthrough cases, meaning they managed to get infected with HIV while taking PrEP consistently. 0.002% is a lot better odds than the lottery, but pretty darn low, certainly a lot less than 1.0%. The actual number is likely something much less than 1% and something a little bit greater than 0.002% because we don’t have data on unreported cases.

Let’s be clear: anyone can get HIV when he tops OR bottoms during unprotected sex. There’s no getting around that. PrEP is equally effective and advisable for both tops and bottoms. It’s virtually impossible to get HIV when you use PrEP consistently, whether that be the pill or injectables. Exceptions already noted for the small minority of people with liver or kidney issues (monitored 4x/yr by your doctor), or any other other rare health conditions that may exclude someone from using PrEP. In that case, only have protected sex, even sex with a monogamous partner. You can’t trust a monogamous partner to maintain fidelity. This is not about relationships or trust, but reality. It’s very common for men in general to have multiple partners over the course of their lives, especially MSM, even the supposed monogamous ones. Women too. Take control of your own health. Protect yourself. No method is 100% effective, but condoms are effective for preventing STI transmission. In practice, condom use can be inconsistent or incorrect. Be sure to use latex compatible lubes. Natural oils and other products break down the condom and cause it to rip, or at least reduce efficacy, even if it doesn’t rip.

I’ve also had a fire alarm sound while I was with a client. It sucks. Same thing, had to wait then resume the massage after the all clear. Fortunately it wasn’t during a critical point, so to speak. Still, annoying.

Agree! I have a separate bidet fixture next to the toilet, both in my primary bath, and guest bath. Those are amazing! It requires a transfer, but the dedicated bidets are WAAAY better than the ad-hoc solutions you install on a regular toilet. Temperature and pressure controls are better, better angle, more flow, and very comfortable. Plus you’re not having to flush or deal with anything still in the toilet since the bidet is constantly drained. No need for toilet paper and it feels so much more clean and fresh that way. Toilet paper still works in a pinch, since I can’t always go at home. Pinch was perhaps a poor word choice…just sounds gross in this context, I digress…

I stay very busy, and my costs are only going up. Taxes, general costs of living, and business expenses are all higher in California than in Texas. I will also be commuting daily from my home to a business location, about 45 mins each way (vs living on site in TX). Nobody is happy about higher prices, no matter how slight, and I know only a percentage of the market is interested in hiring me at any price - BUT let’s say you were a client interested in hiring me. What do you think about the proposed changes below? I’m particularly interested in your opinion if you are located in the San Diego area. Proposed Pricing: Massage $80 / 30 min (vs $75) $150 / 60 min (vs $140) $210 / 90 min (vs $195) $260 / 120 min (vs $240) ^add to any massage: $40 / 15 min hot stones (vs $35) Body Care $50 / 30 min body scrub (vs $45) $70 / 45 min body trimming (vs $65) (body sculpting removed from menu) Cuddle Therapy $80 / 30 min (vs $65) $150 / 60 min (vs $120) Full Service (no change) $300 / hr $500 / two hours Escort Service (no change) $1,000 / five hours $2,000 / overnight $5,000 / weekend or (2) days $1,000 / additional day after (2) days $10,000 / week Notes: Escort service is all inclusive; companionship, massage/spa, and full service, any combination. Massage pricing is consistent for therapeutic, sensual, and erotic style massages.

Just By Looking at Him, by Ryan O’Connell (audio format read by the author). Many of you may know Ryan from the Netflix show Special. I listened to it on the road during my driving days on tour this month. If you enjoyed Special, you will love this. It’s honest, touching, and very funny. The main character is a TV writer who lives with cerebral palsy. He hires a sex worker he heard about from his boss and goes on to hire many more, without telling his loving, monogamous boyfriend. He struggles with why and how to cope with his shame and sense of addiction. He keeps on hiring the first sex worker over and over - until his boyfriend mentions that he wants to hire the same guy for a special threesome experience. The novel continues to spiral from there as the main character works through his feelings and everything comes to a head. Worth a read. Well done.

Depends on your dick. If you have a downward curving one, it may actually work better in reverse cowboy position. The same applies for doggie style. If you have a straight or upward curving cock, regular cowboy will work best. Same applies for missionary. While almost every position is possible for every couple (save for mobility restrictions), some are better suited to your particular anatomy.

From what I’ve read, it sounds promising and worth more studies to corroborate data to make a case for widespread use. I wonder how the potential for mass long term use of various antibiotics may accelerate the development and spread of antibiotic resistant strains of STIs. If/when the antibiotics we have now are no longer effective against those problematic strains, and those strains are circulating much more commonly through the population (especially among MSM), what then will we have available to fight infections? Wouldn’t it be nice if we could eradicate all STIs? …*sigh*

Clients, masseurs, and providers: have you ever experienced an emergency during an appointment? Health scare, safety issue, violence, break in, police showing up, etc. Share your story. Sometimes I worry something really awkward or crazy is going to happen, like a client has a heart attack on my table. Here’s an episode from earlier this year. A regular client is showering with me during a body scrub service. All the sudden, he started to sway almost like he was drunk and he said he felt dizzy. The next moment he faints, and I snatch him before he can hurt himself. I gently get his body down to the tub in a sitting upright position. He is unconscious, eyes open in a dead stare off in different directions. I turn on some cold water and slap his face around a few times. “Stay with me, [client], stay with me!” I keep at it for about 20-30 seconds, which felt like 10 minutes in the heat of the moment. Eventually he came to and I made him rest for a few minutes and drink water before helping him up out of the tub. Even though I knew he simply fainted, I was really concerned for his safety. God knows what kind of explaining I would have to do if he never came to. This kind of stuff really haunts me. It’s not unheard of to faint during a shower, especially if the water is particularly hot, there’s less fresh air circulating, you’re unknowingly taking shallow breaths, or you rise suddenly from a lower position to a higher one. I know because this has happened to me once on my own. I fainted, fell over, and hit my head on the toilet and came to a few minutes later, covered in blood. For the record, there was no hanky panky happening with the client or anything unusual to cause shallow breaths or something else out of the ordinary. It just happened spontaneously. This client I like to call the “fainting goat”, because he has a goatee, and frankly, kind of looks like a goat! He’s one of my favorite clients. Great guy. I take extra precautions now to ensure better airflow and a slightly lower water temperature. Feel free to share your emergency experiences.

@Jarrod_Uncut What’s stopping you from moving to a different market?