Zapped

In my young nerdy/twinky days, I was at a performing arts school and got a crush on a dancer with the most perfect body ever. To my surprise, he was attracted to me. My first boyfriend! And he was the least sexually adventurous of anyone I ever slept with, I think. After a couple of weeks we lost interest in each other. (Not surprising for college kids I now realize.)
 
In the intervening years, I occasionally hooked up with someone with an “ideal” muscular body. Almost always a dud in bed. (When I got older and into muscle worship, that didn’t matter so much.)
 
In my 30s and 40s when I was in decent shape and semi-popular at bathhouses, I got the most amazing blow jobs from older, often quite heavy guys.
 
I was never an escort, but as a guy who had sex a lot, I can say I had a blast with guys with all sorts of bodies, including old and fat ones.
 
Meanwhile, whatever karma I built up in those earlier decades seems to be paying off in my 50s and now 60s.

to quote one of Robert Heinlein's characters: Widows are far better than brides. They don't tell, they won't yell, they don't swell, they rarely smell, and they're grateful as hell

In my young nerdy/twinky days, I was at a performing arts school and got a crush on a dancer with the most perfect body ever. To my surprise, he was attracted to me. My first boyfriend! And he was the least sexually adventurous of anyone I ever slept with, I think. After a couple of weeks we lost interest in each other. (Not surprising for college kids I now realize.)
 
In the intervening years, I occasionally hooked up with someone with an “ideal” muscular body. Almost always a dud in bed. (When I got older and into muscle worship, that didn’t matter so much.)
 
In my 30s and 40s when I was in decent shape and semi-popular at bathhouses, I got the most amazing blow jobs from older, often quite heavy guys.
 
I was never an escort, but as a guy who had sex a lot, I can say I had a blast with guys with all sorts of bodies, including old and fat ones.
 
Meanwhile, whatever karma I built up in those earlier decades seems to be paying off in my 50s and now 60s.

In my young nerdy/twinky days, I was at a performing arts school and got a crush on a dancer with the most perfect body ever. To my surprise, he was attracted to me. My first boyfriend! And he was the least sexually adventurous of anyone I ever slept with, I think. After a couple of weeks we lost interest in each other. (Not surprising for college kids I now realize.)
 
In the intervening years, I occasionally hooked up with someone with an “ideal” muscular body. Almost always a dud in bed. (When I got older and into muscle worship, that didn’t matter so much.)
 
In my 30s and 40s when I was in decent shape and semi-popular at bathhouses, I got the most amazing blow jobs from older, often quite heavy guys.
 
I was never an escort, but as a guy who had sex a lot, I can say I had a blast with guys with all sorts of bodies, including old and fat ones.
 
Meanwhile, whatever karma I built up in those earlier decades seems to be paying off in my 50s and now 60s.

How about, “Hey—I’m really into guys freshly showered and smelling clean. Can you get into that?”

In my young nerdy/twinky days, I was at a performing arts school and got a crush on a dancer with the most perfect body ever. To my surprise, he was attracted to me. My first boyfriend! And he was the least sexually adventurous of anyone I ever slept with, I think. After a couple of weeks we lost interest in each other. (Not surprising for college kids I now realize.)
 
In the intervening years, I occasionally hooked up with someone with an “ideal” muscular body. Almost always a dud in bed. (When I got older and into muscle worship, that didn’t matter so much.)
 
In my 30s and 40s when I was in decent shape and semi-popular at bathhouses, I got the most amazing blow jobs from older, often quite heavy guys.
 
I was never an escort, but as a guy who had sex a lot, I can say I had a blast with guys with all sorts of bodies, including old and fat ones.
 
Meanwhile, whatever karma I built up in those earlier decades seems to be paying off in my 50s and now 60s.

How about, “Hey—I’m really into guys freshly showered and smelling clean. Can you get into that?”

In my young nerdy/twinky days, I was at a performing arts school and got a crush on a dancer with the most perfect body ever. To my surprise, he was attracted to me. My first boyfriend! And he was the least sexually adventurous of anyone I ever slept with, I think. After a couple of weeks we lost interest in each other. (Not surprising for college kids I now realize.)
 
In the intervening years, I occasionally hooked up with someone with an “ideal” muscular body. Almost always a dud in bed. (When I got older and into muscle worship, that didn’t matter so much.)
 
In my 30s and 40s when I was in decent shape and semi-popular at bathhouses, I got the most amazing blow jobs from older, often quite heavy guys.
 
I was never an escort, but as a guy who had sex a lot, I can say I had a blast with guys with all sorts of bodies, including old and fat ones.
 
Meanwhile, whatever karma I built up in those earlier decades seems to be paying off in my 50s and now 60s.

In my young nerdy/twinky days, I was at a performing arts school and got a crush on a dancer with the most perfect body ever. To my surprise, he was attracted to me. My first boyfriend! And he was the least sexually adventurous of anyone I ever slept with, I think. After a couple of weeks we lost interest in each other. (Not surprising for college kids I now realize.)
 
In the intervening years, I occasionally hooked up with someone with an “ideal” muscular body. Almost always a dud in bed. (When I got older and into muscle worship, that didn’t matter so much.)
 
In my 30s and 40s when I was in decent shape and semi-popular at bathhouses, I got the most amazing blow jobs from older, often quite heavy guys.
 
I was never an escort, but as a guy who had sex a lot, I can say I had a blast with guys with all sorts of bodies, including old and fat ones.
 
Meanwhile, whatever karma I built up in those earlier decades seems to be paying off in my 50s and now 60s.

How about, “Hey—I’m really into guys freshly showered and smelling clean. Can you get into that?”

Sex with average bodied guys is usually average sex. What is average sex? Tremendous.

Never confuse pretty gift-wrapping with solid, time-tested technique.
 
Some of the best sex I've had was with guys who were normal, everyday gents.
 
On the flip side, some of the worst sex I've had was with the 'hottest' looking guys. They were entirely too self-aware to just let go and give into it.

Actually several men on this forum have gotten raised by basketballer even though they have never met.

@Unicorn, I strongly urge you to talk this through with a professional therapist or a close thoughtful friend. Because of how y'all met, there is a clear power dynamic but it seems like you're unaware or unwilling to acknowledge it because it cheapens or invalidates the relationship in your mind. Perhaps I'm completely misreading everything, but it feels as though you're anxious and worried about it being real or him leaving you because he's so smart and attractive. As a result, you're objectifying him in ways that create tension and possible resentment on his part. Welcome to relationships! All relationships have give and take, power dynamics, objectification, authenticity, and more. They're complicated and messy and wonderful.
 
Is it possible he's completely lying and acting? Yes, it's possible. But, given how much time you spend together, he'd have to be sociopathic or psychopathic to pull it off without you being aware unless you're actively self-deceiving and in denial.
 
Nobody likes to be objectified (reduced to their attributes). We do love being acknowledged for the ways we excel, but once we are friends/intimate with someone, we expect more from people and begin to resent shallow compliments. I understand you are strongly attracted to him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, but you need some perspective. You need to seriously look at how you're thinking and talking about him and your relationship. What about him makes your heart beat faster? Really listen to yourself and how you think about him. Imagine what happens when he's "old" or god-forbid in a terrible accident. Will you still want him around? Be honest with yourself. Successful relationships require communication and a degree of honesty.
 
The "being out" issue could destroy the relationship if the two of you don't work through it together. I gather he comes from a conservative family from a machismo culture. If you continue to push him about it, he will resent you and you will resent him. Your journey is not his and his is not yours. If you truly love him the way you claim, talk to him! Find out his fears and why he's hesitant. See if there's a way you can talk about them to help him grow and develop to a point where he decides on his own to come out.
 
I urge communication but recognize that men from conservative machismo cultures frequently tend to be unable to articulate their emotions and thoughts in clear mature ways. Perhaps consider therapy? If he's open to it, this might help him to develop the emotional intelligence and skills to even communicate and think about these issues in a mature way and understand why they mean so much to you.
 
I'm sorry if I seem harsh. I'm trying to cut through some things because right now you are actively possibly sabotaging the relationship in a couple ways and I want you to be aware before it's too late.

Relationships are as individual as the individuals within them. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." The one thing I might address is, jumping back to his comment "Unicorn, I don't appreciate your objectifying me!". I would have been inclined to make it clear to him that when I compliment his appearance, it is a compliment, not an objectification, and that him thinking that of me is disappointing.

Bertrand Russell’s Advice For How (Not) to Grow Old: “Make Your Interests Gradually Wider and More Impersonal”
 
He wrote this when he was 81 years old. I'm not there yet. About 10 years away.
 
It would be interesting to hear advice from others in this forum on how they approach "growing old".
 
Actually, isn't it interesting in that we refer to it as GROWING old. It implies we are still growing in our interests and learning.
 
"The best way to overcome it [the fear of death]—so at least it seems to me—is to make your interests gradually wider and more impersonal, until bit by bit the walls of the ego recede, and your life becomes increasingly merged in the universal life. An individual human existence should be like a river: small at first, narrowly contained within its banks, and rushing passionately past rocks and over waterfalls. Gradually the river grows wider, the banks recede, the waters flow more quietly, and in the end, without any visible break, they become merged in the sea, and painlessly lose their individual being. The man who, in old age, can see his life in this way, will not suffer from the fear of death, since the things he cares for will continue. And if, with the decay of vitality, weariness increases, the thought of rest will not be unwelcome. I should wish to die while still at work, knowing that others will carry on what I can no longer do and content in the thought that what was possible has been done. "
 
Full read is here.
https://sites.google.com/site/gobenyan/essay

An observation, and an update.
 
As I think more about this scene from last week, it occurs to me that the boys, each having a very different college experience, have begun to diverge a bit from the past. Older Brother, so sarcastic before, is the one who got emotional, perhaps because of his serious relationship. Navy Twin is learning to be a leader, and he was the one who asked the question and explained their concern. And quiet, serious DePaul Twin was the one who saw the humor in it all. The twins haven't spoken in unison as much lately, so I think that's a sign of their paths separating, maybe.
 
And the update? They want to come play basketball with me before the break ends. My only reluctance is that they're half the age of most of the group and will probably kill us. @BabyBoomer suggested that they are either showing their acceptance of my life, or they want to scope out boyfriends for me. Probably both.

It never really seemed that this story would go any other way, at least to us here on the forum. I imagined you considered just about every way it could go and so I only can imagine your trepidation at the onset and your relief at the end. I am glad that the conversation started with a confirmation of your love for their mother. That seems to be a critical factor to me. In any case, this is only the end of the beginning, Next, the next chapter or your life and hopefully as uplifting an outcome.
By the way....DC meeting.....Friday at the IML. Come for a drink, stay for the entertainment.

None of your boys may have cried, but I just did while reading this. I'm glad it went well.
 
~Boomer~

Since manhunt hot clients don't hire as much as before.... but they still happen.
 
Grindr fatigue is bringing them back to hiring.

I’m married to a guy much younger than me, from Asia, who is not out to his family. It’s hard for him, because he doesn’t want to hurt or devestate his parents, who just don’t understand.
 
Your guy is young—still in college. His brain is still developing, as is his emotional maturity and sense of self. He may have a very human set of conflicting emotions—wanting to be in great shape, yet wanting to know you love him for who he is and not just his body.
 
Just love him. And remember you can be committed without being attached.
 
(Easier said than done, I know!)

I’m married to a guy much younger than me, from Asia, who is not out to his family. It’s hard for him, because he doesn’t want to hurt or devestate his parents, who just don’t understand.
 
Your guy is young—still in college. His brain is still developing, as is his emotional maturity and sense of self. He may have a very human set of conflicting emotions—wanting to be in great shape, yet wanting to know you love him for who he is and not just his body.
 
Just love him. And remember you can be committed without being attached.
 
(Easier said than done, I know!)

Does it count if he climbed in my bedroom window at the stroke of midnight with his birth certificate in hand?

Everyone I've ever had sex with? I can barely remember where I put my car keys or where the remote control is!

Only an old person would not realize that this happens at the gym, beach, etc. BECAUSE NUDE CANDID PICS ARE POSTED ONLINE ALL THE TIME. This is why. Everyone has camera phones now. Everyone under 40 knows someone who has had pics posted online without their permission - sometimes with no clothes on.