Having a crush on a masseur!!

[Mount N Do]

So what exactly is contemptible? That the guys who offer their services, because they were physically gifted to be able to do so, take our money? Am I the only one who has difficulty reconciling that? Isn’t that what we do? They provide, we pay. Now for those of us that choose to take it further, how is that a poor reflection on the provider?

 

Personally, I started hiring a little over four years ago. In that time, I can’t even remember how many guys I hired. In that time, I got dangerously close to two guys, but never lost sight of what this was-mutually. A little over a year ago, that changed. I knew what I was getting into. That’s not the providers responsibility. Especially if they’ve been honest. I’m in a situation that I’m pretty certain will not have a fairy tale ending. I know that. It’s my choice to continue engaging him, with the knowledge that I’m chasing pavement. It’s disengenuous to suggest Im being exploited. That’s just lazy.

[TruthBTold]

I guess I have a question. Can a provider at some point begin to realize that a client is becoming obsessive rather than merely soliciting the provider's business? Are there different ways to handle the situation?

[Rudynate]

So what exactly is contemptible? That the guys who offer their services, because they were physically gifted to be able to do so, take our money? Am I the only one who has difficulty reconciling that? Isn’t that what we do? They provide, we pay. Now for those of us that choose to take it further, how is that a poor reflection on the provider?

 

Personally, I started hiring a little over four years ago. In that time, I can’t even remember how many guys I hired. In that time, I got dangerously close to two guys, but never lost sight of what this was-mutually. A little over a year ago, that changed. I knew what I was getting into. That’s not the providers responsibility. Especially if they’ve been honest. I’m in a situation that I’m pretty certain will not have a fairy tale ending. I know that. It’s my choice to continue engaging him, with the knowledge that I’m chasing pavement. It’s disengenuous to suggest Im being exploited. That’s just lazy.

 

I guess I have a question. Can a provider at some point begin to realize that a client is becoming obsessive rather than merely soliciting the provider's business? Are there different ways to handle the situation?

 

I'm only guessing, but if the provider, when he sees a text from the client, says to himself, "Not him again, it's the third time this week" or some such, that could be a sign that a burdensome attachment is developing. And I imagine the determination would be fairly nuanced. Personal trainers and psychotherapists, for example, like certain clients better than they like others. Does that mean that the less popular client is being taken advantage of or that the provider should dump his less appealing clients? I don't know. In my entire career, I have fired three clients. To me that seems like a lot. My mentor, in his entire career, might have fired one client and that was only after a lot of soul-searching.

[+ tassojunior]

On the flip side----what do you do with a guy who cuts you off from sex but wants to remain extremely close friends?

The incredible sex was the only thing that made him interesting to me.

[+ tassojunior]

I guess I have a question. Can a provider at some point begin to realize that a client is becoming obsessive rather than merely soliciting the provider's business? Are there different ways to handle the situation?

 

Bank of America knows how to handle that situation.

[Rudynate]

On the flip side----what do you do with a guy who cuts you off from sex but wants to remain extremely close friends?

The incredible sex was the only thing that made him interesting to me.

 

If you aren't getting a thing from the friendship, the answer is obvious. But the answer to the question of whether or not you are getting anything from the relationship may not be so obvious. Even though you find the relationship burdensome, you may have a stake in the relationship because it validates your self-image in some way, for example. Or the friendship is a useful distraction, etc. etc

[Gadfly22]

I'm going against the grain on this one. I say go on seeing the guy as long as you are getting physical pleasure out of the experience. No matter how nice you think he is, sooner or later he will do something that makes it obvious he doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about him. Don't doubt me on this . Just happend to me last week. Gut wrenching but it will ultimately solve your problem.

[+ nycman]

I agree with both camps here. What tilts me one way or the other

depends on how you feel about the relationship. If you find yourself

constantly longing for it to go to a deeper level and you are incessantly

looking for minuet clues that he “might” feel the same way about you,

then it might be time to move on.

 

Like mental illness and any addiction, it’s when it keeps you from enjoying

a balanced and happy life....that you have a problem. Of course, identifying

that you’re on that road and headed for disaster is the part of the art of a well

lived life.

 

It sounds like you enjoy his company and the time you spend together. There

are many men on my “payroll” in various “positions”, some very sexual, some

not at all. I enjoy their company and I feel these men make my life richer and

they help keep me balanced.

 

You just have to do the math. On the whole....is your life better with him in it?

And does he help keep you balanced....or is he knocking you off balance?

 

In the end, I don’t think you have to end it......unless it’s unhealthy for you.

[Rudynate]

I agree with both camps here. What tilts me one way or the other

depends on how you feel about the relationship. If you find yourself

constantly longing for it to go to a deeper level and you are incessantly

looking for minuet clues that he “might” feel the same way about you,

then it might be time to move on.

 

Like mental illness and any addiction, it’s when it keeps you from enjoying

a balanced and happy life....that you have a problem. Of course, identifying

that you’re on that road and headed for disaster is the part of the art of a well

lived life.

 

It sounds like you enjoy his company and the time you spend together. There

are many men on my “payroll” in various “positions”, some very sexual, some

not at all. I enjoy their company and I feel these men make my life richer and

they help keep me balanced.

 

You just have to do the math. On the whole....is your life better with him in it?

And does he help keep you balanced....or is he knocking you off balance?

 

In the end, I don’t think you have to end it......unless it’s unhealthy for you.

 

 

That fact that there's a question at all means that the balance sheet is not favorable. If it were working, he would just be enjoying it and wouldn't think to ask for others' opinions.

[MassageDrew]

I’ve been contacted by another member a while back asking for advice on the same issue and my mistake was giving him more than my two cents. The only advice I can give you at this point is to walk away. It’s never a good idea to fall for someone under your payroll. It’s time you find another masseur or an escort. You’ll always hear what you want to hear for the right price.

[+ nycman]

That fact that there's a question at all means that the balance sheet is not favorable. If it were working, he would just be enjoying it and wouldn't think to ask for others' opinions.

I don’t completely agree. Questioning is a part of life.

Just because you are unsure, doesn’t mean you’re on the

wrong path. I agree it’s a warning sign though....and

it’s a part of the equation that needs to be considered.

[Gadfly22]

minuet clues

 

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[+ newatthis]

That fact that there's a question at all means that the balance sheet is not favorable. If it were working, he would just be enjoying it and wouldn't think to ask for others' opinions.

Keeping emotional balance in such situations is learned behavior for most of us -- if you succeed, you open yourself up to many wonderful experiences. And you don't learn without trying and making mistakes. Whether you can learn without emotional scarring is so completely dependent on who you are and what your tolerances are that giving simple yes/no advice is pointless. The OP now has lots of warnings about the dangers; only he can decide what he's willing to risk.

[Brutus]

I don't know what others have said but:

1) He does not feel the same about you, period.

2) It will only get worse.

3) You will ultimately embarrass yourself.

4) Have one more massage (if you think you won't get to the embarrassment stage).

5) When you go to schedule the next appointment, say you can't recall your schedule in the next weeks or months (or some such bullshit) and that you will have to call to schedule anything else.

6) Do not call to schedule anything in the future. He may wonder if it was something he did but you owe him no explanation as long as you paid him for his help and tipped appropriately.

6) Schedule with a really strong woman if you think she will be able help you because it sounds like the cycle will repeat for you.

⬆️ What he said.

[Smurof]

With the masseurs I enjoy seeing most frequently, I would be nothing less than a fool to think these people would spend any of their recreational time with me. I don't doubt they would be willing to do so if I not only paid for everything we do, but pay for their time in addition to that ("non-sexual escorting", as it's labeled). Masseurs have lives, and we are only a brief blip of it. They want our bodies to feel better, but most importantly want to receive financial gain in return for the service they offer.

 

It's natural to have strong feelings for someone you enjoy seeing frequently. Understand the feeling isn't mutual, and direct all that money you have not to someone else, but to something else entirely.

[pubic_assistance]

Massage therapy a nurturing form of human connection, and with a really good professional, it can definitely be mistaken for a more intimate relationship that is more than transactional...but it rarely is.

Your feelings are valid, in that you feel cared for, and you should have a connection to people who are there for you....

but let's not forget the difference between an actual bestie and pay4play professional.

[longtime lurker]

Threads like these make for interesting reading, not because they provide any useful information but because they reflect the individual posters' personalities. Some take long term relationships very seriously while others want to always be "as free as the wind" and not tied down. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with "loving" or "crushing on" a masseur. After all, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. I don't agree necessarily that the feelings can't be mutual. You just can't approach this relationship like you do some others due to the two basic stumbling blocks:

 

#1: Obviously this can't be an exclusive relationship. You can't be jealous of anybody else he is intimate with regardless of how far that intimacy goes. No, massage is not necessarily sexual but there is often as much touching involved as a doctor's visit. If you are seeking an all-exclusive "all or nothing at all" relationship, go to a dating app or a social activity to find somebody wanting the exact same thing you want.

 

#2: He needs to get paid in order to maintain a roof over his head, unless this is just a side hobby like kite flying. Just remember this: you are likely to spend a LOT more money on a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife or roommate than you ever would on a masseur.