Escort terminology

[+ José Soplanucas]

Sex worker is a term coined by Carol Leigh - the Scarlet Harlot - in the 70's as a way to politically ground the growing prostitutes rights movement. Since then it has become widely used internationally in both advocacy and health contexts, and I think is the word that the AP is supposed to use. I like the word and use it to refer to myself in what I do, but I wouldn't expect it to be used within my interactions with clients necessarily. Since I have no qualms about what I do, I have no concerns with what I'm called as long as the tone it is said in is respectful.

 

As a side note I do wish perhaps that clients and sex workers did perhaps bring a little bit of the politics of prostitution into their meetings. We are both experiencing a huge wave of criminalization together, and we are natural partners in fighting it. However, it always feels like a taboo subject to bring up. I suppose it isn't the hottest thing when the clock is running, but I wonder when and where we develop the relationships necessary to build solidarity together. Otherwise its just going to be sex workers who are out advocating against their own criminalization and the criminalization of clients second.

 

I am waiting for my retirement to become a public advocate for sex work in all its wonderful diversity.

[Rudynate]

Notes on Trick (cont'd)

 

16. Regrettably few Tricks are attractive enough to be allowed to discuss their innermost thoughts. Only those possessed of truly incredible cheekbones should ever be permitted to use the word

energy in a sentence unless they are referring to heating oil.

 

17. The Trick is not an equal but he is often an equalizer.

 

18. Occasionally a Trick will succeed so spectacularly that he will make the transition to person. When this occurs he will assume a truly amazing imperiousness of manner. People love to feel superior to their past.

 

19. Tricks almost always have pets. This is understandable, as everyone needs someone they can talk to on their own level.

 

20. Taking an emergency telephone call from a Dr. Juan or a Dr. Heather is certain to result in overinvolvement.

 

21. There is a distinct Trick taste in literature. Among favorite Trick books are those dealing with the quest for God, such as the words of Carlos Castaneda and Herman Hesse; those depicting a glamorous and torturous homosexuality, as in the case of Nightwood by Djuna Barnes; and those assuring Tricks that everything is fine and dandy, especially them. This sort of reading is generally harmless providing they have mastered the technique of reading quietly to themselves. For even the most hopelessly smitten will bridle at being awakened by Anaïs Nin.

 

22. When it comes to the visual arts a marked Trick preference is also evident. Work that falls into this category is easy to recognize, as the Trick is unfailingly attracted to that which looks as if he could (or did) make it himself.

 

23. Art movies on television are ideal for luring the reluctant Trick to one’s apartment. There are very few people who dabble in this field who have not seen the first twenty minutes of Loves of a Blonde more times than they care to count.

 

24. The Trick is, without fail, drawn to the interesting job. Interesting jobs, in this sense, include not only work in museum gift shops but also minor positions on the production crews of documentary films concerning birth defects.

 

25. The Trick, more often than not, will display an unconquerable bent for creativity. The East Coast Trick leans heavily toward the composition of free-verse poetry, while his West Coast counterpart goes in for song-writing. Tricks of all regions own expensive cameras with which they take swaggeringly grainy photographs of nearby planets and sensitive young drug addicts. This is not difficult to understand, as they are relentless admirers of that which they call art and you call hobbies.

 

“Can’t you see Dan that you are Horace’s plaything—When he talks about your ‘genius’—pulling your leg—that’s to get your ‘genius’!—

People always pull other people’s legs when they want to get hold of their genius!

 

—The Apes of God

, Wyndham Lewis

 

26. One man’s Trick is another man’s design assistant.

 

27. A New York hostess with a penchant for young boys gave a dinner at which a kind and fatherly magazine editor found himself seated across from her Trick. Seeking to put the boy at ease, the editor asked him politely what he did. “I’m an alchemist,” the boy replied. Overhearing the exchange, another guest whispered, “Alchemist? They used to be bank clerks.”

 

28. There is occasionally some question as to which member of a given duo is the Trick. This sort of confusion results when one (the elder) has money and the other (the younger) has talent. In such cases, and with all due respect to rising young luminaries, unless the money is exceedingly new and the talent exceedingly large, the money, as is its wont, wins. Or as was once said to a somewhat braggardly young artist while window-shopping at Porthaults, “If she has those sheets, you’re the Trick.”

 

29. Tricks like you for what they aren’t. You like Tricks for what you haven’t.

 

30. If one half of the couple is a waiter or waitress, he or she is always the Trick. Particularly, or in the case of New York City inevitably, if he or she has artistic ambitions. Such individuals may indeed traffic with those that they in turn refer to as Tricks, but that is a level of society far too submerged to be of any interest.

 

31. At public gatherings Tricks have been observed speaking to one another. What they actually say can only be a matter of conjecture but it is safe to assume that no money is changing hands.

 

32. The female Trick of great beauty can be readily identified by her habit of putting a cigarette in her mouth with an attitude of absolute assurance that someone else will light it.

 

33. It might appear to the casual observer that wives are Tricks. This betrays a sorry lack of perception, since no word as innately lighthearted as Trick could ever be used to describe someone with whom you share a joint checking account.

 

34. It is not good form to take a Trick out unless one is so firmly established as to be able to afford being associated with someone who might at any given moment write a poem in public.

 

35. Tricks are often plenteous gift givers. Upon receiving such offerings, one does well to forget old adages, for while it may certainly be true that good things come in small packages it must not be forgotten that this is also the case with ceramic jewelry.

 

36. Letters from female Tricks are immediately recognizable, as these girls are greatly inclined to cross their sevens and dot their i’s with little circles. In all probability this is caused by their associating the presence of a writing implement in their hand with the playing of tic-tac-toe.

“There is a Talmudic saying,” smiled Dr. Frumpfausen … “as follows. In choosing a friend, ascend a step. In choosing a wife, descend a step. When Froggie-would-a-wooing-go, when Froggie is you, my dear boy, he must step

down

, as many steps as there are beneath him—even unto the last!…”

 

—The Apes of God

 

Wyndham Lewis

 

37. Tricks are distinctly susceptible to the allure of faraway places. If you reside in the Village they want to breakfast at the Plaza. If you live in Murray Hill it’s Chinatown they long for. But no matter where you make your home, they all share a consuming desire to ride, in the middle of the night, the Staten Island Ferry. They will, without exception, consider your rejection of such a proposal cold and unfeeling, little realizing that you are simply protecting them from what you know would be overwhelming temptation were you ever to find yourself standing behind them on a moving boat.

 

• from Metropolitan Life, "Notes on Trick," by Fran Lebowitz
  

 

 

It's a pretty outmoded expression that is rarely heard any more. Even when Fran Liebowitz wrote Metropolitan Life, it was falling into disuse. It harks back to the days of the Mary queens in the 50s-60s, and smacks of self-oppression.

Edited February 24, 2018 by Rudynate

[Cyd_StVincent]

I am waiting for my retirement to become a public advocate for sex work in all its wonderful diversity.

 

I love that. I know that the stigma that clients face can feel very dangerous and with all the subtle ways that society communicates that people who hire sex workers are deficit in some way, I can only imagine how it must feel. However, I also know that as long as clients stay an almost completely silent group the anti's will be able to ascribe whatever characteristics they want onto ya'll, and only smart, caring, and real clients will be able to challenge that stigma.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I love that. I know that the stigma that clients face can feel very dangerous and with all the subtle ways that society communicates that people who hire sex workers are deficit in some way, I can only imagine how it must feel. However, I also know that as long as clients stay an almost completely silent group the anti's will be able to ascribe whatever characteristics they want onto ya'll, and only smart, caring, and real clients will be able to challenge that stigma.

 

I do not think we are a quiet group. I am pretty loud in my blog, and I am not the only one. I just cannot get publicly out of the closet. Yet.

Edited February 24, 2018 by latbear4blk

[Kenny]

It's a pretty outmoded expression that is rarely heard any more. Even when Fran Liebowitz wrote Metropolitan Life, it was falling into disuse. It harks back to the days of the Mary queens in the 50s-60s, and smacks of self-oppression.

The first gay bar I ever went to had little pencils and notepads scattered about. The notepads had Trick Sheet printed across the top. You could write down a name and phone number for later retrieval. (I always meant to ask the bar tender, with whom I had a fling, where they got them printed, but never did.)

 

I haven’t been inside a gay bar in years, but I imagine smart phones have made trick sheets into rare and valuable antique collectibles.

[gallahadesquire]

 

I haven’t been inside a gay bar in years, but I imagine smart phones have made trick sheets into rare and valuable antique collectibles.

 

As we deforest the planet, perhaps.

[Cyd_StVincent]

I do not think we are a quiet group. I am pretty loud in my blog, and I am not the only one. I just cannot get publicly out of the closet. Yet.

 

I like your blog - especially the item on transgenderism

[Rudynate]

As we deforest the planet, perhaps.

 

I always wondered whether it was maybe a gay urban myth that you couldn't leave the house without getting fistfuls of phone numbers. I never tried to get phone numbers particularly because whenever somebody gave me a number, I just let it lay on a table or dresser, without calling them, until I eventually threw it away.

[AndreFuture]

Sex work is an umbrella term I feel covers all areas of the industry. Porn, escorting, dancing, sugaring, cam models, phone sex operators, and even those bikini baristas.

 

It's a bit amusing to see people use "sex work" as a synonym for prostitution, since the latter is a subset of the former. It's also fascinating to see how other people understand and utilize terms (e.g., "escort" being distinctly not sex work or sexually related, as though "cars" can be distinct from and unrelated to "automobiles").

 

I'm fine with whatever terms are used, even if inacurate, so long as they're used respectfully. I often use "provider" and to a lesser extent "sex worker" and "escort" in a general and professional manner; among other providers and on Twitter, I'll use "hoe" as reclamation and in reference to myself, but admittedly be put off if a non SWer used it for me (unbalanced power dynamics being what they are).

Edited February 27, 2018 by AndreFuture

[Guest Listen for the pop]

It's a bit amusing to see people use "sex work" as a synonym for prostitution, since the latter is a subset of the former. It's also fascinating to see how other people understand and utilize terms (e.g., "escort" being distinctly not sex work or sexually related, as though "cars" can be distinct from and unrelated to "automobiles").

 

I'm fine with whatever terms are used, even if inacurate, so long as they're used respectfully. I often use "provider" and to a lesser extent "sex worker" and "escort" in a general and professional manner; among other providers and on Twitter, I'll use "hoe" as reclamation and in reference to myself, but admittedly be put off if a non SWer used it for me (unbalances power dynamics being what they are).

I appreciate your sense of humor in this thread! I started this out of general cluelessness. I’ve learned a lot from this. I have a pretty dry, sometimes dark, sense of humor. A little bit of levity goes a long way! Thank you!

[Rudynate]

It's a bit amusing to see people use "sex work" as a synonym for prostitution, since the latter is a subset of the former. It's also fascinating to see how other people understand and utilize terms (e.g., "escort" being distinctly not sex work or sexually related, as though "cars" can be distinct from and unrelated to "automobiles").

 

I'm fine with whatever terms are used, even if inacurate, so long as they're used respectfully. I often use "provider" and to a lesser extent "sex worker" and "escort" in a general and professional manner; among other providers and on Twitter, I'll use "hoe" as reclamation and in reference to myself, but admittedly be put off if a non SWer used it for me (unbalances power dynamics being what they are).

 

"Sex work" adds a layer of abstraction to "prostitution." What is amusing in that?

[AndreFuture]

"Sex work" adds a layer of abstraction to "prostitution." What is amusing in that?

I didn't fully convey my thoughts on this:

 

The use of SW as a synonym for prostitution is often at the exlcusion of acknowledging SW is a broad umbrella and descriptive of a host of other professions that are not prostitution (as was previously mentioned). At least, that's what I've come across.

 

With the example I gave, it would be like someone using "automobile" to talk about their car, but insisting a truck and bus are not automobiles. Admittedly, humor is often context and culture dependent, but I personally find that amusing.

[+ tassojunior]

How about friendly acquaintance? I mean I don’t think friends should be charged. But in most cases would you really condescend to see someone repeatedly if you couldn’t stand him?

 

Gman

 

A good escort is interested in seeing one person : Ben Franklin.

As many times as possible.

[+ Gar1eth]

How about friendly acquaintance? I mean I don’t think friends should be charged. But in most cases would you really condescend to see someone repeatedly if you couldn’t stand him?

 

Gman

A good escort is interested in seeing one person : Ben Franklin.

As many times as possible.

 

If escorts only want to see, Ben Franklin, they are going to need to go to the Christ Church Burial Ground, in Philadelphia, PA.

 

Gman

[Guest Listen for the pop]

This is really interesting to think about! Everyone I see is "my client," but as I mentioned in another thread, I have some regulars with whom I've developed a genuine friendship. I still refer to them as my clients. I actually love the term "client," I think it reinforces that what we do is something more than picking up streetwalkers. Ultimately, it all boils down to "money exchanged for goods and services," but there is a huge difference between "a client and his escort" and "a john picking up a strung-out twink for a $20 beej." I think the terms elevate what we do. I wonder, are we seeing "client" as just an attempt to dress up the word "john?"

 

As for myself, I definitely prefer "escort" over "hooker," but I have had some more dominant/verbal clients call me things like "trade" and "whore" in bed. I don't mind, my philosophy has always been "treat me like a prince, fuck me like a whore."

I really like your response. I said to the same escort when he objected to the term sex worker, “how about sex therapist?” He laughed at that which made me feel a little better. I asked what term he preferred to which he replied “escort.” I have actually seen a professional “sex therapist.” He only practiced “clinically.” That is to say there was no physical contact. We merely talked about sex and how to do it better, and feel better afterward without guilt. Can you tell I grew up Catholic! LOL I see a psychiatrist and he refers to me as a patient. I have a good friend who is a psychologist, unable to prescribe medication. He refers to the people he sees as clients. I do like the the term client for myself. You are right about the John, it makes me think of guys driving around looking for guys leaning on street poles saying things like “hey baby.” I’m really glad I started this thread! I have been learning SOO much!

[+ Gar1eth]

I see a psychiatrist and he refers to me as a patient. I have a good friend who is a psychologist, unable to prescribe medication. He refers to the people he sees as clients. I do like the the term client for myself.

 

There’s been a push-I don’t know what bright people started it-to change the name of the ‘class of people’ who seek medical/psychological help (ie patients) to clients. I think the supposed rationale for this change is because the Latin root for the word patient is verb meaning ‘to suffer.’ This terminology has particularly taken hold in the nursing, psychological, and allied health fields. Most physicians I think still use the word patient.

 

 

I’m not sure whose mindset is supposed to be affected by this change. I mean at first I thought it was supposed to make the patient feel more empowered. But in reality how many patients actually know that patient equates to suffering? So maybe the change is supposed to affect the mindset of the actual caregiver as they are the ones most likely to be taught the Latin meaning of the word? I also realize Shakespeare said, “What’s in a name?” And if clients and patients have the same type problems, then maybe there’s no difference between them.

 

But I don’t like the change. While I realize it’s most likely a holdover from a different time in this shift oriented/managed care world we currently find ourselves in, I feel like I’m a client at my bank, cleaners, lawyers, etc. I hope the medical/psychological professionals I see are more concerned for my welfare than the average ‘professions’ that have ‘clients’. It seems to me the term client is a subtle way to try to downgrade the relationship between patients and medical professionals. If that relationship isn’t special, then going to the Doctor will always be like going thru a drive-thru quack shack where you meet a faceless/nameless caregiver and you are a faceless patient. Sure for an occasional problem that’s ok. But what if you need a professional to really take an interest in you?

 

And once we downgrade the status of the medical professional/patient relationship to client, how long before we become merely customers?

 

Gman

[LivingnLA]

There’s been a push-I don’t know what bright people started it-to change the name of the ‘class of people’ who seek medical/psychological help (ie patients) to clients. I think the supposed rationale for this change is because the Latin root for the word patient is verb meaning ‘to suffer.’ This terminology has particularly taken hold in the nursing, psychological, and allied health fields. Most physicians I think still use the word patient.

 

 

I’m not sure whose mindset is supposed to be affected by this change. I mean at first I thought it was supposed to make the patient feel more empowered. But in reality how many patients actually know that patient equates to suffering? So maybe the change is supposed to affect the mindset of the actual caregiver as they are the ones most likely to be taught the Latin meaning of the word? I also realize Shakespeare said, “What’s in a name?” And if clients and patients have the same type problems, then maybe there’s no difference between them.

 

But I don’t like the change. While I realize it’s most likely a holdover from a different time in this shift oriented/managed care world we currently find ourselves in, I feel like I’m a client at my bank, cleaners, lawyers, etc. I hope the medical/psychological professionals I see are more concerned for my welfare than the average ‘professions’ that have ‘clients’. It seems to me the term client is a subtle way to try to downgrade the relationship between patients and medical professionals. If that relationship isn’t special, then going to the Doctor will always be like going thru a drive-thru quack shack where you meet a faceless/nameless caregiver and you are a faceless patient. Sure for an occasional problem that’s ok. But what if you need a professional to really take an interest in you?

 

And once we downgrade the status of the medical professional/patient relationship to client, how long before we become merely customers?

 

Gman

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-doesnt-kill-us/201308/patients-or-clients

 

http://thehealthcareblog.com/blog/2015/03/21/patients-are-not-customers/

 

http://www.workingnurse.com/articles/Patient-Client-Consumer

 

There's been an ongoing debate for many years about patient vs client vs customer.

 

I'm not a fan of customer in healthcare contexts, I prefer client because it puts us explicitly in the driver's seat and reinforces the point that we are supposed to be making informed decisions and we're not just another suffering human to be saved by the superhero know-it-all doctor. The term "patient" means "enduring without complaint." How arrogant and condescending is that? And look how it forecloses possible solutions and avenues of treatment when we assume everyone seen is enduring something without complaint. But, as with what's happened and happening in education, I worry far more about the corporatization of healthcare than about specific words even as I realize such words have real cultural power.

 

And to return to the thread's topic:

 

I prefer escort because sometimes a session has nothing to do about sex and it's important to make that distinction when I'm looking for a professional who's able to hold my attention intellectually and emotionally during dinner, drinks, or accompanying me in some other activity.

Edited February 27, 2018 by LivingnLA

[Aaron_Bauder]

How many fairies can fit on the head of needle?

- A Dissertation

[mike carey]

I wouldn't get hung up on the origin of words. Meanings change over time and sometimes all reference to a word's origin is lost. Who uses awful to mean fill with awe? The OED lists the meaning of patient as, 'A person receiving or registered to receive medical treatment.' It has lost any trace of its origin. 'Endure without complaint' is the definition of the adjective, not the noun, and I don't think patients are expected, by definition, to be patient. I recall a [probably apocryphal] story of a student referring to clients in a pharmacy lecture only to have the lecturer state imperiously that lawyers and prostitutes have clients, pharmacists have patients. That is not to say I don't get snippy about some of the shifts of usage. I bridle at announcements on trains and aeroplanes referring to customers instead of passengers. It may be a useful way to remind staff that that is their relationship with the passengers, but not as a way to address said passengers.

[Rudynate]

I wouldn't get hung up on the origin of words. Meanings change over time and sometimes all reference to a word's origin is lost. Who uses awful to mean fill with awe? The OED lists the meaning of patient as, 'A person receiving or registered to receive medical treatment.' It has lost any trace of its origin. 'Endure without complaint' is the definition of the adjective, not the noun, and I don't think patients are expected, by definition, to be patient. I recall a [probably apocryphal] story of a student referring to clients in a pharmacy lecture only to have the lecturer state imperiously that lawyers and prostitutes have clients, pharmacists have patients. That is not to say I don't get snippy about some of the shifts of usage. I bridle at announcements on trains and aeroplanes referring to customers instead of passengers. It may be a useful way to remind staff that that is their relationship with the passengers, but not as a way to address said passengers.

 

 

Speech and language have enormous power, more than many people appreciate. Common words, like "patient," are loaded with implied meaning that has the power to shape ones experience without a person even realizing it.

[+ Gar1eth]

I wouldn't get hung up on the origin of words. Meanings change over time and sometimes all reference to a word's origin is lost. Who uses awful to mean fill with awe? The OED lists the meaning of patient as, 'A person receiving or registered to receive medical treatment.' It has lost any trace of its origin. 'Endure without complaint' is the definition of the adjective, not the noun, and I don't think patients are expected, by definition, to be patient. I recall a [probably apocryphal] story of a student referring to clients in a pharmacy lecture only to have the lecturer state imperiously that lawyers and prostitutes have clients, pharmacists have patients. That is not to say I don't get snippy about some of the shifts of usage. I bridle at announcements on trains and aeroplanes referring to customers instead of passengers. It may be a useful way to remind staff that that is their relationship with the passengers, but not as a way to address said passengers.

 

Speech and language have enormous power, more than many people appreciate. Common words, like "patient," are loaded with implied meaning that has the power to shape ones experience without a person even realizing it.

 

Maybe I’m the only one. But I feel personally that a physician has more responsibility to a patient than a customer. A customer can be forgotten after 5 pm. I’d prefer a physician/healthcare worker who was more invested in me.

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

My day (technically night!) job is in medicine. I can assure you, the only people in healthcare pushing for "client" or "customer" over "patient" are academics who haven't been at the bedside in twenty years. The only time I saw "client" in a clinical context was during boards. I agree that healthcare is an entirely different beast than, say, retail, and they should not be treated as equal commodities.

 

I won’t dispute except to say I believe ‘client’ is the current lingo with hospital social workers/outpatient social workers.

 

Gman

[LivingnLA]

All good points. One of the reasons I enjoy this forum, so many smart people willing to contribute to the discussion.

[Guest Listen for the pop]

These last several posts have me thinking even more that “provider” may be a little too obtuse to refer to an escort. I like to think that an escort “provides” something a lot more personal than say... my insurance provider/ company? LOL Escort does have a sort of “southern distinction?” Associated. Hello Blanche, this is ____ my escort for the evening. LOL

[gallahadesquire]

All good points. One of the reasons I enjoy this forum, so many smart people willing to contribute to the discussion.

 

And we dolts like them, too!