A Death In The Family

[+ Gar1eth]

It hasn’t been an extremely great year for my family with my Dad dying in April and my diagnoses of thyroid cancer and myasthenia gravis (which by the way seems to be undergoing somewhat of remission. I still have weak eyelids, but I would probably have never noticed that. It was the speech and swallowing problems that were what I noticed, and they seem much improved.)

 

November is also not a great month for my family. I had two grandparents die in November. One died right before Thanksgiving, and the other died 14 or so years later sometime after Thanksgiving.

 

Yesterday I was woken up with a phone call from my mother to find out one of my younger cousins had died suddenly. To be technical she was a first cousin once removed. When my mother told me, it felt like a gut punch. But after that it didn’t seem real. It still doesn’t. But over the course of the day yesterday and even now, every time I think about her, I start tearing up.

 

I can’t remember the first time I actually saw her after she was born, but I remember buying a baby gift for her. It was a stuffed yellow teddy bear. I don’t think it lasted very long. But I still remember buying it.

 

Facebook doesn’t help with the feeling of unreality. I think I mentioned this in a previous post, but recently two people whom I wasn’t extremely close to, but who were fairly active on Facebook, died suddenly. One, whom again I wasn’t extremely close to, but I had known since 1st grade. So here you have people with recent posts. If their page hasn’t been deactivated yet, you can see their last posts. My cousin last posted on the fifth. That’s only 12 days ago. Yet she is no longer here

 

 

It’s all so very sad. She has children-all under the age of four-who will never know her. I can’t even imagine what it was like for her husband to wake up and realize something was wrong.

 

It’s ridiculous I know. But after several recent ‘tragedies’ in my family-someone else who also had thyroid cancer and had a recurrence which is not the best prognosis-and this-I keep thinking these kind of things ought to have happened to me. I’m not married. I have no children. I’m not saying my family wouldn’t miss me. But I have no illusions. I might be mentioned occasionally after I’m gone. But I have no children or grandchildren to keep my flame alive. I also don’t really have any close friends who will be devastated by my passing.

 

Please don’t think I’m actively suicidal from saying this. I’m not. I can’t even really imagine offing myself. It’s just my cousin was only in her early thirties. She was such a vibrant and exuberant person. I can hear her voice and her laughter now.

 

I still can’t get it through my head that I’ll never see her at future family gatherings. She was really much too young to be taken from our family.

 

Gman

[jjkrkwood]

Inevitably, we will all be touched by death in our lifetime, and our own mortality lie in the balance until "its OUR time"... I am the last in MY family... I have lost everyone around me, including my longtime partner... but it hasnt broken me, as I know "it's just not my time yet".... I identify with your situation Gar, and empathize... All I can offer are words of encouragement and strength. Make the most of the time you have. do things that make you happy in the moment. Death knows no Age, and often seems unfair when those taken are so young. It's not for us to question.... I did that for a long time and it got me nowhere, no answers.

 

Now I wake up each day and say to myself "I was given another day, what am I gonna do with it" ? It's good you feel safe to talk about your feelings here, and just know there are people that ARE listening, and offering their support. GOD BLESS......

[bigvalboy]

Inevitably, we will all be touched by death in our lifetime, and our own mortality lie in the balance until "its OUR time"... I am the last in MY family... I have lost everyone around me, including my longtime partner... but it hasnt broken me, as I know "it's just not my time yet".... I identify with your situation Gar, and empathize... All I can offer are words of encouragement and strength. Make the most of the time you have. do things that make you happy in the moment. Death knows no Age, and often seems unfair when those taken are so young. It's not for us to question.... I did that for a long time and it got me nowhere, no answers.

 

Now I wake up each day and say to myself "I was given another day, what am I gonna do with it" ? It's good you feel safe to talk about your feelings here, and just know there are people that ARE listening, and offering their support. GOD BLESS......

 

Well said...

[+ Charlie]

Gar1eth, what you are feeling is normal, not pathological. Memento mori. You are grieving for a loss which also reminds you of your own mortality. It is something we all must learn to live with, without stifling our own enjoyment of life.

[+ quoththeraven]

Life can be random and who dies when (and why) seemingly unjust. Keep on keeping on the best you can.

[rvwnsd]

@Gar1eth I'm saddened and sorry to hear about your cousin. In my family, January and February seem to be the bad months.

 

I also hope that something @jjkrkwood said, which resonated with me, will help you

 

...I know "it's just not my time yet"...

 

My mother was a firm believer in "when it is time, it is time." For her, it was April 16, 2008. Three days before her 76th birthday. Honestly, it was that belief that helped my brother and I get through our loss and have the strength to help my dad through his.

 

I wish you hope and peace in your time of loss.

[+ FreshFluff]

I am sorry to hear it, Gman. It's especially troubling because she had a young family. My thoughts are with you and your family as you grieve.

[coriolis888]

 

Now I wake up each day and say to myself "I was given another day, what am I gonna do with it" ? It's good you feel safe to talk about your feelings here, and just know there are people that ARE listening, and offering their support. GOD BLESS......

 

 

 

Well said.

 

Let me add a little something more from a wise old man who had similar thoughts:

 

“Ah, make the most of what we yet may spend,

Before we too into the Dust descend;

Dust into Dust, and under Dust to lie

Sans Wine, sans Song, sans Singer, and — sans End!”

 

―Omar Khayyam

[+ stevenkesslar]

Thank you for sharing this with us, Gareth. I think you have been an inspiration for all of us.

 

[+ WilliamM]

Gman, I am so sorry you are going through such a rough period.

 

All of my grandparents died before I was six years old, but I had many aunts and uncles. Somehow that balanced out. But, life usually is not that fair. I will think of you often for the rest of the year and well into 2018. Most important: Take care of yourself.

 

Please post again soon.

[+ Gar1eth]

The last major deaths in my family were my Aunt (my cousin’s grandmother) right around the time of the Boston Marathon Bombing (we had a family member in Boston who was only streets away from the blast, and I think he had a bit of trouble making it to the funeral), and my father last April. I don’t remember with them this feeling of unreality-as though how could my cousin be gone. Maybe it’s just that time does heal wounds eventually, or maybe it’s her age.

 

I don’t want people thinking we were bosom buddies. We weren’t. I’m of her parents’ generation. But I first saw her within a month or two after she was born. I watched her and her siblings grow up. I shared innumerable family dinners with her. I was at her bat mitzvah. She had a ready smile and laugh. And now she is just memories and pictures.... I wish I believed in heaven. It would be a great comfort to think of my Dad, my aunt, and my grandparents being there to welcome her. Three of my grandparents/her great-grandparents she never met. But as much as I’d like to believe, I don’t.

 

Gman

[+ Gar1eth]

I’m on a plane now about to take off to go home for the funeral. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go. But things worked out.

 

I thought I was getting a bit used to the idea. But thinking of my cousin now is still bringing tears. I envy people with Faith.

 

I want to thank all of you for all the kind thoughts and postings. They’ve been very comforting to me.

 

Gman

[bigvalboy]

I’m on a plane now about to take off to go home for the funeral. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go. But things worked out.

 

I thought I was getting a bit used to the idea. But thinking of my cousin now is still bringing tears. I envy people with Faith.

 

I want to thank all of you for all the kind thoughts and postings. They’ve been very comforting to me.

 

Gman

 

 

It is not necessary for you to believe Gman. It is only necessary that you do what feels right at this moment. I think going will give you closure, and a sense that it is the right thing to do. Prayers to you this morning...

[+ sync]

My condolences to you and your family. When life renders such a particularly harsh and unfair tragedy, the grief is compounded immeasurably. The strength(s) you have exhibited while addressing your own difficulties will surely be beneficial and much appreciated by your family in these times.

[hougalwizard]

I too am sorry for your losses, Gmail, as well as the losses of the others who shared in response.