I'd have given different advice

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: During my entire 40-year marriage, I have wondered if my husband is bisexual. He met his friend “Ernie” around the same time he met me. My husband has always had female friends as well as Ernie. When he came home late, I’d accuse him of having affairs with his female co-workers.

We have stayed together, although there have been a lot of arguments. Years ago, my brother-in-law went golfing with my husband and Ernie. My brother-in-law told me my problem wasn’t another woman — it was a man. When I asked why he thought that, he said my husband and Ernie were in their own little world. He said he wasn’t jealous of their friendship, but it was just his opinion.

To cut to the chase, not long ago, my husband and three other friends went on a golf trip. There was a king-size bed in the master bedroom, a second bedroom with two queen-size beds, and a sofa sleeper. I asked my husband about the sleeping arrangements, and he said one slept on the couch, one in the room with two queen beds, and he and Ernie shared the king-size bed.

When I asked what the other guys thought about the two of them sleeping in the same bed he yelled, “I don’t care what they thought!” I said, “And it appears you don’t care what your wife thinks either.”

My husband has always said, “There isn’t another woman. You know I love you.” He has always denied being bi. He makes me feel like I’m crazy. Please tell me what you think. — FINALLY FED UP IN DELAWARE

DEAR FED UP: For two men to share a bed when there is another option is, in my opinion, questionable. Never having met your husband, I hesitate to state whether he is or isn’t cheating on you with Ernie. Being bisexual does not make a person an adulterer. If he were to confirm your suspicion that he is bisexual, would it change your longtime marriage? WHO CARES WHETHER YOUR HUSBAND IS BI? CAN YOU LIVE WITH A MAN WHO IS STUPID ENOUGH TO HAVE TOLD YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT THE SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS? THAT, my friend, is the $64,000 question.

DEAR ABBY: I admire your wit and appreciate your candor SUCK UP!, which is why I’m writing to you. I’ve been dating a man for 4 1/2 years. He’s 56; I’m 60. I hope for a life with him, marriage, a place of our own, etc.

The only obstacle is his obligation to look after his aging parents and help them stay in their home, which he promised them years ago.

At first, I was OK waiting for him to finish with them OFF and looking forward to a time for us. I tried to help.

I even moved into his parents’ home with the three of them, as I am a certified home care aide, but his mother was impossible.

Even though it was her idea that I move in, it became obvious that she didn’t want my help with anything. She even banned me from “her” kitchen.

I spent six months there, sleeping in my own room, separated from my love, because in their world, if you’re not married and you’re having sex, you’re a sinner who’s going to hell.

Of course, we were having sex discreetly WHORE!, but apparently not discreetly enough, because his mother was absolutely certain we were having sex in her house against her rules. WHAT RULES DOES SHE HAVE FOR SEX?

Abby, it was a nightmare. There was more involved, but I was ultimately turned out of the house with no notice.

LONG story short: I don’t know if I can wait much longer for the life with him I want. Who knows how long this will go on. I’m losing faith it will ever work out. What do you advise? — RESTLESS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR RESTLESS: You and your boyfriend are adults and entitled to a sex life if you want one.

That he allowed his controlling mother to “turn you out of the house with no notice” (!) and couldn’t find the courage to enlighten her that if you left, he would be out of there, too, should have been the wake-up call you needed to move on.

Four and a half years has been long enough to wait. If you want the life you describe, your chances will be far better if you continue looking for a man who is available, because this one clearly isn’t. IN OTHER WORDS, KILL THE BITCH AND HER SON!

DEAR ABBY: My son married a girl from Taiwan. She’s sweet but very uncultured. I have tried for more than 10 years to get along with her, but it has been very hard. We have nothing in common except my son.

She doesn’t cook very often, or clean or do laundry. Her English is terrible. She dresses poorly, has no interest in her home and celebrates no holidays. We are never invited to dinner. We always entertain them. They have no children.

Our relationship with our son is strong, but I have grown to dislike her. She does very little for him. Her interest in saving money at the expense of any enjoyment is sad. I don’t know what to do. Help, please. — DISAPPOINTED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: OK, so she’s not your ideal daughter-in-law. Your son married this woman for a reason. SHE MUST BE A TOTAL FREAK IN BED!

The question is, does she make him happy? If the answer is yes, SHE MUST BE A TOTAL FREAK IN BED! devote your energy to focusing on that rather than your negative feelings about her.

And when you entertain them, rather than do it grudgingly, remember SHE MUST BE A TOTAL FREAK IN BED! you are doing it for him. (And smile.)

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am 43, and I have been talking to this guy for seven months. We agree that we aren’t dating, and we are best friends with benefits. But it seems as though we spend all our time together and that we are basically dating, but without the title. How do I get this commitment-phobe to realize we should be together without actually telling him? It would scare him off. — Lacking Status in New Jersey

Dear Lacking SLUT: To you, the relationship you have with this guy seems like dating. To him, it’s friends with benefits. Nothing will change unless the two of you can have an honest conversation. If his way of handling it is to head for the hills — after seven months — then he really isn’t what you’re looking for. Sorry. WHY WOULD HE BUY THE COW WHEN HE CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE?

Dear Abby: I have a woman friend I take out to lunch every once in a while. I often pay the check. When she goes back home to her husband, he’s upset that she didn’t bring something back for him. He tells my friend, “It’s what partners do.”

Abby, these people are not without food or the means to get it. Neither one is starving, and he doesn’t bring back anything for her when he goes out. What are your thoughts on this? — Not Buying for Two

Dear Not Buying: The next time you take this friend to lunch, if she asks to order something for her husband, tell her it’s fine with you, but his portion of the check will be on HER.

P.S. And if “that’s what partners do” for each other, it shouldn’t be a one-way street. What a manipulator! WTF? LET HER ORDER SOMETHING FOR HIM, THEN WHEN SHE’S NOT LOOKING, PUT LAXATIVES AND/OR RAT POISON IN IT.

Dear Abby: I am the mother of a daughter, “Rebecca,” I placed for adoption when I was a teenager. Long story short, we have reunited. We not only have a wonderful relationship, but I have a great relationship with Rebecca’s adoptive mom, and my husband and children (with my husband) all have an open and caring relationship with her.

Fast-forward to my recent visit with Rebecca. She and I were out, and we ran into a friend of hers. She introduced me by saying, “This is Sally, my birth mother.” I had no problem with it and received a warm reception from her friend (who, I think, did have some “backstory” knowledge).

However, my later thoughts led me here: If the situation would be reversed, and I would be introducing her to someone, what do I say? There’s NO term for our “status.” I think of her as my daughter, but most people who have known me and my husband for 30 years or so don’t know I had a child as a teenager.

I love Rebecca, who is 50 now. Why isn’t there a term to describe who she is to me (without long explanations)? I feel like this relationship needs a term, too. — Reunited in Louisiana

Dear Reunited: Try this on for size: When you introduce your daughter to someone who hasn’t met her before, say, “I’d like you to meet THE PROOF THAT I WAS A TRAMP AS A TEENAGER, my oldest daughter, Rebecca.”

[viewing ownly]

Sam, a prequel - I'm only having fun with you here, but I deem it mandatory.

Dear Abby, there's this guy I know (of) who likes to take advice you give, and offer alternate advice that is more graphic and pointed, followed by a bunch of silly doodles, photos, and emojis. I don't read the context in full, because it's longer than a script for a three hour movie. 

I don't know what my bigger concern is, typing to him to scale it back a bit, or delete this letter to you since I know that you're already dead.

Sincerely, clueless betwixt one 

[samhexum]

13 minutes ago, viewing ownly said:

Dear Abby, there's this guy I know (of)

 

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I am a retiree with diabetes and heart trouble. My husband is disabled. I’m his sole caregiver when I have the energy to do it. Our adult daughter lives with us and works full time in the medical field on weekends. She does practically nothing around the house.

The real problem is, we have four dogs. Two of them are large. All four spend a lot of time in the house. The youngest is a puppy that already weighs 50 pounds. She’s uncontrollable — jumping, biting, scratching my arms with her claws and barking. I’ve been a dog owner my entire life, and I have never seen another one behave like this.

I was against getting the puppy but was outvoted by my husband and daughter. Of course, as soon as the novelty wore off, it became my responsibility to feed her, clean up her house-training messes and take care of her. I have begged my daughter to get her trained as she promised, but she always has an excuse.

Abby, I am exhausted! I’m ready to say, “It’s the dog or me,” but I have nowhere else to go. My husband is barely mobile and is often confined to his bed. We had home health care last year, but that ended when Medicare would no longer pay. I can barely take care of him and do everything that must be done. The dog is just too much. Help! — Overwhelmed in Texas

Dear Overwhelmed: I know you are exhausted, but enough is enough. For the sake of your own health, summon the strength to assert yourself. Is your daughter paying for her food and rent? If not, give her a list of chores you expect her to do — including starting dog-training classes with the animal she insisted become a member of the household. If she refuses, contact an animal rescue group to find it a new home. Then follow through.

P.S. A large, undisciplined dog could cause you or your husband to trip and fall, and the result could be catastrophic. If your daughter decides to leave, she can take her canine wrecking ball with her. Problem solved. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN SUCH AN OBVIOUS SOLUTION… KILL THE BITCH, AND AFTERWARD, GIVE THE DOG AWAY.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about invitation etiquette. I want to invite family members and friends I haven’t seen or spoken with in a long time to my children’s birthday parties and special events like baptisms. However, I do not want to seem like I am soliciting gifts or money.

I have heard that it is improper to request “no gifts” on the invitation because that assumes gifts would be given. What is proper etiquette for this? I want to see my family members, but I don’t want to offend them. — COME CELEBRATE IN NEW YORK

DEAR CELEBRATE: I can’t see how family members who are invited to a child’s birthday party would be offended. If they want to attend, fine. If they can’t, so be it. However, children’s birthday parties do require some sort of gift, and it shouldn’t be a hardship to provide something. Relatives and friends whose children are invited to the party will automatically bring a gift. WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU WILL END UP A PARIAH… KIDS’ BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE A HELLISH TRAP FOR PARENTS VIS-A-VIS GIFTS.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is 69, recently moved close to where my wife and I live to be near us as she ages. On the whole, this has been great for all of us. Mom is in good health and still very active. She walks every day and takes care of her house and garden. We see her often.

The problem is, she is very resistant to meeting new people or going out without us. She says she will never find friends as good as the ones she left behind, so it’s not worth trying. We encouraged her to join the senior center, which she did, but she quit after a month, saying the people there are “too old.”

I took her to church, but after the second Sunday, she announced she’s not going back. My wife tried to get her to join a club or volunteer at our kids’ school, but Mom said she doesn’t like to be on a schedule. Several neighbors invited her over, but she always makes excuses to decline. I think they have stopped asking.

Because she’s independent, this isn’t a big deal now. But I’m worried that if she doesn’t get to know people while she’s still active, we’ll be her only source of support as she ages.

You often ask if older parents are experiencing a change of personality caused by old age or dementia, and I don’t think this is the case here. Mom’s always been shy. Now she’s shy and stubborn. What are my options? — LOOKING OUT FOR MOM IN CHICAGO

DEAR LOOKING OUT: Among my first thoughts is that your mother isn’t the independent person you described, and she’s setting herself up to be completely dependent upon you and your wife for social interaction. It isn’t healthy for ANY of you.

Before she isolates herself further than she already has, sit her down and tell her directly that you do not want this to happen and that she MUST make more of an effort to interact with others. While relationships are not interchangeable, she once had a social life, and she will again IF she makes an effort.

If her shyness prevents her from easily conversing with strangers, suggest that she volunteer at an animal shelter. That way she will be out of the house, interacting with others and not solely dependent on you. MAKE SURE YOU’RE IN THE WILL AND KILL HER.

DEAR ABBY: My friend “Sally” has been dating this guy for 10 years. Their relationship has been rocky from the beginning, and he doesn’t seem to want to commit. He acts like he doesn’t want to even BE with her, spending time only when it’s convenient for him.

He has put Sally through a lot. He was involved with this other woman. He said it was because she knew some things about him and was holding it against him and he couldn’t tell my friend. I think he’s a narcissist. What advice can you give her? — ASKING FOR A FRIEND

DEAR ASKING: Knowing that the most unwanted advice is that which is unasked for, I would wait until the next time Sally complains about the treatment this man has given her for the last 10 years. Then I would suggest that she talk with a licensed mental health professional about how to rebuild her self-esteem. KILL THE BUTT-IN-SKI ‘FRIEND’ WHO WANTS TO RUIN A RELATIONSHIP SHE’S OBVIOUSLY SATISFIED WITH.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I’m a single man, and have been for 15 years. A year ago, I met a guy, “Josh,” and we fell in love. He lived 240 miles away. A month ago, he transferred his job to my city and moved in with me. (I supported this 100%.) I had sown my wild oats long before he moved in.

Everything was going great until recently. Josh logged into my computer and saw all my emails and text messages, some of which were as recent as a week ago. I have been updating old flings that I’m no longer on the market, but in one particular text, I didn’t give such information. Instead, I simply didn’t respond.

Later that day, Josh confronted me and began to cry. He said I hurt him, and he doesn’t know how to trust me again. Abby, I love Josh with all my heart, and I’m trying to weed out old “flings” as they come in, but as I mentioned, I’ve been single for 15 years and it will take time.

Since this happened, I have deleted a lot of text messages and updated my social media to “in a relationship,” but I’m still unsure how Josh feels. Was he right to go through my emails and text messages? I have since changed my password, but I need advice. What should I do or say to him to make him feel confident in our relationship? I don’t want to lose him. — FORMER BACHELOR IN TEXAS

DEAR FORMER BACHELOR AMORAL SLUT: The questions I have to ask you are: Why did Josh go into your computer, and why did he feel it was necessary to snoop through your texts and emails? DISSOLVE INTO A PUDDLE LIKE A LITTLE BITCH OVER ONE MESSAGE? How much do you know about his personal history, and did he have trust MENTAL HEALTH issues that started before you met? Tell Josh you would like the two of you to get couples counseling from a LGBTQ community center, if he will agree. If he does, AS FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER AS POSSIBLE; it may save your relationship LIFE.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have been estranged for eight years. She had an “unusual” relationship with my ex-husband, meaning they moved in together three days after I left him. My entire family insists there’s nothing between them. She blames me, and even though I have reached out, she has never responded. She tells people all kinds of awful things about me and blames me for not knowing her girls. How can I know them if I can’t see them or meet them? I send gifts in the mail, but I’m somehow the “monster”? Help, please. — HURT IN MARYLAND

DEAR HURT: You wouldn’t have left your husband if the marriage had been hunky-dory. That your sister took him in with no romantic involvement is suspicious. (Does your family also believe in the tooth fairy?) Surely your ex or your sister would have liked a romantic relationship with someone, if not each other.

Of this, I am certain: You cannot control what someone says about you. But you CAN control how you react. Stop listening to gossip your sister spreads, and be suspicious of anyone who insists on telling you about it. Do not expect to have a relationship with her or her daughters, because it isn’t likely to happen. Just put one foot in front of the other, go on with your life and spend as little time as possible looking backward. BUY A GUN…

Edited August 21, 2024 by samhexum
because he's bored as hell

[samhexum]

• DEAR ABBY: My sister has a squawky bird she insists on keeping alongside the dinner table when she invites guests for dinner. Its ear-piercing screeching inhibits guests’ ability to carry on normal conversation, so I asked her if, in the future, she could please put the bird in another room during dinner. She responded that the bird is a family member. I said, “So are children, but they aren’t permitted to run around the dining table screeching when there is company over.”

  This year, when we returned for another dinner, she pulled the bird and its cage even closer to the table and the person sitting next to her than last time. She apparently decided the comfort of her guests is not as important as her closeness to the bird.

  I don’t know how to address this in the future when she disregards my feedback. Aside from the squawking, it’s not appealing to have a birdcage pulled up alongside a dinner table, or to have the host constantly distracted and conversation interrupted. What is your advice? — NERVE-WRACKED IN NEW JERSEY

  DEAR NERVE-WRACKED: Because it’s clear your advice wasn’t appreciated, the next time you are invited to a dinner party at your sister’s home, feel free to say you are busy. The only bird at the table should be a nice roasted chicken or a stuffed turkey.

  BIRD OWNERS ARE JUST WEIRD. MAYBE DINNERS WOULD BE MORE ENJOYABLE IF THE BIRD IS ALLOWED TO FLY AROUND AND YOUR SISTER IS PUT IN A CAGE.

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 42 years passed away a year and a half ago. He was a talented singer. Five months before he died, while he was still well enough to sing, two young ladies came to our home with a keyboard and microphones and recorded him singing worship songs. This was supposed to be so that his grandsons, who would be very young when he passed, would be able to hear him in the future. These young women were considered close family friends for many years.

They have now cut all ties with me and won’t respond to any of my requests for the recording. I am hurt beyond words because we loved them like family. One of them just released an album of worship songs. She had tried for several years to get my husband to work on it with her. What should I do? — SINGING A SAD SONG

DEAR SINGING: What you should do now is consult an attorney and share what happened. At the very least, you should get the recording and, if they have profited financially from it, a portion of the money. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

DEAR ABBY: I had an unpleasant experience when I joined a friend and a friend of hers at a restaurant for dinner recently. I arrived at the agreed-upon time, actually early, and expected to find them waiting in the lobby for me. They were nowhere to be seen, so texted my friend several times to tell her I was there and to ask where they were. I finally walked around the crowded restaurant and found them seated and eating salads and rolls. They had already ordered their dinners. I was angry.

I thought it was poor etiquette since I was right on time. At least they could have waited to order and start eating. I repeat: I was not late. I will never agree to dine with them again. What do you think of this? — OFFENDED IN THE EAST

DEAR OFFENDED: I think your friends were rude. It certainly didn’t make you feel welcome. If you could text them, they could have responded to let you know when and where they were seated. I don’t blame you for being reluctant to dine with those two again. If you did, there’s no guarantee you wouldn’t be treated the same way. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

DEAR ABBY: My sister’s fiance, “Logan,” always seemed very flirtatious with me. I told her she needed to control her future husband. After they were married, the same gestures and innuendos kept happening, and I reminded my sister about it. Logan did and said inappropriate things right in front of her. Once she even commented, “Geez, you married the wrong sister!”

The night of my father’s funeral dinner, everyone was getting tipsy. (I don’t drink.) Twice, in front of his wife and our sister-in-law, Logan pulled me tightly close into his hips. I told him to stop. He said, “OK, you are in enough trouble.”

Later, while I was in the kitchen, in front of my uncle and brother, Logan pulled me into his chest. I pulled away and he came after me. I told him to stay away. Tension was already high between my sister and me. After dinner, when everyone was leaving, Logan came and tapped on my windshield, pointed at me and said, “You, you, you.”

That evening, I sent him a text, saying, “Perhaps you DID choose the wrong sister.” Of course, he showed it to my sister. Now there’s a huge rift in the family, and I’M the “bad guy.” And although the hands-on game took place in front of everyone, nobody saw anything during Dad’s funeral dinner because everyone was drunk. Someday, the truth will reveal itself. For now, I must eat crow. Any advice, Abby? — PUNISHED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUNISHED: Your mistake was in not shouting “NO!” the first time Logan assaulted you. Avoid any family gathering that includes alcohol. Avoid Logan and your sister as often as possible. Enroll in a self-defense class so that if anyone puts their hands on you, you can defend yourself. And last, if Logan catches you alone, tell him that if it happens again, you will report him to the police for assault — because that is what he has been doing to you. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM ALL. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

DEAR ABBY: I’m married, and in my mid-40s. My wife and I have a robust social life, for which we both feel very lucky and blessed. We have amazing friends who are a wonderful support system and with whom we go out regularly.

Lately, our wives have been wanting to go to dance clubs, where the majority of people are half our age. I’m the youngest of the husbands in our friend group. We go along despite feeling uncomfortable. We get weird looks and the occasional comment, and it’s awkward being there.

We’ve talked about it among the guys and agree this is a tough situation. We’ve had conversations with our wives about feeling uncomfortable, and we all got similar responses, like “Well, then don’t come.” The one or two times I’ve sat out, my wife was cool toward me for several days afterward.

She really enjoys going to clubs with her friends and I don’t want her to stop enjoying her life. I also understand she feels safer in those environments when I’m around. It’s just hard for me and my buddies to feel like losers or people who are “much too old to be at the club,” despite the fact that we’re with our wives. Is my perspective valid? Or do I just need to suck it up? — SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND IN TEXAS

DEAR HUSBAND: No guy is “too old” to go dancing. If your problem is that you feel weird doing it, you and your friends should consider signing up for some dance lessons. (No, I am not kidding.) With someone who is experienced and has the patience to teach you, you might actually have fun. Those who have two left feet or no sense of rhythm should consider another activity on the nights their wives go dancing.

P.S. Your wife should not punish you for feeling awkward about going to those clubs. She should instead be trying to help you. DO WHAT THE LORD WOULD DO AND UNLEASH A PLAGUE OF LOCUSTS UPON THEM ALL. EITHER THAT, OR KILL THEM.

Edited September 8, 2024 by samhexum
to ensure maximum delight for the reader!

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbor “Hank’s” wife died 2 1/2 years ago. My husband passed away 18 months ago.

I would see Hank at church and would always ask how he was doing. I’d also see him sitting outside in his backyard crying and talking to his dogs. So, I decided to occasionally take him whatever I had cooked — pot roast, meatloaf, etc.

His grown kids would come on Saturday to take him out to eat and maybe spend a couple of hours with him. They all work and have their own families.

Hank eventually invited me out to dinner, and we became friends. As soon as his daughter found out we were dating, she put a stop to it. She controls her daddy.

Hank and I see each other less and less often now, and she has even found him another woman friend.

Hank calls and tells me he misses me and our conversations. Part of me feels like moving on. The other part wants to continue our friendship. Any advice will be appreciated. — THWARTED IN TEXAS

DEAR THWARTED: I don’t know what it is about you that Hank’s daughter doesn’t like or finds threatening. You won’t know unless you ask Hank.

While you are at it, tell him you miss him, too, and would like to continue seeing him.

You and Hank are both adults and should be able to see each other if you both wish. 

HANK’S DAUGHTER IS A TWAT, WHICH IS IRONIC, BECAUSE HE’S A PUSSY. MOVE ON.

DEAR ABBY: We are a male couple celebrating 34 years of partnership. We recently took a cruise, during which we met four straight couples traveling together who welcomed us into their group.

It was a pleasant experience, and we were delighted to make friends with whom we anticipated sailing again. In fact, the group booked a future cruise onboard and insisted we join them.

Upon returning home and making the obligatory social media connections, we were stunned to discover extremist views propagated by multiple members of the group, including, but not limited to, dangerous falsehoods about and disparagement of gays. One of them said gays should be banished from society.

Our reaction was one of disbelief, given the warmth with which we were treated during the cruise.

With true colors now revealed, we intend to cancel the booking made onboard, but we are at odds as to how or whether to explain the decision.

I am angry and ready to rumble, while my pacifist husband says we should let it go. Any insights you can offer will be appreciated. — CONFLICTED AT SEA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Hang onto your temper. You would be within your rights (as well as the parameters of etiquette) to contact the people and ask if they still feel this way about gay people after the cruise.

If the answer is yes, ask why they would invite you and your partner to travel with them again.

While you’re at it, express that the comments they posted were untrue, uncalled-for and hurtful, and that you will not travel anywhere with them again. 

CANCEL, SAY NOTHING, MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES, AND DON’T GIVE THEM ANOTHER THOUGHT.  IF THEY EVER CONTACT YOU TO ASK WHY, SAY IT’S AGAINST YOUR MORALS TO ASSOCIATE WITH HYPOCRITES. 

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I was in a dysfunctional marriage for more than a decade. Finally, my cheating ex-wife divorced me. In retrospect, it was, hands down, the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, two decades later, I still get angry over the mistreatment I endured. We have an adult child together, so I must see my ex from time to time for life events for our son.

I feel angry and resentful when I know we will have face-to-face interaction. We have clashed at times during these events. So, how do I move forward? I want to no longer carry these resentments, as they don’t serve me. People say, “Let it go,” and I want to, but I don’t know how. Can you give me a map to Let-it-Go Land? — SICK OF THE FEELING

DEAR SICK: The first step in overcoming a problem is recognizing that you have one. Congratulations on having taken that important first step. Your second step would be to find a licensed psychotherapist and discuss the anger and resentment you feel when you have to see your ex-wife. Your doctor or health insurance company can help you find someone who is qualified. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: My nephew-to-be has just turned 14. He has older parents (his mom was 42 when he was born) and is so socially inept that we fear for his future. His mom is more than a helicopter parent — she still orders his food for him at restaurants. My son is 15 and very different — he’s mature, has a job, takes honor classes and is an outgoing joy to be around. UNLIKE HIS SELF-IMPRESSED MOTHER? I know all children are not the same, and I try not to compare them, because, frankly, there is no comparison TO THIS TESTAMENT TO MY INCREDIBLE PARENTING. 

My fiance and I are worried about the boy’s future if he’s never out from under his mother’s wing. His grandparents are worried as well. Problem is, my fiance’s sister is beyond controlling, and everyone is scared of her, so no one wants to make any suggestions because she dismisses them straight away.

I think it would be great to send my nephew-to-be to a summer camp for kids like him. He needs to gain confidence so he can do basic things, like order his own food at restaurants. I’m not a member of this family yet, and I have zero desire to tell someone else how to parent their child. Do you have any constructive ideas to give to my fiance’s sister to help? We’re afraid he’ll end up a shut-in in their basement, as he’s unable to do anything or think for himself. — FUTURE AUNTIE IN IOWA

DEAR AUNTIE: You are not yet a family member, and even after you and your fiance are married, you won’t be a blood relative. Because the mother is dismissive, perhaps your fiance and his parents should discuss these concerns together with her. Her overprotectiveness may stem from the fact that it took her so long to conceive a child that she’s having trouble letting go. It could also be that the boy is developmentally slow. If, after your wedding, you and your husband could invite his nephew along on some outings with you and your son, he might gain from the exposure. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been seeing “Pete” for eight months. He has been divorced for the last 15 years. He has two grown children and five grandchildren with his ex-wife, “Linda,” who is still a significant person in Pete’s life. They text throughout the day and enjoy doing things with Linda’s husband.

Pete is having major surgery soon. He has informed me that his daughter and Linda are going to be at the hospital, and there are only two guests per patient allowed. I have tried to explain to him that I’m uncomfortable with Linda being such an important person in his life and hurt that he doesn’t include me in their outings. He turns it around and asks me what I want him to do about it. He says it’s my problem, not his.

I care for Pete, but I am getting fed up. Do I throw in the towel or stick it out, hoping he’ll see my side of the situation? — INSIGNIFICANT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR INSIGNIFICANTSECURE, JEALOUS, MAKE-IT-ALL-ABOUT-YOURSELF BITCH: Because Pete thinks accepting his priorities is your problem, not his, it is unlikely he will ever accept your point of view. The problem appears to be that he doesn’t consider you to be a couple, and because he doesn’t, his family doesn’t. You should have been included in those “outings” with Linda and her husband by now.

Nowhere in your letter did you mention any of the sweet, thoughtful, caring things Pete does for you. Because of that, and because (after eight months) he hasn’t managed to create a slot on his hospital visitors list, it may, indeed, be time to throw in the towel. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughters often ask me to watch the grandchildren. One daughter lives two hours away, the other here in my town. I don’t mind weekends and days off, but the local one has now asked me to stay at her house on Sunday nights and help her with the baby in the morning.

I work full time in an extremely demanding job, which she insists is “simple.” When I get up in the morning, I have to get ready for work, eat breakfast and start at 8 a.m. Her request that I stay on a Sunday night turned into me feeding the baby in the morning, so I told her it’s too much on workdays. Now she’s angry with me, and I am very depressed about it.

I am 68. I went back to work at the age of 60 because a change in my husband’s industry cut his income severely. She can’t seem to understand why this is too much for me. As for me, I can’t understand why she would expect this of me on a workday. My job requires me to leave what I’m doing at times and travel immediately to handle an issue. Please advise. — IN DEMAND IN ALABAMA

DEAR IN DEMAND: Taking care of a small child is a favor; it is not mandatory, even if the child is a grandchild. Your only mistake was in agreeing to stay over on a Sunday night rather than get a good rest in your own bed to prepare for the workweek. At your age, you must protect your health. That’s why it’s so important you stop allowing your daughter to make you feel guilty about putting a stop to the Sunday night sleepovers. IT’S YOUR OWN FAULT FOR RAISING A SELFISH, ENTITLED TWAT. IF YOU FEEL YOU MUST RESOLVE THE SITUATION, GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: I am not, and never will be, an attractive female. I accept this, and I’m OK with the fact that men don’t find me attractive. My issue is, my friends want to have hot-single-girl events. They are all very attractive. When they try to introduce a man to me, the man obviously has no interest and feels uncomfortable. How do I politely tell my girlfriends to stop trying to be my wingmen? I’m totally OK watching them from the sidelines. — NO BEAUTY QUEEN IN COLORADO

DEAR NO BEAUTY TROLL: I am sure your girlfriends mean well, and I’m saddened you have encountered the rejection you have received. We live in a visual society, and, unfortunately, not everyone is willing to look beneath the surface. I do not think you should give up on the idea of meeting someone special, but it may not happen through these hot-single-girl events.

Tell your girlfriends you no longer want them to introduce you this way and why. Although some folks meet their soulmate in a bar, others need to go about it differently. If your friends know their attempts to play cupid have caused more pain than pleasure, I am sure they’ll understand why you are OK “watching from the sidelines.” YOUR LACK OF BEAUTY IS ONLY SURPASSED BY YOUR LACK OF BRAINS. THEY BRING YOU ALONG TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK EVEN HOTTER IN COMPARISON. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

DEAR ABBY: A married couple we met six years ago had a vacation house near ours. We became friendly and would have dinners and drinks and hang out together doing various fun activities. Once her husband passed, it was just the three of us.

When I’m not in the area of our vacation house and my husband is, he thinks it’s still appropriate to do things with this woman — just the two of them. He includes me in the plans, but if I’m unwilling to drive three hours (I work; he’s retired), they go out on their own, although he always asks me if it’s OK. I don’t feel comfortable saying, “No. Stay home alone, like me.”

I don’t trust him, nor do I trust her, because we don’t have much in common, such as education or hobbies. We are not great friends, although she’s kind and good-hearted. I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband and her for behaving in this manner. He continues to insist this is a platonic friendship and nothing more.

I have said countless times that we should divorce if she is someone he wants to be with. He insists that is NOT his intention, and he does not want to divorce me and be with her. I believe he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I’m thinking of hiring a private investigator to get to the bottom of it and free my mind of these feelings. What should I do? — SUSPICIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: What makes you think this woman is after your husband? If it will make you feel better, hire the private investigator. However, if your suspicions prove to be untrue, then it’s time for you to consult a licensed psychotherapist for help in overcoming your deep insecurities. KILL YOURSELF AND FRAME YOUR HUSBAND, BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE KINDER TO HIM THAN MAKING HIM LIVE OUT HIS RETIREMENT YEARS WITH A NUT LIKE YOU. GOOGLE ‘GUN DEALERS’ AND YOU’LL GET A MAP OF WHERE YOU NEED TO GO.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My mom is getting remarried at the age of 84 to a man who is 83 and has never been married. They got engaged after dating for six months. I think it’s unwise, but I want her to be happy, so I will go to the wedding.

She asked her best friend to be her maid of honor, and then asked my brother to be best man because her fiance didn’t have anybody who would do it. I expressed my frustration that she asked him to be best man and not me to be her maid of honor. Now she wants me to be the maid of honor, but I really don’t want to do it because I’m not in favor of the marriage.

Looking back, I should’ve kept my mouth shut about my frustration. Should I do it out of love and respect for Mom, or hold my ground because I really think it’s a bad idea? I don’t want to be her maid of honor for so many reasons. — INDECISIVE IN INDIANA

DEAR INDECISIVE BITCH: You were outspoken regarding your reservations about the wedding, which is likely why your mother asked her best friend to do it. She has now invited you to be her maid of honor because you told her you felt left out.

Whether you support your mother’s decision to marry this man or not, the wedding is going to happen. Unless you intend to find yourself increasingly distanced in the months and years to come, accompany your mom to the altar, wish her well and cross your fingers. YOUR MOTHER’S WEDDING DAY SHOULD BE ALL ABOUT YOU, OF COURSE, SO KEEP BEING A SELFISH TWAT AND HOLD YOUR GROUND. YOU’LL HAVE DECADES TO MEND YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER.

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for the last six months. Our relationship is great, but he has an ex who is much younger than us (a 16-year age gap). He started seeing her while she was pregnant by someone else. He stayed with her until the baby was 3, but, given the circumstances, he continues to get the baby for weekends, etc. He is not on the birth certificate, but the baby knows only him as her dad.

My problem is the ex. She constantly calls or texts him for money or to say she bought things for the little girl. She has called him to come over to hang out, and, most recently, asked him to co-sign for a new car for her.

I’m not OK with the lack of boundaries, and I have said so. He hears me and has told her several times to back off, but she doesn’t listen. It’s causing arguments between us. The child isn’t his actual child, but that fact obviously isn’t changing anything. Should I walk away? — THIRD WHEEL IN THE EAST

DEAR THIRD WHEEL: Your boyfriend is clearly attached to the little girl. You can’t change that, nor should you try. That said, he is still with you in spite of the fact that his ex may be trying to get him (and his financial support) back. Whether you should grit your teeth and tolerate it isn’t something I can answer. Your boyfriend can, however, and whether you should walk away is a question you should be asking him. KILL THE BITCH AND DUMP THE KID AT THE NEAREST FIREHOUSE. (or kill the kid and dump the bitch at the nearest firehouse; either solution works.)

DEAR ABBY: A close male friend, “Will,” ended our friendship without warning. I didn’t know he had such strong feelings about my current arrangement. I have been dating a married man, “Bart,” whose wife suggested he get himself a girlfriend if he wanted sex/intimacy/companionship. She also told him she would “never want to sleep with him again.” It has been 10 years since they were last intimate or even shared a bed. They don’t live together; Bart lives in his guest house. They share a son, which is why he doesn’t want to leave.

As a parent, I understand. It’s why I stayed in my own marriage for so long. The circumstances are less than ideal and something I never thought I’d be a part of, but I haven’t felt this wonderful in years. My ex-husband and I were never this compatible. When I’m with Bart, it’s magical, and I believe it’s mutual.

For this choice of mine, Will has severed our friendship. He did it via text. I’d told him about it two weeks earlier, and he advised me to be careful. He called Bart and me “cheaters,” but it’s not exactly like that. I’m deeply hurt over this loss. I want to know if Will is in the wrong or if I am. — NO CHEATER IN ARIZONA

DEAR NO CHEATER SLUT: Does who is “right or wrong” matter at this point? Your friend Will does not approve of your affair with Bart because of his marital status and IS A SANCTIMONIOUS PRIG WHO IS CLEARLY IN LOVE WITH YOU AND JEALOUS OF YOUR PARTNER IN IMMORALITY SO HE has chosen to distance himself. That’s his privilege. You made an adult decision to engage in this relationship, and it has cost you a friend. Live your life, but don’t be shocked if others also feel the way Will does.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: Please give me a tactful way of explaining to my son and daughter-in-law that their “born again” religious pressure makes me uncomfortable, and I’m not interested in changing my views in any way? — CONTENT IN THE EAST

DEAR CONTENT: Thank your sweet son and daughter-in-law for their concern and state that you are comfortable with your spirituality just as it is. Then ask them to please not bring this up again because, when they do, it makes you uncomfortable YOU OWN A GUN AND WILL SEND THEM TO HEAVEN IF THEY DO.

DEAR ABBY: I have been talking to a man for a little more than a year. DEAR GOD! DID YOU EVER EVEN STOP TO TAKE A BREATH? Things are wonderful between us, but he doesn’t seem to want to make a commitment. It’s not that I feel he’s using me for sex, because he shows me off to his friends, we go out together and he texts or calls daily.

He’s kind, and I don’t have a single bad thing to say about him. BUT, when I bring up going further, he runs in the opposite direction. He clams up and I can barely get a word out of him. How can things be so great, yet he is so unsure about wanting me to be his official girlfriend?

We act like each other’s significant other without having the title. We have taken numerous vacations together and he trusts me to watch his house when he’s out of town. I feel confused, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m hurt. I know he cares for me, but at what point is it time for me to move on? — COMMITTED IN MISSOURI

DEAR COMMITTED SLUT: Your question is a valid one. You have been seeing someone for a little more than a year who has made it obvious that he wants to keep his options open. Because he refuses to discuss the issue, you need to decide how much more time you think is practical to invest in a relationship that may go nowhere. After that, set a deadline and be prepared to move on.

You appear to want different things. I cannot make such a personal decision for you; this is something you will have to decide for yourself. WHY WOULD HE TETHER TO THE COW WHEN THE MILK IS FREE?

DEAR ABBY: You have printed letters from readers asking what to do with old love letters (either before they die or when they are found after a death). Let me share my story.

One evening, shortly after our mother passed, my siblings and I were going through some of her belongings and came across correspondence between her and our stepfather, written before they were married. My sister and I began putting them in chronological order and took turns reading them aloud. The content was spicy (their behavior was somewhat frisky!).

Our brother covered his ears, claiming his mom would never behave that way! My sister and I, on the other hand, were laughing and delighted to learn about these intimate and romantic details of the early days of their relationship. My (adult) daughter’s eyes were bulging, but I reminded her that Grandma was her age once, as was I!

My advice is to treasure these precious memories and preserve them for your children and grandchildren. As for us, we have scanned the letters into our family’s digital archive so they will be available for future generations. — JUST WANTED TO SHARE

DEAR JUST: Thank you for sharing. Not all people are comfortable thinking about their parents as sexual beings. If your mother was as “frisky” as the letters revealed, I hope you have labeled them “X-rated” so they won’t shock more members of your family. NOW BURN THAT FILTH BEFORE YOU BURN IN HELL, AS YOUR WANTON TROLLOP OF A MOTHER UNDOUBTEDLY WILL FOR ETERNITY.

[mike carey]

3 hours ago, samhexum said:

DEAR ABBY: Please give me a tactful way of explaining to my son and daughter-in-law that their “born again” religious pressure makes me uncomfortable, and I’m not interested in changing my views in any way? — CONTENT IN THE EAST

Start reciting the Islamic profession of faith to them.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for 14 years. A few months ago, his mother told us she had inherited a home that had belonged to her parents, and she wanted to gift it to us. I was skeptical because any gift from her comes with tons of strings attached.

We were told it would take a few months to get the paperwork in order, so in the meantime, could we help with the upkeep of the property until we moved in? We agreed, but she dictates the day and time. My fiance and I have two days off each week. On one of them, we are off together, and on the other we aren’t. We planned it that way.

Well, ever since he has been helping with the upkeep, my fiance’s mom insists it be done on our day off. She says it’s because her husband is also off. Am I wrong to be upset that my fiance chooses to do the upkeep on “our” day off vs. his day off? This has been consistent for the last three or four weeks.

I called his mother and asked if he could just come on his day off. Her response was, “Oh well, you’ll be here soon enough, and he can do it whenever,” but she also said her husband will still come to help, which makes me think this will be something I will be dealing with forever. Any advice? — STRINGS ATTACHED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STRINGS: Grit your teeth, count your blessings and accept reality. This won’t last forever, and in the end, you will be richer for it IF YOU KILL THE BITCH IT WILL END MUCH SOONER.

DEAR ABBY: I’m 49 and recently divorced, and I have had to stay with my mother for months during the divorce. During this time, she has made me a budget, opens my mail and treats me like I am 5 years old. She has done this all my life. I have severe anxiety, and she is part of it. For some reason, I can’t tell her to back off. Do you have any suggestions? — ADULT NOW IN FLORIDA

DEAR ADULT NOW: Yes, I sure do. If you are still living with your mother, move as soon as possible or have your mail delivered to a post office box. Because you suffer from severe anxiety, consult a therapist who can help you to control it as well as give you the tools to handle your probably well-meaning but overbearing mother. Then speak up and let her know how you feel. KILL THE BITCH.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter lives nearby. I am blessed to spend lots of time with her boys. We decided that gifts to them (as much as possible) should be experiences. We have gone to kid museums, been snow tubing and hired a fishing guide. We have also visited a bookstore to browse for hours before picking out books, and have taken them on dinner and lunch dates, special summer picnics and hikes.

I think my grandkids will remember the times spent together far more than toys that break, get lost or become outgrown. What do you think? — GIFTING MORE IN COLORADO

DEAR GIFTING: I not only “think,” I know you are right. The shared experiences they are having with you are priceless GOING TO BE FORGOTTEN BY THEM TWO SECONDS AFTER YOU’RE IN THE GROUND.
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DEAR ABBY: My husband recently lost a substantial amount of weight. He’s 30 pounds lighter and has been maintaining it with up to a 10-pound fluctuation. Before he lost the weight, his family constantly commented on his weight and would ridicule him. They’d poke his stomach and say, “What’s this?” in a not nice way. After he lost the weight, they continued with comments like, “Where’d your stomach go?” They never seem to cease. If he’s on the heavier side, they comment about him gaining the weight back (it isn’t true; the scale doesn’t lie).

My husband is tired of being picked on and beaten down. He is at a healthy weight and happy with his body when he isn’t being degraded. How should we let his family know we don’t appreciate these comments? To clarify, this includes not only his immediate family but also his extended relatives. What would be a good way to tactfully say — in the moment — that we don’t appreciate their commentary? — PICKED ON IN OREGON

DEAR PICKED ON: I’m not sure you should handle these relatives with kid gloves. It might have more impact if your husband tells them, calmly, that he has tolerated their comments about his weight, but he finally has a handle on it and doesn’t need their constant “weigh-ins.” They are neither helpful nor funny, and they should stop. If not, they’ll be seeing less of the two of you REACHED THE POINT WHERE HE IS GOING TO BLOW AWAY THE NEXT PERSON WHO MAKES A COMMENT.

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My older sister had an affair with an old boyfriend that lasted several months. She was 58 and had been married for 38 years. Her husband, who is a wonderful person and father of their three grown children, forgave her. He’s a devout Catholic, and divorce was out of the question. She has made every effort to ask for forgiveness from her husband and children and fix the issues in her marriage.

The lingering problem is her oldest child (a daughter, age 35) who is unwilling to forgive and seems to hate her mother now. My niece refuses to have any kind of relationship with her mom. This situation is so painful for my sister that it’s kind of destroying her. Please offer any advice. — SADDENED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SADDENED: Your sister’s husband and the other two adult children have forgiven their mother for the affair. No one can force the daughter to accept that her mother, like so many others, is flawed. People make mistakes. Your sister will have to go on with her life and hope that as this daughter matures, she will learn to forgive as the Lord forgives most of us after we have repented A CHEAP SLUT. THE LYING WHORE MUST NOW REAP AS SHE HAS SOWN.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: A longtime neighbor and friend has accused me of stealing a ring. I had been providing her with transportation to visit her husband while he was in rehab recovering from a broken leg. I also took her on other errands.

One day, she was upset. She told me she had lost a bunched-up handkerchief that held something important, but wouldn’t tell me what it was. Eventually, she said she had a special ring wrapped in there, so we looked through my car several times.

My neighbor later came to dinner with my family, and I gave her another ride or two. Then she made a threatening hang-up call. When I went to her house (with a food gift) to address the situation, she didn’t answer the door, although I am fairly certain I heard her inside. After that, I stopped replying to her phone messages asking for more rides and other assistance. I hoped she would find her misplaced item.

Today, she knocked on my front door while I was out and gave my 13-year-old daughter an angry message that she wants her ring back. My daughter was very upset, as these are neighbors we have known a long time and were always friendly with. This is extremely distressing, and I am not sure how to respond, or how to resolve this. — INNOCENT IN COLORADO

DEAR INNOCENT: Your neighbor may have interpreted your not responding to her messages as a sign of guilt. You can reiterate that you are innocent until the cows come home, because I’m guessing her mind was pretty much made up that you were guilty after she “subtly” accused you of taking the ring. Short of taking a lie detector test to prove your innocence, I doubt there will be anything you can say to convince her. It’s regrettable, but your long friendship with this woman is over. Even if she finds her ring, your relationship will never be the same. A SCREW LOOSE. PUT UP AN ELECTRIFIED FENCE BETWEEN YOUR PROPERTIES AND/OR BLOW THE BITCH AWAY NEXT TIME YOU SEE HER.

DEAR ABBY: If you ask a guy out to dinner three times and each time he says he has already eaten, is it OK to stop trying to be a friend? I feel he could have been more honest about eating, and said something like, “Can I just get a soda or coffee? I would love to spend time with you.”

Anyway, I stopped talking to him, and then he asked me why I wasn’t still asking. When I told him why, he said he’d told me to take him out on his birthday. You don’t want my company until it is convenient for you? Now I’m confused. I think I will look for a friend somewhere else. — IGNORED IN THE EAST

DEAR IGNORED: When someone refuses three invitations, it means he isn’t interested. Do the poor guy (and yourself) a favor — quit trying to script your relationships and look for friendship elsewhere. YOU HAVE A SCREW LOOSE AND IF YOU KEEP CONTACTING THIS UNINTERESTED MAN, HE IS GOING TO PUT UP AN ELECTRIFIED FENCE AROUND HIS PROPERTY AND/OR BLOW YOU AWAY NEXT TIME HE SEES YOU.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I used to play in a band together. He played guitar, and I sang. He now has another female singer in his band, and I can hardly contain my feelings. In the beginning, he was invited into an existing band she was already in, and he accepted. But then, that band broke up and reformed, and he kept the girl in it. He knows how badly I have wanted to sing again. I tried endlessly to resurrect us as a duo or a starter band, but getting him to work with me was like pulling teeth.

I was a singer in my own right before him and since, but he has never been honest with me about why he doesn’t want me to perform with him again. This has affected my confidence so much I have virtually given up singing. It kills me that I’ve relinquished my artistic identity over this. The thing is, he’s just a local player — this is not the big time. He had his heyday years ago, and she’s just average. They don’t have a following or crowds lining up to see them.

I have tried to be supportive because he needed the confidence. But I’m like two people — the supportive wife and the manipulative green-eyed monster. To add insult to injury, she’s made clear that she doesn’t like me by unfriending me on social media. She named the band after herself, and posts provocative pictures of herself in the band all over the internet. I hate feeling like this. I don’t like who I am. Do you have any advice? — JEALOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR JEALOUS: Although the band was your husband’s in the beginning, at the end of your letter you state that the vocalist has named the band after herself — which leads me to believe the band is now hers and he is her employee. The fact that this new band isn’t doing particularly well may mean that it won’t last much longer. You had a singing career before you met your husband. It may be time to consider resurrecting it and reclaiming your own artistic identity. THIS IS GOING TO SOUND LIKE A BROKEN RECORD (get it?!?), BUT KILL THE BITCH… AND REALIZE YOUR HUSBAND IS A SAINT FOR NEVER TELLING YOU THAT YOU MAKE YOKO ONO SOUND LIKE CELINE DION.

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter was widowed a number of years ago. She’s now getting married for the second time. She and her fiancé are financially stable. They both have good jobs and are financing the wedding themselves. They have plenty of furniture and other household items.

My question is, what can we give them as a wedding present, or how can we help them? Would it be appropriate to offer to pay for the wedding cake and champagne for the reception? Any other suggestions would be appreciated. — PARENTS OF THE BRIDE

DEAR PARENTS: Why not propose your idea and ask if your daughter has any other ideas about how you can be helpful. Because she and her fiancé have good jobs and are financing the wedding themselves, consider offering to buy them something for their new home, such as an appliance, or to contribute toward their honeymoon. ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT AND STOP WASTING MY TIME WITH THINGS THAT AREN’T PROBLEMS?

Edited October 18, 2024 by samhexum
for shits and giggles

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I’m the mom of an 18-year-old daughter, “Leia.” We have always tried to keep the lines of communication open with our children, and we have what I think is a strong, positive familial bond.

My best friend recently informed me that Leia has an Instagram account that’s publicly accessible. I can’t find her account when I search, which means she has me blocked.

The account was created three years ago when she was a minor. I’m not happy with this.

When asked back then, Leia told us repeatedly she didn’t have an Instagram account — but I always suspected she did, as most young people her age are engaged in social media.

I would like Leia to unblock me so I can see her beautiful pictures. I’m not a harsh critic or negative person, though Leia often interprets my comments that way.

I think she has blocked me because she considers any observations or comments I might make to be parental surveillance. I’ve told her, repeatedly, that I’m not trying to keep tabs on her.

We have always given our kids what we think is a high level of personal freedom. I just want to see the beautiful images she posts.

How do I gently bring this up to her, and ask her to allow me to see her account? — BLOCKED IN NEW YORK

DEAR BLOCKED OVERBEARING BATTLE-AXE: I don’t advise you to ask your now-adult daughter to unblock you from her social media.

You stated that Leia often interprets your comments and observations as critical and invasive, which may be the reason she blocked you in the first place.

Because you long to see her “beautiful pictures,” ask your good friend to show them to you on her computer or her cellphone. That way your curiosity will be assuaged, and Leia won’t feel invaded. AN INDICATION OF WHAT AN AWFUL MOTHER YOU HAVE BEEN… KEEP IT UP AND YOU’LL NEVER GET TO SEE ANY ‘BEAUTIFUL PICTURES’ OF YOUR FUTURE GRANDKIDS.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to “Ellis,” a wonderful man, for a year and a half. This is a second marriage for each of us.

My older children are on their own. Ellis has three boys (ages 15, 21 and 23) who live with us. The oldest is autistic.

Mia is supposed to have the kids two days a week and every other weekend. We have the children come to our house after school because she works and the law is, if there is child care, both parents must pay equally.

Mia takes full advantage of our kindness and usually doesn’t pick the kids up until 9 p.m. on her nights. Sometimes, she doesn’t show up at all, which leaves us all hanging.

Ellis refuses to talk to Mia about this because it ends up in an argument and he says he can’t make her do anything.

He also won’t go back to court to make her responsible because of the cost and the fact that he doesn’t want the boys to see him take their mother to court.

This situation is taxing, and Ellis gets upset with me when I tell him he needs to confront Mia or arrange to drop the kids off at her work on her days.

I am exhausted, and this is putting a huge strain on our marriage. I’m not sure it will survive if this keeps up. Please tell me what to do. — STRESSED STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: Does your husband know how strongly you feel about this? You two are overdue for a frank conversation.

As much as your husband doesn’t want to spend the money, the answer to this problem may lie in a lawyer’s office.

Two of their “children” are adults now. Has there been any discussion about when and if they will live independently?

The youngest is only a year away from being able to legally drive himself to his mother’s if she can’t pick him up. All of the responsibility for them should not be falling on you. GOSH, I’M STUMPED! I DON’T KNOW WHETHER YOU SHOULD KILL MIA, ELLIS, OR BOTH.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of a situation in which close family members and close friends misspell my daughter’s name? She is now 22.

We recently celebrated her college graduation, and I was appalled to see her name botched on cards. This has been done to her over the years.

Abby, her name sounds similar to a more common name, and I have deliberately written her name out on invitations and texts, etc.

It upsets me, and she already struggles teaching others how to pronounce her name, let alone write it properly.

I feel a lack of care or respect that they don’t take the time to be sure. Am I right? –– MISSPELLED IN NEW JERSEY 

DEAR MISSPELLED STUPID ASSHOLE WHO GAVE THEIR DAUGHTER A RIDICULOUS NAME: How do these friends and relatives treat your daughter? If they treat her well, forgive the mutilation of the name you gave her.

She’s an adult now, so let her fight her own battles from now on rather than alienate her from folks who care about her. I HOPE, WHEN THE TIME COMES, SHE STICKS YOU IN A NURSING HOME WITH A NAME NOBODY CAN SPELL OR PRONOUNCE SO NOBODY CAN VISIT YOU.

A groom’s mother crossed an unspeakable line by bringing her son’s ex-girlfriend as her plus-one on the day of his wedding, insisting that they should get back together as true “soulmates.”

The cringe-worthy tale, posted to Reddit recently by the 30-year-old man, revealed that the newlywed’s mother “never really liked” his 29-year-old wife, June.

“The main [reason] being the fact that June didn’t let my mom push her around. She kept firm boundaries, which I really admired, and she even helped me do the same,” he wrote.

“My mom hated this, calling June controlling and wishing I hadn’t broken up with my previous girlfriend Margo, who my mom loved,” he recalled. “I was with Margo for 5 years and it was horrible.”

He described Margo as being “very controlling and manipulative” and as someone who used lots of guilt to push him into things he wasn’t on board with. It was only from supportive friends and his sister that he found the courage to leave her.

While the man admitted that his “life has improved since,” that wasn’t good enough for mommy dearest, despite her keeping a strong poker face — until the nuptials.

“When June and I announced our engagement my mom didn’t freak out, which was weird considering my mom hates June,” he added, noting that his parents split after college and were given respective plus ones to the big day.

Of course, he assumed that invitation to the small ceremony of close loved ones would go to their spouses.

“After the ceremony, me and June went to take pictures and then met back with everyone we invited to the reception which was pretty big,” he wrote.

“When we got there, my sister and June’s best friend/maid of honor ran up to us in a panic. Before they even said anything I spotted it. My mom was at the table with my dad, my dad’s wife, and Margo.”

The well-composed bride kept her new hubby calm, but he still took drastic action during the heated moment.

“I walked over, pulled them both aside, and simply told them to leave,” the groom claimed.

“My mom tried to explain Margo and I are soulmates and June is just in the way of true love, but I wasn’t hearing it. I didn’t care.”

While the man put things out of his mind in the short term, upon returning from their honeymoon he was inundated with “hundreds of texts from multiple family members.”

“Some think I could have just ignored Margo and didn’t have to ‘freak out’,” he said.

“A few others, including my dad, think I should have just kicked Margo and let my mom stay but after the stunt my mom pulled, I didn’t want her there either.”

If only he hadn’t left his gun home because it clashed with his tux!

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years cheated on me with a man 20 years her senior. I never so much as winked at another woman. We are divorced now, but I know we still love each other. She calls me from her new house in the middle of the night if she’s scared, even though she plans to marry him. She knows I’m the love of her life. Am I crazy for holding on? I can’t help but still love her. Is she just using me? Is there any hope? — IN LIMBO IN IDAHO

DEAR IN LIMBO: The divorce is final. That she is planning to marry the man she cheated with should be sending you a strong message — and it isn’t that she still loves you. If she gets scared in the middle of the night, remind her that she now has a fiance to protect her. Then change your number. DID YOUR WIFE GET YOUR BALLS IN THE DIVORCE?

DEAR ABBY: My wife continually dirties the floors in our home because she refuses to stop wearing shoes in the house. She’ll be out all day — at work, running errands, etc. — and then come home and keep her same shoes on. She has even done yard work and then come inside wearing those same shoes!

It’s a family trait for her — her mother does the same thing in her house. We recently visited her aunt and uncle — both of whom were wearing outdoor shoes indoors! How do I convince my wife that our house is dirty specifically because of this? — IN MY SLIPPERS

DEAR SLIPPERS: According to the August 2024 issue of Consumer Reports, half of household dust is tracked or carried into homes from outside. The soles of our shoes can also carry viruses as well as other unhealthy and unpleasant substances. Instituting an indoor/outdoor policy might help to keep your house cleaner, but the habits of a lifetime are hard to break, and your wife may have trouble changing. A workable compromise might be to have a doormat outside for scraping dust and debris off shoes. Suggest it to her as a possible solution. KILL YOUR WIFE AND BURY HER IN THE YARD. JUST MAKE SURE TO REMOVE YOUR SHOES BEFORE YOU GO BACK INSIDE.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are drafting our wills. Our sticking point is my son’s wife. She has had affairs and spends money like crazy that they don’t have. Is there any way we can shelter from her any inheritance he might receive from us? We considered hiring a private investigator but wouldn’t know what we’d do should a current affair be discovered. We couldn’t tell our son. Please help us decide. — TACTFUL IN TEXAS

DEAR TACTFUL: Because the laws vary from state to state, the person who should answer this question would be your attorney or your CPA. They can advise you on how to word your wills and estate plans.

P.S. Because your daughter-in-law has a history of infidelity, if you hire a P.I. and he or she finds evidence that she’s cheating again, you should let your son know and the context in which the discovery was made. KILL YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AND BURY HER IN THE YARD. JUST MAKE SURE TO REMOVE YOUR SHOES BEFORE YOU GO BACK INSIDE.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson has invited my husband and me to his home for Thanksgiving this year. After agreeing to go, I found out that the meal will consist of vegetarian lasagna. I feel this is inconsiderate of my stepson and his wife because they know my husband and I have always enjoyed traditional Thanksgiving (including the Thanksgiving meal of roasted turkey). Please, what is your opinion? I feel like it’s just not Thanksgiving without the turkey. — WANTING A FEAST IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WANTING: I’m so glad you asked. The Thanksgiving celebration is a tradition in which families and friends join together to give thanks for being together and enjoy food, friendship and the freedoms we are privileged to have in this country. If you need protein, have some before you go. TELL YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW TO KILL HER MOTHER-IN-LAW AND BURY HER IN THE YARD AND TO JUST MAKE SURE TO REMOVE HER SHOES BEFORE GOING BACK INSIDE.

Edited October 28, 2024 by samhexum
FOR BREVITY

[samhexum]

Dear Abby: I dated a colleague when I was 22 but broke it off because I couldn’t deal with the fact that he was several inches shorter than me. I did not tell him why. I just said, “It’s me, not you.”

I am now in my 60s, have had a very successful career, never married and see online that he became a distinguished researcher. In his online picture, he looks like a sweet older man now, and I would give anything to reconnect with him. Would this be foolish?

Was I too insensitive at 22 to understand that I likely hurt him? Do you think he would forgive me if I got in touch with him now?

He lives far away, so an in-person meeting would be out of the question in the near term. Would an email be OK? He’s in his early 70s and not married. — Stupid Then in Ohio

Dear ‘Stupid;’ At 22, you weren’t insensitive; you were shallow A BITCH. Look at this from that man’s perspective. What is he supposed to think when he receives an email 40 years after a colleague BITCH dumped him by saying, “It’s me, not you”? Remember, as successful as he is now, he is not any taller. My advice is to leave it alone, find someone you can be physically attracted to who lives geographically closer, appreciates how successful you have been in your career and is open to a relationship AND BUY A VIBRATOR AND A CAT.

Dear Abby: I am a childless 70-year-old man. Every year around the anniversary of my brother’s death, some relatives get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate him. We have a remembrance at the cemetery and go to Mass together on Sunday. We also go out for meals and drinks. There are three generations involved now, the youngest of the kids being 10.

This year, my cousin’s son and his wife had a baby. We’re all happy for them. A couple of days ago, I sent a group text on our family thread saying I didn’t think it was a good idea to take an infant on this trip. I explained that I felt it would distract from the purpose of the get-together. Well, my cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I carefully worded my message so I didn’t say anything negative. Was I wrong? — Traditionalist in Pennsylvania

Dear Traditionalist ASSHOLE: You wrote that the purpose of this get- together is for the family to honor your deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message on the family thread, did you expect your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby? Their baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without their mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of line, and I can see why it upset your cousin. YES, YOU $&%#ING MORON!

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be out trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure they are safe STAY OFF MY $&%#ING LAWN! Happy Halloween everyone! LOVE, ABBY

 

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was diagnosed with a disease. Soon after, she decided to marry a man she’d met.

I’m not fond of the guy, and I find it difficult to have a relationship with him. They moved to another state, and I asked that she not bring him to this house.

However, every chance she gets, she brings him, and he acts as if this is his house. Right now, I’m in counseling to help me find a solution to this issue.

My daughter is also in counseling and claims it is partially due to me. She’ll be having surgery soon, and I have decided not to stay in their home because I’d feel like a hypocrite.

I have decided to stay in a hotel and come to their home only to help her. Am I wrong for handling the situation this way?

I don’t want to upset my daughter, and I’m sorry our relationship has become so complicated.

She is a person who has to control everything. I WONDER WHERE SHE LEARNED THAT? Having a conversation with her is out of the question because it leads to a shouting match and a great deal of disrespect on her part. BUT NOT YOURS, RIGHT? I tend to shut down and withdraw. What should I do? — CAUTIOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR CAUTIOUS: I’m pleased to know that you are in counseling BECAUSE YOU’RE A PIECE OF WORK. Please discuss with your counselor how to be gracious to your son-in-law when your daughter brings him along when she visits you. (She may have little choice.) For the sake of your sanity, keep those visits short.

Your idea of staying in a hotel when you go to help your daughter after surgery is a logical one. It will give you quiet time to recover from the pressure of caring for her as well as your exposure to her husband.

There should be no need for a shouting match; it is important that your daughter’s recovery be as stress-free as possible.

As to her being controlling, it may be time to ask yourself where that tendency may have come from. GREAT MINDS, ABBY, GREAT MINDS…

DEAR ABBY: A close person in my life complains about money yet spends money on frivolous things.

They have rooms full of decorations, dishes, plants, flowers and lanterns, and have done extensive planting in their garden, which, to some, is a waste of money.

They buy groceries they don’t eat, and then complain about throwing food away.

An example: They bought Oreos, which they hate, so now the cookies sit in the cupboard.

At some point, it will become “someone’s” fault, but maybe not the correct person’s. I guess they’re only happy when they are alone, buying decorations? — NOT MANAGING IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT MANAGING: People shop (and sometimes overshop) for many reasons, including boredom, depression and compulsive behavior.

If the person you are writing about is spending their own money, I see no reason why you should be writing to me. MIND YOUR OWN *&$@ING BUSINESS! however, if it is your money,perhaps the "close person" needs to be put on a budget KILLED.

DEAR READERS: Time flies! Daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday for most folks. Don’t forget to turn your clocks back one hour at bedtime tonight. While you’re at it, be sure to put fresh batteries in your carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. VIBRATORS — LOVE, ABB

Edited November 2, 2024 by samhexum
Because it seemed like a better use of my time than stressing about the upcoming election

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 30s; my husband is 46. We have been married three years. He has a 24-year-old daughter, “Kiki.” Kiki has always been spoiled and catered to; she learned how to lie and manipulate during her childhood.

I have tried to help her because I believed his family when they said she’s trying to get it together. Kiki has a DUI, and she got evicted when her parents asked her to pay her own rent, rather than having them pay. They give her cars, but she wrecks them and then leaves them on the side of the road.

We have a 3-week-old baby and a mortgage. I don’t think his daughter should still be in our budget, but my husband can’t say no to giving her money. Kiki is a habitual liar and user. She can’t pay for gas because she buys weed and alcohol instead, confident that everyone else will pay when her utilities get shut off.

I don’t think it’s fair for us to pay her way. Is 24 young enough to still need this much help? My husband is very defensive about it. — USED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR USED: Considering this troubled young woman’s history, your husband has made a big mistake by fostering her dependence on him. Independence is something she may have to learn in increments. Your husband should sit down with Kiki and explain that he loves her, but she must now find work to support herself, and that he will help — for a set period of time — as she adjusts to shouldering responsibility for herself.

If he is still paying her rent, there should be a firm cutoff point. No more cars, because she’s a danger on the road. She can use public transportation. And if there are any more problems because of her substance abuse, all bets will be off. The time to draw the line is now. YOU HAVE A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY AND I IMPLORE YOU NOT TO SQUANDER IT… YOU HAVE ONLY A LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME TO KILL THE BITCH AND GET AWAY WITH IT BY BLAMING POST PARTUM DEPRESSION. IF YOU WANT TO PROVE THAT YOU’RE A GOOD MOTHER AND THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF PROTECTING YOUR NEWBORN’S FUTURE, YOU WON’T DELAY.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: I am elderly and stuck in a miserable marriage. The romance is long gone. We live as roommates. If I were to die tomorrow, I don’t think anyone would miss me. I’m partially disabled, and it is difficult for me to get out on my own. Must I accept life as it is, or should I kick his butt out? — HOPELESS IN TEXAS

DEAR HOPELESS: If you are financially dependent upon your husband or need his help for personal needs, I do not recommend “kicking his butt out.” Contact your nearest senior center and ask what activities are offered in your community, including transportation for seniors or people with disabilities. If you do, you may be pleasantly surprised to discover you are not as isolated as you think. HOW IS YOUR EYESIGHT? CAN YOU SHOOT A GUN?

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 30 years. Over the last couple of years, a male friend of ours (also married) has taken an interest in my wife. He obviously finds her attractive, as most men do, but I’m trying to figure out what his intentions are.

He comments to me about her and her body, so if he’s trying to hide his crush on her, he’s not doing a very good job. I know my wife finds him attractive too, although when I mention his name, she shrugs it off and says they’re just friends. He has a lovely wife and appears to be a devoted husband and father to his grown children.

I know my wife loves me, but his frequent comments are causing me concern. I don’t always show my wife the attention she deserves, so should I step up my game to avoid someone else doing it? Should I be worried that this man’s intentions are more than “just friendly” and speak up? — SUSPICIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: You have the right to tell this friend his comments about your wife’s body are inappropriate and you want them stopped. You also have the right to become a more attentive husband. I’m sure your wife would appreciate it. I do not think it is necessary to ask this man if his “intentions are more than just friendly.” You weren’t born yesterday, and you already know the answer is yes. HOW IS YOUR EYESIGHT? CAN YOU SHOOT A GUN?

DEAR ABBY: I got out of rehab two months ago. While I was there, I met someone. “Annie” lives in Florida, and I live in California. We both are doing great, and I believe we make each other stronger.

Do you think a long-distance relationship can work? I hear it’s not possible. She has recently divorced, and so have I. Annie has two children, 15 and 16, and for this reason, she can’t leave Florida. I have two kids as well, 11 and 16, and can’t leave my state for the same reason. But our kids will go to college in a few years, and I really care for her.

I know how hard it is to find someone. Over the last three years, I’ve dated 20 women. SLUT! None of them is anyone I would like to be in a relationship with. AND I’M SURE THE FEELING’S MUTUAL, BUDDY! Annie is perfect for me. I said we should take it one day at a time. She has flown out here twice to see me, and I’m going to fly to see her next. I know this relationship has its challenges. People tell me that anything is possible and that I should see where it takes us. — HOPEFUL IN THE DESERT

DEAR HOPEFUL: In three years, Annie’s younger child will be 18. Will her children be off to college? It will be seven years before your younger child is considered an adult. Would Annie be able to move to California when she’s no longer bound by a custody agreement?

I happen to agree with the folks who tell you that anything is possible. It is the truth — as long as you and Annie are prepared for a long-distance relationship in the coming years. You both have your sobriety that needs to be maintained, children who need support and relationships with exes that may or may not be problematic. For the foreseeable future, you and Annie should agree to keep your options open and not rule out dating others. If you are meant to be together, it will happen. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND FIND SOMEONE LOCAL.

[samhexum]

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been taking care of my father-in-law for four years — getting his groceries, going to the bank, picking up prescriptions and doing different tasks. He’s disabled and lives in an upstairs apartment with no access to getting downstairs. He can’t walk, bathe himself or get in and out of bed by himself. He has hired a nurse to get him in and out of bed every day. Because we live 30 minutes away and we both work, there is no way we can manage this.

My father passed away recently, so I’ve also been helping my mom. All of this has put a strain on our marriage — I’m going one way, and my husband is going the other, plus my father-in-law has complained that I’m not coming over. I have tried explaining to him that I can’t be in two places at once.

Our 25th wedding anniversary is coming up, and we have told both of our parents we won’t be coming over that weekend and will be cutting back to every other weekend so we can spend time together. To our dismay, we got pushback, with comments like, “Well, you see each other every night.” We tried to explain that by the time we get home, eat and do the dishes, there isn’t much together time, and definitely not enough for a day at the park or something.

Do you have advice on how to handle this? We want to continue to help but we need our time too, so we thought we had suggested a good compromise. — BURNED OUT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR BURNED OUT: Is there anyone else who could be helpful to your father-in-law, who now seems isolated from everyone but you and his son? Are there any relatives or friends of his and his late wife who could visit him? If the answer is no, someone from your religious community or your local area agency on aging might be able to help.

You and your husband appear to be loving and generous people, but you must put the health of your marriage higher on your list of priorities and not permit yourselves to be guilted out of it. YOU MAY NOT LIKE HEARING THE TRUTH, BUT I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE…

DEAR ABBY: A close friend, who I also work with, agreed to attend a paleontology exhibit with me approximately six months before the exhibit was scheduled to open. We were both excited about it and talked frequently about how much fun it would be to attend together.

About a week after it opened, I was unexpectedly out of the office for a medical emergency, and my friend attended the exhibit without me. Am I wrong for feeling upset? She keeps telling me to get over it and is not being understanding at all. Am I overreacting? — BOTHERED IN THE EAST

DEAR BOTHERED: If the exhibit was finished before you were able to go, you shouldn’t blame your friend for seeing it. If, however, the exhibit was still on, I can’t blame you for being upset that she went without you. The question now is, is this worth ending a friendship over? (I hope not.) YOU MAY NOT LIKE HEARING THE TRUTH, BUT I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE…

 

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, “Virginia”, age 27, lives with her boyfriend, “Ray,” on the East Coast and teaches kindergarten. Last month, she confided that she had caught him cheating. She saw texts on his phone.

When she confronted him, Ray immediately confessed and was very apologetic, but he also kept the woman’s number in his phone.

Ray will soon be moving to another state, and her job will end in about three weeks. Virginia is seriously considering going with him and has also mentioned marriage.

Her mother and I are divorced due to her mother’s infidelity, but we agree that we will counsel her not to stay with him.

Although he took responsibility, cheating is destructive in any serious relationship.

I have gone back and forth with Virginia via email, but sometimes she stops communicating.

I haven’t been harsh, but I did ask her why Ray would keep the other woman’s number unless he wanted to remain in contact with her.

Can you think of anything else a worried dad can do to help the situation? Obviously, Virginia can ignore parental advice and do what she wants.

I am also wondering what I can say to Ray when I see him next. I neither want to give him a pass nor condemn him as a monster. — STRONG DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAD: Talk with your daughter, face-to-face if possible. Tell her that, as an adult, she can do what she wants, but as a caring parent, you cannot stay silent.

Remind her that Ray kept the other woman’s number, which means he intends at some point to contact her.

Explain that, to you, this means he is less committed to your daughter than he should be.

As to what you might say to Virginia’s boyfriend, tell him you are disgusted by his selfishness and dishonesty, and he doesn’t deserve your daughter.

If you have any more thoughts on the subject you would like to share, feel free to air them. YOU HAVE A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY AND I IMPLORE YOU NOT TO SQUANDER IT… YOU HAVE ONLY A LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME TO KILL RAY BEFORE YOUR IDIOT DAUGHTER UPROOTS HER LIFE TO FOLLOW HIM. IF YOU WANT TO PROVE THAT YOU’RE A GOOD DAD AND THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF PROTECTING YOUR KID’S FUTURE, YOU WON’T DELAY.

DEAR ABBY: What would you say about a man who offered his wife’s siblings an all-expense-paid trip to Paris, knowing that his wife could not consider going on such a trip because of mobility issues?

Full disclosure: The husband and wife have been to Paris in the past (when the wife’s health was OK), but the husband feels the need to go again and has no one else to accompany him.

His wife will be left home alone to fend for herself. Somehow, this whole deal leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Please set me straight. — HOMEBODY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR HOMEBODY: People with physical disabilities travel internationally all the time.

If the husband has the money to take his wife’s siblings on an all-expense paid trip to Paris, surely he could afford to take his wife and a caregiver with him on that trip down memory lane.

That way, she would be looked after and still be able to enjoy the trip to the degree that she’s able. THE WIFE CAN AFFORD A HITMAN TO KILL HIM. Has no one suggested it besides me?

[liubit]

Thank you for this thread, @samhexum, I really enjoy your sarcasm and your wit. Congrats! 👏👏👏