WARNING/HELP I am being threatened on Seeking Arrangements

[nydrake]

First let me start by saying I am a new user here but a long time reader. I am looking for advice as I have been threatened and contacted by an unknown person on Seeking Arrangements website. I recently signed up and have had dialogues with multiple guys about meeting up and possible arrangements. While I have used a random gmail account and a "burner" phone number, they have my real name and some pictures of me. They have asked for a significant amount of money be sent to a bitcoin account. They have threatened to publish compromising information to all family members and LinkedIn business associates saying all information has been gathered, files assembled and ready to go live tonight and/or within the next 24 hours. They even mentioned family member names. They are saying they have correlated and checked IP address, social photo matching etc. This seemed well thought out and planned and seems real. I am a very discreet person.

I am looking for some advice as my stomach in churning right now.

The Seeking Arrangments website which seems to be based in Asia says if you are threatened to contact local law enforcement. I immediately closed my SA acccount and burned the phone number I was using but I took screen shots of what they said to me. Freaking out a bit right now. Any experts please contact me and I warn all others of this scam.

[Bayman4Fun]

Your profile name starts with NY.

 

Assuming you're in NYC, or more importantly, not some repressive unenlightened town, go to the police.

 

You haven't done anything wrong or illegal. It sucks, but try to make something positive out of it... participate in stopping the bad guys.

[nydrake]

Thanks Bayman. I am in New York. I think I made a rash and hasty decision deleting my SA account so now there is no record unless they reopen the account for me. So other than my screenshot from what I'm sure is another burner phone they will say there is nothing they can do. Although they are asking for significant money and this is probably a federal offense as well. I can only hope they don't follow through with making websites posting this compromising information when anyone Googles my name (as they said they would) and that they do not send out a mailing to family and business associates. I'm sure there will be other members hit with the same thing. I wish I had no concerns and I could get these guys believe me. Thanks for the thought.

[fedssocr1]

I read an article about this sort of thing a couple of months ago. It might have been on the BBC's website. In the cases highlighted it was people in the Middle East being extorted - men and women who had flirted online and I think some of them had been doing sexting type stuff. I can't imagine the dread, but it sound like this sort of crime is somewhat widespread.

 

Good luck!

[+ Keith30309]

This is very odd given you've never had contact beyond "dialogues" - I assume thru SA's messaging system? From this they know the names of members of your family and business associates?

 

It doesn't really matter: Ignore them.

Two elements of this sort of blackmail scheme are to 1) exagerate the amount of personal information they claim to hold, and, 2) try to force you into rushing into a some sort of payment thru fear and a deadline so you don't have time to calmly and rationally consider what your exposure really is.

 

I would try to think in terms of what is the most likely outcome rather than the worst-case outcome.

[+ nycman]

I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

This much I know...if you pay them...they will just come back asking for more.

 

If they expose you...,they've played the only card they have....

simply put...its of no value to them and only serves to expose them

further to claims of extortion.

 

It's a tough call, but I say ignore them.

[nydrake]

I do NOT plan on giving them anything as much as this is quite daunting to me. Well they have an anonymous gmail account that many of the dialogues moved to along with the SA dialogues and some burner phone texting messages and photos. Clearly the dialogues are not talking about the weather . Once they have my real name it's easy to find personal family members online which they have. I am trying, as you say to consider the likely outcome rather than the worst case, (good advice) but trying to wrap my head around worst case like my elderly parents getting this info and business associates. Even considering deleting LinkedIn account with years of business contacts/associates. It's just all so fucked up. If I could get SA to agree to give me there IP addresses like they supposedly have gotten of mine, I'd like to out there scam and fucking burn them legally. I'm wondering if possible. Clearly still has me on edge but thanks for the comments gentleman.

[LoveNDino]

I do NOT plan on giving them anything as much as this is quite daunting to me. Well they have an anonymous gmail account that many of the dialogues moved to along with the SA dialogues and some burner phone texting messages and photos. Clearly the dialogues are not talking about the weather . Once they have my real name it's easy to find personal family members online which they have. I am trying, as you say to consider the likely outcome rather than the worst case, (good advice) but trying to wrap my head around worst case like my elderly parents getting this info and business associates. Even considering deleting LinkedIn account with years of business contacts/associates. It's just all so fucked up. If I could get SA to agree to give me there IP addresses like they supposedly have gotten of mine, I'd like to out there scam and fucking burn them legally. I'm wondering if possible. Clearly still has me on edge but thanks for the comments gentleman.

I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. Stay strong and more power to you! Burn those fuckers.

[MiamiLooker]

How did they get your real name? Did you send them personal pics that they could trace back to you via an internet search?

[+ sniper]

Just say some psycho downloaded pictures made the whole thing up and you have no idea what is going on if they do anything. email headers can be faked.

[nydrake]

Thanks Dino....and to answer your question Miami, you pretty much got it, I got a little too trusting after having multiple dialogues over a month that loosened up my normal guard. I'm trying not to be too dramatic here, but this is just killing me.

[+ Funguy]

Not only is extortion illegal but by uding email it is now a federal crime.

If you can get past your fears, with their next contact you might just remind them of this and tell them you will go to the FBI.

End game.

[caliguy]

Not only is extortion illegal but by uding email it is now a federal crime.

If you can get past your fears, with their next contact you might just remind them of this and tell them you will go to the FBI.

End game.

Most likely this is coming from another country. Most likely they can't be touched. This is just another garden variety scam.

[+ FreshFluff]

Not only is extortion illegal but by uding email it is now a federal crime.

If you can get past your fears, with their next contact you might just remind them of this and tell them you will go to the FBI.

End game.

 

I'm really sorry you're going through this, nydrake. I can't imagine how difficult this must be.

 

I'm guessing that these anonymous blackmailers are playing a numbers game. They try to get info on as many men as possible and hope that one will pay up. I think it's best not to respond. He knows that once he starts contacting family members, any possibility of a payoff dries up. Plus making calls or using Facebook to contact family members puts him at additional risk.

 

BTW, it's very possible that the guy is abroad, which would make it more difficult for law enforcement to get at him.

[+ purplekow]

Ignore their requests. A subtle mention to those you are most concerned about that you are having a small problem with a stolen identity on line and tell them to let you know if they get anything that sounds suspicious concerning you. As for LinkedIn, again a brief note that you are having a bit of trouble with a stolen identity and to please apprise you of any odd contacts regarding you. The more low key the better, but do take a first step so that if in the unlikely case they do try something, you are already out in front of it.

[+ FreshFluff]

They have threatened to publish compromising information to all family members and LinkedIn business associates saying all information has been gathered, files assembled and ready to go live tonight and/or within the next 24 hours. They even mentioned family member names. They are saying they have correlated and checked IP address, social photo matching etc.

 

To contact people on LinkedIn, you either have to have them as a contact (which would require a real name that they recognize) or you need to buy a premium account for $50/month. So he'd need to find an another way of contacting them.

 

Also, he can't get an IP address from Gmail unless he phished you. In any case, in most cases, your IP address would only tell him your city and state--sometimes not even that. It appears that he's using the playbook Kevin mentioned: exaggerating the info he has and giving you a deadline.

[+ stevenkesslar]

Sorry you are going through this, too.

 

Like others, I'd question whether there is much local law enforcement can do. Having said that, I also don't think it can hurt to go to law enforcement in a place like NYC.

 

In 15+ years of escorting I basically had 1 seriously bad experience with a stalker. This individual lived within blocks of me and after years of association knew my name and threatened to expose me to others as an escort. I had the same concerns as you, since any approach to law enforcement outed me as an escort and seemed like potential self-incrimination. Regardless, I did file for a temporary restraining order in the San Francisco courts, and got one. I knew that a temporary order was pretty much a rubber stamp. If I'd gone for a permanent one, it would have been harder, maybe impossible. Regardless, it was unnecessary. I called the bluff and the stalker folded. I would encourage you to do the same: call the bluff, although I'm pretty sure in your case that won't involve a restraining order. But I would not encourage you to assume it will work, or that law enforcement will be able to do much.

 

Two other points that are similar points, but one will sound harsh and the other won't.

 

A very long-term client of mine who is closeted and runs in mostly right-of-center circles has always maintained that you should never do anything for which you are not fully prepared to pay the consequences. I would argue his life is pretty consistent in that regard. It didn't stop him from hiring me, or many other escorts. But he is generally cautious, and there are a lot of things other clients would do that he simply wouldn't, due to his perceptions of risk. So the harsh way of saying it, his way, is that whatever you get is essentially what you asked for. Sorry.

 

The soft way of saying the same thing that drove my decision is that ultimately, for me, this was about my core identity. As much as I could have been embarrassed by being outed, this is who I am. I don't want to live the rest of my life cowering in fear. You haven't said whether you are coming out, or just think this was a one time itch you'll never scratch again. Either way, I would argue that, in the long run, you will be a better and stronger person if you simply pride yourself on being who you are. I hid the fact that I was Gay for a long time, and I immediately felt better after I came out. I think being an escort (or hiring one) carries even more perceptual baggage, both legally and in term of many people's views. No one ever rejected me for being Gay, but I think I have lost a few friends who just couldn't really deal with the escort thing.

 

So there is no simple, painless, black and white solution. But I'd encourage you to err and risk on the side of defending your identity and not giving into threats that could leave you feeling powerless and vulnerable. Even if you give them what they want, or especially if you give them what they want, they could simply make more threats. Part of my calculation is that if I gave in, it would be flashing a green light to ongoing abuse.

 

Good luck and stay strong!

[+ stevenkesslar]

I have been threatened and contacted by an unknown person on Seeking Arrangements website.

 

I looked at the site and Wikipedia. I wouldn't take any of this as proven fact, but Seeking Arrangements appears to be a US website founded in San Francisco.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SeekingArrangement

 

The press page lists multiple numbers, all of which are 702 area code which is Nevada. As you likely noted there are also Hong Kong and Cyprus physical addresses on the contact us page.

 

https://www.seekingarrangement.com/press

 

One other thing confuses me slightly. You said you were contacted by an "unknown" person. Does that mean that you assume it's someone that you came in contact with through the site, and sent things like photos to, but you are not sure which individual it was?

 

One way or the other, it would seem that one option would be to contact the Seeking Arrangements website and report this as abuse of the website's system. There's been lots of discussion and debate about how well or poorly various websites police themselves here. I certainly wouldn't assume such an approach would succeed. But you must have some email address or something through which this individual is contacting you. If Seeking Arrangements is based in the US, they ought to be concerned about having skin in the game with US law enforcement.

 

Probably if I were in your shoes I would simply do nothing. Ignore any emails, forget about it, sweat it out. But at least I'd consider the pro's and cons of contacting the website and demanding they do something, whether they spell out a process for doing so or not.

[caliguy]

I have used a random gmail account and a "burner" phone number, they have my real name and some pictures of me. They are saying they have correlated and checked IP address, social photo matching etc. =.

All off of gmail and a burner phone. I could see the NSA but these are meant to add a layer of protection. Just seems a bit hard to believe.

[nydrake]

Thanks for all the rational and thoughtful remarks. I am most likely going the IGNORE route. I did contact SA via there webpage as to why I'm canceling and about being threatened. I also contacted them via email a second time under there contact info. Keep in mind this is with my real name since I had to pay a subscription with a credit card. I think I know which person I dialogued with but cannot be sure because there are multiple guys you start to chat with but don't follow through meeting for various compatibility reasons. To answer your question Steven, correct, I am unsure which person it is. Over a month I reached out to many profiles and many reached out to me, so I dialogued with different guys. Some flake out mid dialogue others last a bit longer, and a couple others I had planned to meet for drinks but will not do that now. Also, in a state of mild panic I closed my account and phone number associated. Either way there is some compromising dialogue. But he/they definitely got my name and parents names at the very least. He said "they were a small group who has taken interest". So I'm assuming now that it is more than one profile doing this scam. I am not out, and yes that is true with anything in life that I shouldn't do anything I'm not prepared for the consequences of. Easier said than done I suppose. Lastly, none of the threats were made on the website but texted to me so SA can disavow any knowledge of threats. Anyway, thanks fellas, I'm am going to try and let this pass hopefully without any consequences.

[+ purplekow]

Thanks for all the rational and thoughtful remarks. I am most likely going the IGNORE route. I did contact SA via there webpage as to why I'm canceling and about being threatened. I also contacted them via email a second time under there contact info. Keep in mind this is with my real name since I had to pay a subscription with a credit card. I think I know which person I dialogued with but cannot be sure because there are multiple guys you start to chat with but don't follow through meeting for various compatibility reasons. To answer your question Steven, correct, I am unsure which person it is. Over a month I reached out to many profiles and many reached out to me, so I dialogued with different guys. Some flake out mid dialogue others last a bit longer, and a couple others I had planned to meet for drinks but will not do that now. Also, in a state of mild panic I closed my account and phone number associated. Either way there is some compromising dialogue. But he/they definitely got my name and parents names at the very least. He said "they were a small group who has taken interest". So I'm assuming now that it is more than one profile doing this scam. I am not out, and yes that is true with anything in life that I shouldn't do anything I'm not prepared for the consequences of. Easier said than done I suppose. Lastly, none of the threats were made on the website but texted to me so SA can disavow any knowledge of threats. Anyway, thanks fellas, I'm am going to try and let this pass hopefully without any consequences.

Keep us up to to date.

[Courage]

If I ever get blackmailed, I'm planning on letting my people know and tell them I've refused to pay. They're all humans. I'm not going to trust someone committing a criminal act against me to stop because I've paid them to stop once.

 

I'm not saying you won't be damaged, but it's choosing among bad options at this point.

 

http://www.abc.net.au/cm/rimage/7669322-3x2-large.jpg?v=2

 

http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/webcam-hackers-catch-man-wanking-demand-ransom/7668434

[mike carey]

If I ever get blackmailed, I'm planning on letting my people know and tell them I've refused to pay. They're all humans. I'm not going to trust someone committing a criminal act against me to stop because I've paid them to stop once.

 

I'm not saying you won't be damaged, but it's choosing among bad options at this point.

 

http://www.abc.net.au/cm/rimage/7669322-3x2-large.jpg?v=2

 

http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/webcam-hackers-catch-man-wanking-demand-ransom/7668434

Why am I not surprised that this came up on Triple J Hack. (Public broadcaster here since you asked.)

[+ HornyRetiree]

If I ever get blackmailed, I'm planning on letting my people know and tell them I've refused to pay. They're all humans. I'm not going to trust someone committing a criminal act against me to stop because I've paid them to stop once.

 

I'm not saying you won't be damaged, but it's choosing among bad options at this point.

 

http://www.abc.net.au/cm/rimage/7669322-3x2-large.jpg?v=2

 

http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/webcam-hackers-catch-man-wanking-demand-ransom/7668434

 

WOW!!! So very well said!!

[Courage]

Why am I not surprised that this came up on Triple J Hack. (Public broadcaster here since you asked.)

 

I dunno but I appreciated it. It gave me some courage as I started reaching out.

 

I'll count it as mitigating your sending us Rupert Murdoch to screw up our politics. :D:D