Getting Ripped Off By A Client

[marylander1940]

'They say that we are so quick to see in others what is true of ourselves.'

A perceptive comment indeed!

 

Good point!

 

It's called projecting, and there's a biblical version of it.

 

How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

[JuniorNYC]

@OliverSaks - Was your name inspired from the author, who wrote one of my favorite books?

 

“Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears - it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear. But for many of my neurological patients, music is even more - it can provide access, even when no medication can, to movement, to speech, to life. For them, music is not a luxury, but a necessity.”

― Oliver Sacks, Musicophilia

[+ OliverSaks]

@OliverSaks - Was your name inspired from the author, who wrote one of my favorite books?

 

“Music can lift us out of depression or move us to tears - it is a remedy, a tonic, orange juice for the ear. But for many of my neurological patients, music is even more - it can provide access, even when no medication can, to movement, to speech, to life. For them, music is not a luxury, but a necessity.”

― Oliver Sacks, Musicophilia

Indeed, my name is an homage.

[Mocha]

Karma is a bitch. Revenge is a mother fucker.

 

@JuniorNYC , this is an unfortunate situation but the solution is straight forward. Contact the client and inform of the loss. $60 thru PayPal or Google wallet or he can end up on www.nationalblacklist.com for all eternity.

 

Fuck all the philosophical bullshit. This is business. Or at the very least...something that shouldn't be allowed to go unspoken. Could have been an innocent mistake or a sinister motive. Not really sure until the situation is remedied.

 

Some of the advice re: paying for your lessons and therefore condoning such a ruthless behavior (even if that wasn't the intent) is a bit shortsighted. It's like the rape/mug victim being told: that's a lesson for not jogging at 5 am. Or wearing short shorts. Or being an escort. After all...had you not been an escort, you'd of never gotten shorted. Is that the lesson needing to be learnt? True...you do pay for lessons in life, but it shouldn't been seen as some sort of tuition because there's no gain for the loss and it's not mutually consensual.

 

You don't have to pay for shit. Teach him a lesson and Make them pay. Don't be afraid of retaliation or looking bad. Stand your ground. Being professional doesn't need to equate to having no backbone.

 

Every since I've started letting clients know I'm not with the bullshit and if they come for me the wrong way...they're going to find out the hard way...the escort life has been much more peaceful.

 

I don't give a chance to short because I'm counting the money every hour, on the hour. And both before and after.

Edited February 25, 2017 by Mocha

[MikeBiDude]

Karma is a bitch. Revenge is a mother fucker.

 

@JuniorNYC , this is an unfortunate situation but the solution is straight forward. Contact the client and inform of the loss. $60 thru PayPal or Google wallet or he can end up on www.nationalblacklist.com for all eternity.

 

Fuck all the philosophical bullshit. This is business. Or at the very least...something that shouldn't be allowed to go unspoken. Could have been an innocent mistake or a sinister motive. Not really sure until the situation is remedied.

 

Some of the advice re: paying for your lessons and therefore condoning such a ruthless behavior (even if that wasn't the intent) is a bit shortsighted. It's like the rape/mug victim being told: that's a lesson for not jogging at 5 am. Or wearing short shorts. Or being an escort. After all...had you not been an escort, you'd of never gotten shorted. Is that the lesson needing to be learnt? True...you do pay for lessons in life, but it shouldn't been seen as some sort of tuition because there's no gain for the loss and it's not mutually consensual.

 

You don't have to pay for shit. Teach him a lesson and Make them pay. Don't be afraid of retaliation or looking bad. Stand your ground. Being professional doesn't need to equate to having no backbone.

 

Every since I've started letting clients know I'm not with the bullshit and if they come for me the wrong way...they're going to find out the hard way...the escort life has been much more peaceful.

 

I don't give a chance to short because I'm counting the money every hour, on the hour. And both before and after.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_fas-Unnx_FA/TUskCBR3BnI/AAAAAAAAAKE/u4pZ-bJt06w/s1600/3026_artworkimage.jpg

[Mocha]

Likewise:

 

[Beancounter]

I think AdamSmith and Marylander1940 Should discuss their differences by sending private messages to each other and let the rest of us continue to discuss the topic of this thread which is "getting ripped off by a client" which is what I intend to do.

 

From an accounting point of view all businesses recognize bad debt expenses and allowances for doubtful accounts that are routinely written off after being deemed uncollectible (normally after one year, but not always). Of course businesses have legal channels and remedies available to them, i.e., reporting bad debts to credit reporting agencies, filing a lien in certain cases, the court system and various other avenues.

 

However, in this case there don't appear any realistic or viable opportunities available to you since you're operating an illegal business operation. An attempt to collect using normal channels would be shot down in a New York minute. My take on this situation is that you just need to realize this is going to happen from time to time. Accept it, move on and adjust your pricing structure to accommodate such losses. Yes, it sucks getting stiffed $60 but if that's the worst think that happens to you in this business you are are way ahead of the game and should consider yourself luck.

[WhatsThis]

When someone says they feel like they were raped, "take a deep breath and get over it" is awful advice. Most of the answers here are focusing on the business side of losing $60, but you need to look out for your entire well being. You don't want to be on a path in life where you're in your 60s, retired, and still thinking about getting raped as an escort. If you have 500 amazing sessions and 3 where you felt sexually violated, which is going to leave the stronger impression on you and affect you later in life? There's no answer now, but that's what you need to think about.

 

My advice is to let some time pass and see how the memory of it is affecting you. If you're still feeling violated, @Mocha isn't off the mark. How many times do you want to feel this way before you change how you operate, or test the wonderful waters of revenge to see if that helps your well-being? If this client regularly treats escorts like that, you'd be doing others a favor beyond a personal vendetta too. Take a deep breath, but if you aren't getting over it, don't feel like being traumatized every year or two is something you should be putting up with without making a change to protect yourself.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you're feeling better.

[Mocha]

Yes, it sucks getting stiffed $60 but if that's the worst think that happens to you in this business you are are way ahead of the game and should consider yourself luck.

 

Yeah depending on the rate, at least he got paid something. Some of these MFers be bold. Its not fun to have to smash out windows. We don't have time to be plotting payback. It's fun to do once or twice, but we're just not in the business for that.

 

I once long ago had an Adam client take up 2 hours of my time, and at the end act completely ignorant that he was supposed to be paying. It seemed like an honest misunderstanding but it was so avoidable on my part that I didn't even have it in me to carry out a detonation on his home that I was in.

 

That was one of the most disgusting lard of crap I've ever come across. I would never ever ever. How he could even think I would want to.

 

Based on the size of his gut in proportion to his thin body, karma was already on it's way. I didn't even need to ask for it. Luckily it was just basic stuff involved so i only felt financially raped, not physically.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

It sucks when you don't receive appropriate compensation for your time and energy, but I would try not to get too worked up over $60. Get back to me when you've spent 5 hours with someone and they jump in a cab and take off while you're inside a restaurant checking on dining availability. Or when you foolishly accept a check from a first time client and it turns out to be bad. Shit happens occasionally, we live, learn and grow. Don't allow the dishonesty of a few to change how you feel about and treat others.

[mike carey]

Lance, I don't think 'I was ripped off more than you' is the way to go. It's the fact of being stiffed, not the amount involved that rankles. I agree that Junior could have faced a worse loss. He seems, however, to have adjusted to his loss. I hope of course that he doesn't face the situations that you outlined.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Lance, I don't think 'I was ripped off more than you' is the way to go. It's the fact of being stiffed, not the amount involved that rankles. I agree that Junior could have faced a worse loss. He seems, however, to have adjusted to his loss. I hope of course that he doesn't face the situations that you outlined.

 

I understand what you're saying and wasn't trying to negate his loss, but getting paid something is far less painful than being stiffed 100%. I too hope that no one experiences such a thing.

 

A word of caution to anyone that visits and works in SF. There's a younger Asian guy here that has stiffed MANY guys with bad checks.

[mike carey]

I understand what you're saying and wasn't trying to negate his loss, but getting paid something is far less painful than being stiffed 100%.

Lance, I understood where you were coming from, and agree that being stiffed 100% is far worse.

[MartyB]

It sucks when you don't receive appropriate compensation for your time and energy, but I would try not to get too worked up over $60. Get back to me when you've spent 5 hours with someone and they jump in a cab and take off while you're inside a restaurant checking on dining availability. Or when you foolishly accept a check from a first time client and it turns out to be bad. Shit happens occasionally, we live, learn and grow. Don't allow the dishonesty of a few to change how you feel about and treat others.

For the record Lance is one of the elite escorts I've been with. Hot sexy beautiful and I can't recommend him enough. Anyone who would scam this guy deserves tons of shot happen to them.

[+ OliverSaks]

@Mocha Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I think a good rule of thumb in this forum is just to always take what Mocha says and do the opposite, provided that you want to feel content, peaceful, or whole-hearted, rather than jaded, angry, bitter, or a whole host of other negative emotions.

 

Junior, you are entitled to feel violated if you wish, but comparing your situation to rape does not sit well with me. You were fine providing your service to this client for x$ before the situation and during the situation, but then after because the money was x-60$ it became rape? I don't think that is really how it works. I don't intend to tell you how to feel, because again, I'm sorry you were shorted and I know that sucks, but I think giving the situation that much weight isn't going to be helpful to you.

 

Tell your story to a survivor of sexual assault or a violent crime (I am at least one of those) and be prepared for such a big eye roll or jaw drop that the person's anatomy might be irrevocably damaged.

[MartyB]

For the record Lance is one of the elite escorts I've been with. Hot sexy beautiful and I can't recommend him enough. Anyone who would scam this guy deserves tons of shot happen to them.

Not shot but shit! My fat fingers. LOL

[escortrod]

The 'rape' aspect of this is interesting to me. In 2010 the UK consolidated existing common law and statutory sexual offences into one new Act. There is always a danger that in drafting bills the law might be altered inadvertently. One longstanding common law legal principle was that if a perpetrator misled a victim as to the nature of the act they were carrying out, that would visciate the victim's consent. There had been a couple of cases on that point where prostitutes had been stiffed, if you will excuse the expression, and the client had been charged with rape. Ultimately the courts decided that the nature of the act was the same either way. The prostitutes consented to have sex with their clients.

 

Essentially if you argue that one has been raped because full payment was not rendered, you are also arguing that consent can he bought, which has all sorts of troubling consequences.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

For the record Lance is one of the elite escorts I've been with. Hot sexy beautiful and I can't recommend him enough. Anyone who would scam this guy deserves tons of shot happen to them.

 

Thanks for that darlin! Hope you're doing well.

[MartyB]

Thanks for that darlin! Hope you're doing well.

I'm doing great babe! Come back to NYC I owe you! LoL.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

I'm doing great babe! Come back to NYC I owe you! LoL.

 

You sure do! I will almost certainly be back in the fall again. You'll definitely know as soon as it's planned.

[+ BigRic]

Sent you a PM, @JuniorNYC.

[+ quoththeraven]

Junior, what the client did was deeply unjust. If he has not texted you back, it seems likely he shorted you out of spite (he was unhappy with you or the session), but that is no excuse if you look like your pix and made a good effort. (We all have experiences where the chemistry does not work well, but the client should still make full payment, so long as the escort is not misrepresenting himself.)

 

You might be tempted to demand payment upfront, but please avoid that: Clients (like me) consider that a big red flag, and many legitimate clients will avoid you. It is also awkward to count the money in front of the client, but if you can do so discreetly (client is washing up) or right after he leaves that gives you some protection, yes?

 

Sympathetically, Andy2

Alternatively, he could always have intended to stiff him. Most sympathetically, he could have thought he'd have the cash, for some reason didn't, and went ahead with the session anyway.

[+ OliverSaks]

@JuniorNYC I don't feel attacked, and you make a good point.

 

I was trying to say that you are capable of feeling however you want about a situation - it is your right as a human.

I was also trying to point towards your ability to reframe the situation and make it hold less power over you, which admittedly I made a poor choice of words that was belittling and not my intent. Your post was somewhat in the moment and emotionally-riddled, and I was hoping to lend a different perspective so that you could let things go more swiftly.

 

Re: the triggered feeling from the situation to your past assault:

I'm very sorry that someone harmed you in that way. I would seriously consider checking in with yourself about what lingers from this experience and how it could still be affecting you today (and some things might still need to be resolved, especially in light of your comments above)

 

I have found that I am really only triggered by things that I have yet to resolve (self-esteem / worthiness / ugly duckling / abandonment) - and I continue to work on these things regularly (sometimes with the help of mental health professionals) - if you are triggered by something, and don't already do so, perhaps you have more work to do to move through it.

 

-0S

[Mocha]

@Mocha Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I think a good rule of thumb in this forum is just to always take what Mocha says and do the opposite, provided that you want to feel content, peaceful, or whole-hearted, rather than jaded, angry, bitter, or a whole host of other negative emotions.

 

What are you talking about? Where does this holding onto anger piece come in at? Did I say anything about holding onto anger? You not talking to me. I'm just going to hope you're not talking about me. Because I'm very happy, my health shows it, it's in my mind body and soul. I'm living well honey.

 

All I'm saying is we as escorts (or if nobody else, just me) don't have to sit back and just take everything that comes at us. There's remedies out there. No, it doesn't need to be violent or illegal or involve getting oneself into trouble. But, it doesn't need to involve being complacent and not standing up when it comes down to it.

 

The only one who is jaded angry and bitter is you against me. Do you think I'm worried about how you feel about me? Hell no. So keep your narrow minded, insecure, misrepresented, misinformed, misconstrued, closed minded, passive aggressive comments to yourself. Don't dare throw dirt on my name because I'll do the opposite of THAT.

 

Matter of fact, do the opposite of all the things you wish you could do to me: pass the cyanide and fuck me...like a boomerang, back at ya!

[MikeBiDude]

What are you talking about? Where does this holding onto anger piece come in at? Did I say anything about holding onto anger? You not talking to me. I'm just going to hope you're not talking about me. Because I'm very happy, my health shows it, it's in my mind body and soul. I'm living well honey.

 

All I'm saying is we as escorts (or if nobody else, just me) don't have to sit back and just take everything that comes at us. There's remedies out there. No, it doesn't need to be violent or illegal or involve getting oneself into trouble. But, it doesn't need to involve being complacent and not standing up when it comes down to it.

 

The only one who is jaded angry and bitter is you against me. Do you think I'm worried about how you feel about me? Hell no. So keep your narrow minded, insecure, misrepresented, misinformed, misconstrued, closed minded, passive aggressive comments to yourself. Don't dare throw dirt on my name because I'll do the opposite of THAT.

 

Matter of fact, do the opposite of all the things you wish you could do to me: pass the cyanide and fuck me...like a boomerang, back at ya!

I think @OliverSaks gets it right @Mocha

http://www.imagesbuddy.com/images/152/holding-on-to-anger-is-like-drinking-poison-and-expecting-the-other-other-person-to-die-anger-quote.jpg