Turning someone down

[Kr8zy]

As an less than totally hot looking guy, I am pretty inexperienced in this area. But, how do you turn down an offer for a lapdance from someone who you don't find attractive enough, especially when they are pretty aggressive in trying to get you to do one? And especially when there is someone else just behind him who you really do want to do a lapdance with? Any tips?

[I-zik]

Unfortunately being honest and blunt hardly ever works. So a few of my old faithfuls are:

"Not right now, I just got here." Or "Can't. I'm waiting on someone." And "Later. I haven't even gotten a drink yet."

 

If you're trying to get another dancers attention, approaching them works but if you're being coy, a little eye contact and a smile goes a long way.

[LongIslandGuy]

Unfortunately being honest and blunt hardly ever works. So a few of my old faithfuls are:

"Not right now, I just got here." Or "Can't. I'm waiting on someone." And "Later. I haven't even gotten a drink yet."

 

If you're trying to get another dancers attention, approaching them works but if you're being coy, a little eye contact and a smile goes a long way.

I think I use the same lines as l-Zik. You tell him you just got a lapdance and want to wait a bit

[+ azdr0710]

good ideas from @I-zik ...was at a strip club a few nights ago and a less-than-totally-hot (to me) dude came by to drum up some business....mundane chit-chat for a couple minutes, then I went silent on him (didn't want to waste his time and he didn't outright ask if I wanted a lapdance or private, else I would've used lines like I-zik's).....he quickly got the hint and politely excused himself.....felt bad for him as the place was nearly dead.....customers do have to stay in control and not cave to every passer-by who chats you up

[Xavitv]

Unfortunately being honest and blunt hardly ever works. So a few of my old faithfuls are:

"Not right now, I just got here." Or "Can't. I'm waiting on someone." And "Later. I haven't even gotten a drink yet."

 

If you're trying to get another dancers attention, approaching them works but if you're being coy, a little eye contact and a smile goes a long way.

 

I use similar lines or I excuse myself to go to the bathroom if nothing else works lol. I'm too nice sometimes.

[bigvalboy]

It's relatively simple. They will usually walk up behind you and start to massage your shoulders. The minute they start, I turn in their direction, lightly touch their hand and say quietly "Not tonight baby"...It never has ever failed. They leave immediately and no feelings are hurt.

 

If they come to the side of me while I'm drinking at the bar, The minute they finish saying "How are you tonight?" I will say softly and quietly "I'm great sweety, but I'm not interested right now, but thank you"...That's it. I've never had a problem.

 

I never say that I'm interested in someone else or that I'm not interested in them. That's disrespectful. Regardless of the fact that you are in a strip club, you are still rejecting another person, so be kind and respectful of their feelings.

 

As soon as they walk away, a subtle nod or smile to your dancer of choice will almost always bring them over. If the dancer you like is on stage, I will go up, tip him a few dollars, and ask them to come see me when they are done, and let them know that you want a lap dance. Sometimes they come right over when they are done, and sometimes they get distracted or get a customer that is more generous. Don't take it personally. For the dancer, it's all about making as much money as they can on any given night. Good luck...

 

Keep it simple and fun. Leave any attitude about not wanting to be bothered at home.

 

Good luck...

[geoffk]

Perfect advice from Bigvalboy. Of course you can just say no and mean it.

[+ poolboy48220]

I find some way to excuse myself - say I'm going out for a smoke, or heading to the other section of the bar for a while. It's more difficult when it's with a guy that you HAVE engaged for a dance at some time in the past, and you're (for whatever reason) not interested in a dance with them tonight, or a dance at all for that matter. I'll tell guys "I don't think I'm getting a dance tonight, thanks" and that usually works, but if I DO end up getting a dance with someone else I feel a twinge of guilt if the first guy sees me doing that.

 

Some guys are just persistent, though. There was a guy a couple weeks ago, I recognized him but couldn't remember if I'd ever had a dance from him. I chatted with him a few minutes and moved on but he kept stopping me, and asking brightly each time "How're you doing?" as if it was the first time we'd spoken that night. Finally, I replied "About the same as last time you asked", and he got a bit testy.

[+ poolboy48220]

On the other hand - sometimes you have to be a bit more direct with a guy that you ARE interested in. I did the eye contact thing with a dancer for a while, but he was so popular & always being chatted up by other guys that I finally had to just walk up to him and ask if he was interested in going back for a dance.

[+ SundayZip]

I have to agree with @bigvalboy. Don't make up an excuse. Dancers will figure it out and you'll be know as somewhat of an asshole who is just going to string them along. If I'm asked by a dancer that doesn't interest me, I simply say "You're a handsome, sexy guy, but I gotta tell you, I'm really hoping to (talk to/get a lapdance from) Jake over there." More often than not, the dancer will not only be cool with it, but he'll go and tell Jake about you.

[+ poolboy48220]

I like that, SundayZip. Better karma. "Sorry, but I promised Jake I'd get a dance from him tonight". And add a "Maybe some other time?" if it's someone I don't want to turn down permanently.

[mikefl81]

Some good ideas here. I usually just tell "no thanks" or "I just got for here so maybe later." I will say its always a bit tricky when a dancer approaches you from behind and immediately starts to massage your neck/back. Try to cut them off before they expect a tip.

[fedssocr1]

I think it's an axiom that the dancer you are least attracted to is the one who will approach you, while the one you really want never will.

 

I've always found that a simple "no thanks" usually works pretty well. If they really persist I might try a "maybe later" but I always feel like that just encourages them to come back later and check. Some guys either don't pick up cues well or just figure that there are enough guys who can't or won't say no that bulling ahead will get them some cash. Or maybe they're a little desperate.

 

The smile and eye contact with the guys you like usually works. Or maybe a wink. Tipping them when they are on stage will usually do the trick too. But I tend to be a little shy when it comes to that. If all else fails grabbing them on the way by works too.

[+ nycman]

A simple and polite "No thank you".....works 99% of the time.

 

These boys aren't clueless. The smart ones know when your not interested. No hard feelings.

 

If they insist on touching/rubbing me.....I gently move their hand away and repeat a simple "No thank you".

 

If they touch me again....I grab them firmly by the wrist, look them in the eye and say....

"If you touch me again I'm going to break your wrist"....works 100% of the time.

[+ purplekow]

The last time I was at a club, when approached I simply said: "Sorry, I am just the Uber Driver waiting on my ride" Not even a "okay thanks" just a quick exit stage left.

[LD19847]

Some good advice here. I've never had a bad reaction to saying "No thanks. Not tonight." You won't be the first and definitely not the last to say no.

 

One night, I turned down a good dancer at Stock because I had my eye on someone else that night. I did feel a bit bad about it afterwards. I returned the following night and got a really good dance from the dancer I'd turned down.

 

One thing I would never do is say "Maybe later." Unless you really mean it because they will come back. The one thing you should always do is respect a dancer's time.

[Ichabod]

The challenge for me is the guys who want to hang out with you but take forever to get to the point. I've gotten to where I am quite comfortable saying "no, thank you" when a dancer I am not interested in asks if I want a lap dance. But sometimes, especially if it's a slow night, a guy I am not into will park himself next to me and just stay there. If it's at all busy, I can say that I don't want to monopolize his time, since I probably won't be getting a dance from him; but that line does not work when there are only 5 customers in the place.

 

I admire bigvalboy's strategy of immediately saying "not tonight" when approached by a dancer you're not interested in. My problem is that often don't know what I want when they first walk up. Maybe he'll be better looking or taller or shorter or more interesting or sexier than he looked onstage. Maybe I just haven't gotten a good look at him yet. Maybe all the guys I am really into are busy and this guy can keep me sufficiently entertained in the back for a couple of songs while I wait. But this does lead to me being more open to an initial chat, and getting stuck more often than I'd like.

 

Ah, the social challenges of the stripper bar!

[Despardo]

I found in Montreal that I really had no difficulty in saying no thanks, I just want to enjoy the show now, etc. It is not as if any of these guys have never been turned down before. I found it was pretty easy to get the point across and still be perfectly polite. It is OK to let a guy park himself next to you or massage your shoulders and chat a bit provided you don't take up too much of his time. If they sit with you a long time and are flirtatious or otherwise entertaining, it is not a bad idea to tip them. If I find the guy hot and I am interested, I offer to buy him a drink which provides time to socialize before heading for the back. These guys do not expect to score on every approach. Just be friendly, but stick to your guns.

[Jbdesc]

If there is a dancer you're interested in, don't be coy. A few weeks ago Junior was named Stock Idol, well, I wanted a dance with him to see what all the fuss was about. The moment I saw him not talking to a patron I approached, and asked him what a guy has to do to get him in the back room. He took my hand and off we went.

 

Point of the story, they are there to make money, if they don't have any other obligations, they will bring you for a dance. Be a shark, get what brought you there in the first place, and have fun!

 

Cheers!

[bigvalboy]

The challenge for me is the guys who want to hang out with you but take forever to get to the point. I've gotten to where I am quite comfortable saying "no, thank you" when a dancer I am not interested in asks if I want a lap dance. But sometimes, especially if it's a slow night, a guy I am not into will park himself next to me and just stay there. If it's at all busy, I can say that I don't want to monopolize his time, since I probably won't be getting a dance from him; but that line does not work when there are only 5 customers in the place.

 

I admire bigvalboy's strategy of immediately saying "not tonight" when approached by a dancer you're not interested in. My problem is that often don't know what I want when they first walk up. Maybe he'll be better looking or taller or shorter or more interesting or sexier than he looked onstage. Maybe I just haven't gotten a good look at him yet. Maybe all the guys I am really into are busy and this guy can keep me sufficiently entertained in the back for a couple of songs while I wait. But this does lead to me being more open to an initial chat, and getting stuck more often than I'd like.

 

Ah, the social challenges of the stripper bar!

 

It can be more challenging when the bar is empty and there are more dancers than customers. I recommend being honest, respectful, and kind. Don't promise a lap dance later unless you intend on keeping that commitment. If you aren't ready, a simple "Maybe later" will often suffice. Sometimes you just have to wing-it. Every situation is a little different...Good luck

[+ newatthis]

In Montreal, if you spot a dancer who interests you, you can ask the waiter to send him over -- especially useful with twinks who prefer hanging out with their dancer buddies. This is also good when your prospect is occupied with another client. In those cases, you may be just the excuse he is looking for to extricate himself from an unproductive situation.

[Despardo]

It can be more challenging when the bar is empty and there are more dancers than customers. I recommend being honest, respectful, and kind. Don't promise a lap dance later unless you intend on keeping that commitment. If you aren't ready, a simple "Maybe later" will often suffice. Sometimes you just have to wing-it. Every situation is a little different...Good luck

Don't try to overthink this. Just go with the flow and have a good time.

[Kr8zy]

Personally, I don't have a problem approaching some one I want a lap dance with. I guess the older I get the less inhibited I become. But that only works when that dancer isn't tied up, AND you aren't stuck dealing with someone who doesn't seem to take a hint very well. Perhaps I need to be more forceful in that area. I just am worried about hurting someones feelings.

[+ DickyF]

These examples may reduce your concern about saying "no" as rude:

 

On a slow Sunday evening at Le B a dancer who I was not interested in at all parked himself next to me and tried to engage me in conversation while touching my shoulders, etc. He was monopolizing my time when I was trying to make eye contact with another dancer. I finally told him I'm just not interested and he said fine and left.

Well two nights later I return and this same dancer comes up to me and says "is this your first time here?" I told him right away I'm not interested.

Actually nearly the exact same scenario happened to me again with another dancer.

Bottom line these guys go to everyone trying to score a lap dance. They won't even remember you probably. So do yourself and them a favor and tell them no thanks.

[+ goosh69]

Yeah, I'm for bluntness. I tell the ones that I don't like "you're time is better spent on someone else" and walk right up to this ones I want and say I'd like several dances in a row.