I dont know what to do

[Jock123]

One of the Downsides of being an Escort is those who become so Infatuated with You, They end up Falling In love etc.

 

A Year ago I met someone whom I had an Amazing time with. He isnt In the best situation Financially but I ended up Befriending him because we Hit it off...alot. We chat on the phone, email...alot. He would send me nice Christmas/Birthday gifts etc but I havent seen him since. He lives about 900 miles away from me(He was visiting at the time) so just popping over to see Him wasnt In the cards.

 

Fast forward to a few days ago. Somehow/Somewhere conversations has gotten dark. He started emailing me about how he couldnt live without me anymore, I tried my best to blow it off(Not really knowing if he was serious) as I never have known him to be suicidal.

 

 

He is threatning to kill himself If he cant be with me. I dont know what to do. We've gone through HUNDREDS of emails and I really do my best to stay In touch but the reality is I have bills...I cant give him my Attention 24/7. This all just makes me sad. I feel he is serious. And I feel by me blowing it off or Ignoring it...could end up badly. Any suggestions? Thanks guys.

[kewtex]

I offer my two cents at the risk of coming off as cold and uncaring.

You are only responsible for you actions, not his. Do not allow yourself to be blackmailed emotionally. Offer the suggestion that he seek professional help. Establish and assert your boundaries, even if that means cutting off all contact with this man. Protect yourself.

[+ purplekow]

While you may not want to cut off all contact immediately, you definitely need to cut back on you interaction. I would advise telling him that you are going to be relatively scarce for the next few weeks. Personal and business meetings will be keeping you pretty tied up but that you will try and e mail, not text, him once or twice a day. I would also tell him that you will not be able to answer texts quickly as you will be with another client. Ease off the gas and apply the brake slowly but firmly.

[gallahadesquire]

One of the Downsides of being an Escort is those who become so Infatuated with You, They end up Falling In love etc.

 

A Year ago I met someone whom I had an Amazing time with. He isnt In the best situation Financially but I ended up Befriending him because we Hit it off...alot. We chat on the phone, email...alot. He would send me nice Christmas/Birthday gifts etc but I havent seen him since. He lives about 900 miles away from me(He was visiting at the time) so just popping over to see Him wasnt In the cards.

 

Fast forward to a few days ago. Somehow/Somewhere conversations has gotten dark. He started emailing me about how he couldnt live without me anymore, I tried my best to blow it off(Not really knowing if he was serious) as I never have known him to be suicidal.

 

 

He is threatning to kill himself If he cant be with me. I dont know what to do. We've gone through HUNDREDS of emails and I really do my best to stay In touch but the reality is I have bills...I cant give him my Attention 24/7. This all just makes me sad. I feel he is serious. And I feel by me blowing it off or Ignoring it...could end up badly. Any suggestions? Thanks guys.

 

Just remember, should "the worst" occur ... it's not your fault. In fact, you are responsible for none of his emotions.

[caliguy]

He is threatning to kill himself If he cant be with me.

I've been in these kind of relationships before ie the unrequited love BS. Every single time they never carried it out but I was too emotionally invested by that time to understand the manipulation that was going on. I've been in at least 3 situations like yours.

 

At any rate, I can spot them coming a mile away now. They come with many red flags that we missed along the way. Live and learn as they say. At least you don't live close.

[maninsoma]

I offer my two cents at the risk of coming off as cold and uncaring.

You are only responsible for you actions, not his. Do not allow yourself to be blackmailed emotionally. Offer the suggestion that he seek professional help. Establish and assert your boundaries, even if that means cutting off all contact with this man. Protect yourself.

 

I agree 100%. I would also add that in addition to suggesting that he seek professional help, you might express your concern for his safety and advise him that you will call whatever public resource is available in his area (mobile crisis, police) to check on him if he's really thinking about harming himself. Doing so works in two ways -- if he really does need help and isn't just being manipulative, it underscores that you are taking his condition seriously and that he should, too. If he is just being manipulative, it will likely cause him to stop playing games with you because you're letting him know that you have no problems sending the police to his home when he contacts you stating he wants to kill himself.

[jjkrkwood]

Firstly jock, while I do sympathize for your situation here, it has nothing to do with being an escort. All people can experience this kind of obsession, which is usually "irrational" on the subjects part. All you can really do is make your position on the matter CLEAR to him, and let the cards fall where they may. HE is the keeper of himself, and also a selfish person if he thinks he can "guilt" you into being with him.. This would make ME extremely angry. My suggestion, cut off ALL ties with him, no calls, no texts etc, but only after you once again make it CLEAR to him this is YOUR decision and what you think is best. After that, get back to your normal life and don't look back....

[jawjateck]

Your empathy is commendable, but he has "guilt"ed his way into your mind, and you only met him one time?

 

Go live your life, young man. Only he is responsible for his actions and his misery.

[+ WmClarke]

I hope he doesn't know where you live (you said he has sent you gifts).

 

900 miles is just one very long day of driving. What are you going to do if he shows up at your door?

[+ glennnn]

My heart goes out to you. I thought about this all night. My son went through a similar situation with a girlfriend when he was 20. It preyed on his mind so much, he ended up talking to a counselor. This person is likely what the counselor called a vampire who will suck the life out of you if allowed. I urge you to get professional help for yourself. You are the victim here. Don't wait! He's attacking your very belief in yourself.

[Becket]

The guys that I see regularly do help me process stuff. We talk a lot and they joke sometimes that "psychological services" are extra. But these relationships have been developed over many years. For a client to treat you as he has after one visit is not only inappropriate, it could become dangerous. Sadly, I must agree with the others who have said the best thing would be for you to cut ties and move on. No one wants to lose a client or a possible friend, but from what you have said, the client in question is not your friend. You are his possession.

[+ Eric Hassan]

I agree with most people that it's best to cut ties and move on. Remember that you can do this peacefully and with love, without giving him false hope or surgar-coating it. Be kind, be clear, be firm. Have the conversation once - use a couple of sentences to acknowledge his pain and let him know that you can't continue your relationship. Suggest he get help, if you think he can hear that. Tell him clearly that it's time for both of you to move on and then follow though - no texts, no messages, etc.

 

Also, remember it's OK for you to grieve this loss. It's tough to be in your situation but it does happen and just because it's his pain doesn't mean it's not a loss for you - the fact you started this thread shows that you care. Sometimes, unfortunately, the best we can do when we care is to leave. That's sad, but it's not bad. It might hurt, but it won't hurt forever.

 

Hang in there, dude.

[jjkrkwood]

Sometimes it absolutely necessary to be "a cold hearted bitch".... There is no other way to get your point across, because if you are nice or agreeable, your intentions are misinterpreted.

[+ sync]

You mention in your post that the two of you "hit it off...alot." Are you able to recall if you said anything to him that would suggest that your relationship emotionally transcends the escort/client arrangement? If not, you're home free. If so, you will have to somehow dial it back with an understanding that your words were an expression of friendship, but not intended to generate a bonding commitment.

 

As others have suggested, you are going to have to bite the bullet and end this. The longer it continues the longer it will prey on your mind and become larger than life.

 

Consider this: I submit that several of us posting in these forums have probably had the experience of falling in "love" with an escort, and when the escort snapped us back to reality, we survived and moved on with our lives. I have a high degree of certainty that the gentleman in your situation is much more likely to survive and move on than he is to take is own life. Now is time for you to take back your life.

 

I wish you smooth sailing through this. It may not be as difficult as you imagine.

[caliguy]

My heart goes out to you. I thought about this all night. My son went through a similar situation with a girlfriend when he was 20. It preyed on his mind so much, he ended up talking to a counselor. This person is likely what the counselor called a vampire who will suck the life out of you if allowed. I urge you to get professional help for yourself. You are the victim here. Don't wait! He's attacking your very belief in yourself.

Yeah, that's the truth. I wonder if he spent any time wondering how this would effect someone else? I'd say zero. This guy is extremely selfish and manipulative. This is nothing more then a game for him.

[TopTierTop]

While you may not want to cut off all contact immediately, you definitely need to cut back on you interaction. I would advise telling him that you are going to be relatively scarce for the next few weeks. Personal and business meetings will be keeping you pretty tied up but that you will try and e mail, not text, him once or twice a day. I would also tell him that you will not be able to answer texts quickly as you will be with another client. Ease off the gas and apply the brake slowly but firmly.

Yes. I agree that these are the first steps. I have clients who I am in regular contact with, even if it has been a long time since the last time I have seen them. And I think that is fine. For me, though, the minute it starts becoming practically a daily thing (for their own good), I ease off on the quickness of my response. It is harder for soemene to develop and maintain unrequited feelings for someone that they have limited access to.

[MiamiLooker]

He would send me nice Christmas/Birthday gifts etc...

You didn't accept them though, right?

[jjkrkwood]

You didn't accept them though, right?

 

 

Even if he DID, it shouldn't imply "I want to be your husband".... although in the clients warped frame of mind, I can clearly see how he would think that.

[JayCeeKy]

Since your original relationship with this person was a "professional" one, it sounds like there have been a lot of "boundary crossings" already. Allowing yourself to be held emotional hostage by person would solve nothing. At this stage I don't think this person is going to listen to reason. So, I would suggest that you no longer communicate with him in any way as it would encourage him to continue his behavior. You can’t be responsible for another person’s actions, no matter what – and this includes possible suicide.

[+ nycman]

Cut bait and run my friend.

 

As others have said you are being emotionally blackmailed.

 

Repeat after me, "I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't think it's healthy for either of us to keep communicating with the other. Good-bye."

 

Threats of suicide...are just that...threats. They are manipulative and meant to instill fear.

You can not and should not live in fear. You are not responsible for another human's happiness or their mental well being.

 

On my darker days, I'd say..."I'm stopping by Ace Hardware later today...how much rope do you think you'll need?"

 

Then again, I'm a little strange. I believe suicide is a noble act and that the right to self determination is paramount in all facets of life. Including death.

Those who cheapen it with petty threats....are the lowest form of scum in my book.

[Jock123]

I hope he doesn't know where you live (you said he has sent you gifts).

 

900 miles is just one very long day of driving. What are you going to do if he shows up at your door?

 

 

As this Forum is VERY aware I am all about my Privacy. While I know most(Or at least alot) of Escorts Host In their Home. I never Have. I have ONE Regular who has stayed at my House(Long story) but he Is someone whom I do Trust. If they want to send me gifts I have Amazon and Paypal where they cant see my Address(At least not to my knowledge). This Client doesnt know where I live. And now that this is all Happening I'm glad that he doesnt. Over the past few week's I get the sense that he WOULD come to my door...and god knows to do what.

 

 

 

 

You mention in your post that the two of you "hit it off...alot." Are you able to recall if you said anything to him that would suggest that your relationship emotionally transcends the escort/client arrangement? If not, you're home free. If so, you will have to somehow dial it back with an understanding that your words were an expression of friendship, but not intended to generate a bonding commitment.

 

 

He's mentioned he's In Love with me. Alot. Even on the phone we'll end a Conversation, He'll say I Love You...and I dont respond with I Love You Back. Honestly maybe this is my Fault for allowing so many Boundaries to be crossed...I just never knew how to address it. He's a very sensitive person and I feel like If I said the wrong thing he'd lose it and I didnt want to hurt him.

 

You didn't accept them though, right?

 

 

I did. If I had sent them back I think he would have been offended.

[Jock123]

You know the Scary thing about all of this is he mentioned my Hometown. Not as where I live currently but as to where I was Born etc. I've never mentioned where I grew up with Him. He does have my real name...defiently my mistake.

[+ WmClarke]

As this Forum is VERY aware I am all about my Privacy. While I know most(Or at least alot) of Escorts Host In their Home. I never Have. I have ONE Regular who has stayed at my House(Long story) but he Is someone whom I do Trust. If they want to send me gifts I have Amazon and Paypal where they cant see my Address(At least not to my knowledge). This Client doesnt know where I live. And now that this is all Happening I'm glad that he doesnt. Over the past few week's I get the sense that he WOULD come to my door...and god knows to do what.

Good! Glad you are physically in no danger. I've had two close family members stalked in the past and it's terrifying.

[Jock123]

This is Mentally exhausting guys....

 

 

I feel either way He'll hurt. I do care about his well being. Thank You for all the comments. I think its best just Scale back. Not sugar coat anything anymore.

[+ José Soplanucas]

Vanish. Block his number and emails. Make him disappear from your life.