Is it possible to have sex and be friends with a White guy?

[Mocha]

Coming from a non-judgmental place here. As an escort I understand people tend to come to us for different needs, fantasies and desires or what not. However...what I don't understand is why the same frame of mind exist outside of that realm. Like when the red escorting light turns off and the blue light of day turns on.

 

Now, this isn't to exclude other ethnicities in one way or another. However, recently living in Tennessee as I have...it's pretty much Black and White. Those are the dating/fuck pool choices. Even the Latin/Middle Eastern looking guys who are into Black guys are actually not Latin or Middle Eastern but rather mulatto. The true middle easterns and Mexicans here are barely gay and kinda stick to their own.

 

But, back to White guys. And...I ask because maybe an older more sexually active audience can understand this more: I have met lots of white guys in the last few months...YEARS. The sex was great, conversation was great, lots of promises of meeting up again...but every single time it's the same story: it either ends up being just about the sex, and we meet 1 to 3 times and that's it. Or, the ones I do become friends with just want to be friends and nothing else. And that's in a best case scenario, because usually if there's no attraction on the white guys end...they prefer to not have anything to do with. Or, they want to be friends only if the benefits are part of the deal. Or, I have no attraction to them and they friend me until realizing I'm not interested in hooking up.

 

This has got me thinking because my roommate/occasional client (it's rare I'd ever even get into such an arrangement, but hey it's 2016 and all things abnormal and fucked up are happening) said some bullshit to me the other day. He was taking a picture of a part of the room and asked me to move over because his family would cut him out the will if they see an African American arm in the photo. However, he tends to exacerbate and say insensitive shit sometimes BUT...still. Life and death in the power of the tongue and a truth to every lie...

 

...and this weekend another slave revolution movie came out which is getting quite a buzz. I may watch it, but it'd have to be on my own time, on my own. But, I feel the only way to lay things to rest is to let by gones be by gones and focus on the current issues that actually affect us. The ones that address interpersonal relationships, not simply injustice. I mean, how many slave movies do we need to see? After 12 years a slave and dejango...I don't need to see anymore honestly.

 

I also notice, lots of white guys will say on a typical weekend that they are going to a wedding or a BBq or a birthday party or out with friends...without extending an invite. But, I always get offered to come over and fuck before or after. Very rarely does a White guy ever offer up a proper invitation to join or come along as a date or FRIEND.

 

All that said, I stopped running behind and begging people to friends. Soon as I sniff out bullshit, I just delete their number and move on. Black/Hispanic friends that I've met tend to be more open to friendships, but it's not always breezy with them either because many try to be competitive and spend more time giving off jealous vibes.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I'm jealous.

[LADoug1]

I'm confused. You say there are some white guys DO want to be friends and then you say they don't. Which is it?

[jjkrkwood]

Why does every thread you create have some Race component or undertone to it ? Its really quite unsavory and borders on bigotry. This post for example. Its a question about "behavior"... WHY is the bad behavior relegated to whites ? I am sure there are tons of "flaky" black guys out there too that behave the exact same way, but perhaps because your clientele

is mostly WHITE, you project onto them? The thing with human behavior is that people will either like you or they wont. And if they dont, there is nothing you can do about it but let it go and move your ass along. You're an escort. Maybe they just want your cock ? You're a Black escort. Maybe they perpetuate the myth that you are HUNG like a horse and want your cock but NOT your soul. It is what it is. But turning a thread about guys rejecting your friendship into a thread about race is IMO irresponsible and uninformed.

[+ WilliamM]

All that said, I stopped running behind and begging people to friends. Soon as I sniff out bullshit, I just delete their number and move on.

 

I suspect you are deleting too many numbers. Few friendships follow a clear path at the beginning. I know a divorced white woman in her 40s who does the same things. To be honest, Mocha, she is much too quick to drop people, who might have become good friends.

[marylander1940]

Coming from a non-judgmental place here. As an escort I understand people tend to come to us for different needs, fantasies and desires or what not. However...what I don't understand is why the same frame of mind exist outside of that realm. Like when the red escorting light turns off and the blue light of day turns on.

 

Now, this isn't to exclude other ethnicities in one way or another. However, recently living in Tennessee as I have...it's pretty much Black and White. Those are the dating/fuck pool choices. Even the Latin/Middle Eastern looking guys who are into Black guys are actually not Latin or Middle Eastern but rather mulatto. The true middle easterns and Mexicans here are barely gay and kinda stick to their own.

 

But, back to White guys. And...I ask because maybe an older more sexually active audience can understand this more: I have met lots of white guys in the last few months...YEARS. The sex was great, conversation was great, lots of promises of meeting up again...but every single time it's the same story: it either ends up being just about the sex, and we meet 1 to 3 times and that's it. Or, the ones I do become friends with just want to be friends and nothing else. And that's in a best case scenario, because usually if there's no attraction on the white guys end...they prefer to not have anything to do with. Or, they want to be friends only if the benefits are part of the deal. Or, I have no attraction to them and they friend me until realizing I'm not interested in hooking up.

 

This has got me thinking because my roommate/occasional client (it's rare I'd ever even get into such an arrangement, but hey it's 2016 and all things abnormal and fucked up are happening) said some bullshit to me the other day. He was taking a picture of a part of the room and asked me to move over because his family would cut him out the will if they see an African American arm in the photo. However, he tends to exacerbate and say insensitive shit sometimes BUT...still. Life and death in the power of the tongue and a truth to every lie...

 

...and this weekend another slave revolution movie came out which is getting quite a buzz. I may watch it, but it'd have to be on my own time, on my own. But, I feel the only way to lay things to rest is to let by gones be by gones and focus on the current issues that actually affect us. The ones that address interpersonal relationships, not simply injustice. I mean, how many slave movies do we need to see? After 12 years a slave and dejango...I don't need to see anymore honestly.

 

I also notice, lots of white guys will say on a typical weekend that they are going to a wedding or a BBq or a birthday party or out with friends...without extending an invite. But, I always get offered to come over and fuck before or after. Very rarely does a White guy ever offer up a proper invitation to join or come along as a date or FRIEND.

 

All that said, I stopped running behind and begging people to friends. Soon as I sniff out bullshit, I just delete their number and move on. Black/Hispanic friends that I've met tend to be more open to friendships, but it's not always breezy with them either because many try to be competitive and spend more time giving off jealous vibes.

 

Why would Friends With Benefits be any different with white men or black men?

 

This ain't the 60's

[jimboivyo]

I sense another name change coming

[+ purplekow]

It is difficult to exclude racial differences at the beginning of an adult friendship. At least in the US it is because most of us have incorporated some of the stereotypes into our way of thinking. We are hit over the head with it in the media. We are divided by it politically, at least in the polls we are. Clinton has the black vote, Trump has the white male vote. etc. So thinking that race does not make a difference in interracial relationships of all kinds is foolish.

 

It makes a difference, until the person emerges and the body becomes just the wrapping not the gift. So, Mocha, I would suggest that there are some people who are worth the investment of time and effort. Even if there are fits and starts. Even if there are roller coaster drops and climbs. Even if it seems more like work than play. Ultimately, those white people will know you as Mocha, their friend, not their black friend. But even in 2016, other white people will think of you as the black friend of the white guy. And likely, in the black community, he will be your white friend. It is a small price to pay for having a friend. Hopefully, someday there will be no such price.

Especially as an adult, true friends are few and far between and new true friends are rarer still. Well worth the effort.

[jjkrkwood]

In re-reading the OP's original post, I dont perceive it having anything to do with "friendship". It seems to me to be another opportunity for the OP to rant about race relations, and for him to point out yet once again that he is getting the "short end of the stick"..... It is only until HE no longer sees "color" that others that come and go in his world will do the same.

[+ WilliamM]

Especially as an adult, true friends are few and far between and new true friends are rarer still. Well worth the effort.

 

In re-reading the OP's original post, I dont perceive it having anything to do with "friendship". It seems to me to be another opportunity for the OP to rant about race relations, and for him to point out yet once again that he is getting the "short end of the stick"..... It is only until HE no longer sees "color" that others that come and go in his world will do the same.

 

Even if your comments are true, JJ. Perhaps he will still think about purplekow's post.

 

Nobody has written so well about the importance of friends, especially for adults. Adult women seem to make friend more easily.

[Strafe13]

In re-reading the OP's original post, I dont perceive it having anything to do with "friendship". It seems to me to be another opportunity for the OP to rant about race relations, and for him to point out yet once again that he is getting the "short end of the stick"..... It is only until HE no longer sees "color" that others that come and go in his world will do the same.

 

With all due respect, I have to call out this "we all should be colorblind"/ "black folks need to stop seeing race in everything" bullshit. @Mocha's post came off a bit like a cross between a rant and a stream of consciousness, but as @purplekow's response alluded to, interracial relationships present difficulties because of what we've all been socially conditioned to accept concerning racial beliefs and stereotypes. Even if it wasn't the most eloquently written piece, I was able to read deeper and see the real issues he was trying to bring to light. @Mocha's post reminded me of a lot of my own experiences in my relationships with white people as lovers, friends, colleagues, and platonic friends (of both sexes). Many of my black, Latino, and Asian friends have recounted similar difficulties. It's unfortunate that our implicit bias and the stereotypes we learn can still affect our interpersonal relationships. It's also unfortunate that some will dismiss that as unfounded complaining about race relations, and put the onus on people of color to stop "seeing" race or "interjecting" it into everything.

[Strafe13]

Notwithstanding my prior post, the answer to @Mocha's question is "yes." It is possible to have sex and be friends with a white guy. But, IMHO, interracial relationships of all sort will require, as a very general matter, more effort because of what the parties must overcome in the way of societal and structural barriers pertaining to race, as well as their own individual prejudices. Like all good relationships worth having, they'll take work, but hopefully the reward will be worthwhile.

[Epigonos]

Moca actually makes a very interesting point. About ten (10) years ago I flew to Tampa Florida to get together with a very handsome, very well built African-American escort. My plans were for us to get together for dinner and an extended evening on Saturday and then again late on Sunday morning for brunch and some more fun time. On Saturday evening we met in the lobby of my hotel and then took a taxi to a very nice local restaurant. As we relaxed at the table waiting for the waiter to take our order he remarked that he was surprised that I was willing to go out to an elegant restaurant with an African American as all of his other white clients, thus far, had not wanted to appear in public with him. I was absolutely dumfounded. After a brief pause I chuckled and responded that if I was willing to suck his cock in private I should certainly be willing to be seen with him in public having dinner. My statement seemed to startle him but after a moment he burst out laughing. We then ordered dinner and went on to a wonderful evening together. Damn he was definitely VERY special. To this day I still have difficulty understanding that his white clients would feel the way they did.

[+ purplekow]

When I got married, there were about 140 people at the reception and about 15 or so of them were African American. They were scattered about the room, seated with their colleagues or neighbors or co-workers, depending on how we knew them. At one point, my mother remarked to me that she did not expect to see so many "blacks at the wedding". She actually did not say "blacks" out loud, but rather suddenly changed to a whisper and exaggeratedly mouthed the word. After that, she said, perhaps it would have been better to seat them all at one table. I asked her why she would say such a thing and she replied that she thought they might felt more comfortable sitting with people with whom they had something in common.

 

I had never noted my mother to act in a racist manner in her day to day life. Rather than transfer me to Catholic school, my parents chose to keep me in public school even though I was to be bussed to elementary school to help achieve integration as part of the Civil Rights Act. As a result, I had classmates and friends who were of different races and ethnicities. I had several black teachers and when I was a teen we had black neighbors next door who were in and out of my parent's home regularly. Yet, at 80, my mother still carried the ideas of her youth of segregation as the standard.

 

Now, decades later, I believe that segregation is the standard of American life and it is still the prevailing attitude of most Americans, black and white. If anything we are a country divided as much as ever. Economics plays a large part. While overt racism is probably less than it was 50 years ago, I am not so sure if there has been any real change in the hearts and minds of most people. There is still very much an us and them mentality and that saddens me, even though, to some extent, I am probably guilty of it as well. .

[+ José Soplanucas]

In my personal experience, keeping a friendship involving sex is often challenging. If you add the tensions involved in an interracial relationship, the challenge is bigger. I do not think it is impossible, @Mocha , I just think it is harder.

It maybe easier (I am guessing here, as I never thought about this before, thanks for bringing a worthy issue) when the friendship with benefits is between Black guys, as the relationship may often have a defensive component to strengthen it up.

[marylander1940]

I sense another name change coming

 

BenjaminXXX would be my suggestion.

[marylander1940]

In my personal experience, keeping a friendship involving sex is often challenging. If you add the tensions involved in an interracial relationship, the challenge is bigger. I do not think it is impossible, @Mocha , I just think it is harder.

It maybe easier (I am guessing here, as I never thought about this before, thanks for bringing a worthy issue) when the friendship with benefits is between Black guys, as the relationship may often have a defensive component to strengthen it up.

 

Notwithstanding my prior post, the answer to @Mocha's question is "yes." It is possible to have sex and be friends with a white guy. But, IMHO, interracial relationships of all sort will require, as a very general matter, more effort because of what the parties must overcome in the way of societal and structural barriers pertaining to race, as well as their own individual prejudices. Like all good relationships worth having, they'll take work, but hopefully the reward will be worthwhile.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9LO9-MGH2w

 

 

It is difficult to exclude racial differences at the beginning of an adult friendship. At least in the US it is because most of us have incorporated some of the stereotypes into our way of thinking. We are hit over the head with it in the media. We are divided by it politically, at least in the polls we are. Clinton has the black vote, Trump has the white male vote. etc. So thinking that race does not make a difference in interracial relationships of all kinds is foolish.

 

It makes a difference, until the person emerges and the body becomes just the wrapping not the gift. So, Mocha, I would suggest that there are some people who are worth the investment of time and effort. Even if there are fits and starts. Even if there are roller coaster drops and climbs. Even if it seems more like work than play. Ultimately, those white people will know you as Mocha, their friend, not their black friend. But even in 2016, other white people will think of you as the black friend of the white guy. And likely, in the black community, he will be your white friend. It is a small price to pay for having a friend. Hopefully, someday there will be no such price.

Especially as an adult, true friends are few and far between and new true friends are rarer still. Well worth the effort.

 

yes, but when it comes to sex I only know two ethnic groups: hot and not hot!

Btw why this obsession with race and negative generalizations about one group or other is sickening, can we consider every person as an individual and not a member of a group?

[MikeyGMin]

It is difficult to exclude racial differences at the beginning of an adult friendship.

 

It makes a difference, until the person emerges and the body becomes just the wrapping not the gift.

 

Nicely said. If both people are open to the friendship, and not trying to force it, I have found the race issue to quickly become a non-issue. In my personal experience, it has been much easier to bridge than differences in economic status or education.

[+ José Soplanucas]

We often discuss racial issues because they exist. You cannot erase reality. The very fact that some of us feel uncomfortable about these conversations is the best argument to keep up with them.

[pubic_assistance]

We often discuss racial issues because they exist. You cannot erase reality. The very fact that some of us feel uncomfortable about these conversations is the best argument to keep up with them.

I agree. The best cure to racism is to keep the conversation going. As far as the original question there are two likely sources of your frustration. #1 Geographic. Tennessee isn't exactly known for it's forward progressive community. #2 There are of course differences of social norms from one social group to another. Maybe you are failing in your social game in a way you are not understanding. Doing something that seems "normal" to you...but doesn't click with white guys. I've dated men and women from different cultures many times...THAT is pretty much what always ended the relationships for me. Just couldn't see myself going long term with habits that make me uncomfortable, or constant complaints about my own habits.

[jjkrkwood]

I agree. The best cure to racism is to keep the conversation going. As far as the original question there are two likely sources of your frustration. #1 Geographic. Tennessee isn't exactly known for it's forward progressive community. #2 There are of course differences of social norms from one social group to another. Maybe you are failing in your social game in a way you are not understanding. Doing something that seems "normal" to you...but doesn't click with white guys. I've dated men and women from different cultures many times...THAT is pretty much what always ended the relationships for me. Just couldn't see myself going long term with habits that make me uncomfortable, or constant complaints about my own habits.

 

In all fairness PA, you can have those same issues with people of your own culture. Not everyone is meant to get along, but it is important you are always "yourself" and you let others see who you are so they can decide if there is some connection. If you are constantly having issues with connecting "socially", perhaps there is an issue with your personality that you just done see (or want to see ) ? We seem to be making all sorts of excuses here, and are dismissing the fact that the problem can simply exist "within"....

[Nvr2Thick]

Coming from a non-judgmental place here. As an escort I understand people tend to come to us for different needs, fantasies and desires or what not. However...what I don't understand is why the same frame of mind exist outside of that realm. Like when the red escorting light turns off and the blue light of day turns on.

 

Now, this isn't to exclude other ethnicities in one way or another. However, recently living in Tennessee as I have...it's pretty much Black and White. Those are the dating/fuck pool choices. Even the Latin/Middle Eastern looking guys who are into Black guys are actually not Latin or Middle Eastern but rather mulatto. The true middle easterns and Mexicans here are barely gay and kinda stick to their own.

 

But, back to White guys. And...I ask because maybe an older more sexually active audience can understand this more: I have met lots of white guys in the last few months...YEARS. The sex was great, conversation was great, lots of promises of meeting up again...but every single time it's the same story: it either ends up being just about the sex, and we meet 1 to 3 times and that's it. Or, the ones I do become friends with just want to be friends and nothing else. And that's in a best case scenario, because usually if there's no attraction on the white guys end...they prefer to not have anything to do with. Or, they want to be friends only if the benefits are part of the deal. Or, I have no attraction to them and they friend me until realizing I'm not interested in hooking up.

 

This has got me thinking because my roommate/occasional client (it's rare I'd ever even get into such an arrangement, but hey it's 2016 and all things abnormal and fucked up are happening) said some bullshit to me the other day. He was taking a picture of a part of the room and asked me to move over because his family would cut him out the will if they see an African American arm in the photo. However, he tends to exacerbate and say insensitive shit sometimes BUT...still. Life and death in the power of the tongue and a truth to every lie...

 

...and this weekend another slave revolution movie came out which is getting quite a buzz. I may watch it, but it'd have to be on my own time, on my own. But, I feel the only way to lay things to rest is to let by gones be by gones and focus on the current issues that actually affect us. The ones that address interpersonal relationships, not simply injustice. I mean, how many slave movies do we need to see? After 12 years a slave and dejango...I don't need to see anymore honestly.

 

I also notice, lots of white guys will say on a typical weekend that they are going to a wedding or a BBq or a birthday party or out with friends...without extending an invite. But, I always get offered to come over and fuck before or after. Very rarely does a White guy ever offer up a proper invitation to join or come along as a date or FRIEND.

 

All that said, I stopped running behind and begging people to friends. Soon as I sniff out bullshit, I just delete their number and move on. Black/Hispanic friends that I've met tend to be more open to friendships, but it's not always breezy with them either because many try to be competitive and spend more time giving off jealous vibes.

 

There are so many aspects of race relations and gay life going on in this one post that I hardly know where to start.

 

First I'd say that your roommate situation could be toxic. I understand that the relationship may have its benefits and it might be tough to give up. He seems to believe that he's not racist and yet he casually inflicts his family's racism on you. I don't believe that a person can be a neutral conduit for racism. Like many people, you are sensitive to inequities and unfair treatment. This simmering racial tension coupled with his tendency to provoke you (and probably some exploitation) will probably affect you deeply when it comes to a head.

 

I've managed to become "friends and nothing else" with a few black men in Tennessee. With some there seems to be a "father figure" thing going on. One friend is four years younger than me and another is fifteen years younger, but they both were raised by single mothers and grandmothers and aunts and they seem to seek out black guys as peers and white guys as mentors. Both of these guys tend to hang out with their black gay friends separate from their white friends. To get into more detail, I've met my friend Tim's mom and his brother, and I've hung out with him and one of his other white daddy former fuckbuddies, but he mentions get-togethers at his house with his black friends but I'm never invited.

 

I recently met a young black man through business, in IT. Since his early 20s he's always been "the black guy" on a team of white guys working in a big company. His friends are divided into two camps: his old friends and cousins from school and from the black neighborhood where he grew up, and the white guys he met through work. He's messed around as a rap performer and home producer and he's a big gamer. When he shows his music websites to his friends from work he gets these awkward, patronizing but positive responses that further alienate him as the black guy. He confided in me that he practically speaks a different language with his white friends from work; editing out the hood slang and inflections. He showed me a video of him producing a rap recording for a buddy, and I had to laugh because he seemed like a different person. There's some common ground between his black friends and white friends as gamers, but he would never try to bring these guys together to hang out. When he bought a house he really struggled with who to invite to a housewarming, and it ended up being strictly his neighborhood friends. He's been troubled lately because he's developed a very tight friendship with one white guy he's worked with for ten years; he also has his best friend from the hood who is really a second cousin he's known his whole life, and now he has a fiancee. His fiancee comes to work functions and has met his work friends. She's cool with it but she picks on him about how they have to act around the white folk. I think his head is going to explode when he invites both of his worlds to his wedding.

 

It's kind of an extreme example, but people compartmentalize their lives often. I have gay white friends who keep their gay life separate from work life and from family. I have an old friend who keeps his college football buddies distant from his upperclass Jewish friends and family. My family is open to me bringing a friend on our family vacations to mingle with my brothers' wives and their kids. They don't care if I bring a gay guy or a straight guy; a black friend or a white friend; a boyfriend or a buddy. I don't do it because it's terribly awkward for me, and the prospect hasn't thrilled any of the guys I've ever talked it out with. There's a "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" element that you've got to be willing to face.

 

Friendships are HARD. They get harder to form as you get older, and it's tough being an outsider. You may already be doing this, but I'd advise you to focus on one friend that you'd really like to know better. Give as much as you're willing to give to the friendship. When you feel that you're close enough, be honest if you feel that you've been excluded. Be willing to accept the limitations. You and your friend may not be navigating the complexities of race in America; you may just be dealing with someone's complex personal preferences, or demons.

[Mocha]

Thanks everyone for the unique and supportive takes on certain situations. And ummm....no name changes here lol. America is far too distracted trying to dig up dirt on Trump and Hillary than little ole me. I respect all the opinions, even though JJKirkwood is like a proverbial Donald, trumping on my case all the time.

 

BUT, I have to quote @Epigonos because I've said this same thing before. The select few clients who won't be seen in public with me for whatever fears. One in particular, a client I've met probably more times than any other. I know everything about him, he tells me all about his trips and restaurants. He's alluded to taking to a specific restauraunt when I was in Denver...but never did. In fact, the only time I've ever seen him in the dozens of times we met...was behind a closed door at either his or my house. However, I think with him being that he was White and Bi...taking me to dinner could have been uncomfortable in more ways than one, for him.

 

BUT...that doesn't mean there aren't tons of other bi white or married guys who don't take me to dinner and such. Hell, I know a married white guy who invited me to his house and introduced me to his son, and takes me to dinner all the time. So, the other people need to quit the shit and not worry about what looks normal or not.

 

To be continued....

[Mocha]

...continued.

 

Anyhow, the reason for the thread was just something I've been slowly catching onto. I wasn't trying to put down white guys or say it's them and not me. Like @Nvr2Thick said, some people may just like to compartmentalize without it necessarily being purposely. But, I still maintain that it is the way it is.

 

When I think about it, most Gay Black guy/White guy interactions are either strictly sex or strictly friends. Whether gay or straight but if it's straight then clearly it's strictly friends. Occasionally a miracle will happen and an interracial long term relationship will develop out of it.

 

Atleast with my life story, it's always been either strictly fucking or strictly friends in most instances. When I tried to take fucking to becoming friends, they would always leave it on the table, but it rarely ever manifested. If I tried friends before fucking, they'd cut me off for not putting out soon enough. That's happened before too. Occasionally I'd get some crumbs and tidbits of a brief friendship outside of the sex, but it usually reverted back to them wanting just sex...or talking to me like Donald trump said about women...until after a few meets they wore themselves out and moved on to someone else. Or got into a relationship with non other than a white or Latin guy. True story. Again, and again, and again. I can recount the number of actual real relationships that have come out of those. I'd say between 1 or 2 over the last 5 years. I left Denver for that reason because I was sick and fucking tired of it. I was nothing more than the dirty little secret. I mean don't get me wrong, it was fun...but if the only time someone wants to see me is in a dim room, and we've met 2, 3, 10 times...Why would I want to make plans with him and turn down a client who'd pay me to do the same thing? These guys just want to fuck, shit I can just go to work then.

 

So, what does it mean for me? I don't know. I guess I'll just have to be more selective. I'm also not excluding other Black guys as friends either...especially since the only 1 main friend I have is Black right now, and I have been reaching out to others. BUT...White guys hit me all the time and I enjoy their camaderie and the differences we share like having pets and certain genres of music, that some of my younger Black/Hispanic friends just don't understand. However...it seems like since I've gone from the "straight" point of view to a gay point of view, it seems like most don't want to be friends like straight white guys usually do...they're simply wanting to hookup.

[RockyHardon]

I'm kinda late getting to this thread...but...

 

My opinion is that race is a simple societal construct, and it can be very very real in relations between two people, and most often people are just not conscious of their assumptions and biases about different racial and ethnic groups. This unconsiousness results in a huge amount of DENIAL related to the fact that people do act differently when confronted by people of various races, and there are people of every ethnic and racial group who have this unconcious bias. (It is not limited to white folks).

 

That being said, I can tell immediately when a white, asian, or latino person sees me as simply a "BBC fetish". Many times I enjoy being fetishized, but I know I can never be a true friend to someone who sees me as simply a masculine big dicked mandingo. I can play the role, but we won't be friends. However, if a person is genuinely interested in me as a human being (where did you grow up? You have any siblings? what are your aspirations, etc) then we can develop a dialogue leading to friendship.