Is it possible to have sex and be friends with a White guy?

[Nvr2Thick]

That being said, I can tell immediately when a white, asian, or latino person sees me as simply a "BBC fetish". Many times I enjoy being fetishized, but I know I can never be a true friend to someone who sees me as simply a masculine big dicked mandingo. I can play the role, but we won't be friends. However, if a person is genuinely interested in me as a human being (where did you grow up? You have any siblings? what are your aspirations, etc) then we can develop a dialogue leading to friendship.

 

Can you accept a true friend who sees you as a both human being and a big dicked mandingo?

 

One of my favorite hookups of my lifetime was a tall, lanky, huge hung white guy in San Francisco. He was kind of notorious, having enjoyed the attention and choice of men that his dick brought him when he was playing around in his 20s. At around 35 he was very jaded, complaining that everyone wanted to hook up with him just for his dick. I was kind of lucky that he picked up out of town guys who stood less of a chance of being size queens hunting him down. I'm a big-time size queen, but I had no idea about him or his rep; I just thought I was doing very well for myself with this handsome insistent jock. I was at the Lone Star for all of twenty minutes when he scooped me up and took me back to my hotel. I became his four day boyfriend experience. We hung out together and he showed me the sites and the neighborhoods, we'd eat together and split the checks, and we'd go back to my hotel and fuck for hours and sleep in a tore-up sweaty bed. Most of the pillow talk was him complaining about how everyone just wanted his dick. He made his case well, and I'm sure that there were a lot of guys who knew his rep and sought him out. On the other hand, he listed himself as a huge hung jock in his online profiles and his pics all placed his impressive dick front and center. His bar cruising gear included the most basket-flattering jeans and briefs he could find. In addition to his accounts of size queen stalkers he also told me of guys he liked and hung out with and dated, who he then wrote off once they enjoyed sex with him and his big dick. I got the feeling that his lifestyle had been too sex-focused for too long, and that even if he met a guy who became a friend and shared interests with him as a human being he'd write him off once that guy became impressed with his body, his dick, and his skills as a top. He was an very clear cut example of something I see to an extent with a lot of A-list and/or hung men. Just as you may enjoy being fetishized, these guys were rewarded by men who provided that enjoyment, and have a hard time accepting that either its not always the case, or it's not a behavior that precludes other aspects of attraction.

 

There's a black guy in my town who is perpetually online on A4A and Craigslist. His A4A profile states a preference for older white guys features his big dick. His Craigslist ads are all about him as a BBC top seeking white bottoms for now. Years ago I chat with him for a long time one night, having found a common interest in music. It ended up being 1AM on a work night and he kept telling me to come over, but I told him I had to be at work the next day by 7am and didn't want a late night. I suggested that we meet the next day for dinner, but he really wanted to meet me. I grabbed a bunch of CDs I thought he might like, and I went to his place, picking up some food and beer on the way. We hung out for a couple of hours listening to music and even kissing a bit and ended up in his bed with him cuddling and pushing his hard dick at my ass and thighs. I rolled over to suck him, and first he said, "no, no," but then he palmed my head and really got into it. He ended up fucking me nicely, finishing by falling on top of me, kissing me, and saying, "that was so hot," in my ear a few times. He abruptly got up and showered. I came into the bathroom as he was getting out of the shower and I asked him if it was ok to grab a shower because I was going to have just enough time to get home and dressed for work. He handed me his wet towel and left the bathroom. When I was done showering I found him in bed under a blanket. I dressed and tried to kiss him goodbye and told him I'd leave the CDs for him to listen to, and he said, "No, take them with you." When I hit him up online that evening, thanking him for a cool time and good conversation and asking him to meet for dinner or at my place his answer was curt. "I don't hang out with my hookups. I'd fuck you again, but you probably have the wrong idea now."

 

This guy would hit me up from time to time with a "how's it going?" but it was kind of weird. He didn't suggest he wanted to hook up, and he didn't suggest he wanted to hang. I would play along online and he'd chat for a bit. Over a few years he'd start to treat me like some sort of Ann Landers and confide about his situation. He'd complain about how he couldn't ever find a boyfriend. He classified his hookups as "Craigslist hoes" and "A4A hoes." He'd say that he couldn't respect anyone who hooked up with him like that because they would never see him as anything other than a fucking gorilla or a big black dildo. He never quite got the idea that he might also be a Craigslist hoe since he was responding to ads from power bottoms. I asked him how he went about meeting guys and he said that his ThikkkBBC A4A profile and his BBC Top Craigslist ads were the only way. He refused to understand that he was drastically reducing his dating pool by dismissing any white guy in the area who was interested in interracial sex and who might also be into interracial friendship or interracial relationships. I honestly believe that there might have been some self-loathing going on there that he was transferring onto his tricks.

 

These are both long stories again, I know. I think that to @Mocha's situation pursuing sex and friendship at the same time leads to some mixed messages and expectations. To both his and @RockyHardon's points I think that exceptional and "unique" guys (hung, built, tall, A-list, black) can run into confusing situations with both guys who objectify them, and their own perceptions of being objectified.

[jjkrkwood]

Can you accept a true friend who sees you as a both human being and a big dicked mandingo?

 

One of my favorite hookups of my lifetime was a tall, lanky, huge hung white guy in San Francisco. He was kind of notorious, having enjoyed the attention and choice of men that his dick brought him when he was playing around in his 20s. At around 35 he was very jaded, complaining that everyone wanted to hook up with him just for his dick. I was kind of lucky that he picked up out of town guys who stood less of a chance of being size queens hunting him down. I'm a big-time size queen, but I had no idea about him or his rep; I just thought I was doing very well for myself with this handsome insistent jock. I was at the Lone Star for all of twenty minutes when he scooped me up and took me back to my hotel. I became his four day boyfriend experience. We hung out together and he showed me the sites and the neighborhoods, we'd eat together and split the checks, and we'd go back to my hotel and fuck for hours and sleep in a tore-up sweaty bed. Most of the pillow talk was him complaining about how everyone just wanted his dick. He made his case well, and I'm sure that there were a lot of guys who knew his rep and sought him out. On the other hand, he listed himself as a huge hung jock in his online profiles and his pics all placed his impressive dick front and center. His bar cruising gear included the most basket-flattering jeans and briefs he could find. In addition to his accounts of size queen stalkers he also told me of guys he liked and hung out with and dated, who he then wrote off once they enjoyed sex with him and his big dick. I got the feeling that his lifestyle had been too sex-focused for too long, and that even if he met a guy who became a friend and shared interests with him as a human being he'd write him off once that guy became impressed with his body, his dick, and his skills as a top. He was an very clear cut example of something I see to an extent with a lot of A-list and/or hung men. Just as you may enjoy being fetishized, these guys were rewarded by men who provided that enjoyment, and have a hard time accepting that either its not always the case, or it's not a behavior that precludes other aspects of attraction.

 

There's a black guy in my town who is perpetually online on A4A and Craigslist. His A4A profile states a preference for older white guys features his big dick. His Craigslist ads are all about him as a BBC top seeking white bottoms for now. Years ago I chat with him for a long time one night, having found a common interest in music. It ended up being 1AM on a work night and he kept telling me to come over, but I told him I had to be at work the next day by 7am and didn't want a late night. I suggested that we meet the next day for dinner, but he really wanted to meet me. I grabbed a bunch of CDs I thought he might like, and I went to his place, picking up some food and beer on the way. We hung out for a couple of hours listening to music and even kissing a bit and ended up in his bed with him cuddling and pushing his hard dick at my ass and thighs. I rolled over to suck him, and first he said, "no, no," but then he palmed my head and really got into it. He ended up fucking me nicely, finishing by falling on top of me, kissing me, and saying, "that was so hot," in my ear a few times. He abruptly got up and showered. I came into the bathroom as he was getting out of the shower and I asked him if it was ok to grab a shower because I was going to have just enough time to get home and dressed for work. He handed me his wet towel and left the bathroom. When I was done showering I found him in bed under a blanket. I dressed and tried to kiss him goodbye and told him I'd leave the CDs for him to listen to, and he said, "No, take them with you." When I hit him up online that evening, thanking him for a cool time and good conversation and asking him to meet for dinner or at my place his answer was curt. "I don't hang out with my hookups. I'd fuck you again, but you probably have the wrong idea now."

 

This guy would hit me up from time to time with a "how's it going?" but it was kind of weird. He didn't suggest he wanted to hook up, and he didn't suggest he wanted to hang. I would play along online and he'd chat for a bit. Over a few years he'd start to treat me like some sort of Ann Landers and confide about his situation. He'd complain about how he couldn't ever find a boyfriend. He classified his hookups as "Craigslist hoes" and "A4A hoes." He'd say that he couldn't respect anyone who hooked up with him like that because they would never see him as anything other than a fucking gorilla or a big black dildo. He never quite got the idea that he might also be a Craigslist hoe since he was responding to ads from power bottoms. I asked him how he went about meeting guys and he said that his ThikkkBBC A4A profile and his BBC Top Craigslist ads were the only way. He refused to understand that he was drastically reducing his dating pool by dismissing any white guy in the area who was interested in interracial sex and who might also be into interracial friendship or interracial relationships. I honestly believe that there might have been some self-loathing going on there that he was transferring onto his tricks.

 

These are both long stories again, I know. I think that to @Mocha's situation pursuing sex and friendship at the same time leads to some mixed messages and expectations. To both his and @RockyHardon's points I think that exceptional and "unique" guys (hung, built, tall, A-list, black) can run into confusing situations with both guys who objectify them, and their own perceptions of being objectified.

 

 

Much ado about nothing. These guys know what their ASSET is, and advertise it. They like the attention, even if they have no intention of actually hooking up with you. And if they DO hookup, they know WHY you are there, and what you want. They want to be objectified, otherwise they would never make mention of their endowment. It's their calling card, and its fine with me. Unfortunately MY calling card is a 2 x 3 glossy..

[RockyHardon]

Can you accept a true friend who sees you as a both human being and a big dicked mandingo?

 

@Nvr2Thick

 

This question made me think long and hard. Is it possible to be both objectified and appreciated as a whole person? Honestly, I'm not sure I know the answer.

 

For me, I am relatively new to the gay side of things, so I never felt objectified in my youth (most women who are interested in you will not come straight out and let you know they are just interested in how muscular you are and how big your cock is, but gay men have no problem with that). Also, since I came to the gay life late, I have never had the youthful confusion of mistaking obvious objectification with actual validation as a worthy human being.

 

I read your examples, and I have a few new gay friends who are "jaded" and tired of just being used for their big cocks. And of course, they all have their huge tools plastered all over their hook-up profiles. But when you are fishing, you have to use the bait to catch the particular type of fish you are after. So, if I put out muscles and a big cock, I'm probably going to catch a hungry bottom looking for the biggest worms. Pretty simple actually.

[RockyHardon]

There are so many aspects of race relations and gay life going on in this one post that I hardly know where to start.

 

It's kind of an extreme example, but people compartmentalize their lives often. I have gay white friends who keep their gay life separate from work life and from family.

.

 

This reminds me of an experience when I first came into the gay play party scene. There is a very nice European American guy in my city who is well known for hosting wonderful naked pool parties. He is a country boy who has a particular interest in African American and brown skinned Latin American guys. When I went to his first pool party, it was a treasure trove of handsome men of color. However, when I friended him on Facebook (he was kind enough to accept my Facebook request), I saw that there were no posts with any African American or Latin American people on his profile. It was mindblowing! 50 black and brown guys at his house, but to the straight world, not even a hint. Anyway, he is sweet guy, and I know he is loved and respected and loves and respects his black and brown gay friends, but...the white straight world will never know.

[jjkrkwood]

@Nvr2Thick

 

This question made me think long and hard. Is it possible to be both objectified and appreciated as a whole person? Honestly, I'm not sure I know the answer.

 

For me, I am relatively new to the gay side of things, so I never felt objectified in my youth (most women who are interested in you will not come straight out and let you know they are just interested in how muscular you are and how big your cock is, but gay men have no problem with that). Also, since I came to the gay life late, I have never had the youthful confusion of mistaking obvious objectification with actual validation as a worthy human being.

 

I read your examples, and I have a few new gay friends who are "jaded" and tired of just being used for their big cocks. And of course, they all have their huge tools plastered all over their hook-up profiles. But when you are fishing, you have to use the bait to catch the particular type of fish you are after. So, if I put out muscles and a big cock, I'm probably going to catch a hungry bottom looking for the biggest worms. Pretty simple actually.

 

Rocky, it seems like you want to "have your boy cunt and eat it too".... You cant have it both ways... If you are gonna put out the bait when you go fishing cause you wanna reel in a particular fish, don't complain when that guy proves he is there only for that "one big piece of bait"... and is uninterested in the rest of you. If you didn't rely on the power of your cock, you may not get as many hits, but you would know that the hits you DID get didn't just see you as a big piece of meat, and perhaps then a different sort of relationship might evolve. I have NEVER met a guy that said he would be willing to trade off his BIG cock for a smaller one just so people would like him for him...

[RockyHardon]

Rocky, it seems like you want to "have your boy cunt and eat it too".... You cant have it both ways... If you are gonna put out the bait when you go fishing cause you wanna reel in a particular fish, don't complain when that guy proves he is there only for that "one big piece of bait"... and is uninterested in the rest of you. If you didn't rely on the power of your cock, you may not get as many hits, but you would know that the hits you DID get didn't just see you as a big piece of meat, and perhaps then a different sort of relationship might evolve. I have NEVER met a guy that said he would be willing to trade off his BIG cock for a smaller one just so people would like him for him...

 

The other thing about fishing is if you want to catch Yellowtail Tuna you fish off the coast of Mexico in the Pacific Ocean with an overnight boat, and if you want to catch Golden Trout, you hike into the Eastern Sierra with a flyrod. I know when I'm fishing for hungry bottoms and when I'm not. I know this is an escort and escort review site, so the audience is skewed toward the "objectified/objectifier" scale. I think that is why many guys who use certain hook-up sites don't give guys they meet on those sites a chance to develop a friendship let alone a relationship. They are not fishing for anything more than cock and ass on those sites. They go to other places (other sites, bars, house parties, gay clubs, etc) to try to meet people for something deeper.

 

So yes, I can have my boy cunt and eat it too in the gay world, as long as I'm not looking for an exclusive monogamous relationship. I can mercilessly tear up the pussyasses of hungry cocksluts for fun as much as I want, and still have a meaningful relationship with someone(s) who appreciate that I bring much more to the table than whatever my best physical attributes maybe.

[jjkrkwood]

The other thing about fishing is if you want to catch Yellowtail Tuna you fish off the coast of Mexico in the Pacific Ocean with an overnight boat, and if you want to catch Golden Trout, you hike into the Eastern Sierra with a flyrod. I know when I'm fishing for hungry bottoms and when I'm not. I know this is an escort and escort review site, so the audience is skewed toward the "objectified/objectifier" scale. I think that is why many guys who use certain hook-up sites don't give guys they meet on those sites a chance to develop a friendship let alone a relationship. They are not fishing for anything more than cock and ass on those sites. They go to other places (other sites, bars, house parties, gay clubs, etc) to try to meet people for something deeper.

 

So yes, I can have my boy cunt and eat it too in the gay world, as long as I'm not looking for an exclusive monogamous relationship. I can mercilessly tear up the pussyasses of hungry cocksluts for fun as much as I want, and still have a meaningful relationship with someone(s) who appreciate that I bring much more to the table than whatever my best physical attributes maybe.

 

TRUE Dat.. but if a guy is looking for a meaningful relationship, he aint on a dating hookup app. He's going to church or sunday school to meet a nice moral guy, or perhaps being introduced thru friends.. Not some cum dump on an app.... Let's be real here, most guys on these sites are looking for quick anonymous sex, and if the guy turns out Hot and hung, he's hit 3 cherries on the slots.

[Nvr2Thick]

TRUE Dat.. but if a guy is looking for a meaningful relationship, he aint on a dating hookup app. He's going to church or sunday school to meet a nice moral guy, or perhaps being introduced thru friends.. Not some cum dump on an app.... Let's be real here, most guys on these sites are looking for quick anonymous sex, and if the guy turns out Hot and hung, he's hit 3 cherries on the slots.

[uSER=4224]

This question made me think long and hard. Is it possible to be both objectified and appreciated as a whole person? Honestly, I'm not sure I know the answer.

 

I read your examples, and I have a few new gay friends who are "jaded" and tired of just being used for their big cocks. And of course, they all have their huge tools plastered all over their hook-up profiles. But when you are fishing, you have to use the bait to catch the particular type of fish you are after. So, if I put out muscles and a big cock, I'm probably going to catch a hungry bottom looking for the biggest worms. Pretty simple actually.[/uSER]

[uSER=4224]

 

Is this particular type of hungry bottom fish incapable of appreciating a whole person? Let's face it, the guys we meet in church or Sunday school, or a more realistic social mixer are often the same guys trolling the hookup apps. If you first meet while you're looking for a hot power bottom and he's looking for a mandingo stud does that preclude a deeper relationship? If you were to meet socially at least some aspect of genuine interest is going to include physical attraction. You get to know each other, discover that you love the same music and books and movies, learn each other's backstories and confide in each other's triumphs and tragedies, and then to your mutual joy he discovers your dick of death and you discover that perfect warm wet hole between mounded buns. Sexual compatibility is somewhere in the list of husband requirements. It's seems to me that a lot of these types of guys seek out appreciative compatible partners, but if you do it in the wrong order there's some sort of stigma. I believe that there's not a lot of difference between baiting the right hungry bottom vs. patiently waiting for him to swim into your arms.[/user]

[RockyHardon]

TRUE Dat.. but if a guy is looking for a meaningful relationship, he aint on a dating hookup app. He's going to church or sunday school to meet a nice moral guy, or perhaps being introduced thru friends.. Not some cum dump on an app.... Let's be real here, most guys on these sites are looking for quick anonymous sex, and if the guy turns out Hot and hung, he's hit 3 cherries on the slots.

 

Not sure about this...seems to depend on the guy. I was first introduced to the non-sexual gay social gathering scene a couple of years ago (i.e, gay social clubs for likeminded guys -ethnic clubs, ski clubs, tennis clubs, mountain biking clubs). I have met so many guys who have been coupled for more than 5 years and some as long as 30. I always ask how they met. Many recent couples have admitted they met on a hook up app, and older couples admit to meeting as a hook-up in a cruisy bar/club. But, it seems that when they met their partners, they were both in an emotional space ready to go beyond suckie/fuckie.

 

Therefore, I believe that ultimately, as far as fishing for something real, it really has to do with one's attitude more than anything, and one's willingness to accept a potential partner who euphemistically one would call sexually active, and perjoratively, a cumdump. I have seen so many couples where one or b both partners are powers tops/hungry bottoms and fucking tons of people besides their partners, that to label anyone as not relationship ready just because they are a cumdump is denying oneself the opportunity to have a life partner.

[jjkrkwood]

Not sure about this...seems to depend on the guy. I was first introduced to the non-sexual gay social gathering scene a couple of years ago (i.e, gay social clubs for likeminded guys -ethnic clubs, ski clubs, tennis clubs, mountain biking clubs). I have met so many guys who have been coupled for more than 5 years and some as long as 30. I always ask how they met. Many recent couples have admitted they met on a hook up app, and older couples admit to meeting as a hook-up in a cruisy bar/club. But, it seems that when they met their partners, they were both in an emotional space ready to go beyond suckie/fuckie.

 

Therefore, I believe that ultimately, as far as fishing for something real, it really has to do with one's attitude more than anything, and one's willingness to accept a potential partner who euphemistically one would call sexually active, and perjoratively, a cumdump. I have seen so many couples where one or b both partners are powers tops/hungry bottoms and fucking tons of people besides their partners, that to label anyone as not relationship ready just because they are a cumdump is denying oneself the opportunity to have a life partner.

 

 

I don't think anyone realistically goes into their initial hookup with a guy thinking "this is gonna be a Realtionship".... They go into it HOPING the guy has a big cock or a hot ass, and that the sex will be great. If things go well, and there is a second encounter, a connection may be established and over time some sort of relationship forms. I don't think it can be planned, and I believe the Best relationships evolve naturally when there is CHEMISTRY between the parties. Not just physical chemistry, but emotional chemistry.

[Strafe13]

The other thing about fishing is if you want to catch Yellowtail Tuna you fish off the coast of Mexico in the Pacific Ocean with an overnight boat, and if you want to catch Golden Trout, you hike into the Eastern Sierra with a flyrod. I know when I'm fishing for hungry bottoms and when I'm not. I know this is an escort and escort review site, so the audience is skewed toward the "objectified/objectifier" scale. I think that is why many guys who use certain hook-up sites don't give guys they meet on those sites a chance to develop a friendship let alone a relationship. They are not fishing for anything more than cock and ass on those sites. They go to other places (other sites, bars, house parties, gay clubs, etc) to try to meet people for something deeper.

 

So yes, I can have my boy cunt and eat it too in the gay world, as long as I'm not looking for an exclusive monogamous relationship. I can mercilessly tear up the pussyasses of hungry cocksluts for fun as much as I want, and still have a meaningful relationship with someone(s) who appreciate that I bring much more to the table than whatever my best physical attributes maybe.

 

I think I'm in love... (Only half joking.)

[Strafe13]

Not sure about this...seems to depend on the guy. I was first introduced to the non-sexual gay social gathering scene a couple of years ago (i.e, gay social clubs for likeminded guys -ethnic clubs, ski clubs, tennis clubs, mountain biking clubs). I have met so many guys who have been coupled for more than 5 years and some as long as 30. I always ask how they met. Many recent couples have admitted they met on a hook up app, and older couples admit to meeting as a hook-up in a cruisy bar/club. But, it seems that when they met their partners, they were both in an emotional space ready to go beyond suckie/fuckie.

 

Therefore, I believe that ultimately, as far as fishing for something real, it really has to do with one's attitude more than anything, and one's willingness to accept a potential partner who euphemistically one would call sexually active, and perjoratively, a cumdump. I have seen so many couples where one or b both partners are powers tops/hungry bottoms and fucking tons of people besides their partners, that to label anyone as not relationship ready just because they are a cumdump is denying oneself the opportunity to have a life partner.

 

Yep. Definitely falling for this guy.

[RockyHardon]

Yep. Definitely falling for this guy.

Obviously a hopeless romantic from the start...lol

[Guest]

The hottest man I was ever with was black. We were together 9 months. I wish we coulda still been together, but he was too crazy.... I still show pictures of him to others occasionally. I met up with an old friend last month, who was impressed by the picture. (No, this is not him)

[Guest]