Is there some cultural norm I'm missing? *zips up flameproof jumpsuit*

[+ José Soplanucas]

Not necessarily. My end of the Twitter pool and LJ/DW are free of interpersonal drama and bitchiness, but it's heavily female and progressive. Way more progressive than here, actually, and gets into levels of nuance and discourse that don't usually surface here.

 

QTR, what is LJ/DW?

[+ quoththeraven]

Since I am certain that I am one of those people that Livingnla was alluding to, I will jump in here as I assume everyone was expecting.

 

I think its pretty clear that alot of people here take things posted on this site way too seriously. I think what 1 person may interpret as snide and catty, another is considering it humorous.

 

There are lines that shouldnt be crossed, and I was guilty of crossing that line recently which resulted in disappointment for alot of people. Perhaps there may be a handful of people here whose comments are usually intended to be hurtful, but mine are not. While many may not share my brand of humor, or what 1 member referred to as my ''serial posting", my honest intention has always been to try and keep things light, and perhaps entertain. YES, there is a time and place for everything, and I may not always be the best judge of that, but I do feel the majority here needs to "lighten up".... The trick is to take what you need from the site, and leave the rest behind. Often the people that have unkind things to say are those that lurk in the background and then occassionally throw in a nasty post or complaint about something. And also keep in mind that thoughts and words here dont always translate the way they are intended. I am certain that if you could see the faces of those people making the perceived catty or or snide comments, you would see a mischievious little smile indicating they are simply

"fucking" with you and having a little fun. Dont jump to conclusions and immediately feel the intention is negative.... Noone, or nothing here should really CONSUME that much of your time, energy or emotion. The important thing is to try and support those here in need, such as Seaboy now, who needs our prayers and well wishes.... Most Everything Else is simply bullshit.... there always has to be 1 person that SAYS what eveyone else is thinking, but will never say. I guess that's ME ?

 

It took a couple of weeks and a few convos back and forth on the forum, but I came to this conclusion eventually. I appreciate that you are here to lighten things up in a sincere way as opposed to an intentionally malicious one and I miss your presence when you aren't here. (I probably wasn't around for the line crossing.)

[Becket]

I enjoy a good spanking session from time to time. Both giving and receiving gives me pleasure. But this info has not always been OK with some folks. A few escorts I've met.....just a few.....have looked at me like a whacko and one even immediately terminated the session. So I'm often a little hesitant to bring it up. Sites like this help. It is good for me to write these words and then share them with this community. It helps me.

[instudiocity]

This site just like any other posting site results in lowest common denominator behavior.

 

No matter the subject, the moral turpitude level is set to the level of the wickedest member posting on any given subject.

[+ Truereview]

and the #1 cultural norm ( for those wishing a positive forum experience) : Don't get baited.

[+ quoththeraven]

I've never used the "ignore" feature, I feel like I may lost the train of the conversation. It is easy to ignore the few ones I dislike. It just takes that, ignoring them.

 

I was like that at first. Now there are two or three people on my ignore list. They're the ones whose posts might produce a desire to do a retaliatory post without thinking it through. You can still view ignored posts, and I can usually tell from the forum and topic who it might be, but at least one is prepared for what one might encounter.

 

The one thing that saves me is if I post a response someone might find challenging or hostile, I don't read their response right away. That keeps me from doing hot-headed, unhelpful things.

 

QTR, what is LJ/DW?

 

Livejournal and the newer site using similar code, Dreamwidth. They're old-skool social media/blogging sites with the easiest to follow commenting structure. GRR Martin's blog is still on LJ.

[rvwnsd]

I don't think you are missing a cultural norm. The world outside of Internet forums and blogs is full of different kinds of people who have different kinds of communication styles. Some people excel at moderating themselves and changing their style to suit the audience and the situation. Others excel at simply being themselves no matter the situation. Online forums like this one are no different. Some people here reply to a thread about deep-seated emotions in the same way they would reply to a thread about a relatively frivolous topic like shaving one's balls vs letting them remain naturally hairy.* That's just how they are. Doesn't make it right or wrong. It just "is."

 

At the risk of engaging in "male answer syndrome"**, I'm going to suggest a couple of things:

1. Do your best not to take the tone of other people's replies personally. If you don't like what they say and/or the way they say it, send them a PM and say so.
   
2. Learn to accept others for who they are (warts and all) in the same way as you want others to accept you (warts and all)
   
3. Keep using this Forum as a place to ask questions and share feelings. Other members' reactions might rub you the wrong way, but you will receive the support you need.
   

One last thing: Reviewing the replies to this thread, @LivingnLA , it seems you did not need that flameproof jumpsuit. Heat-resistant, sure, but not flameproof. And that's a good thing.

 

* If this thread was about male ball-shaving, then the debate would be important. Alas, this thread isn't about that.

** http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20answer%20syndrome

[bigvalboy]

I tried using the ignore feature once, and the whole conversation became discombobulated, so if someone posts something that I d

I don't think you are missing a cultural norm. The world outside of Internet forums and blogs is full of different kinds of people who have different kinds of communication styles. Some people excel at moderating themselves and changing their style to suit the audience and the situation. Others excel at simply being themselves no matter the situation. Online forums like this one are no different. Some people here reply to a thread about deep-seated emotions in the same way they would reply to a thread about a relatively frivolous topic like shaving one's balls vs letting them remain naturally hairy.* That's just how they are. Doesn't make it right or wrong. It just "is."

 

At the risk of engaging in "male answer syndrome"**, I'm going to suggest a couple of things:

1. Do your best not to take the tone of other people's replies personally. If you don't like what they say and/or the way they say it, send them a PM and say so.
   
2. Learn to accept others for who they are (warts and all) in the same way as you want others to accept you (warts and all)
   
3. Keep using this Forum as a place to ask questions and share feelings. Other members' reactions might rub you the wrong way, but you will receive the support you need.
   

One last thing: Reviewing the replies to this thread, @LivingnLA , it seems you did not need that flameproof jumpsuit. Heat-resistant, sure, but not flameproof. And that's a good thing.

 

* If this thread was about male ball-shaving, then the debate would be important. Alas, this thread isn't about that.

** http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20answer%20syndrome

 

+1 times 10

[mike carey]

** http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20answer%20syndrome

*Adds term to personal lexicon.*

Earlier this year, in a [Ed] Australian Senate committee hearing, a female senator thanked a male one for mansplaining something to her. He was incensed, clearly never having heard the term before, and accused her of being sexist, asking how she would like him to talk about womansplaining. As amusing as the incident was, it demonstrates that no matter how clear things appear to us when we say them, not everyone will take it in the way we intend it, or even understand the terms being used.

[MikeBiDude]

I tried using the ignore feature once, and the whole conversation became discombobulated, so if someone posts something that I d

 

 

+1 times 10

+1 on ignore...I once compared posts with ignored members to reading the newspaper through a slice of Swiss cheese

[+ azdr0710]

 

** http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20answer%20syndrome

 

"short out your cam injector bearings"....ha!!.....urban dictionary is fantastic!

[rvwnsd]

+1 on ignore...I once compared posts with ignored members to reading the newspaper through a slice of Swiss cheese

You can display ignored content.

[LivingnLA]

I don't think you are missing a cultural norm. The world outside of Internet forums and blogs is full of different kinds of people who have different kinds of communication styles. Some people excel at moderating themselves and changing their style to suit the audience and the situation. Others excel at simply being themselves no matter the situation. Online forums like this one are no different. Some people here reply to a thread about deep-seated emotions in the same way they would reply to a thread about a relatively frivolous topic like shaving one's balls vs letting them remain naturally hairy.* That's just how they are. Doesn't make it right or wrong. It just "is."

 

At the risk of engaging in "male answer syndrome"**, I'm going to suggest a couple of things:

1. Do your best not to take the tone of other people's replies personally. If you don't like what they say and/or the way they say it, send them a PM and say so.
   
2. Learn to accept others for who they are (warts and all) in the same way as you want others to accept you (warts and all)
   
3. Keep using this Forum as a place to ask questions and share feelings. Other members' reactions might rub you the wrong way, but you will receive the support you need.
   

One last thing: Reviewing the replies to this thread, @LivingnLA , it seems you did not need that flameproof jumpsuit. Heat-resistant, sure, but not flameproof. And that's a good thing.

 

* If this thread was about male ball-shaving, then the debate would be important. Alas, this thread isn't about that.

** http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20answer%20syndrome

 

Excellent points, thank you.

 

Oh? Well, maybe I'll switch to thermals.

 

http://i.ebayimg.com/t/New-Mens-Sexy-Long-Thermal-Long-Johns-Underwear-Pants-Autumn-and-Winter-Trouser-/00/s/NjY5WDcwNA==/$T2eC16d,%21zQE9s3stYiDBQfnmj5Hi%21~~60_3.JPG?rt=nc

[rvwnsd]

Excellent points, thank you.

 

Oh? Well, maybe I'll switch to thermals.

 

http://i.ebayimg.com/t/New-Mens-Sexy-Long-Thermal-Long-Johns-Underwear-Pants-Autumn-and-Winter-Trouser-/00/s/NjY5WDcwNA==/$T2eC16d,%21zQE9s3stYiDBQfnmj5Hi%21~~60_3.JPG?rt=nc

 

I always thought thermals were designed to keep the heat in, not out.

 

This is what I was thinking:

 

http://s3.media.squarespace.com/production/769786/9528765/_LMsvw9I4Jns/R6lf5wjpTlI/AAAAAAAAAGY/mFt8jSViFCI/s400/guys107.gif

[Rudynate]

Whenever someone raises this issue, I always think back 20+ years when I first started using the internet and even before that to Compuserve bulletin boards. The worst that happens here is nothing compared to the flame wars that used to break out back then. This is charm school by comparison.

[AdamSmith]

This is charm school by comparison.

This forum is also charm school compared with itself some years back. When I joined in 2003, vitriol and flame wars were continual, and conducted at the highest heat. Then-owner/moderator HooBoy tried to keep a modicum of peace, with intermittent success at best.

 

The energies unleashed were, to be sure, energizing. But the apparent anger and ragefulness that drove many posters could get very tiring.

[Rudynate]

This forum is also charm school compared with itself some years back. When I joined in 2003, vitriol and flame wars were continual, and conducted at the highest heat. Then-owner/moderator HooBoy tried to keep a modicum of peace, with intermittent success at best.

 

The energies unleashed were, to be sure, energizing. But the apparent anger and ragefulness that drove many posters could get very tiring.

 

I think I happened on Hooboy in about 2005 - just for the reviews. Only got curious about the forum recently (relatively).

[+ glennnn]

What a great discussion! I feel much better now. How about you?

[+ Eric Hassan]

I'm not going to name names because I've seen multiple forum members do what I'm about to discuss. As with my "bright light" thread, this is a complex and probably touchy topic. So if I offend someone, I apologize in advance.

 

What we discuss in many of our sub-forums tends to be quite intimate and when someone shares something--frequently personal--I'm surprised how frequently "catty," "sarcastic," or "snide" comments slip into the conversation.

 

I know I'm naive and overly optimistic, but I would think the primary goal of this forum should be creating a communal space where like-minded people come together to discuss topics of common interest. I'm all for people developing "thicker skins" but why should we--a supposedly supportive community--push people to become jaded? There's such a thing as "piling on" that seems to take it too far.

 

Let the Kum ba yah commence.

 

When people are on the attack, they are not in a happy place. Remember that. Honor their spirit, forgive their words, and allow yourself to not create your own pain from theirs.

[+ WmClarke]

When people are on the attack, they are not in a happy place. Remember that. Honor their spirit, forgive their words, and allow yourself to not create your own pain from theirs.

Wise words.

[LivingnLA]

Whenever someone raises this issue, I always think back 20+ years when I first started using the internet and even before that to Compuserve bulletin boards. The worst that happens here is nothing compared to the flame wars that used to break out back then. This is charm school by comparison.

 

Oh, I've been on some online exchanges that are quite heated and not in the good way @rvwnsd's above. I was mostly commenting in this thread's OP about how this forum covers so many intimate and personal topics that the risk of offense or pain caused by "cattiness" etc. can be outsized. But, I take your point, @Rudynate.

[LivingnLA]

When people are on the attack, they are not in a happy place. Remember that. Honor their spirit, forgive their words, and allow yourself to not create your own pain from theirs.

 

Your posts always make me think of a big, strong, wise, and cuddly angel.

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-35Trbbwiaio/TY9dW0Nm5EI/AAAAAAAAAX8/6gLTStgYR5I/s1600/cruce.png

[rvwnsd]

Your posts always make me think of a big, strong, wise, and cuddly angel.

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-35Trbbwiaio/TY9dW0Nm5EI/AAAAAAAAAX8/6gLTStgYR5I/s1600/cruce.png

With a furry chest and a big...

 

HEART!