How do you deal with negative comments about your looks?

[Guy Fawkes]

I often have to remind myself that my "peace of mind" does not require their validation.

 

http://simpleyogaathome.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/peace_of_mind-520x245.png

[+ Truereview]

OMG then does that mean for us 20 year olds

Yes, Papito, back to ..

http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/hpc/detail-page/c26-B002C74J7Y-1-l.jpg

[klifhangar]

Yes, Papito, back to ..

http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/hpc/detail-page/c26-B002C74J7Y-1-l.jpg

Awww that face. Maybe I need just one more.

[Rudynate]

HMMM then I coined it... 21 is the new FETUS

 

 

I have always referred to under-21's as "embryos."

[+ nycman]

I am a cup of tea, I am not the ocean.

 

Juan,

 

As always, your words are inspiring, beautiful and well written.

When I read your post this morning I was sitting at breakfast looking

out at the Atlantic and making peace with the Ocean before me.

Your very simple statement struck deep.

 

Thank you!

 

"And the ones that can know you so well

Are the ones, that can swallow you whole

I have a good and I have an evil

I thought the ocean, the ocean thought nothing

You are the welcoming back from the ocean"

 

Dar Williams "The Ocean"

Edited July 9, 2016 by nycman

[+ nycman]

A very special cup of tea.

http://www.detnk.com/files/images/Picture%2053_1.thumbnail.png

 

If I could get Juan to serve me tea in that cup,

inside a snow covered tea house in a remote part

of Japan....I could die a happy man!

[+ Lance_Navarro]

How was that self-hatred? The perp was a terrorist.

 

I understand why you are calling him a terrorist, after all that term has become so commonplace since 9/11, however I take issue with its broad usage and the fact that it's almost exclusively used in reference to followers if Islam. I feel it's a word designed to separate "Us" from "Them". Many indications show that the Orlando shooter may well have been "one of us" (or at least had the desire to be). To call him a terrorist but not call a terrorist other mass shooters, like the one at Sandy Hook or the Aurora Theatre, misses the point that all violence comes from the same place.

 

I just believe that the term "terrorist" is used to simply define someone's motive and rarely is it that simple. The shooting in Orlando, I believe was a combination of mental illness, self-loathing, easy access to weapons, in addition to ideologies he was brought up with. Yes, he pledged his allegiance to Isis, however I think he was just trying to make it bigger than himself, though in truth it was entirely about his own struggle.

[Rudynate]

I believe was a combination of mental illness, self-loathing, easy access to weapons, in addition to ideologies he was brought up with. Yes, he pledged his allegiance to Isis, however I think he was just trying to make it bigger than himself, though in truth it was entirely about his own struggle.

 

As you admitted, you don't "know" any of those things, you believe them or you suppose them to be true. What we know is that he himself proclaimed his allegiance to Islamic State. He almost said, in so many words, "I am a terrorist." What makes Islamic State a terrorist organization is not that it is associated with Islam. It is because it uses terrorism to achieve its ends.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Rudynate

[mattr]

I understand why you are calling him a terrorist, after all that term has become so commonplace since 9/11, however I take issue with its broad usage and the fact that it's almost exclusively used in reference to followers if Islam. I feel it's a word designed to separate "Us" from "Them". Many indications show that the Orlando shooter may well have been "one of us" (or at least had the desire to be). To call him a terrorist but not call a terrorist other mass shooters, like the one at Sandy Hook or the Aurora Theater, misses the point that all violence comes from the same place.

 

I just believe that the term "terrorist" is used to simply define someone's motive and rarely is it that simple. The shooting in Orlando, I believe was a combination of mental illness, self-loathing, easy access to weapons, in addition to ideologies he was brought up with. Yes, he pledged his allegiance to Isis, however I think he was just trying to make it bigger than himself, though in truth it was entirely about his own struggle.

 

From Wikipedia: "The U.S. Code of Federal Regulations defines terrorism as the unlawful use of force and violence against persons or property to intimidate or coerce a government, the civilian population, or any segment thereof, in furtherance of political or social objectives". Given his proclamations as he killed 49 innocent people, the Orlando shooter certainly fits the definition of a terrorist. Unfortunately, his actions do not fit the narrative for the liberal political and media elites so they attempted to brand it as "gun violence" to further the anti-gun agenda or he is a self loathing gay man and therefore a victim of a society that refused to accept him. This is not an isolated incident either. Remember when the Obama administration tried to re-brand the Fort Hood terrorist attack as "workplace violence"? Luckily these re-branding attempts have gotten little traction with the American public who are increasingly aware that ISIS is a terrorist organization that is continually mounting assaults on the innocent citizenry of western and middle eastern countries of all faiths (including Islam) in the name of Islam. And the reason that the term terrorist has become commonplace and often associated with Islam (e.g. Islamic Terrorists) can be found right here in Wikipedia.

 

To try to say that the Orlando shooter should not be branded as a terrorist because the shooters in Sandy Hook or the Aurora Theater were not branded as terrorists is an attempt to create a false equivalency. From what we know about Sandy Hook and Aurora, these heinous acts were committed by individuals with no stated political or social agenda. If they did have one, then they should/would have been branded as terrorists.

 

And by the way... any intelligent person will tell you that not all terrorist acts are perpetrated in the name of Islam. Take a look at the Irish Republican Army for example. They are a terrorist group and were considered as one by the US government until 1997 when they adhered to a cease fire. Of course any group that kills 1800+ people in the name of a political agenda should always be considered a terrorist group even if they stop committing terrorist acts.

[Jshep]

Jihadist is actually the correct term. We should use it more often.

[mattr]

Jihadist is actually the correct term. We should use it more often.

 

Actually the term you are looking for is Mujahid (singular) and Mujahideen (plural). However, a true Jihad is a declaration of war for all Muslims and can only be created by the Caliph and the last Caliphate was abandoned in 1923. There has not been a true Jihad since then. While the current perpetrators of violence would like to believe they are Mujahideen, they are not. This is not, and can never be a true Jihad, since war has not been declared by the Caliph and the current violence is only being perpetrated by a small percentage of Muslims. These people are terrorists, pure and simple.

[BabyBoomer]

@mattr

 

Please take this discussion to Politics, Religion & War.

It does not belong here.

 

Thank you.

 

~ Boomer ~

[phraughy]

I am an ugly man so I always treat my escorts kindly. In return they help me forget that I lost the genetic lottery.

[escortrod]

I haven’t had any clients make cruel comments, thankfully. That said, I rarely care what people think of how I look, so long as it doesn’t significantly impact my career prospects (I.e. I’d like to have a pink Mohawk again, but that would be unacceptable in my main profiession). I’m pretty confident that I could brush off any negative comments about my physical appearance from a client.

[phraughy]

Let's face it - gay men can be particularly bitchy often bordering on cruel. So many psychodynamic reasons for this. And so sad.

Oh is that ever the truth. Straight people would never say the things that gay men have said to me.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

http://www.mylusciouslife.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Dita-Von-Teese-quote.jpg

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Or if it's just someone random. I've used this a number of times on Grindr & Scruff

[beachboy]

I haven’t had any clients make cruel comments, thankfully. That said, I rarely care what people think of how I look, so long as it doesn’t significantly impact my career prospects (I.e. I’d like to have a pink Mohawk again, but that would be unacceptable in my main profiession). I’m pretty confident that I could brush off any negative comments about my physical appearance from a client.

Can't see that you'd ever need to unless the guy needed an urgent appointment @ Specsavers!

[+ GregM]

Or if it's just someone random. I've used this a number of times on Grindr & Scruff

 

I like to come back with the following: Are you fucking me? Are you feeding me? Are you paying my bills? No? Then your opinion matters none. Bye!

 

Hugs,

Greg

[LaffingBear]

I've had past clients look me up and down once I take my clothes off and say simply, "no." Or, if they're feeling a little more polite, "I don't think this is going to work."

I cant imagine getting into a circumstance, as a client, for that to occur. Ive cautioned guys that if they differ significantly from photos, Ill cancel... but for things to get to undressing, and then "never mind" is pretty awful. Unless there was some misrepresentation or a surprise skin condition, I hope you took the money and split.

 

I personally dont opine regarding rentguys' unless I have experience. I may indicate interest in 411. But I never respond with "he's not my type," or "hes hot" based solely on an ad.

 

I cant relate to any adult paying heed to what another person wrote about their looks on the internet. The information age comes with many great benefits... but it also comes with the deterioration of basic civility. And its enabled many socially inept people to vent their unhappiness, filling their lonely days on antisocial media. 25 years ago, they'd have had no audience but their 17 cats.

 

I have very low expectations of online human behavior, and believe bad apples are disproportionately represented when a device is the access point. So, I just shrug off a lot of negative things I see with the reaction "its the internet. "

Edited January 3, 2018 by LaffingBear

[FTM Zachary Prince]

The clients I meet with in real life tend to think that I'm one of the most gorgeous creatures they've ever seen in their life. My look certainly isn't attractive to everyone, though... in fact, existing at an intersection of multiple niches means that at any given time the majority of the population is generally not interested, and maybe even DISGUSTED by me. Of course people make comments online. I could link to multiple public threads full of clients commenting on how disgusting I am.

 

It's difficult to take the comments of random

Internet strangers that seriously though when my schedule is full of bookings and a thick stack of hundreds sits in my safe, earned exclusively from tricking. The negative comments are just noise in contrast to the success I've experienced.

 

Anyway if they're not talking about you then you're probably not living up to your potential. Let them criticise! It's free advertising for me every time they open their mouth to someone else about it.

 

Nowadays when someone starts a hate/disgust thread about me or comments publicly about my appearance in any way, I just smile and secretly thank them for the free exposure...

[jjkrkwood]

For every person you DONT appeal to, there is a counterpart that you WILL, so dont sweat it....

[bigvalboy]

My father used to always say.."What you think about me is none of my business"

[+ quoththeraven]

The clients I meet with in real life tend to think that I'm one of the most gorgeous creatures they've ever seen in their life. My look certainly isn't attractive to everyone, though... in fact, existing at an intersection of multiple niches means that at any given time the majority of the population is generally not interested, and maybe even DISGUSTED by me. Of course people make comments online. I could link to multiple public threads full of clients commenting on how disgusting I am.

 

It's difficult to take the comments of random

Internet strangers that seriously though when my schedule is full of bookings and a thick stack of hundreds sits in my safe, earned exclusively from tricking. The negative comments are just noise in contrast to the success I've experienced.

 

Anyway if they're not talking about you then you're probably not living up to your potential. Let them criticise! It's free advertising for me every time they open their mouth to someone else about it.

 

Nowadays when someone starts a hate/disgust thread about me or comments publicly about my appearance in any way, I just smile and secretly thank them for the free exposure...

"I like hate comments better than no comments.

I don't know you, but you know my name."

BTS, Cypher Pt. 4

[Rudynate]

 

Still, I can’t help but think this kind of thing must have a psychological effect.

 

 

Life has a psychological effect. The post upthread about peaches was so apt. Everyone encounters the reality, in one way or another, that not everybody likes peaches. I certainly agree, nonetheless, that it doesn't cost anything for everyone to be a little nicer to each other. Escorts, because their looks are part of their stock in trade, are particularly exposed. I would hope that an escort who is really bothered by negative feedback about his appearance would either recognize that, every time it happens, it's an opportunity to grow a thicker hide, or realize that he is not cut out for a line of work where his looks are subject to such close scrutiny.