How do you deal with negative comments about your looks?

[+ saminseattle]

Clients on the forum have often said that they pay for companionship because they want an intimate connection with someone, or at least the illusion of one, without having to worry too self-consciously about their own physical appearance: their age, their weight, their receding hairline, etc. Perhaps it’s part of human nature to want to be attractive to others, or at least not unattractive.

 

Yet the same group also frequently comments, sometimes quite callously, about the physical appearance of those seeking to be hired. Sometimes they politely say, “he’s just not my type.” But sometimes their comments are not so neutral. They compare. They pick apart photos. They joke. They belittle. Someone’s getting a little older, a little flabbier, putting on a few pounds, has too many muscles or too few, an unconventional tattoo or a bad haircut...it can be noticed and commented upon. Undoubtedly, there’s a lot of this outside the forum as well.

 

Of course, the business is inherently asymmetric in this respect. As with models or Hollywood stars, escorts put pictures of themselves out into the public domain and hope to be paid in part by how people react. And whether spoken or unspoken, people make judgments about how others look. As someone pointed out recently, even waiters perceived as attractive get bigger tips. So, none of this should be surprising and having thick skin is part of the job description.

 

Still, I can’t help but think this kind of thing must have a psychological effect. Even people who would score well above average looking in any survey might still have body image/self esteem issues if they’re not in the top 1%. Plus, since no one is everyone's type, there's always going to be someone out there who finds you unattractive and doesn't hesitate to let you know.

 

So, to the escorts out there: how do you deal with critical comments about your physical appearance? Can you brush them off or do you find that they really affect you? Have you been able to develop a thick skin about it and do you have any tips on how others can do the same? And, recognizing that clients here are going to talk about your looks, what are the most and least offensive ways of doing so?

[+ nycman]

"Walk on.....

 

Don't just stand there in the storm....

 

Walk towards the light till you find the sun....

 

Don't you ever break your stride...

 

Walk on!"

 

[WolfRamNHard]

Interesting topic. Escorts must be really thick-skinned or have healthy egos (or both) to be able to survive the constant scrutiny. Kind of the opposite of many clients I imagine (thin skinned and fragile egos). I know I could never do it.

[LivingnLA]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0i0IOKMmw3U/UAHtp0v8N9I/AAAAAAAABtc/2HGtznx5AwI/s1600/internet-memes-you-keep-telling-yourself-that.jpg

 

I'm used to kids crying when they see me, so I take negative comments as truth and let them fester deep in my brain until they burst forth in a new hideous feature.

 

On a serious note, I tend to do a quick mental assessment any time I receive feedback. When I feel there's a grain of truth, I'll consider the comment worth further processing. On the other hand, when I feel the comment is made from an unauthentic or negative point of view, I'll dismiss it and move on.

[Edward]

I once hired an escort that at the end of the night had made a mental note of all I had said. He then begin to turn them into negative comments. My comments had never been meant the way he had perceived them. Two things. Are you interpreting the clients comments the way he intended them to be. An number two: Are the comments really as negative as you are taking them. Or are they more a matter of conversation?

 

Maybe you need to be more thick skinned and not try to make all comments sound negative. Maybe some of us have not learned all the social graces to make everyone feel warm and bubbly.

[LADoug1]

Let's face it - gay men can be particularly bitchy often bordering on cruel. So many psychodynamic reasons for this. And so sad.

[BryanKnight]

It's a double standard that the public often refuses to recognize.

 

Take it for what it is, improve where you can, make your money.

Keep the reality in sight at all times, even if you entertain their fantasies.

 

Criticisms, even unpolished, crass or monosyllabic, can still be helpful to you because you can glean areas that need your attention.

I heard this quote, "Assholes are the best at telling you hard truths. They don't care about your feelings and will not filter."

 

I've used criticisms that are not 'nice' and turned them into building materials for improvement.

Because the worst thing that can happen to you as a businessman is to fail at your efforts and no one

speak up about WHY you are not succeeding.

 

For instance, the most common insult I have heard is that I have a 'Frankenstein head.'

It's large and square and long. So I used that to adjust my hair style and angles of my photos to turn

the flaw into an asset.

 

Also, here was the unexpected lesson of criticisms. Men challenge each other.

Biological imperative for dominance and social hierarchy.

If they can upset you, then you have submitted to them.

 

By handling criticism with polish, self composure and temperance, you automatically

increase your value as an escort and a human being in their eyes.

 

Because you can handle small things (their fickle thoughts and feelings) and

still take charge confidently. They don't understand why you're confident,

but it will still impress them.

[Edward]

Also, here was the unexpected lesson of criticisms. Men challenge each other.

Biological imperative for dominance and social hierarchy.

If they can upset you, then you have submitted to them.

[Edward]

I believe this is more true than most people realize. So many ego trips and bulling.

[+ Truereview]

It's a double standard that the public often refuses to recognize.

 

Take it for what it is, improve where you can, make your money.

Keep the reality in sight at all times, even if you entertain their fantasies.

 

Criticisms, even unpolished, crass or monosyllabic, can still be helpful to you because you can glean areas that need your attention.

I heard this quote, "Assholes are the best at telling you hard truths. They don't care about your feelings and will not filter."

 

I've used criticisms that are not 'nice' and turned them into building materials for improvement.

Because the worst thing that can happen to you as a businessman is to fail at your efforts and no one

speak up about WHY you are not succeeding.

 

For instance, the most common insult I have heard is that I have a 'Frankenstein head.'

It's large and square and long. So I used that to adjust my hair style and angles of my photos to turn

the flaw into an asset.

 

Also, here was the unexpected lesson of criticisms. Men challenge each other.

Biological imperative for dominance and social hierarchy.

If they can upset you, then you have submitted to them.

 

By handling criticism with polish, self composure and temperance, you automatically

increase your value as an escort and a human being in their eyes.

 

Because you can handle small things (their fickle thoughts and feelings) and

still take charge confidently. They don't understand why you're confident,

but it will still impress them.

http://byt.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Mic-Drop.gif

[BodeBrentwood]

I worked for a recruiting company and the best piece of advice I was given when tackling pitching myself and handling rejection is that you're in possession of something they want and it's their loss. I work for Adonis where I'm literally the only one without chiseled features and a stunning six pack. However I also let people go all the way with my lapdances and never had a complaint from a customer. But u constantly hear half hearted rejections or responses. But I always remember that I have something they want, and that someone WILL bite. At the end of the day I'll make my money and they'll get a boner watching me grind on a guy or from hearing moans

 

That advice actually applies to most avenues of life in my opinion.

[seaboy4hire]

I'll be 40 next week and as I get older I've come to understand that I am not everyones cup of tea and move on.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[nycguy]

I'll be 40 next week and as I get older I've come to understand that I am not everyones cup of tea and move on.

 

When you are someone's cup of tea, the fucking is pretty damn great, isn't it?

[ChrisWydeman]

Critiques of your escorts looks are not welcome, you may be hiring someone but that doesn't give you the right to denigrate them. If you have an issue with someone's looks don't hire them.

[+ glennnn]

Critiques of your escorts looks are not welcome, you may be hiring someone but that doesn't give you the right to denigrate them. If you have an issue with someone's looks don't hire them.

 

 

+1

[Juan Vancouver]

Negative comments about our looks?

 

Really?

 

I am by no means the most beautiful man in the world, I am in the high thirties, have tons of flaws and if that were not enough, I am not white. To this day, I can't remember a single client making a negative comment about me to my face.

 

People treat you the way you treat them. Give them kindness, warmth and respect and that is what you will receive from them... also, as a few disgruntled forum members can attest to, I don't meet assholes.

 

"What do you mean you won't see me? Shut up and put me on your schedule, you'll get your money!" (Nope).

 

On the other hand, I am incredibly aware of the fact that I am not (and don't want to be) everyone's cup of tea. I am a cup of tea, I am not the ocean. I am a single cup of tea and can only be drank by one (or seven) people at a time. I don't need to appeal to everyone, I only need to appeal to those few who will drink me today.

 

Escorting should never be a source of pleasure, companionship and reassurance for escorts. This is our job, we are not here for the perks, we are here to do our job well, and at most, get professional satisfaction. The minute an escort tackles the profession looking for compliments he is fucked. He will constantly be wanting for something from his clients and will put himself in very uncomfortable situations that will never give him his desired ego boost.

 

Still, I can’t help but think this kind of thing must have a psychological effect. Even people who would score well above average looking in any survey might still have body image/self esteem issues if they’re not in the top 1%.

 

I think you are making a very common mistake that has most of us in pickle. You are conflating self esteem and self esteem issues with the amount of attention and reassurance we get from others. Those are two entirely different and grossly unrelated things that go in opposite directions.

 

Self esteem and self esteem issues are about how I think about myself. Me. About myself. The way others perceive you have absolutely no effect on your self esteem. If other people's judgments happen to match your self assessment, then they will appear to be related, but there is no causation in this correlation.

 

Reassurance, attention, desire, criticism are all going from the outside to the inside. Often when people's self esteems are not entirely healthy, this external input might have the ability to damage it over time, however, when self esteem is being cultivated and is healthy, no amount of praise or criticism will change the way you think about yourself.

 

If an man starts escorting because external reassurance is important for him, he is in for a harsh awakening. This happens often and tends to be really damaging because they soon enough discover that not everyone wants them and they are not the universal appeal jewel they wished they were.

 

If a man starts escorting with a healthy self esteem and not really interested in receiving reassurance, he will discover this is a fulfilling and fun profession when he can help others cultivate that sense of confidence he himself enjoys. While he will not appeal to everyone, he will be happy knowing that he will appeal to enough people to keep him busy.

 

Also, if someone is that much of an asshole that he thinks he is entitled to be a dick, that immediately robs his opinion of every bit of validity.

 

Life is too damned short.

[+ Cash4Trash]

Always remember - when I open my mouth and speak I don't tell you who you are, I tell you who I am.

[+ DickyF]

Let's face it - gay men can be particularly bitchy often bordering on cruel. So many psychodynamic reasons for this. And so sad.

Check the old "Boys in the Band" movie for the epitome of this! I think (hope) there is less self -hatred now, with the stunning horrific exception in Orlando.

[Rudynate]

Check the old "Boys in the Band" movie for the epitome of this! I think (hope) there is less self -hatred now, with the stunning horrific exception in Orlando.

 

 

How was that self-hatred? The perp was a terrorist.

[mattr]

How was that self-hatred? The perp was a terrorist.

 

Maybe he hated terrorists....

[Rudynate]

No, he hated fags. That, plus the fact that his father was also a radical Islamist.

[klifhangar]

I think there is a balance: clients need to remember that escorts are human beings with feelings - not commodities. At the same time, and especially on a forum like this, preferences are going to be discussed. There's a big difference between a statement like "I've never been into hairy bodies" and "(Name) looks like he's been ridden hard and put up wet". Just don't make it personal.

 

I will say that I have been surprised by how much escorts seem to care about others' opinions, comments etc.

[MikeyGMin]

But you said it yourself. They are human beings. I'm surprised by the ones that shake it off like water on a duck's back. I admire it greatly, and wish I had one-tenth of their confidence.

[Guy Fawkes]

A very special cup of tea.

http://www.detnk.com/files/images/Picture%2053_1.thumbnail.png

I'll be 40 next week and as I get older I've come to understand that I am not everyones cup of tea and move on.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[+ Truereview]

A very special cup of tea.

http://www.detnk.com/files/images/Picture%2053_1.thumbnail.png

That's some nice wood!