Is Getting Married an Accomplishment?

[marylander1940]

For a bride, her wedding day is magical but not every single woman thinks getting married is the most important goal.

 

When Natalie Brooke wrote an article saying she didn’t think getting married was a major accomplishment, she sparked a fierce debate online.

 

“You don't have to have a brain, drive or special skill set to get married. You just have to have a willing partner,” Brooke, 27, wrote in an article last month on the Huffington Post.

 

Brooke talked to “Good Morning America" about her views.

 

“I've noticed for a long time that getting married is put on a much higher pedestal, especially for women than any academic, professional, volunteering, or hobby-related success is and I've always been confused,” she said. “Don't get me wrong, getting married is a huge event, but I don't think it's an achievement and I don't think having a ring on my finger makes me unique or special.”

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/married-accomplishment-womans-blog-sparks-debate/story?id=37386120

[+ FreshFluff]

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[marylander1940]

Marriage isn't an accomplishment per say, I believe married couples that stood the test of time and lasted over 10 years is the accomplishment. You see many people getting married and then they divorce a year or two later. Also marriage is not for everyone many people are happily single and wouldn't have it any other way. For me I don't see myself finding a partner thats going to marry me and thats ok, I feel like many people just want a one time thing and then you never hear from them again, I'm not actively looking but am not going to die if it never happens.

 

In DC with all the gay men out of the closet there's desperation among women fighting each other for the few good looking straight guys. I'd never thought I would say this but sometimes I wish I was straight, I know guys my age (76) dating (not hiring... dating) women in their 40's. No wonder the Peter Pan syndrome is wide spread in this town, so many women available that unless the guy has a 10 (looks, money and everything he wants in the bedroom) they just keep on going having fun like in a college dorm.

 

Here, for a straight girl, getting married IS an accomplishment, something to throw on the face of the unmarried ones.

 

 

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/81hoUMjbCQL.jpg

[+ purplekow]

Finding the right person to marry is the accomplishment. I do not think getting married per se is an accomplishment, but it is the most significant event in my life and the day I got married was far and away the best day of my life. When viewed in retrospect, my marriage and in particular the day of my marriage is the focus of most of my wistful thoughts of yesterday. Before the wedding, I would not have thought that day would hold such sway.

 

My wife and I had a large wedding at the St. Regis Hotel in NY and it was elegant and lavish and well beyond our means. I planned the wedding as my wife was too ill to assist and it was arranged in 2 months, as we were able to get an unexpectedly opened date, which allowed her the best chance of being well enough to truly enjoy the day she had anticipated since her youth.

 

We had been living together for many years and financial constrains had precluded our having the large wedding of her dreams. She preferred to wait to get married and have that large wedding. I was fine with that. She had dreamed of her wedding from childhood and when we had finally got to the financial circumstance which would allow us to start planning it, she had suddenly become ill with a terminal disease.

 

The day itself was magical. The setting was glorious. Her excitement and unbridled joy was a blessing. But the true blessing and the accomplishment was finding the right person with whom to spend the prior years and with whom to share that adventure.

 

Ms Brooke is correct that a wedding only takes two willing people. A marriage, on the other hand, takes a lot more than that. I still feel married 16 years after my wife's passing. I believe I will leave this earth feeling that way. That may not be an accomplishment, but it is the most fortunate aspect of my life.

[AdamSmith]

I can vouch firsthand that getting through a divorce is an accomplishment.

[+ WilliamM]

I was surprised a few years ago when a good friend listed a good marriage as one of his accomplishments. My surprise was the result of many rocky times in the marriage when they lived apart. They sailed together from California ti Thailand in 7 years, but she left several times. I give her credit though... he ia not an easy person.

[Will Do]

I can vouch firsthand that getting through a divorce is an accomplishment.

 

Yessir. The same here.

[+ bashful]

I don't think of it as an accomplishment. I think of it as a beginning (yes, cliché). Finding the one with whom you will grow old together. The real accomplishment is doing so, or unfortunately for those who have experienced it, surviving the loss of the other before you were able to grow old.

[+ Charlie]

Getting married is easy. Staying married happily is an accomplishment.

[+ Socalguy]

Getting married is easy. Staying married happily is an accomplishment.

I will have to second that. Most of you know Rob and I are married and June 3rd will mark our 10 year anniversary (although we've been together 17). It took a little time but once we realized that 'gay marriage' was brand new, we figured out it meant we could make our own rules. So with a lot of trial (and actually very few errors), we're at a place where we are very happily married. So yeah, I would consider it an accomplishment.

[Epigonos]

When my great niece married, her father, my nephew, acted as master of ceremonies at the reception. At one point, early in the festivities, he asked all married couples to stand. Then at five year intervals he asked them to sit down. Finally only one couple was left standing, my sister and my brother-in-law. Both are tall, my sister 5’11” and my brother-in-law 6’2”, and slender. They were a stunningly attractive couple. At that point he announced to the gathering that he would like to introduce his parents who were just about to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary, the crowd went wild. That wedding was ten years ago and thus they will celebrate their 65th Wedding Anniversary this December. They are both still tall and slender and stunningly attractive. My sister has always said that the first year of marriage was the worst and that it has just gotten better and better with each passing year.

 

P.S. I agree with those who say its easy to get married. What is difficult to do is find the right person to marry.

[oldhat]

A lot also depends on cultural norms. Though I grew up with American social/cultural norms, the living culture in my community views marriage quite differently. I remember being told that marriage for love is a European fantasy. Marriage is a tie between clans and families. In one sense, bringing together two distinct families is an accomplishment.

[klifhangar]

I can vouch firsthand that getting through a divorce is an accomplishment.

 

Oh yes

[klifhangar]

I got married at 22 and, at that time, it was an accomplishment to me because I really wanted someone to give my life to and to start a family with. Finding a smart, beautiful, good-hearted woman that loved me was nothing less than awesome. Remaining married for 24 years was a bigger accomplishment, for sure. Being divorced and raising kids after that long felt like trying to play volleyball with no arms. The divorce actually made me believe that much more strongly in marriage as I know that bond was real.

 

Now, as a single, 50yo man who remains in decent shape etc, I know that I could find a smart, beautiful woman and get married again fairly easily. That's not to say because I'm such a great catch but because there are a lot of great women in their upper 30's to early 50's and most single men in that range are just awful.

[+ Charlie]

When my great niece married, her father, my nephew, acted as master of ceremonies at the reception. At one point, early in the festivities, he asked all married couples to stand. Then at five year intervals he asked them to sit down. Finally only one couple was left standing, my sister and my brother-in-law. Both are tall, my sister 5’11” and my brother-in-law 6’2”, and slender. They were a stunningly attractive couple. At that point he announced to the gathering that he would like to introduce his parents who were just about to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary, the crowd went wild. That wedding was ten years ago and thus they will celebrate their 65th Wedding Anniversary this December. They are both still tall and slender and stunningly attractive. My sister has always said that the first year of marriage was the worst and that it has just gotten better and better with each passing year.

 

P.S. I agree with those who say its easy to get married. What is difficult to do is find the right person to marry.

At my partner's nephew's wedding reception in Texas several years ago, the same game was played. My partner and I stood up with the rest, as did his brother and his male partner, although we were not then legally married. When the master of ceremonies came to "only those who have been together 40 or more years," my partner and I were the only ones left standing. There was a nervous titter in the room as people realized we had been together longer than any other couple at the Catholic wedding.

 

The marriage lasted only three years. At our nephew's second wedding a few months ago, the reception followed almost the same script, but they skipped that game.

[JayCeeKy]

getting through a divorce is an accomplishment

 

Having provided marital and family therapy for many years I can attest that divorce is truly "

like a death without a body

." In fact, many couples go through the same grief process as a death in the family; for many, it is the death of a relationship.