Why do you hire?

[Mo Mason]

I saw this question about 50 pages back but, rather than revive a four-year old thread, I thought I would ask it again. I like the question. I also want to share my reason for hiring with you all - catharsis of sorts, or maybe for anyone reading this who thinks we're nothing but sex maniacs. For some of us, this "hobby" means so much more...

 

I'm 35 years old. I've never been in a relationship, I've never been in love - in fact, I've never been comfortable with others in any capacity. I have no friends, no close family. I was emotionally neglected as a child and was bullied relentlessly for being weak and effeminate, so mostly I've just always been afraid of people. The chronic shyness as a child became social anxiety as a teen and has since become some sort of reclusive personality disorder. I rarely leave my house and I'm completely alone most of the time.

 

I often long for interaction, intimacy, physical closeness, to feel desired, to be touched.. Hiring a companion is my only way to experience these things. Without their generous and compassionate help, I would never feel safe, comfortable, desired, or significant at all, and I'm so grateful for the work they do.

 

You?

[BabyBoomer]

Reading that made me cry. God bless you.

 

~ Boomer ~

[MikeyGMin]

Wow. I don't really know what to say, but I'm not going to just ignore such a heartfelt post. The need to be intimately touched is pretty fundamental. I'm glad that you at least have access to that via an escort. It's your kind of situation that the moralists really don't consider when it comes to sex workers.

 

My situation was not nearly as extreme, but I was helped out of a dark place and a rut that I had gotten into by a good escort who reawakened things in me.

 

That was many years ago though. These days I hire simply because I can. I like beautiful men who are younger than me and out of my league. I don't need them the way I did 15 years ago but I enjoy every single minute of it.

 

That seems extremely shallow compared to your story.

[+ José Soplanucas]

@Mo Mason , you seem to know yourself very well, I wish you can use that deep self understanding to overcome your own boundaries and find alternative ways to experience friendship and intimacy. I'm always been very shy and a loner, so I intentionally choose activities that force me to interact with people.

About your question, I have always hired since I started having sex with men. When I was younger I was extremely slutty and horny, and I just wanted to have everyone I was attracted to. If I had to pay, no problem. But hiring was marginal as I was pretty successful cruising and hooking up. Now I am older and bigger and out of the league of the guys I like, so hiring is becoming the main source of sex. I do not look for friendship, romantic love, or intimacy, although all those things may happen. I look for raw sex with young, hot men, and right now most times I have to pay to have it. It is not complicated.

[Bovary]

I've only hired one escort, but I've seen him more than once. Initially I found him online while researching a book I was writing. I set up an appointment to interview him, and...yeah. So while I have no intention of ever hiring anyone else but him because he's special to me, I certainly celebrate and appreciate sex workers and the people who reach out to them. We all need to be touched in some capacity. Like MikeyGMin said, it's a fundamental need, and absolutely our right to seek it out.

[Mo Mason]

Thanks everyone. There aren't wrong reasons for hiring, as long as your intentions are good. I like reading about others' motivations and experiences.

 

But I am kind of a downer at parties.

[+ bashful]

for interaction, intimacy, physical closeness, to feel desired, to be touched

 

For the reasons Mo states. In addition, hiring is sort of a safety net at this point in my life in that there is less risk of emotional attachments.

[+ azdr0710]

hey Mo.....

 

I'll bet many here (and in the real world) have a story somewhat similar to yours....(and I wish I was 35 again)

 

quick comments:

 

I, too, have never had a serious relationship, but, actually, might like it that way.....yeah, I see my friends and TV "families" with what seem like perfect fun-loving arrangements and wonder if that's possible for me, but then I value being able to do what I want when I want....selfish, but relationships are, I know, about compromises

 

if you're ever feeling a bit down, go out and go for a brisk walk for an hour....brisk....or run, if able.....great feeling after - relaxed, but energized.....exercise is a great stress-buster...you may already know this

 

as Mikey says, physical touch is a basic human need and isn't just prurient carnal lust.....when you meet with someone, get what you want out of it, have fun, take it easy, and make them happy, too.....

 

I hope your work life and finances are stable.....have you thought about joining a meetup or another group with similar interests?.....volunteering a few hours a week?.....come to one of the forum meets held each year in Palm Spgs, Chicago, and DC....they are very casual and friendly with dudes eager to meet each other

[Mo Mason]

I work for a very small company so that's great (only 3 of us there)...

 

I'm not far from Chicago at all, but meeting people is just ....... it sounds awesome..... but it's terrifying.

[+ WmClarke]

I work for a very small company so that's great (only 3 of us there)...

 

I'm not far from Chicago at all, but meeting people is just ....... it sounds awesome..... but it's terrifying.

If you don't want to come to the Chicago meetup, maybe you could come to a planning meeting for a meetup where only 2 or 3 people would be there.

[Will Do]

Thanks everyone. There aren't wrong reasons for hiring, as long as your intentions are good. I like reading about others' motivations and experiences.

 

But I am kind of a downer at parties.

 

 

I doubt you'd be a downer at parties. We all could be party poopers.

 

Wish I were near you, I'd love to meet you and spend a lot of time with you.

 

I appreciate you posting on my almost-exit post @Mo Mason. What you said really meant a helluva lot!

[BabyBoomer]

If you don't want to come to the Chicago meetup, maybe you could come to a planning meeting for a meetup where only 2 or 3 people would be there.

 

@Mo Mason

 

I think this is a great idea and something you should at least consider.

 

~ Boomer ~

[+ Phactor]

I often long for interaction, intimacy, physical closeness, to feel desired, to be touched.. Hiring a companion is my only way to experience these things. Without their generous and compassionate help, I would never feel safe, comfortable, desired, or significant at all, and I'm so grateful for the work they do.

 

Mo, you are not alone. While my background is different, my needs and desires are the same.

 

I took the plunge and hired for the first time last week. My companion was the right guy at the right time. I needed a break, to do something for myself, and to feel special. My companion surpassed all expectations. The next day, I felt like I was ready to tackle the world again. I plan to become a regular for my guy.

[klifhangar]

I saw this question about 50 pages back but, rather than revive a four-year old thread, I thought I would ask it again. I like the question. I also want to share my reason for hiring with you all - catharsis of sorts, or maybe for anyone reading this who thinks we're nothing but sex maniacs. For some of us, this "hobby" means so much more...

 

I'm 35 years old. I've never been in a relationship, I've never been in love - in fact, I've never been comfortable with others in any capacity. I have no friends, no close family. I was emotionally neglected as a child and was bullied relentlessly for being weak and effeminate, so mostly I've just always been afraid of people. The chronic shyness as a child became social anxiety as a teen and has since become some sort of reclusive personality disorder. I rarely leave my house and I'm completely alone most of the time.

 

I often long for interaction, intimacy, physical closeness, to feel desired, to be touched.. Hiring a companion is my only way to experience these things. Without their generous and compassionate help, I would never feel safe, comfortable, desired, or significant at all, and I'm so grateful for the work they do.

 

You?

 

Wow, thanks for your honesty! And I'm sorry. I was wondering - what do you do for a living that allows you to remain at home?

[klifhangar]

This is a great question. I was married for a long time and that ended recently, which really shook me up. Badly. I got the kids so my life is about them. I have a problem with investing in myself as I feel that it's taking away from the kids. But I hit a tough spot in the last year where the depression was consuming, I was incredibly burned out between a seriously stressful job and caring for the family full time. I got scary depressed. Like nearly lost my life depressed. I took myself someplace sunny early in the year and hired while I was there. It was a splurge on myself and I enjoyed it. So I have now done it a couple more times and I feel less and less guilty. I nearly went to the gathering in Palm Springs which would have been the most out of the box thing I've ever done. OTOH, I am an extrovert so the social aspect of it would have been fine.

 

For me, I am turned on by familiarity and connection so having a "regular" would be better. I know I could meet someone by going out but I don't have time for that. The other thing is that I am bi and I still considered remarrying. I just need to do the exploring that I should have done in my early 20's.

 

I hope all that made sense. I'm tired for the above reasons

[liubit]

Very moving post, @Mo Mason, thank you for sharing.

 

I have been in a relation for almost 15 years now, and we are still very much in love. Before meeting my boyfriend, I started hiring mainly for convenience reasons: I felt insecure in bars and hook up places, and seeing escorts allowed me to live my fantasies and to have sex with gorgeous men, no strings attached. I now hire to spice up my sex life. I have extremely good, hot, emotional, loving sex with my boyfriend, but my sexual drive is far more intense than his, and he simply cannot fulfill my physical needs. He knows it, and therefore allows me to play on the side with certain rules.

 

So, now I hire to have sex with beautiful boys, 19 to 25 years old, basically half my age, who would not give me the time of day if I did not have deep pockets. And, of course, I do it because I can afford it :)

[jjkrkwood]

Mo, I am in a similar situation, being alone, often lonely, no family or close friends left, etc. And I am not a yungin. However I was in a 22 yr relationship which was the most fulfilling time of my life.

 

Most big cities have LGBT centers, that have drop in support groups. You say you are close to Chicago. After I lost my partner, I too became reclusive, but knew it was not a good thing for me. So I forced myself to checkout and start attending support groups at my LGBT center, which proved to be my lifeline at that time. I endorse it, and would recommend it to you..

 

As for hiring, basically I am cheap, and find paying for sex not a necessity for me. Again, I am in NYC and opportunities for Free sex are endless. Luckily I fare very well in dark rooms. However hiring for me IS a luxury, a treat, and when I want an especially Hot guy with a huge cock, without a lot of effort, I will hire... But its more of a curiosity thing for me. When I hire, its usually the famous porn star guys like Alencar, Banks,

Rocco Steele etc, and the hire fulfills 2 things for me: my curiosity about the guy, and my affinity for servicing Huge cock....

 

Back to you... really TRY to take yourself outside your comfort zone. The world can be a lonely place if you allow it to be. Go where there are others like yourself, looking for the same thing in a social setting. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain... Best of luck buddy.....

[UnstableAtom]

I'm in a very similar situation right now, social anxiety, depressing childhood, and the loneliness, which has begun to eat at me recently. I have good friends and family though but that's all I got. Still having issues coping with talking to others since its never been accustomed to me, I'm afraid I say the wrong things at times because of my anti-social behaviour. As for the forums I'm here for a learning experience and enjoyment. Still looking for the right fulfillment to get me on my way!

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Thanks @Mo Mason for your openness, honesty and vulnerability. I'm sure that many can relate, even I to some degree in terms of having a tumultuous childhood, filled with loneliness and bullying. I was blessed though to have a mother whom despite her flaw in picking the wrong men, was always supportive and demonstrated love and endless forgiveness. It's perhaps my own personal journey that drives me to help others feel loved, supported and confident. I hope that your experiences with escorts aren't just helping you in the moment but also inspiring you to step outside your comfort zone and to let go of some of the pains of the past. Sending much love & light in your journey!

 

Lance

[notforme]

Dear Mo, when I read your post I thought that was me at 35 and me at 64. Did I learn to adjust to my lot in life? mmm I don't think so but I am less hard on myself. For some, such as myself and maybe you, solitude is kinder existence but should never inhibit you achieving your goals and experiencing life. You just do it solo and rely on the kindest of strangers. For myself, support groups only confused the matter, making me aware of another social situation at which I suck. After years of therapy ( since I have been a teen) in my forties, I embraced myself and my personality disorders, realizing i can like my weirdness. Yes, hiring escorts was a part of that process for me. I was able to experience that human touch that we all need. I have never look back on that . It was one of the healthiest decide I made.

[jjkrkwood]

Dear Mo, when I read your post I thought that was me at 35 and me at 64. Did I learn to adjust to my lot in life? mmm I don't think so but I am less hard on myself. For some, such as myself and maybe you, solitude is kinder existence but should never inhibit you achieving your goals and experiencing life. You just do it solo and rely on the kindest of strangers. For myself, support groups only confused the matter, making me aware of another social situation at which I suck. After years of therapy ( since I have been a teen) in my forties, I embraced myself and my personality disorders, realizing i can like my weirdness. Yes, hiring escorts was a part of that process for me. I was able to experience that human touch that we all need. I have never look back on that . It was one of the healthiest decide I made.

 

 

Mr not, embracing ones own "weirdness" is a healthy, well adjusted step, but one does not live by "self" alone. It's much more fulfilling to be embraced by others, with whom you may find a "commonness" and kinship.. This was the role support groups played for me, but even if I didn't find it to be a positive experience, I would never discount its importance for others, and would still recommend they give it a try. It just may work.... and at the very least it will show you that you really aren't ALONE.

[+ purplekow]

I hope you have tried therapy and medication Mo. If you have not, you may find a whole new like afterwards. At 35 you are a young man with plenty of time to establish a life you find more fulfilling. Like getting in shape, exercising and changing jobs, making major changes in our lifestyle is a marathon. As with any marathon, you need to take a first step. Hiring an escort may be that step, but it seems as though it is time for another.

[whipped guy]

I just caught this thread as I had ignored it as being a rehash of what has been discussed here many times over. Let's just say that you have gotten lots of good advice here. Also, I think that you now realize that many here have experienced similar issues at one time or other in their lives. We all need that special touch that can only be given by another human being and in that regard escorts can be a very important component in the equation yielding a happy and fulfilling life experience. However, that is not the ultimate answer, simply one component in what is most likely a very convoluted process to help get your life on a better path. After all, an escort is doing a job, a job that can be analogous to that of a therapist. As long as you don't consider it to be more than that it might help you get through this adventure that we call life.

[notforme]

Mr not, embracing ones own "weirdness" is a healthy, well adjusted step, but one does not live by "self" alone. It's much more fulfilling to be embraced by others, with whom you may find a "commonness" and kinship.. This was the role support groups played for me, but even if I didn't find it to be a positive experience, I would never discount its importance for others, and would still recommend they give it a try. It just may work.... and at the very least it will show you that you really aren't ALONE.

yes i would agree with you. Support group have their purpose. However, for truly odd ones, like myself, those situations can be awful unless you find acceptance with yourself. Going solo isn't the path for everyone but it shouldn't hold anyone back from living a fulfilled live. I also stated that the important of depending on the kindness of stranger. I hope Mr. Mo is getting therapy & medication. They are important. Seeking out good escorts, while shouldn't be confused for therapy or love, will give a person human touch that is very important in grounding them, allowing them find their path through positive experiences. Dam, I sound like a old hippie!!!!

"They are writing songs of love but not for me...."

[+ WmClarke]

I hire to have better sex than I can get otherwise.

 

But the big revelation to me was how much I love Love LOVE falling asleep in a guys's arms and waking up hours later still in his arms. Almost better than the sex. Almost.