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excitement, disappointment, bitterness and coming to terms


hunterlee
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Warning.. Long winded narcissist post.

 

Yesterday my professor made me feel really happy and proud of myself, the best i've felt in a while.

 

"you are my strongest student in all my classes, your work is perfect. I wish all my students had your kind of work effort, I hope you are not too bored in my class. "

 

 

Excitement.

Growing up as a first generation American in a traditional Chinese immigrant family, I was the make it or break it generation. My parents came to the US over 35 years ago with the clothes on their backs and two suitcases to 35 years later owning their own business and working 12 - 14 hour days, 6 days a week. (typical immigrant's ideal of the american dream). They did not want their children to have the same hard life working in a kitchen and pushed us to study hard. It worked, I graduated early and got accepted in a private tier 1 school 50% scholarship.

 

Disappointment.

Everyone was hit hard by the 2008 recession, my parents and their business was no exception. By 2012 they had to sell their home, close their business and go back to work under someone else in a kitchen making minimum wage. 35 years of hard work that regressed back to square one in matter of months. My sister (who I am very close to) was going through an extremely tough time with her graduate school, her personal life, her marriage, her mental health and had to move back home.

 

Was I going to escape reality and go out of state to school and forget everything back home? No. So I stayed.

 

Bitterness.

I took two and half year hiatus from school. Got a job and attempted to save money while helping my family. My whole group of friends went to college, I was the odd ball out. I watched from afar as all my friends met their new college classmates, frats, sororities, college house parties, the diverse classes and programs they took. As my friends progressed through their academic careers and either got offered jobs from their internships or preceding into graduate school, the very things that we all talked about for years, crept an empty, sad and bitter feeling inside me. I had no animosity towards them, it was just how life played it's path for me.

 

Coming to terms.

One year into my job while in the midst of a management promotion, I quit without notice or planning. I had enough of corporate and workplace politics. One week later... "Oh Shit, what am I going to do for money". The classic oh shit moment. Then I saw an "adam4adam masseur ad" and thats where it all started. I felt bad for my first 20-40 clients, massage was terrible and I wouldn't take off my underwear. I'm surprised none of them asked me for a refund. (LOL) Between the following two years, I learned many things about myself and aspects of life that I never realized in High School... I did not need to go to college or need to follow the a societal structure that has been engraved in us since grade school. After awhile I was in a comfortable place to go back to a local college. I was unconfident about myself and if I still had the same capability and drive.

 

Conclusion

Hearing my professor say those words, really made me genuinely happy. I felt motivated and inspired to continue working towards my goals and not do it just to please the societal standards but to do it for what makes me happy.

 

Just some insight on what goes in the mind of this 21 year old at 2am in the morning.

 

P.S - I also have to respond back to a very genuine email I was sent a few months ago that I had not gotten the chance to respond to, so if you are reading this, I promise I will respond back to you.

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Wow, Hunter! All of this and you seem to have gotten it all together at only 21! ...and you look super HOT, too!!! :) I am quite impressed with your maturity and your excellent writing skills as demonstrated in your post above! I too, am happy you're sharing your thoughts with us here!!!

 

TruHart1 :cool:

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Hunter, thank you for sharing that, and congratulations on ... you.

 

I have often thought that those of us who go right from high school into college are missing one key ingredient that would help us to get so much more out of the educational experience: perspective. It sounds like you are on the way to using your disadvantage to your advantage. I'd call that a success story.

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Warning.. Long winded narcissist post.

 

Yesterday my professor made me feel really happy and proud of myself, the best i've felt in a while.

 

"you are my strongest student in all my classes, your work is perfect. I wish all my students had your kind of work effort, I hope you are not too bored in my class. "

 

 

Excitement.

Growing up as a first generation American in a traditional Chinese immigrant family, I was the make it or break it generation. My parents came to the US over 35 years ago with the clothes on their backs and two suitcases to 35 years later owning their own business and working 12 - 14 hour days, 6 days a week. (typical immigrant's ideal of the american dream). They did not want their children to have the same hard life working in a kitchen and pushed us to study hard. It worked, I graduated early and got accepted in a private tier 1 school 50% scholarship.

 

Disappointment.

Everyone was hit hard by the 2008 recession, my parents and their business was no exception. By 2012 they had to sell their home, close their business and go back to work under someone else in a kitchen making minimum wage. 35 years of hard work that regressed back to square one in matter of months. My sister (who I am very close to) was going through an extremely tough time with her graduate school, her personal life, her marriage, her mental health and had to move back home.

 

Was I going to escape reality and go out of state to school and forget everything back home? No. So I stayed.

 

Bitterness.

I took two and half year hiatus from school. Got a job and attempted to save money while helping my family. My whole group of friends went to college, I was the odd ball out. I watched from afar as all my friends met their new college classmates, frats, sororities, college house parties, the diverse classes and programs they took. As my friends progressed through their academic careers and either got offered jobs from their internships or preceding into graduate school, the very things that we all talked about for years, crept an empty, sad and bitter feeling inside me. I had no animosity towards them, it was just how life played it's path for me.

 

Coming to terms.

One year into my job while in the midst of a management promotion, I quit without notice or planning. I had enough of corporate and workplace politics. One week later... "Oh Shit, what am I going to do for money". The classic oh shit moment. Then I saw an "adam4adam masseur ad" and thats where it all started. I felt bad for my first 20-40 clients, massage was terrible and I wouldn't take off my underwear. I'm surprised none of them asked me for a refund. (LOL) Between the following two years, I learned many things about myself and aspects of life that I never realized in High School... I did not need to go to college or need to follow the a societal structure that has been engraved in us since grade school. After awhile I was in a comfortable place to go back to a local college. I was unconfident about myself and if I still had the same capability and drive.

 

Conclusion

Hearing my professor say those words, really made me genuinely happy. I felt motivated and inspired to continue working towards my goals and not do it just to please the societal standards but to do it for what makes me happy.

 

Just some insight on what goes in the mind of this 21 year old at 2am in the morning.

 

P.S - I also have to respond back to a very genuine email I was sent a few months ago that I had not gotten the chance to respond to, so if you are reading this, I promise I will respond back to you.

 

That's allot of "opportunities" in 21 years of living - imagine the story that you'll be telling 21 years from now! I think that's hugely exciting. :)

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Hunter,

Fears, which everyone has (at least when admitted), are a great motivator when focused correctly to turn into life positives. You're doing just that. And in doing so, I'm sure you'll continue to define and carve your own forward focus (with a few rocks along the way (as we all hit) to build rightly, your own version of life success.

 

There is no need to measure yourself against some other past peers who really never truly/fully show their open soul anyway (all of us appear pretty on outside, but what is inside is not ever fully seen by others).

 

You have EVERY RIGHT to be proud and hold your head high and allow yourself to mentally be in a good place as you are on a good path. Your own personal journey will always be adjusting and bring you your own life rewards.

 

I can see you do a great job exercising/protecting your physical self and your writings are really doing that same exercising for your own good mental self/health......

 

Remember it's the - ("dash") during life that is important, and you are still very early on the left side of that dash. I'm proud of you and your ongoing growth. Oh, and "dash", what's that? Well:

 

 

And you might not know at your still young age this gentlemen's great timeless lyric, but it's lyric in "My Way" certainly applies to you (and all of us) in defining a successful life he says to the point very point "regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention".

 

Frank's dash and a bit of his song of his own dash ("My Way"):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Sinatra

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl4Uh5nOFAg

 

Doug

 

PS: Text to The Dash

 

The Dash

by Linda Ellis copyright 1996

 

I read of a man who stood to speak

at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone

from the beginning…to the end.

 

He noted that first came the date of birth

and spoke the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all

was the dash between those years.

 

For that dash represents all the time

that they spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved them

know what that little line is worth.

 

For it matters not, how much we own,

the cars…the house…the cash

What matters is how we live and love

and how we spend our dash.

 

So, think about this long and hard.

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left

that can still be rearranged.

 

If we could just slow down enough

to consider what’s true and real

and always try to understand

the way other people feel.

 

And be less quick to anger

and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives

like we’ve never loved before.

 

If we treat each other with respect

and more often wear a smile,

remembering that this special dash

might only last a little while.

 

So, when your eulogy is being read,

with your life’s actions to rehash…

would you be proud of the things they say

about how you spent YOUR dash!

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Hunter,

Then of course the great lyrics of "That's Life" also apply to your journey:

 

and of course, where you are Hunter today....."When I was 21....":

 

And now soon to the years leading up to "When I was 35...." and beyond.......to the "vintage wine....."and more good years.

 

It will be a journey and when looking back, fun for you. And that's life.......

 

With best regards for your great future & exciting ongoing life journey,

 

Doug

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Warning.. Long winded narcissist post.

 

It's too bad others aren't considerate enough to warn us.

 

 

Then I saw an "adam4adam masseur ad" and thats where it all started. I felt bad for my first 20-40 clients, massage was terrible and I wouldn't take off my underwear.

 

The vast majority of massage therapists I've gone to wouldn't take off their underwear, either. Apparently, some massage therapists feel it's some kind of violation. :p

 

Hunter Lee, your post made me smile. You're smart, you write well, and you made me chuckle. A real pleasure. Good luck to you.

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Just some insight on what goes in the mind of this 21 year old at 2am in the morning. - hunter lee

 

 

Hunter, don't be surprised if the same kind of thoughts go thru your mind at 31, 41, 51, etc. some folks are just reflective while other just live life without introspection. Neither is better than the other, but in my opinion, I rather spend my dollars and time with someone who has at least a modicum of self-awareness. I think you have the latter in abundance. Keep cultivating and sharing when appropriate with those who appreciate it. Besito, -TR

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Exciting to see someone at this young age so successful. My only advise, don't let anyone and I mean anyone, let you stray from your goals in life. Yes, you'll take little detours, some positive and some negative (that's just life), but keep focused and succeed but always enjoy your life. AND stay away from people with negative energy...your gut will tell you who they are.

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My parents came to the US over 35 years ago with the clothes on their backs

http://en.people.cn/NMediaFile/2014/1103/FOREIGN201411031304000478254617862.jpg

 

Congratulations on getting back on the right track. I was a little concerned with your statement One year into my job while in the midst of a management promotion, I quit without notice or planning. I had enough of corporate and workplace politics. One week later... "Oh Shit, what am I going to do for money".

 

I hope you have learned to consider consequences carefully before making important and irreversible decisions. Quitting a job without notice, while legal, shows a lack of consideration for your place of work and co-workers, unless they did something really bad to you (which it doesn't sound like they did, since you were getting a promotion). Unless your work situation is completely intolerable, your employer and your co-workers deserve some fair notice. This varies according to what you're doing, of course, but 30 days seems reasonable in most situations. Quitting without notice is likely to lead to a negative response from your prior employer, which would not only make it difficult to be employed by them in the future, but also make them unlikely to provide a positive reference for any other potential employer.

I have a friend who, a few years ago, was offered a job at another (new) company at a far higher salary with better working conditions. He explained this situation to his place of work and gave them fair notice. After a couple of happy years at the new company, they essentially went out of business and consequently fired everyone. Since my friend hadn't burned his bridges, his former employer happily took him back, at a salary that wasn't much above what he was originally making, but with better working conditions. The message is that just because you're unhappy somewhere, it doesn't mean one has to burn one's bridges.

 

Of course, this is general advice. I don't know the specifics of your case, and it's possible that your boss was doing something awful to you, so you had to quit suddenly. From your professor's comments, you seem like a bright man, and I wish you great success going forward.

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Hunter, you have every right to feel proud. You have known adversity and come through it with flying colours. I'm sure you will make a great success of your life and I am pleased that our paths have crossed, even if only on these forums.

 

Thank you :-)

 

Wow, Hunter! All of this and you seem to have gotten it all together at only 21! ...and you look super HOT, too!!! :) I am quite impressed with your maturity and your excellent writing skills as demonstrated in your post above! I too, am happy you're sharing your thoughts with us here!!!

 

TruHart1 :cool:

 

Thank you, I love to write.

 

Hunter, thank you for sharing that, and congratulations on ... you.

 

I have often thought that those of us who go right from high school into college are missing one key ingredient that would help us to get so much more out of the educational experience: perspective. It sounds like you are on the way to using your disadvantage to your advantage. I'd call that a success story.

 

I agree, and thank you.

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That's allot of "opportunities" in 21 years of living - imagine the story that you'll be telling 21 years from now! I think that's hugely exciting. :)

 

oh jesus, 21 years from now :o, I need to start using anti aging cream yesterday ;p

 

Hunter,

Fears, which everyone has (at least when admitted), are a great motivator when focused correctly to turn into life positives. You're doing just that. And in doing so, I'm sure you'll continue to define and carve your own forward focus (with a few rocks along the way (as we all hit) to build rightly, your own version of life success.

 

There is no need to measure yourself against some other past peers who really never truly/fully show their open soul anyway (all of us appear pretty on outside, but what is inside is not ever fully seen by others).

 

You have EVERY RIGHT to be proud and hold your head high and allow yourself to mentally be in a good place as you are on a good path. Your own personal journey will always be adjusting and bring you your own life rewards.

 

I can see you do a great job exercising/protecting your physical self and your writings are really doing that same exercising for your own good mental self/health......

 

Remember it's the - ("dash") during life that is important, and you are still very early on the left side of that dash. I'm proud of you and your ongoing growth. Oh, and "dash", what's that? Well:

 

 

And you might not know at your still young age this gentlemen's great timeless lyric, but it's lyric in "My Way" certainly applies to you (and all of us) in defining a successful life he says to the point very point "regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention".

 

Frank's dash and a bit of his song of his own dash ("My Way"):

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Sinatra

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl4Uh5nOFAg

 

Doug

 

PS: Text to The Dash

 

The Dash

by Linda Ellis copyright 1996

 

I read of a man who stood to speak

at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone

from the beginning…to the end.

 

He noted that first came the date of birth

and spoke the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all

was the dash between those years.

 

For that dash represents all the time

that they spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved them

know what that little line is worth.

 

For it matters not, how much we own,

the cars…the house…the cash

What matters is how we live and love

and how we spend our dash.

 

So, think about this long and hard.

Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left

that can still be rearranged.

 

If we could just slow down enough

to consider what’s true and real

and always try to understand

the way other people feel.

 

And be less quick to anger

and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives

like we’ve never loved before.

 

If we treat each other with respect

and more often wear a smile,

remembering that this special dash

might only last a little while.

 

So, when your eulogy is being read,

with your life’s actions to rehash…

would you be proud of the things they say

about how you spent YOUR dash!

 

Hunter,

Then of course the great lyrics of "That's Life" also apply to your journey:

 

and of course, where you are Hunter today....."When I was 21....":

 

And now soon to the years leading up to "When I was 35...." and beyond.......to the "vintage wine....."and more good years.

 

It will be a journey and when looking back, fun for you. And that's life.......

 

With best regards for your great future & exciting ongoing life journey,

 

Doug

 

:-)

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Exciting to see someone at this young age so successful. My only advise, don't let anyone and I mean anyone, let you stray from your goals in life. Yes, you'll take little detours, some positive and some negative (that's just life), but keep focused and succeed but always enjoy your life. AND stay away from people with negative energy...your gut will tell you who they are.

And be aware of all your options. It's all about options. Keep as many as possible open.

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