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Hard Lesson On Racial Diversity 101


JDXXX
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Well I just have one question...Are you a doctor? Cause if you are, I'd marry your ass.

 

Now who's buyin drinks?

 

I am not a doctor. People sometimes refer to me as Dr. Steven since I founded the well-known Steven Kesslar School of Sexual Finishing.

 

I'm buyin drinks. As long as you promise not to get drunk and molest me. Since I am (well) over 40, that apparently will not pose a problem for you.

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I am a little confused. I wasn’t privy to the whole conversation so perhaps there was something I missed.

 

In what way was your client equating being black to not being allowed to win EOY? I read it more akin to somebody asking our President what it was like to be the first Black President. More of an honor than an insult. It also seemed to me that he was stating that he didn’t think the forum would support you because of your race, but I can say having been a member when the voting was going on that there was never any public commentary in my memory regarding your race. I believe it was more along the lines of your character than your race. That said, I have no idea the private messages you have gotten. I am missing where he was biased about your race.

 

I also got the impression from your post that you don’t feel there are many minorities represented in the escort community. I can say that my ratio of minority hiring is about 80% minority vs. 20% Caucasian. This isn’t something I seek out and think oh today I am going to hire a Latin guy, it’s just whom I have a preference for when I am doing the hiring. Yes that is just me and I am sure there are people that won’t hire somebody because they are a minority and all I can say is that is their loss and something needs to be done to eliminate people viewing somebody’s race as a reason to do something. Unfortunately, I think that is going to take a couple of generations. Racism is something that is taught not something you are born with. I can’t begin to understand what you and others go through on a daily basis because of the color of your skin, where you were born, or because of your race. It saddens me that you have been called the N word by people on the form. One time is appalling but multiple times makes me extremely sad. I hope that you promptly reported them all to Daddy.

 

I also have a couple of questions about Escort of the Year (EOY). Is EOY an office that you run for? I am semi-new to the forum so perhaps I missed something but I thought that EOY was a title given to an Escort that clients felt was outstanding as the Escort that year. I wasn’t aware that pros were supposed to run for this title like it was an elected office. Are there official duties as the EOY? I see that you are on an EOY tour is this something that is sponsored by this forum or by Daddy’s site and done every year or something that you have taken the initiative to start? Are there prizes with the title or is it just the honor of winning? I am asking these questions because there is so much talk about EOY on this forum but when I go back to the beginning of the threads I see a common theme of who started them.

 

JD I have never met you, I will say some of your pics are very appealing to me and others don’t do much for me so I have been ambivalent about meeting you. But some of the posts on here seem so overtly self-serving and in my opinion almost desperate for attention that for me that has become a turn off. I am all for self-promotion because this job is totally a marketing job. But I feel at times you cross the line from self-promotion to seeking attention just to seek attention. This is probably the wrong topic to say this in because racism in the US is an epidemic and I can’t even begin to imagine things that you have experienced in your life that I will never experience. I can only image how awkward that drive home from Truluck’s must have been with your client if it was such an awkward exchange, I am guessing your session probably ended after that. And I am truly sorry that you are facing Racism and I am sure with given how outgoing you are that you are changing perceptions every day. And I am not trying to start a war but take a step back and ask yourself what is the goal of all of these posts? Yes this is an important topic to discuss but in this context it feels to me more like self-serving than having a proper discussion about racism. Just my 5 cents.

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Steven, the answer to all 3 of your questions is no. Not everyone is racist, but we all do have some prejudices based on what we have or have not encountered in life. You wanting to help someone you consider a friend out is admirable and a good thing, even if it based around race. Controlled ambition isn't bad either. :p

 

Is race an issue in the country, of course... and probably will be long after I die. Our society was built around oppression (and war, but that's another story). The founding fathers feeling oppressed by England... those in power oppressing slaves and indigenous people (not just black slaves). Should it be talked about... yes, definitely. Talking about, confronting the issue, and educating the masses are the best ways to enact change.

 

Now to the main topic of this post...

JD promoting wanting to be the 1st black EOY (as you have said Steven), but then complaining/taking issue about it when someone asks him about it, is contradictory and a bit disingenuous. I don't know you JD, but you seem to (to put it lightly) make mountains out of mole hills sometimes. Some of this is this your fault (because of your manner of approaching things) and some isn't. To put it bluntly, when you have a valid point some people glaze over what you post because of your manner/approach. It also doesn't help, that you have people coming on here contradicting things you claim. I can't speak for every case, but you have said things on this forum that are exaggerated. I don't know if you truly believe what you post sometimes, but you persist in saying them, when I know the claims are false. This all goes back to what I've mention to you before. So I'm going to have to +1 what Jeepo wrote.

 

Look, you won. Be happy about it. Enjoy the added success EOY brings. It does you no good to stress about something you have very little control over. Do what you do best and don't make it a struggle if it isn't one.

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Steven,

 

You pointed out ALOT of great pointers here, but let me refresh your memory a little bit to how our "initial" conversation to all of this in the beginning "really" played out as I do need to correct something here more in detail that you didn't mention in your post:

 

First of all in regards to your memory here, back when we had such discussions about being the 1st African-American EOY back last year.....

JD: "I would like to be the first African American escort of the year."

Steven: "I'm a white liberal, and I would like to help you accomplish that."

 

YES, I remember we were at your house discussing the fact of me being the first African-American EOY, but you mistaken my intention by saying it was a main "desire" and for which it wasn't the only focus. My main desire actually was to somewhat break barriers that seemed to be a problem with most clients questioning why there hasn't been a Black EOY. I remember saying it would be interesting and nice to open doors for diversity, and to be the 1st African-American EOY would be a good start for which you agreed to at the time would be nice, and did want to help accomplish that as you stated.

 

We were talking on such interesting topics at the time because we were discussing too about Miss Coco being the 1st woman to attend the Palm Springs Forum Event last year, and how there were people at those gatherings that didn't want her there cause she was a woman. Boy, did I get a lot of heat and hate from people for that. As time went on, and the guys at these gatherings got to know her - they loved her, couldn't get enough of her, and are begging for her to come back. That was a outstanding example of how people there at the Forum Events were very reluctant in having a woman for the first time attend. Look what happened how the boys despised her coming to the Forum PS weekend, Now - Can't get enough of her as she was the "Life of the party" you can say that whole weekend, and blew everyone there away.

 

I found it interesting, and quite upsetting how certain guys there informed her directly (in front of you and me even) on how they didn't want her there or felt she belonged there, but after getting to know her, the door is always welcomed now for her to attend. I challenged those who said this to her on how Daddy wants ALL of his kids to feel welcome bring race, creed, or transgender. I think he would like it in the future for a Transgender to come to one of the events, and If I'm not mistaken I think that did come about this year for the 1st time in DC. ;);).

 

The "doors" for opportunity for individuals to shine should be open to ALL races, creed, and transgender communities, and not just one specific group. We as gay people in the straight world are discriminated constantly, and think it's hypocritical to reverse that type of behavior amongst our own peers in the gay community by limiting others who are of another race or gender. Like I say to people all the time, treat others the way YOU as a person would want to be treated.

 

Yes, I might have thought back in the early part of last year that breaking another barrier such as being the 1st African-American "Escort Of The Year" would be ONE of the many prime achievements, but wasn't a main "desire" as my desires was to break ALOT of barriers or stumbling blocks when it comes to diversity, and did accomplish a proud barrier for women here in general when Miss Coco was there in Palm Springs Forum Event 2015 as the 1st woman forum member. Her attending the Forum weekend last year was a risk, but ended up as proud accomplishment in the end to where now women are welcomed to the Palm Springs Event from this point on without question. :).

 

What I was stating was actual facts for which you, and many others were aware has never been a Black EOY in the previous years, and we BOTH thought at the time in those discussions it would be nice if the "door" was open for that opportunity to arise, and be of reality being it's never been done before - EVER. Wasn't just me who noticed of this flaw - fellow escorts and clients have noticed this as well as what we were discussing were actual facts to what clients were questioning for years.

 

Second, an opinion. Having said that, if you want to make an issue of the fact that you are the first African American escort of the year, go for it. I'm all for that, too. Just don't shift responsibility for your decisions and perspectives to your clients, or anyone else.

 

Wasn't shifting decisions and responsibilities on anybody here as me challenging my client was based on him viewing my winning here in an incorrect light. It was challenging for me to hear because he was stating my race was more or should have been a factor as to why I mainly won, and that wasn't the case as it was nice to win for "several" reasons and NOT just one.

 

So to now refer to a question that has to do with you being the "first African American EOY" as having anything to do with "bias" seems confusing at best and manipulative at worst, in that it just provides you with an opportunity to publicly raise the issue of race, which you just did, labeling it "Racial Diversity 101."

 

What I find more confusing at best and manipulative at worse here is not getting the FULL grasp of why I corrected or "challenged" the client. Go back to when we were fighting for equality on the "White twenty something" thread. Remember how strongly you felt how Blacks were viewed or misrepresented in a negative way - take this in the same content, but on a lighter scale where I felt the client viewed me more winning the award was based on race which was to me unfair for him to think as I wouldn't want that to be the only reason for me to win something.

 

I'll add one other point to my recollection of this experience. When I voted for you for EOY, I stated explicitly that I thought it was "great that a Black man wants to be Escort of the Year, and has worked hard for it..." I was privately taken to task for this by a well known escort who was "appalled" by what I wrote because it was interpreted to mean this, in his words, and I quote: "It's great that a Black person finally has the desire and ambition and work ethic to achieve something." Actually, I never got the memo that informed me that thinking of you, and referring to you, as a particularly determined individual in any way maligned anybody else Black, or anybody else at all. But somehow a compliment given to you was construed to be an "insensitive" putdown of most or all other members of your race.

 

Maybe the person felt it was "Politically Incorrect" to make such a statement in public or base someone wining the award on the count of that so openly. I think we all know of this person your referring to as he did express his discomfort of your statement on the "So who Lit Up Your Year 2015" thread as the post was later removed by Daddy.

 

1. Is it racist of JD to have wanted to be the first African American escort of the year?

 

2. Is it racist for a white liberal like me to have wanted to help JD become the first African American escort of the year, and be explicit about that in writing when I voted for him?

 

3. Is it racist for another EOY finalist to have taken me on for being "insensitive" to Blacks in general by pointing out that it is great that a particular Black man, JD, wanted to be escort of the year, and deserved to be, IMHO? For that matter, is it racist that, after JD won, another EOY finalist and I agreed privately that it was good that JD won because "it's time" to have a Black EOY?

 

Trust me, baby, you given me some good advice to think about, but needed to correct here when we had these discussions it wasn't counted on fact on just one goal - I was looking to achieve several goals on "change" in the community on the count of what others have informed me on what they would like to see happen when it comes to diversity on the forum and for minorities, women, and transgender communities in general. What you pointed out were all good logical and valid points and advice to move forward with as life lessons to apply in my everyday life as I do appreciate your love and guidance as always.

 

It's all about being open-minded, and taking a look at the bigger picture to bringing future change for ALL races and genders to benefit from.

 

You're 1000% correct that there is nothing wrong to regret or be sad about, but just a matter I wanted to address being it was a concern or misleading as to why I won this award and how race shouldn't be a main factor as people mistaken it to be. I love the idea on winning based on so many counts, and NOT just one particular reason or cause.

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I found it interesting, and quite upsetting how certain guys there informed her directly (in front of you and me even) on how they didn't want her there or felt she belonged there, but after getting to know her, the door is always welcomed now for her to attend. I challenged those who said this to her on how Daddy wants ALL of his kids to feel welcome bring race, creed, or transgender.

 

JD,, I did not attend the Palm Springs event last year, so do not know when it took place. But I exchanged PMs with QTR six months before last year's Washington event. She was very clear to many people about attending the D.C. event last year, especially using her real name. I talked to her a day or two after D.C. She has a very good time and did not mention any problems.

 

She may have been accepted much more because people know her from this site. So depending on when Palm Springs was held QTR may have been the first woman, not Coco.

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Now to the main topic of this post...

JD promoting wanting to be the 1st black EOY (as you have said Steven), but then complaining/taking issue about it when someone asks him about it, is contradictory and a bit disingenuous. I don't know you JD, but you seem to (to put it lightly) make mountains out of mole hills sometimes. Some of this is this your fault (because of your manner of approaching things) and some isn't. To put it bluntly, when you have a valid point some people glaze over what you post because of your manner/approach. It also doesn't help, that you have people coming on here contradicting things you claim. I can't speak for every case, but you have said things on this forum that are exaggerated. I don't know if you truly believe what you post sometimes, but you persist in saying them, when I know the claims are false. This all goes back to what I've mention to you before. So I'm going to have to +1 what Jeepo wrote.

 

Big,

 

Thank you for voicing your opinion in regards to the topic at hand, but feel to a certain extent you are dead wrong over a few comments you made, and need to clear the air on this as you or anyone else wasn't there when me and the client were discussing EOY business, so you really have no right to state I'm exaggerating anything or falsifying information to get attention as what your accusing me or labeling me of such intentions is not cool either. This thread(once again) was based on innocence, but I'm being made out to be of a big deal about something that I am curious view points on how to handle such situations in the future.

 

Pointing fingers stating I brought this on myself is not positive either(I hate to be blunt here, but going to anyway), but if this were Mike Gaite, Killian James or Alec Andrews or anyone else outside of me who were approaching this sort of issue, wouldn't be criticized in a harsh manner like what is being done to me.

 

Actually, it's amazing and appalling to me how Killian James(recently) gave out actually private and confidential information about me outside of my escorting career that was infuriating to see him expose me in such a manner which was unprofessional, and unethical.

 

In my view and those around me it's clearly unprofessional for an escort to expose another escorts private life or career outside of escorting in public. It's however amazing how he doesn't get condemned for that as if it were me who did that to him - I would have been literally crucified for it, but he does it, and wow no one gives him any beef about it as no it wasn't cool for someone to do that to me as it's plain disrespectful and never have done such disrespect to another escort or fellow brother in the business. See my point here? I hope so!!!

 

I know some of you guys who are so-called ANTI-JD would have that respect for them, please show the same for me as I am noticing the indifferences as well where if they mention something disturbing, they get a pat on the back, but when I mention a topic or disturbing issue, you guys wanna be somewhat harsh about it. Trust me - I'm not the only forum member who notices it, and at this point gonna address it as of now that I'm not gonna no longer sweep it under the rug as I do see that happen here a lot on the forum from those who are "ANTI-JD".

 

So, let's just cut to the chase with this, and not be on an attack or accuse me of contradicting myself on this thread as I'm not the one who implied such things - the client did as I was seeking advice here, not to be ridiculed and accused of seeking attention and sympathy. That's NOT the bases of what the thread is about here, and it's not going to be on this thread either.

 

I know it's harsh criticism, but you shouldn't be quick to criticize or indifferent that way towards"certain" people you may not care for as one thing I can say I don't do, and that's disrespect others by exposing private information on a public forum. Maybe we should address that being I was done awfully wrong in that department, and how no one mentions that.

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Hey boo!:D

 

See my point exactly, Folks. :D:D:D. Living Proof right here.

 

Hey Sweetheart.

 

Thanks for stepping forward as you are a proud example how diversity is of high importance, and glad you broke another barrier which happen to be in DC for the first time for a Transgender escort to attend and be well-loved, and accepted with high praise. Thank you, FTM for attending the luncheon, and being leading example in many areas of diversity. ;);)

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JD, you gotta understand at this point that anything you say here will be used against you in some way

 

it's super hero syndrome in full effect: those who lifted you up onto the pedestal will also be the ones who throw rocks to cause you to fall

 

my only advice is to not make yourself such a large target to hit. silence those who dislike you by ignoring them.

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First and foremost as I said before... when you post on a public forum expect praise, criticism, and everything in between. Not everyone will agree with what you or I post. You open up a topic... on a discussion board, you need to get over the fact people won't always sympathize with you.

 

You misunderstand the context of what I wrote. I never said or meant to imply that the racism you encountered at this particular event was your fault. I would never disregard your feelings about something so hurtful and bothersome. I addressed what your very own friend (Mr. Kessler) brought up about you wanting to be the 1st black EOY. With what he espouses on this board, I find it hard to believe he's misremembering whatever discussion you two had about EOY. Now you on the other hand have frequently claimed people are misremembering events when someone calls you out on an issue. And you know what the common denominator is... you. They all can't be lying or misremembering.

 

Did I say you were trying to get attention? I think that was Jeepo, but I do agree with what he said. So you want view points... well my point is you write these long posts and your approach is much to be desired sometimes. Which has been stated by the very same people you call your friends on the board. They advise you to let it go or change your approach, but here we are yet again.

 

Talk to your friends about it, if something is emotionally bothering you. Don't post it on a discussion board where you have all types of people for you and against.

 

And yes you exaggerate. How many times have you claimed someone was your friend and gushed about them like you are tighter than tight? However, in reality you only met them once or spoken to them once or twice. I'm sorry if those I'm speaking of reads this and is upset, but I'm personally fed up with it. My problem with this is you're bringing them up and use them as examples... and frankly it sometimes comes across as you using their rep to boost your exposure or prove a point. You won EOY by any means necessary. Stand on your on merit dude. Stop using others. if you have been escorting as long as you claim, apparently you must be good at it. You won't need someone else to boost you.

 

I'm not sure what KJ said, but you just verified it. I can't speak on something I don't know to be true or accurate. I don't condone him giving out personal info. If you have an issue with him report it. I can't do anything but say I don't agree with what he may have did or didn't do.

 

As for Alec and Mike... the reason they don't get attacked the way you do is because they don't say or do the things you do to fellow escorts and members of the forum. And if you were paying attention Alec has gotten criticism on this board just not overtly. Mike somehow has avoided it entirely.

 

Look I know you're sensitive about race. I sympathize with you on that. You finally got your wish and are EOY... good on you.

 

But you know what... I'm done. I want to say so much more, but you go off on tangents not relating to what I posted and I can spend time more constructively. I'm sure you'll respond to this post in some manner, but I for one will never respond to anything you post again be it I'm trying to be helpful or voice my opinion.

 

Good luck to you in the future.

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WHY ARE YOU PLAYING THE "RACE" CARD?

To be blunt: You're in a room of mostly faggots. Playing the "I'm a downtrodden minority" just doesn't work in this venue. Don't you see that you being just as much a bigot as they are?

 

Sending an alert, having the matter cleaned up, and then beating up on the people that caused the alert is just being an asshole.

 

Why don't you stop before you dig the hole any deeper?

http://drrichswier.com/wp-content/uploads/Bigots-e1425162012202.jpg

Big,

...

Pointing fingers stating I brought this on myself is not positive either(I hate to be blunt here, but going to anyway), but if this were Mike Gaite, Killian James or Alec Andrews or anyone else outside of me who were approaching this sort of issue, wouldn't be criticized in a harsh manner like what is being done to me.

...

Actually, it's amazing and appalling to me how [retracted] gave out actually private and confidential information about me outside of my escorting career that was infuriating to see him expose me in such a manner which was unprofessional, and unethical.

...

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Steven ... let me refresh your memory a little bit to how our "initial" conversation to all of this in the beginning "really" played out as I do need to correct something here more in detail that you didn't mention in your post: YES, I remember we were at your house discussing the fact of me being the first African-American EOY, but you mistaken my intention by saying it was a main "desire" and for which it wasn't the only focus. My main desire actually was to somewhat break barriers. ..Yes, I might have thought back in the early part of last year that breaking another barrier such as being the 1st African-American "Escort Of The Year" would be ONE of the many prime achievements, but wasn't a main "desire" .... What I find more confusing at best and manipulative at worse here is not getting the FULL grasp of why I corrected or "challenged" the client.

 

JD, this is bullshit.

 

You wanted to be the first African American escort of the year. Period. You stated that directly and clearly to me at least dozens of times. Period. There have been repeated posts stating that you aggressively campaigned to be the first African American escort of the year in a way that no one ever has before. I can't think of one person I know who does not believe this to be true. Many people have said it on the forum. Many more say it privately. Period.

 

Even in your posts on this thread, you have stated, repeatedly, that you wanted to be the first African American escort of the year, that it is wonderful, and it has broken down barriers and made a difference in terms of the response you are getting from clients. In other words, you have accomplished exactly what you set out to do. Good for you. I'm happy for you. If you now want to use that as a platform to discuss further and broader ideas for diversity, good for you. I welcome that. It is needed.

 

I also stated when I voted for you that I'm not a fan of "entitlement." In part, what that meant is that I voted for you because you are an exceptional escort, and you deserved to win, because you are an exceptional escort, and not simply because you were somehow entitled to win because of your race. The flip side of that is what I am expressing now. It is perfectly fine for you to want to be the first African American escort of the year. But that does not entitle you to then challenge or "correct" a client who simply asks you, "How does it feel to be the first African American escort of the year?" You are saying that YOU are allowed to make race an explicit issue, but they are not - except, perhaps, when it comes to voting for you. Putting caveats around what everybody here knows to be true - "YES, I wanted to be the first Black EOY, but that was not my "main" desire" - is simply bullshit.

 

There are aspects of this issue that are very complex and ambiguous. Is it really okay for Blacks to use the "N" word freely, but if Whites use it, it's racism? A lot of people feel very different about that. Is it insensitive to say you have a big Black cock, when saying you have a big cock would suffice? Yes, it probably is. I'll agree that simply saying what I said - that it's great that a Black man wants to be EOY and worked hard for it - could be viewed as insensitive, because it perhaps implies other Blacks don't work hard. Stated differently, when dealing with race, one simply can't be too sensitive. But the further you go down this line of wanting (some would say demanding) perfect sensitivity, the more likely it will backfire and cause backlash. To me, you are now way over the line. You spent a year running a campaign that, at its core, was based on the idea that Black escorts deserve just as much recognition and reward as other escorts for their exceptional work. You are correct. You won. You deserved to win. So don't now tell us that we need to be corrected if we ask "How does it feel to be the first Black escort of the year?" You wanted it. You go it. Be happy, my friend.

 

I would feel much better if you launched this thread by saying something like this: A client asked me how I felt to be the first Black escort of the year. I responded: "It feels wonderful! I love it! But it also makes me even more committed to tear down barriers for ALL of us. How do YOU think we can do that?" Instead of pulling a client you have known for 12 years into a positive campaign, this sounds like a negative campaign to simply label him as insensitive. Where does that get you, or us?

 

The reason you are getting pushback that this sounds like self-serving, self-absorbed bullshit is that it sounds like self-serving, self-absorbed bullshit. If you want to spend the year doing that, be my guest. But if you want to spend the year breaking down old barriers, don't start it by building new ones. In even terser terms, you need to go back to the drawing board if your goal is to have a discussion about how we are PRO-diversity, and not about how we are ANTI-JD.

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She may have been accepted much more because people know her from this site. So depending on when Palm Springs was held QTR may have been the first woman, not Coco.

 

Also, was Coco in Palm Springs as a client, or was she there to promote her employer (or herself)? The latter might have rubbed some people the wrong way.

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