Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures

[+ Gar1eth]

I'm not sure how much of my history to go into for the newbies. But a brief recap may be In order. I was total virgin (no men, no women, no animals) until the age of 41. I looked at the escort sites for about 6 or 7 years until I finally screwed my courage to the sticking point, hired, and lost my virginity to an escort (as a plus he taught me how to kiss too)!!

 

After I hired for various reasons, I only had sex with escorts for the following 9 years. My first time to have sex with a non escort was in 2009. Since then I've managed to have non escort sex occasionally. And occasionally -maybe about 4 or 5 times in 6 years I've managed to have encounters with a few really handsome guys. Guys who could be escorts. However most of the time the guys I've had sex with are just average which I guess I should be thankful for since I'm on the sub average side in looks.

 

In general though my experience on the hook up apps is that 9 times out of 10, anyone I'm even remotely attracted to and try to hook-up with, I've done the pursuing. The occasional guy who is interested in me, I'm usually not interested in. The main reason being I'm not attracted to guys as 'weighty' as I am. I'm not saying someone has to be svelte. I just like guys at least in a little better shape than I am. There is also a physical reason. I'm not very well endowed. And the larger a guy is, the more trouble I have topping them.

 

But as sure as it rains 80% of the time in Seattle, if someone contacts me, they are usually as 'portly' as I am or greater. I hate that it bothers me. I know how upsetting it is to hear that from guys I'm interested in. I do my best to try to be polite when I turn down guys. I try to avoid saying it's due to their weight. That may not be honest. But it's nothing they are going to be able to do anything about right then.

 

So I've been in a dry spell lately. I can't really find anyone interested or if they are-we find we are perfect for one another-and neither one of us can host.

 

Then this week something interesting and unprecedented happened. I finally found four different guys who seemed interested in me. I think I pursued all of them initally although one turned out to be really excited about meeting. But after texting with them, I had to turn them down. The reason I didn't meet any of them was because they didn't like to kiss. They basically wanted me to top them and that was it. I could have topped them. But it would have been like, if you'll pardon the expression, jerking off with my left hand when I'm used to jerking if with my right. I could do it-and it would have felt ok I guess. But it always seems wrong, as if something is missing. Basically I hate having sex without kissing. Maybe if I were mid teens 16 or in my 20's, kissing wouldn't matter so much. All I'd want to do is cum. But I'm not, and it does matter.

 

Having the apps on my phone, makes things even worse because, there are all these handsome guys most of whom are not interested in me. Even most of the average guys aren't interested in me.

 

So tonight I started thinking. I live about 20 miles from the city of Seatac which is where the Seattle Airport is. Around the airport are a lot of hotels. It seemed to me that there might be a few lonely gay men staying in the hotels using the hook up apps to try to find someone. So I wonder if one of these nights I could try parking at a restaurant along the main street in Seatac, and just see whether I might be able to hook-up with a traveler. There's a much better than even chance I won't have any better luck than I do at home. But at least I'll be able to look at different handsome men who don't want me as opposed to the same old same old ones around where I live.

 

Gman

[curiousnomore]

Don't get discouraged Gman. The right guy will show up when you least expect him.

[+ Gar1eth]

Don't get discouraged Gman. The right guy will show up when you least expect him.

 

I appreciate the encouragement. My immediate thought is that at the moment, I need Mr. Right Now as I have grave doubts Mr. The One And Only will ever show up.

 

They say there is truth in wine. You can get the same effect sans alcohol by being exhausted and awake for 16 or more hours. And the unfortunate truth is, as much as it hurts, I think I'm too damaged for a long term relationship. That would be fine. Many people aren't cut out for relationships. If only I could get my heart to stop yearning for one and learn to enjoy being alone.

 

Gman

[Reluctant Daddy]

Gman, rather then looking for a possible relationship through hookup apps, did you ever look into dating sites? Maybe the guy for you is thinking the same thing.

[+ Truereview]

I'm taking Gman at his word. He is looking for Mr. Right Now.

 

Gman, I think positioning yourself in a niche market where your odds increase for f&cking and kissing without paying for it is not desperate, but savvy. Don't give a sh!t about how it looks to others. We are not you, and you know your circumstances best. Just one thought: don't park and wait in your car, instead find a diner and order a coffee and get free refills. It will be a heck of a lot warmer and comfy than your car. Please report back! Experiment away, Gman!

[jawjateck]

Let us know how it goes. That would give me an excuse to visit the airport IHOP. Have a stack of pancakes, then help a traveler in his time of need. Altruism rocks!

[+ José Soplanucas]

I do not think G is looking for a relationship. Changing location to change your possible preys is savvy. However, you do not need to drive somewhere else to do it. I use a4a. You can change location staying in your place and scout if there is anyone interesting/interested.

[BaronArtz]

Gman, which apps are you using? There are so many of them ... and while some are 'generalist', others are more geared towards a specific type. Could working with a new app help discover a new market for you?

[+ Gar1eth]

Ahh so much to reply to.

 

Gman, rather then looking for a possible relationship through hookup apps, did you ever look into dating sites? Maybe the guy for you is thinking the same thing.

 

Four years ago, on the advice of a therapist, I joined OkCupid. I was on ok OkCupid for months. As far as I can remember no one that the stupid app matched me with was interested. I figured out that unfortunately while my answers might match a particular persons likes/needs, my looks didn't. I also received nothing but no's from people on OkCupid that I liked and whom their algorithms did not specifically match me up to.

 

 

I do not think G is looking for a relationship. Changing location to change your possible preys is savvy. However, you do not need to drive somewhere else to do it. I use a4a. You can change location staying in your place and scout if there is anyone interesting/interested.

 

The problem with that being if I did find someone 20 miles from me, they might not want to wait the time it would take for me to get there.

 

Gman, which apps are you using? There are so many of them ... and while some are 'generalist', others are more geared towards a specific type. Could working with a new app help discover a new market for you?

 

Ahh Baron-how many apps-let me but count the ways-ie enumerate the different ones and my experiences on them.

 

Scruff-I haven't met anyone on there interested in me in years.

 

Growlr-the majority of the guys on there have my physique or are larger-which I've already said I'm not interested in. The fewer good looking guys mainly seem to be fellow tops and/or looking for chasers. But I've met a very few guys on there.

 

Mister X the app equivalent of Daddy Hunt-too many guys looking for chasers or they are tops. And there aren't a lot of guys in my area on it. I've met probably 5 people from it in 5 years of being on it.

 

Grindr-I've met guys in the past surprisingly. But the majority of guys on it are youngsters seeking other good looking youngsters.

 

Adam4Adam-almost every guy I've thought was good looking on there is not interested in me. In 5 or 6 years of being on there, I've had one semi-successful hook-up. I described it months ago. I wasn't able to perform satisfactorily due to the lack of a bed and being underendowed. That guy isn't on there often and when he is, he has ignored me now (as I predicted in spite of the polyannas here on the Forum who were sure he'd invite me back).

 

Bear411-I've met a few guys on it over the years-the majority of guys though are again my size or larger -and again I seem to have an almost unerring form of gaydar which I call 'fellow-topdar'. If I like someone on there, there seems to be a 70-80% chance they are fellow tops.

 

I haven't tried Manhunt in years. My recollection is that there weren't that many guys I was attracted to, the few who were attracted to me, I wasn't that attracted to, and if lo and behold we did like each other neither of us could host.

 

Likewise I haven't been on SilverDaddies in years. Mostly older out of shape guys like me.

 

Using all these apps, if I remember correctly, I went through a three month dry spell over the summer. And actually come to think of it, since October, I've probably only managed to meet 3 people from using all these apps/websites with only one of the guys being very compatible with me. And after two meetings he dropped me like a hot potato. He had an out of town boyfriend and decided he was too conflicted to keep seeing me. Or that's what he said-maybe it was me.

 

In any case-y'all might be saying my standards are too high. I need to accept being with guys my size or larger. Well that doesn't work for two reasons. #1. Mini me is not going to perform if I'm not attracted to the guy. I've had failures even when I like the guy and that's with Viagra and it's kinfolk.

 

#2. The larger the guy, the bigger the buttocks--and being on the underendowed side of the equation-Mini Me will not be long enough to reach the 'slot'

 

As for my attractiveness quotient on the apps. It's obviously very low. I'm suffering under the following handicaps (I realize I'm not unique with these, but here we go) I'm fat, I'm bald, I'm not particularly handsome, I'm older than 50, I'm underendowed, kissing is almost a 100% must, I don't really want to bareback, I'm fairly vanilla in my likes, I'm not into rimming at all, I perform oral only reluctantly, and I can't host. To add to all this, I live in a city of only 220,000 or so. Seattle is there in the distance but it's 35 miles away. Even if there were guys slightly interested from Seattle, they can find tons of similar guys in their own backyard.

 

Now possibly if I were in average shape, I might attract a few more guys (still have the face to deal with unfortunately) And if I were a muscle bear, I'm sure I'd attract scads more guys.

 

But it's not going to happen. I started telling myself I needed to get myself in shape when I was 14. And it hasn't happened yet. It's only slightly more likely to happen than my bald head suddenly sprouting hair.

 

Gman

[bigvalboy]

Gman...you're killin me here. We've talked about all of this...how many times?

[+ Truereview]

<shouting at the top of my lungs> Airport! Airport! Airport!

[+ José Soplanucas]

Indeed, too much to reply.

Dear G, the only thing you let us to conclude is that you ARE desperate. So just go ahead with your plan.

Besides that, the only thing I can add is that we cannot control the others, we cannot control the world, but we can exercise a certain level of control on ourselves. If you gave up on your looks (you have no idea how much I can relate, losing weight is my every new year failed decision), at least try to check your attitude and find what things are attractive in you. I can tell that at least your wittiness and intelligence are some of your sexy qualities.

[+ purplekow]

G man, Why would you think that anyone would want to be with someone who presents such a dour disposition with no discernible sense of humor and little self esteem. I do not know you and they manner in which you present yourself here makes me think that not knowing you is a good thing,

Find something good about yourself and then develop that. Offer something other than a small cock and an unhappy, lonely, humorless individual and you might find a guy willing to take a chance on you. Until you have something of substance to offer, you will remain, where you are, stuck in a self indulgent and self pitying quagmire.

 

Back to your original question, get a hotel room for the weekend at the airport, or wherever you think you are going to make a hook up. Get on the apps and wait it out. After the weekend is over, you will know whether this is a worthwhile way to spend your time and money.

You can be anyone you want on that app and my suggestion is that you do not present the person you present here or you will be wasting your time.

[Mikegaite]

I agree with PK. Get a hotel room by seatac for this Sunday night and charge it to me since I'll need one there anyways that night. I'll be there around 11:30 pm. I have a bdsm session earlier that night so I will be coming over a little banged and bruised up, but I should still be eager for it. We can work something out, and I'm sure you can crowdfund it. I'm not the hottest guy in the world, but I'm not a bad backup plan for the evening :-).

[bigvalboy]

I agree with PK. Get a hotel room by seatac for this Sunday night and charge it to me since I'll need one there anyways that night. I'll be there around 11:30 pm. I have a bdsm session earlier that night so I will be coming over a little banged and bruised up, but I should still be eager for it. We can work something out, and I'm sure you can crowdfund it. I'm not the hottest guy in the world, but I'm not a bad backup plan for the evening .

 

Gman...are you listening?

[YoungAD]

Gman...you're killin me here. We've talked about all of this...how many times?

 

G man, Why would you think that anyone would want to be with someone who presents such a dour disposition with no discernible sense of humor and little self esteem. I do not know you and they manner in which you present yourself here makes me think that not knowing you is a good thing,

Find something good about yourself and then develop that. Offer something other than a small cock and an unhappy, lonely, humorless individual and you might find a guy willing to take a chance on you. Until you have something of substance to offer, you will remain, where you are, stuck in a self indulgent and self pitying quagmire.

 

Back to your original question, get a hotel room for the weekend at the airport, or wherever you think you are going to make a hook up. Get on the apps and wait it out. After the weekend is over, you will know whether this is a worthwhile way to spend your time and money.

You can be anyone you want on that app and my suggestion is that you do not present the person you present here or you will be wasting your time.

 

Indeed. Gman will not ever find happiness or love because he is not searching for either of those things. What he wants is pity.

 

Gman...are you listening?

 

I highly doubt it.

[mike carey]

I'm not the hottest guy in the world, but I'm not a bad backup plan for the evening

Mike, you're entitled to your own opinion about your hotness, others no doubt have theirs too. You are, however, one of the sweetest guys there is.

Gman...are you listening?

Gman, if you're not listening, you should be, and you should be acting on it.

[rvwnsd]

Hey, Gman!

 

I think your plan to hang out near the Seatac airport hotels makes sense. I also think taking Mike Gaite up on his suggestion makes sense.

 

Tell us how that turns out.

[+ nycman]

I'm not the hottest guy in the world, but I'm not a bad backup plan for the evening .

 

Wait...NYC to SEA...Sunday...DONE....if G turns you down....I am ALL OVER that deal.....

 

A whipped, battered, and bruised Mike Gaite crawling into my bed at 11:30pm at an airport hotel????.....oh HELL YES!

 

Grin

[+ WmClarke]

Go for it!!! You have nothing to lose!

 

And as for getting in shape, (1) you don't have to get in perfect shape, just better than you are now, and (2) it's never too late to start getting in a better (not perfect, just better) physical shape. I didn't start until I was 50. And, yes, the sex is better.

 

Since you can't host, get thee to an airport hotel! Stat!!!

[+ Gar1eth]

I appreciate some of these helpful comments. Truly I do. However I really dislike being taken to task when I'm being honest about myself. Look at the way we judge escorts here on their appearances as well as their 'short' comings and 'long' comings. Even if most of the guys on the apps aren't hiring escorts, do you think they are any less choosy on the guys they hook up with?

 

I am not the ugliest guy in the world. I'm also not quite as sad sack in person as I talk about here on the Forum-maybe close but not quite. Most people find me fairly pleasant to be around and occasionally even amusing. However, I know my failings. I don't sugarcoat them. Most of the therapists I've been to have always remarked on my insight into myself. My main problem with that is I don't really seem to be able to act on my insight. But my insights are accurate.

 

As for Mr. Gaite's offer-frankly I'm flabbergasted. Apparently all the praises he's received on the Forum about being an incredible guy are true, I'm really not sure why he didn't win EOY (no offense meant to JD). He should have at least garnered the 2015 Escort Congeniality Award (of course I guess a major impediment to that is that there is no Escort Congeniality Award). Maybe Daddy can start it for 2016.

 

Gman

[gallahadesquire]

Third try: Buck up and get on with it. "Stay the way you are or get over it" was a sign at my Mom's. It might have said "Stay the way you are and get over it," but neither makes much sense.

 

I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - alan greenspan.

[+ Gar1eth]

Third try: Buck up and get on with it. "Stay the way you are or get over it" was a sign at my Mom's. It might have said "Stay the way you are and get over it," but neither makes much sense.

 

I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - alan greenspan.

 

I'm sure she was a lovely woman. But we probably wouldn't have gotten along as long as the sign was posted. It's overly simplistic.

 

Gman

[josh282282]

Hey Gman,

 

I hear your pain.

I am sending you all the

positive good vibes I can muster.

And I can muster a lot.

 

You write:

I'm fat

 

What's your BMI?

Or (pardon me for the insensitivity) if you don't know it, what's your height and weight? From these two parameters your BMI can be obtained.

 

I ask because one of the several bariatric surgeries currently available might be of clinical benefit to you. Typically, gastric bypass surgeries are indicated for BMIs greater than 39, but 35 is sometimes used as a criteria. The field of surgical weight loss has advanced significantly these past 15 yrs and the medical communities skill in this area is quite impressive. You could do quite well with this procedure.

 

I should know. I have 3 gay friends who have lost a total of HUNDREDS of pounds between the 3 of them after their surgeries. They look fantastic. And they are way more popular with men than prior to their surgeries.

 

With some weight loss, you may be elevated to an entirely different group of available guys, guys who not only only you find attractive, but they in you. Bariatric surgery could be a true game changer for you.

 

Maybe you could discuss this with your primary care physician?

 

Feel free to PM me if you want more details of what I've seen. Well, anyone on this forum can.

 

Good luck, man. I wish you nothing but the best.

[+ LIguy]

Gman, I know exactly how you feel and what I do on occasion is drive 10-20 miles from home and get a room in a motel or hotel for an afternoon,evening or for a night and using my laptop placing Craigslist ads and phone apps I cruise for a hookup or 2 . I've had some awesome times and trust me I am NOT a looker. Most successful hookups were in the very late night(midnight to 3am)time frame and the afterwork 5 - 7 pm time. Not everytime was a success but had enough good times to do it on occasion.