My Two Heads Are In Opposition

[ZCochrane]

I am a middle aged senior high public school biology teacher. But I'm not currently teaching. In general my likes are for 'guys' from the late 20's on up. The older I get though my tastes have started to range a bit younger but nothing illegal. And I still like older guys.

 

I'm on Grindr and this 19 year old has continued to text me. He likes older guys. He says he's had sex before which is good as I'm not into deflowering a virgin. He has an average physique.

 

Normally I wouldn't look at a guy this age. I mean occasionally there is a cute high school guy. But I never act on it. I figure it's the same as straight guys acknowledging a very pretty high school beauty queen but not ever acting on it.

 

The youngest guy I've been with as an older adult was last year and was either 20 or 21.

 

This guy is 19. He's out of public school and working. I have to admit I'm intrigued. But I'm also weirded out because he's only a year older than students I normally teach.

 

As a teacher I could get in if trouble if this guy, Juan, were still in school. But he's not, and I'm not currently teaching. I'm taking a year off in preparation for starting on a doctorate in education . Also he's never been a student at my school. So legally I'm safe that way. The age of consent in my state is 16.

 

The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

[Guest]

The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

 

The answer is no, if you're sure he's 19. Now, you do want to be a little careful, and verify his age if you have any doubts, before doing anything. I too am rarely attracted to men under 23 or so, but sometimes there will be a 19 year old who is either so well built or who has dark hair and blue eyes that I find myself attracted to him. I must confess I was attracted to Logan Lerman even as far back as The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and I think he was 19 when that was filmed. Of course, he's even more attractive now. See also the "Young and Ripped" string I recently put up in the Gallery. It's one of my most popular strings, and gathered a large number of hits quite quickly. Again, I'm not usually attracted to 19 year-old but some physiques are truly exceptional. Nothing wrong or illegal about that. No doubt but that a 19 year-old is certainly old enough to consent to sexual activity.

[+ quoththeraven]

Will it bother you afterward that he's only a year older than your students would be if you were teaching? If not, ask him for proof of age and only accept a photo ID.

 

The age of consent is 16 where I live too, but it varies. Irrespective of age of consent, I'm uncomfortable with someone who's middle-aged or older being with someone under 18 because of the age, power and maturity gap. In your case, if it somehow became generally known and he's actually between 16 and 18, it could lead to questions as to whether you lust after students. But I assume you mention it to show he's several years over the age of consent.

[+ honcho]

The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

 

I've mentioned in another thread about the writer Christopher Isherwood being 30 years older than his partner

Don Bachardy, they having met when Bachardy was 18. So I'd say it's possible, not stupid, but not probable

to expect anything more than a hot date with a 19 year old.

[rvwnsd]

Meeting up with this guy would probably not be a stupid idea, per se, unless he turned out to be under age. However, you said you are weirded out because he is only a year older than the students you would teach were you not taking a year off. There's your answer: you would be weirded out if you had sex with him.

 

My advice is to go with your gut and walk away.

[+ sync]

I agree with Unicorn. It's only a date, not a commitment.

[+ WilliamM]

 

This guy is 19. He's out of public school and working. I have to admit I'm intrigued. But I'm also weirded out because he's only a year older than students I normally teach.

 

As a teacher I could get in if trouble if this guy, Juan, were still in school. But he's not, and I'm not currently teaching. I'm taking a year off in preparation for starting on a doctorate in education . Also he's never been a student at my school. So legally I'm safe that way. The age of consent in my state is 16.

 

The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

 

I am not a teacher, but I completely understand your situation. IMHO he's too close in age to your students.

 

Your question was very helpful in thinking about a current issue in my life, so thank you.

[+ poolboy48220]

I'm with Unicorn and Sync. One of my most fun encounters was when I was 42, I was picked up by a 19-year-old in the bar, very agressively (not that I'm complaining about that). He flirted, I bought him a drink, and he put my hand down the front of his pants while we were waiting for our drinks. We didn't finish our drinks, headed home, and didn't even make it upstairs before we were all over each other. It may not last for more than a few dates, but have fun.

[Samai139]

The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

[Samai139]

"]The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

 

I am a retired teacher and can relate to your mental turmoil in some respects. You have not given your age and so I'll guess it is somewhere between 30 and 50 which would make you from 10 to 30 years older than he claims to be. Can a 19/20/21 year old find a man your age attractive? Sure. It depends on your appearance, personality, financial situation, etc. and his maturity, motivation and experience.

Would you be stupid to hook up with this young guy? Yes, if you did it impulsively and without taking some precautions and put yourself in a compromising position. But I think you already know the answer to your question. And I'll leave it at that. Good Luck.

[jackjackjack]

With the caveat that he's over 18....Go for it!!!! If it's fun when you meet, great. If not, so be it. You tried. At least you won't look back a year from now and say, 'Damn. I should have met that 19 you when I had a chance.'

[+ bashful]

I think it would depend on how closely you associate him with your students. Stay off slippery slopes.

[+ Keith30309]

Meeting up with this guy would probably not be a stupid idea, per se, unless he turned out to be under age. However, you said you are weirded out because he is only a year older than the students you would teach were you not taking a year off. There's your answer: you would be weirded out if you had sex with him.

 

My advice is to go with your gut and walk away.

 

What do you know to be fact - it doesn't sound like you've met him and know his age or location for certain. It seems like the perception that could be created were your involvement to become known to those in your field (Education) could become strongly negative to your career and more... the appearance of sexual impropriety of a teacher (albeit, on hiatus) and a student (albeit recently graduated, he says) screams "high risk" to me. If it were me I'd walk away, or at least press the 'pause' button and allow some time to pass.

[Kuriousity]

I am a middle aged senior high public school biology teacher. But I'm not currently teaching. In general my likes are for 'guys' from the late 20's on up. The older I get though my tastes have started to range a bit younger but nothing illegal. And I still like older guys.

 

I'm on Grindr and this 19 year old has continued to text me. He likes older guys. He says he's had sex before which is good as I'm not into deflowering a virgin. He has an average physique.

 

Normally I wouldn't look at a guy this age. I mean occasionally there is a cute high school guy. But I never act on it. I figure it's the same as straight guys acknowledging a very pretty high school beauty queen but not ever acting on it.

 

The youngest guy I've been with as an older adult was last year and was either 20 or 21.

 

This guy is 19. He's out of public school and working. I have to admit I'm intrigued. But I'm also weirded out because he's only a year older than students I normally teach.

 

As a teacher I could get in if trouble if this guy, Juan, were still in school. But he's not, and I'm not currently teaching. I'm taking a year off in preparation for starting on a doctorate in education . Also he's never been a student at my school. So legally I'm safe that way. The age of consent in my state is 16.

 

The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

 

 

My opinion is "go mid-20s". 19 is a little too close for comfort legal age-wise. My view is that if they claim they are 19, there is even odds he may actually be 16....pass this one up.

[+ purplekow]

A patient of mine student teacher at the age of 24 met a young lady at a local club. They wound up spending the night together and she wound up being 16 and a student at his school. He is now on a sex offenders list and lost his job and moved away as his name was smeared in the local papers while hers was never mentioned as she was a minor Point being, be very very very very very very careful. A roll in the hay is not worth the consequences that taking a misstep might incur.

If he is 19 and you really need it, go for it. But if you are attracting 19 year olds, chances are you are attractive enough to date 24 year olds who look 19. Much better than a 17 year old who looks 19.

[instudiocity]

Playing a bit of The Devil's Advocate here, but how do you know this isn't a police sting operation? It could be your 19 year old is a cop trolling daddies with hottie bait.

[rvwnsd]

My opinion is "go mid-20s". 19 is a little too close for comfort legal age-wise. My view is that if they claim they are 19, there is even odds he may actually be 16....pass this one up.

Excellent advice! One intense night could become one intense nightmare.

 

 

Playing a bit of The Devil's Advocate here, but how do you know this isn't a police sting operation? It could be your 19 year old is a cop trolling daddies with hottie bait.

 

I contemplated this possibility, but the guy states he is 19. Nothing illegal with an adult having sex with a 19 year old that turns out to be older than 19. It is when they are younger that trouble starts.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I am a middle aged senior high public school biology teacher. But I'm not currently teaching. In general my likes are for 'guys' from the late 20's on up. The older I get though my tastes have started to range a bit younger but nothing illegal. And I still like older guys.

 

I'm on Grindr and this 19 year old has continued to text me. He likes older guys. He says he's had sex before which is good as I'm not into deflowering a virgin. He has an average physique.

 

Normally I wouldn't look at a guy this age. I mean occasionally there is a cute high school guy. But I never act on it. I figure it's the same as straight guys acknowledging a very pretty high school beauty queen but not ever acting on it.

 

The youngest guy I've been with as an older adult was last year and was either 20 or 21.

 

This guy is 19. He's out of public school and working. I have to admit I'm intrigued. But I'm also weirded out because he's only a year older than students I normally teach.

 

As a teacher I could get in if trouble if this guy, Juan, were still in school. But he's not, and I'm not currently teaching. I'm taking a year off in preparation for starting on a doctorate in education . Also he's never been a student at my school. So legally I'm safe that way. The age of consent in my state is 16.

 

The question being is it stupid to hook up with a 19 year old.

 

I am also a teacher and perfectly relate to your experience. I would never act on any of my students, but now and then a few of them may get casted in my masturbatory fantasies. Maybe this 19 y.o. is your chance to enact your fantasies and have a role play.

In one of my visits to the strippers club one of the boys, hot and very young looking, was trying to give me a lap dance. I told him I was uncomfortable because I was a teacher and he looked as young as my students. He whispered in my ear "Mr. teacher, I need an A". That was one of the hottest lap dances I ever had.

[MikeyGMin]

If you're going to do it, you really should tell him ahead of time that you're going to want to see an ID. I have a friend who unabashedly likes them just barely legal. He is in his early thirties and does just fine on Grindr, but he tells them when they set up the meet that he's going to want to see identification. He hasn't had any of them refuse and it's kept him from being deported.

[ZCochrane]

A patient of mine student teacher at the age of 24 met a young lady at a local club. They wound up spending the night together and she wound up being 16 and a student at his school. He is now on a sex offenders list and lost his job and moved away as his name was smeared in the local papers while hers was never mentioned as she was a minor Point being, be very very very very very very careful. A roll in the hay is not worth the consequences that taking a misstep might incur.

If he is 19 and you really need it, go for it. But if you are attracting 19 year olds, chances are you are attractive enough to date 24 year olds who look 19. Much better than a 17 year old who looks 19.

 

I'm 58. And while the occasional young one likes me, it's not because I'm attractive. It's due to me being a Daddy type.

 

I looked into the law. As long as you aren't in a position of authority over an underage person (e.g. not their teacher), the legal age of consent is 16. I'm hoping I can tell if the guy looks 15.

 

 

If you're going to do it, you really should tell him ahead of time that you're going to want to see an ID. I have a friend who unabashedly likes them just barely legal. He is in his early thirties and does just fine on Grindr, but he tells them when they set up the meet that he's going to want to see identification. He hasn't had any of them refuse and it's kept him from being deported.

 

I'm not fond of skinny actually underage or underage looking twinks. I will definitely ask to see ID before anything happens.

[tyro]

I'm 58. And while the occasional young one likes me, it's not because I'm attractive. It's due to me being a Daddy type.

 

I looked into the law. As long as you aren't in a position of authority over an underage person (e.g. not their teacher), the legal age of consent is 16. I'm hoping I can tell if the guy looks 15.

 

 

 

 

I'm not fond of skinny actually underage or underage looking twinks. I will definitely ask to see ID before anything happens.

It sounds like you're keeping your wits about you.

T

[+ friendofsheila]

I think it's smart of you to be getting outside opinions.

 

Miss Manners says, "When in doubt, don't."

[+ friendofsheila]

If you're going to do it, you really should tell him ahead of time that you're going to want to see an ID. .

 

I like the idea of communicating openly to this person, especially about your trepidations.

He might be smart enough to respect you.

 

And..... he might also be wily enough to have a fake i.d. for some purpose.

 

So I guess there's no easy answer from my perspective.

[ZCochrane]

I like the idea of communicating openly to this person, especially about your trepidations.

He might be smart enough to respect you.

 

And..... he might also be wily enough to have a fake i.d. for some purpose.

 

So I guess there's no easy answer from my perspective.

 

He might. But unless it's specifically to meet guys, a fake ID saying you are 19 doesn't get you much. The drinking age is still 21 which is the usual reason for a fake ID. And again there's usually a big difference between 15 and 19. If the age of consent were 17, or 18 as it is in California, I'd be more worried and wouldn't even think about it.

[AndreFuture]

If age/legality was just the issue, I'd say go for it. But I respect the awkwardness you raise that he reminds you of your students. Knowing how I am and how my mind works, if I was in your position I would say no because that thought would distract from whatever fun I could be having with him. If you're having doubts now, it sounds like you'd have the same reaction.

 

A similar issue from the other side: I appreciate older/daddy types, but not literal "you look like my daddy" types, if you know what I mean. Even if I think a guy is attractive, if he reminds me too much of my own dad (or in general, if a guy reminds me of a family member or close family friend), I keep them in my "don't bother" list. Not because I think there's anything inherently wrong with (the fantasy of) incest/whatever, but because I'm personally discomforted by it and my brain is a total sadist and will torment me with thoughts I don't want. I do my best to give it as little ammo as possible