an empty closet......

[+ glennnn]

I don't know to which forum this missive belongs,so please excuse me in advance if I've chosen the wrong one. (I know that rules are important!)

This can't be short, but I will try to condense. Many of you know that I am a 72 yo, married, bi guy who has been in the closet for all of 65 years,_hiding behind the outfit Pat Boone wore when he sang "Bernardine" in 1954. Until 3 months ago I had never had a sexual conversation, much less sexual contact with another man, but i wanted, no, needed it so badly. I stumbled on Daddys Forum abd began to ask questions

, naive, head-shaking qustions. At first, Deej thought I was too young to even be on the forum, but the love and advice I got here sent me to two amazing escorts, Nate in LA and Dane Scott where I found what I had been missing all of my life. I knew nothing, and they taught me so much! Indeed, gay sex was a basic need for me!

 

My second break through was to engage, Ron, my wonderful gay psychologist who has helped me to accept and, yes, love my attraction to men. This all started in September, 2015.

With many teasrs, laughs and fears, I have come to the door of my closet and recently I crossed through that portal when I told my wife of 44 years that I was bisexual and NEEDED m/m sex in my life, but this would ideally be in addition to our relations together. She cried! I cried! I emphasized that I love her and was not seeking a new living arrarangement. Thus amazing woman hugged me and told me we could work it out!

 

I am telling this poorly...the bottom line is I have been living in fear and anxiety for so long for nothing! I am not an vile, perverted person who needs to hide a major part of who I am (Not surprisingly I m a successful musician, actor, director, set and costume and make up designer) I am me, standing in front of an empty closet wondering what took so long. Special warm thanks to those of you who helped me (you know who you are), but universal gratitude to all of you who bitch, moan, kavetch and make thus forum work. I love you, Daddy!

[+ glennnn]

PS

I have booked lodging for Friday,_Saturday, Sunday nights for the Palm Springs

weekend. So far i have been promised and I am expecting a kiss, a couple of hugs, a roommate, a massage, a more intimate personal service, a date for a male strip revue and the chance to meet and offer my heartfelt thanks to what I picture as the crowd of buff, succulent young men I have been in communication with for several months. You know who you are. Don't make me post a list!!!!

[seaboy4hire]

Glen, this post just made me smile. One doesn't start living till they love and are true to themselves. It looks like you happily on your way! I hope the rest of the journey is full of love and laughter. Just remember folk, your never too old to come out, so long as its done on your terms.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Brian Kevin]

, a massage

 

*Smiles* :)

[tedbear]

Just remember folk, your never too old to come out, so long as its done on your terms.

 

Years ago, I met a guy in his 70's who was just coming out. He told me he remembered having a crush on a young guy all the way back in high school, in Dixon, Il. The young man was Ronald Reagan. It was unrequited love.

[Wolfer]

I am so happy for you and moved to tears. Thanks for keeping us updated! I won't be there for the weekend but meeting you is on my bucket list.

[+ Robster]

I'm so happy for you! And I'm looking forward to meeting you in Palm Springs. Add me to the list for one of those hugs.

 

Rob

[Moondance]

Dear Glennnn of Ns, we both started contributing to this Forum in September (and at such a pace that we are Lords-a-leaping in time for the holidays!) and I have always enjoyed reading your posts, mostly because you've been so open and generous in what you shared.

 

Life is complicated. Some people settle. Others make devastating errors in their attempts to get it right. I'm very glad to hear that neither of those things is happening to you--that you are finding your way through the woods of being true to yourself and true to those who love you best.

[+ glennnn]

We do have a mutual admiration society going. Thank you for your oh so sweet and encouraging comments. I would like to think that you, too, are making progress one brick at a time on that yellow road to Oz. I would be honored to be part of your journey.

 

BTW, aren't you one who owes me a kiss and/or hug?

[rocky]

Glennn, you are an inspiration. As some of you know my life is complicated, I have a secret life when

I get away on vacation and let my guard down, then back in my home area it's Rocky the man who

puts work before everything and didn't have time to find a girl. Alas, I find comfort in kind escorts to

cuddle, talk, yeah sex but more just to cuddle. Glennn, I do wish you the best, happiness is too

short lived, take care, Rocky

[+ Truereview]

Glennnn, what admire the most about you is your courage to tell the truth. The risk you've taken with your wife is valiant and, IMO, needed for your own development. I do hope that your partner has a way to express and cope with her own feelings about this? You found a professional and well as a forum and providers to help you with your journey. I hope she too is able to find a vehicle to understand what is happening. Big sloppy kiss to you and wishing you both the best, TR

[+ glennnn]

Rocky,

Thanks for the happy thoughts. I'm kind of dazed and wondering what happens next vis a vis my love and sex lives. My wife is my love and always will be, but now I can add some guy sex in. I must be careful and take it slow. The ex-closet world is full of possibilities, but also bright and scary.

 

I'm concerned about you! I don't know your age, health status, sexual preferences, etc.. But I do I Know that you are not getting the joy out of life that you should. I don't wish to butt in and I am no expert, but I offer my heart, wisdom?, and ears to you! We can chat here, via PM or on the telephone if you wish. I want to be a positive part of Daddy's Forum, and maybe pay back a little of the help I received. check your conversations. I'm available.

[rvwnsd]

Glennnn, that's great news! The fact that you came out to your wife is good, the fact that she is so accepting is wonderful. Good for you!!!

[+ glennnn]

Glennnn, what admire the most about you is your courage to tell the truth. The risk you've taken with your wife is valiant and, IMO, needed for your own development. I do hope that your partner has a way to express and cope with her own feelings about this? You found a professional and well as a forum and providers to help you with your journey. I hope she too is able to find a vehicle to understand what is happening. Big sloppy kiss to you and wishing you both the best, TR

 

Its all happened so fast (ha! It only took 65 years) but change, even if longed for, always catches us by surprise! I love your thoughtfulness, and I will encourage her to seek whatever help she needs. I hadn't gotten there yet. Hell! 48 hours ago, I was still crouching in the dark saying, "Someday!" Then I just couldn't wait anymore. We've been together as partners for 50 years, and her well being is critical to mine. Thanks for being her advocate, too. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could really both be content?

[+ Truereview]

Its all happened so fast (ha! It only took 65 years) but change, even if longed for, always catches us by surprise! I love your thoughtfulness, and I will encourage her to seek whatever help she needs. I hadn't gotten there yet. Hell! 48 hours ago, I was still crouching in the dark saying, "Someday!" Then I just couldn't wait anymore. We've been together as partners for 50 years, and her well being is critical to mine. Thanks for being her advocate, too. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could really both be content?

 

Two memories to share with you:

 

When I was 20, I bottomed for a man for the very first time in my life. I had had sex with men and women, but I had not tuned in to social messaging about age differences and a whole bunch of morality sh!t. Thank God. He was a gay man who had come out to his wife of 40 years and his three grown children. He had been out for 3 years. He had been in therapy for 7; he was 67. There was something about his soul and comfort with the complexity of his own reality that made him vulnerable yet so appealing. I had a lot it hangups about bottoming, and this man was put on my path to clear my head and soften my heart. I cried like a baby after he popped "my cherry." It really felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. He held me in his arms for hours. I will cherish that memory forever.

 

He passed away 3 years ago in his early 80s, surrounded by his loving family and his many lovers - including me. Lydia, his wife, came over to me and she said: you must be True. I sighed and burst out crying uncontrollably. She hugged me and whispered: you made him very, very happy. Thank you. That's the second memory I share with you. I take Lydia out to brunch anytime I'm in town and learn from her more every time.

 

Truth sets you free, love makes everything alright. Xoxo

[mike carey]

I get away on vacation and let my guard down, then back in my home area it's Rocky the man who puts work before everything and didn't have time to find a girl.

Similar here, although not the first part. I moved around a lot for work so I didn't have a 'home area' where I wanted or needed to keep my guard up. I did see many of the same people in my different work locations so the effect was similar. I 'put my work first and never found a girl' but I was unconsciously doing that to hide things from myself as much as from my colleagues. I'm now happily looking for, but not running after men to meet, including but not limited to escorts.

[+ glennnn]

Glennnn, what admire the most about you is your courage to tell the truth. The risk you've taken with your wife is valiant and, IMO, needed for your own development. I do hope that your partner has a way to express and cope with her own feelings about this? You found a professional and well as a forum and providers to help you with your journey. I hope she too is able to find a vehicle to understand what is happening. Big sloppy kiss to you and wishing you both the best, TR

 

I didn't plan to spring this on my wife right now. It just happened. I've asked her if she wants a counsellor of her own, or if she is willing to meet with mine, or if we could see a marriage/couples counsellor together. The whole thing is complicated by the urgency of the legal mess created by the fairly recent death of her mother and of course, the holiday season. What I hear is all of you cautioning me to PAY ATTENTION and do the right thing. I promise you I will! Thanks.

[+ Truereview]

I didn't plan to spring this on my wife right now. It just happened. I've asked her if she wants a counsellor of her own, or if she is willing to meet with mine, or if we could see a marriage/couples counsellor together. The whole thing is complicated by the urgency of the legal mess created by the fairly recent death of her mother and of course, the holiday season. What I hear is all of you cautioning me to PAY ATTENTION and do the right thing. I promise you I will! Thanks.

I have no doubt you wil do the right thing. Keep in mind that you, your wife,and your professional counselors are the best equipped to help! We will be here to brainstorm and support but you are the most qualified to guide your path. Again, smooches galore!

[+ Charlie]

Glenn, your post threw me back to one of my early experiences on this site, when I became good friends with someone with a similar history to yours. He had married at 22, had three children whom he dearly loved, and a wife whom he also loved, but they no longer had a very active sexual relationship. He had known all his life that he was sexually attracted to men, but he never acted on it until an encounter with an escort, whom he met through this site, when he was in his early 60s. When his wife accidentally discovered the relationship, they had a lot of soulful discussions, but ultimately she decided that she was not interested in continuing their marriage. He wanted to stay married but have sex with other men in addition, but she understood better than he did that what he wanted with a man was more than just sex, just as what she wanted was more than just platonic love. When their grown children were summoned to a family meeting to explain why they were divorcing, they were both surprised that although their younger son was shocked and upset, the older son and daughter already suspected that their father was gay.

 

In a burst of enthusiasm about finally being able to be completely open about his full identity, he announced to everyone that he and his wife were amicably divorcing because he was gay. He had lived his whole life in the same small city in which he was born and he and his wife were well-known, and as one might expect, he received some sympathetic acceptance, but a lot more hostility, especially from those who felt more sympathy for his wife. So he moved to Palm Springs, by chance at the same time that I did. We had connected here in the MB and exchanged a lot of private correspondence (our numerous PMs are still in my box here), because he wanted advice about how to be gay, and I certainly knew about that. I know why deej thought you were so young, because you sound as excited as Harold was about the new world opening before him, and I sometimes felt like a professor counseling a college kid, even though he was older than I was. For the first year or more in Palm Springs he seemed to be running on adrenaline. But it couldn't last.

 

I got to know his wife and his older children, as well as his older sister, and they were likable, sophisticated people who were mostly accepting of his new life choice and his new friends. I could see why he had been mostly happy with his pre-gay life, and why he had given it up reluctantly. After the euphoria of his first sexual experiences with escorts had died down, he longed to find a compatible partner and settle down, but that proved a lot harder than simply announcing one was gay and available. The men he was attracted to, and developed crushes on, weren't sexually attracted to him. It wasn't that he had unreasonable fantasies about gorgeous young hunks: he actually wanted a relationship with a peer his own age, with whom he could share sex, love and mutual interests and tastes. In other words, he wanted what he had long had with his wife. After a couple of years, in one of his darker moments, he confided to me that he often wished he had not come out at all, because he desperately missed what he had given up for the freedom to be gay. Eventually, he seemed to be settling into an uneasy relationship with a difficult man his own age whom most of his friends and family didn't like very much, but unfortunately, he also developed health problems, and after only four years in Palm Springs, he died suddenly. He was a lovable man, and I still miss him often.

 

I realize that you identify yourself as bi (although you refer to your need for "gay sex"), and that in your conversations with your wife, she has said that you two "could work it out." I have gone into this long story not to be a downer, but to point out that the adventure you have very recently started out on is likely to have many twists and turns which are as unpredictable as everything else in life. I wish the best for you, but closets can be harder to empty than you may think.

[+ purplekow]

Glenn, your post threw me back to one of my early experiences on this site, when I became good friends with someone with a similar history to yours. He had married at 22, had three children whom he dearly loved, and a wife whom he also loved, but they no longer had a very active sexual relationship. He had known all his life that he was sexually attracted to men, but he never acted on it until an encounter with an escort, whom he met through this site, when he was in his early 60s. When his wife accidentally discovered the relationship, they had a lot of soulful discussions, but ultimately she decided that she was not interested in continuing their marriage. He wanted to stay married but have sex with other men in addition, but she understood better than he did that what he wanted with a man was more than just sex, just as what she wanted was more than just platonic love. When their grown children were summoned to a family meeting to explain why they were divorcing, they were both surprised that although their younger son was shocked and upset, the older son and daughter already suspected that their father was gay.

 

In a burst of enthusiasm about finally being able to be completely open about his full identity, he announced to everyone that he and his wife were amicably divorcing because he was gay. He had lived his whole life in the same small city in which he was born and he and his wife were well-known, and as one might expect, he received some sympathetic acceptance, but a lot more hostility, especially from those who felt more sympathy for his wife. So he moved to Palm Springs, by chance at the same time that I did. We had connected here in the MB and exchanged a lot of private correspondence (our numerous PMs are still in my box here), because he wanted advice about how to be gay, and I certainly knew about that. I know why deej thought you were so young, because you sound as excited as Harold was about the new world opening before him, and I sometimes felt like a professor counseling a college kid, even though he was older than I was. For the first year or more in Palm Springs he seemed to be running on adrenaline. But it couldn't last.

 

I got to know his wife and his older children, as well as his older sister, and they were likable, sophisticated people who were mostly accepting of his new life choice and his new friends. I could see why he had been mostly happy with his pre-gay life, and why he had given it up reluctantly. After the euphoria of his first sexual experiences with escorts had died down, he longed to find a compatible partner and settle down, but that proved a lot harder than simply announcing one was gay and available. The men he was attracted to, and developed crushes on, weren't sexually attracted to him. It wasn't that he had unreasonable fantasies about gorgeous young hunks: he actually wanted a relationship with a peer his own age, with whom he could share sex, love and mutual interests and tastes. In other words, he wanted what he had long had with his wife. After a couple of years, in one of his darker moments, he confided to me that he often wished he had not come out at all, because he desperately missed what he had given up for the freedom to be gay. Eventually, he seemed to be settling into an uneasy relationship with a difficult man his own age whom most of his friends and family didn't like very much, but unfortunately, he also developed health problems, and after only four years in Palm Springs, he died suddenly. He was a lovable man, and I still miss him often.

 

I realize that you identify yourself as bi (although you refer to your need for "gay sex"), and that in your conversations with your wife, she has said that you two "could work it out." I have gone into this long story not to be a downer, but to point out that the adventure you have very recently started out on is likely to have many twists and turns which are as unpredictable as everything else in life. I wish the best for you, but closets can be harder to empty than you may think.

 

While you present the voice of caution and reflection Charlie, allow me to add my voice to those who believe he can have it all, or at least all he needs.

I believe Glenn's wife is willing to try and Glenn is willing to try, so they can construct a new normal for them after more than 50 years of being together. I strongly relate to Glenn's statement that his wife will always be his love. I feel the same way 15 years after my wife's passing. There is nothing standing in the way of my having an ongoing relationship with a man or a woman, but my heart and soul do not need that, they remain in the tender embrace of my loving wife. I have had the best for me and for now, see no need to live a coupled life again. And though my heart and soul are content, my penis seems a bit restless. So for now, and possibly for the time I have left, my penis and I will be traveling the last third of life, with warm present day memories of passed love and warm desires for lust in the present and future. Perhaps my closet isn't totally clean, but there is enough room in there for me and lover to fuck until my ticker or my prick gives out. Damned the dust bunnies, full spew ahead.

[+ purplekow]

Oh by the way Nate in LA, very nice selection Glennn. Sweet man. Had a great "conversation" with him at last year's Palm Springs dinner and post dinner festivities. Though most of dinner I sat there wondering just how does not get to be that handsome.

[+ glennnn]

Strangely, my three escort encounters and expressing my sexual thoughts about men on this forum has tended to curb my libido in regards to men rather than increase it. Although I appreciate the purpose of your cautionary tale, Charlie, it made me very afraid. Continuing my life with my best friend, my wife, is more important than any gay sex. This is important and new info! If I find joining you all in Palm Springs could rupture my marriage, I will cancel out. This does not mean I think I can go back into the closet. I can't. But what I do now that I'm out is in my control. I very much enjoyed the education I have received since September, but if the end of my marriage is the price of gaining more gay experience, then I will stop here and withdraw. After all, I am 72 and my physical prowess is bound to decline soon. I wanted a taste of "gay life" and I'm grateful for what I've had.

 

Charlie,

Your anecdote has left me frightened and shaken, and made me doubly aware of how precious my wife is to me. Thank you.

[jackjackjack]

I don't know to which forum this missive belongs,so please excuse me in advance if I've chosen the wrong one. (I know that rules are important!)

This can't be short, but I will try to condense. Many of you know that I am a 72 yo, married, bi guy who has been in the closet for all of 65 years,_hiding behind the outfit Pat Boone wore when he sang "Bernardine" in 1954. Until 3 months ago I had never had a sexual conversation, much less sexual contact with another man, but i

Glenn, your post threw me back to one of my early experiences on this site, when I became good friends with someone with a similar history to yours. He had married at 22, had three children whom he dearly loved, and a wife whom he also loved, but they no longer had a very active sexual relationship. He had known all his life that he was sexually attracted to men, but he never acted on it until an encounter with an escort, whom he met through this site, when he was in his early 60s. When his wife accidentally discovered the relationship, they had a lot of soulful discussions, but ultimately she decided that she was not interested in continuing their marriage. He wanted to stay married but have sex with other men in addition, but she understood better than he did that what he wanted with a man was more than just sex, just as what she wanted was more than just platonic love. When their grown children were summoned to a family meeting to explain why they were divorcing, they were both surprised that although their younger son was shocked and upset, the older son and daughter already suspected that their father was gay.

 

In a burst of enthusiasm about finally being able to be completely open about his full identity, he announced to everyone that he and his wife were amicably divorcing because he was gay. He had lived his whole life in the same small city in which he was born and he and his wife were well-known, and as one might expect, he received some sympathetic acceptance, but a lot more hostility, especially from those who felt more sympathy for his wife. So he moved to Palm Springs, by chance at the same time that I did. We had connected here in the MB and exchanged a lot of private correspondence (our numerous PMs are still in my box here), because he wanted advice about how to be gay, and I certainly knew about that. I know why deej thought you were so young, because you sound as excited as Harold was about the new world opening before him, and I sometimes felt like a professor counseling a college kid, even though he was older than I was. For the first year or more in Palm Springs he seemed to be running on adrenaline. But it couldn't last.

 

I got to know his wife and his older children, as well as his older sister, and they were likable, sophisticated people who were mostly accepting of his new life choice and his new friends. I could see why he had been mostly happy with his pre-gay life, and why he had given it up reluctantly. After the euphoria of his first sexual experiences with escorts had died down, he longed to find a compatible partner and settle down, but that proved a lot harder than simply announcing one was gay and available. The men he was attracted to, and developed crushes on, weren't sexually attracted to him. It wasn't that he had unreasonable fantasies about gorgeous young hunks: he actually wanted a relationship with a peer his own age, with whom he could share sex, love and mutual interests and tastes. In other words, he wanted what he had long had with his wife. After a couple of years, in one of his darker moments, he confided to me that he often wished he had not come out at all, because he desperately missed what he had given up for the freedom to be gay. Eventually, he seemed to be settling into an uneasy relationship with a difficult man his own age whom most of his friends and family didn't like very much, but unfortunately, he also developed health problems, and after only four years in Palm Springs, he died suddenly. He was a lovable man, and I still miss him often.

 

I realize that you identify yourself as bi (although you refer to your need for "gay sex"), and that in your conversations with your wife, she has said that you two "could work it out." I have gone into this long story not to be a downer, but to point out that the adventure you have very recently started out on is likely to have many twists and turns which are as unpredictable as everything else in life. I wish the best for you, but closets can be harder to empty than you may think.

 

Charlie, You are a wise man.

[+ purplekow]

Charlie, You are a wise man.

Not so much this time. Charlie's cautionary tale has at its core, a couple who separated because the wife was unwilling to support the husband in this aspect of his life and the desire of a man, at a low point in his life, to return to a time which in retrospect seemed better but which was untenable when he was living it. In this situation, the couple wishes to stay together and live out there lives honestly with one another. It seems both of them are willing to sacrifice to stay together and while that is not assured to any of us for any time, I believe after more than 50 years, they have had stresses which have tested the marriage and came out on the other side. This is just another of those tests and I would expect the same result.

[+ Truereview]

I think the combination of Charlie's cautionary tale and PK's angle on possibilities make for a well-balanced set of posts. Great contributions! Glennnn - good stuff to bounce around with your counselor, IMHO.