What is a Top~?

[+ Tygerscent]

Simply someone that fucks ass~? ...someone who coersively makes others take sexual orders~

Damn~ anyone can mandate orders~?

Is there more~?

I know there is more to being a top to me;

Tell us: what's a top to "YOU"~?

 

Tyger~

971.400.2633

tygerkink@yahoo.com

 

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[Rudynate]

When I'm really in the moment, really in "Top" mode, I feel like I am serving and taking care of the bottom. It's an exquisite state of mind.

[+ Truereview]

My view is that definitions create boxes and categories for things that we are trying to understand. Yet those very definitions can limit one's experiences. When it comes to top, bottom, vers and such, I prefer to define it very organically with my partners. So much more fun than just coloring within the lines.

[+ glennnn]

I love being fucked. The perfect top pays attention to me and hears me say, "yes! ,Right there", or "harder, HARDER!!!" or "flip me over and fuck me face to face". The perfect top jacks me off and eats my cum. The perfect top gets his thrills from giving me mine. In return, he can do anything to me he wants. CLEAR????

[+ glennnn]

When I'm really in the moment, really in "Top" mode, I feel like I am serving and taking care of the bottom. It's an exquisite state of mind.

YES!!!!!!!

[+ purplekow]

To my mind, a top leads the action but follows the needs of the bottom. The top gives and receives by giving the bottom what the bottom needs before he knows he needs it. Satisfying the bottom is ultimately satisfying the top. I know this defies the usual perception of top and bottom, but in reality, for me sex is the best when there is no top, no bottom, but rather two partners giving by receiving and receiving by giving.

 

Now one partner may be insertive and the other receptive, which is more by definition, but a "top" is not only insertive and assertive and a "bottom" is not only receptive and reactive.

 

A little too Zen? If so, you can go with the old fashioned, top is pitcher and bottom it catcher and you need both to play ball.

[+ glennnn]

Esoteric but erudite. I 100% agree.

[+ poolboy48220]

Well, there's a top, and there's a good top. I had a discussion with a friend about the (then-new) Sci-Fi channel, he was asking "Why is The Six Million Dollar Man on there?" It wasn't good sci-fi, but it WAS sci-fi.

[Rudynate]

Well, there's a top, and there's a good top. I had a discussion with a friend about the (then-new) Sci-Fi channel, he was asking "Why is The Six Million Dollar Man on there?" It wasn't good sci-fi, but it WAS sci-fi.

 

But topping is just like anything else. The more you do it, the better at it you become. Still, there is an inner game to topping and if you don't have that, your chances of being a great top aren't very good.

[Wolfer]

But topping is just like anything else. The more you do it, the better at it you become. Still, there is an inner game to topping and if you don't have that, your chances of being a great top aren't very good.

Can you elaborate on the inner game?

[Rudynate]

Can you elaborate on the inner game?

 

 

A sense of entitlement. That you're the man for your bottom. I'm a total top with my partner. And I like that - it really works for me, I feel entitled to it, like I can meet his needs like no other man can. That may actually be true or not, but it's the way I feel, and it's a great feeling.

[+ purplekow]

A sense of entitlement. That you're the man for your bottom. I'm a total top with my partner. And I like that - it really works for me, I feel entitled to it, like I can meet his needs like no other man can. That may actually be true or not, but it's the way I feel, and it's a great feeling.

The main point here, I think, is that Rudy is thinking about satisfying his partner as no one else may. His focus as a top is doing the best for his bottom because Rudy knows he is the man for the job.

[MikeyGMin]

Esoteric but erudite. I 100% agree.

 

I so agree. There is the position itself and then there is the attitude or frame of mind. I love a man with a top's attitude even though I don't want to bottom. Then there are the power bottoms who are in charge the entire time and will top the hell out of you!

[Rudynate]

There's also a sense of doing what you are made for.

[+ glennnn]

A sense of entitlement. That you're the man for your bottom. I'm a total top with my partner. And I like that - it really works for me, I feel entitled to it, like I can meet his needs like no other man can. That may actually be true or not, but it's the way I feel, and it's a great feeling.

 

Im rock hard right now, you are such a turn on,, such a TOP!

[Juan Vancouver]

I have to confess that I find all this conversation both fascinating and strange. Having lived in many places and having had sex in all cultures I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the obsession with dividing men as tops or bottoms and self-identifying with one or the other is mainly a US obsession that has lately been bleeding out as US culture becomes the norm.

 

Normally men are men and they have sex. Sex takes many different forms and most men are fluidly going from one to the other without letting that define who they are.

 

In the States, however, it is advised that one choose and discloses. When one does, one is placed a specific tier in the gay men scale and a number of qualities are ascribed to one so that one can better fit the preconceived model.

 

That is why a penetrative top is expected to be masculine, but also assertive. He is expected to lead, suggest and coerce the other to submit to him. He has to please. He has to do the work. He has to be bigger and have a lower voice. He can't show any vulnerability nor doubt, just aggression and expertise.

 

An insertive receptive partner is expected to be submissive, more feminine, smaller, weaker, more passive, is supposed to accept gratefully the attentions of the top, he has to serve and mold himself to the top's needs. He can be weak, vulnerable, afraid, overwhelmed, doubtful and inexperienced.

 

I find this whole model dehumanizing and limiting. Anal insertion is not equal with domination or might. Anal receptiveness is not equal with being feminine. There are many people who receive anally and are assertive and domineering and incredibly masculine. There are many amazing femmy tops who like to take directions. Both tops and bottoms like to serve and be served. There is every single possible permutation of these characteristics with any partner at any given time and even the same partner can have a new approach in every new encounter.

 

I find that trying to define what is a top or a bottom only serves to the purpose of trying to push each other into small, constrictive cages where people can control us and understand us.

 

Personally, I believe that there is only pleasure, intimacy and joy in sex when we are able to forget all our baggage, forget all the rules and expectations (our own and the other's), and come to the table naked, present, honest and honour our partner as the naked, free and beautiful creature that he is.

 

Sorry Ty, this time I chose not to play. I mean, I will PLAY, but will not define what a good _____ is to me.

[geminibear]

Drumstix & fishstix

[+ Tygerscent]

When I'm really in the moment, really in "Top" mode, I feel like I am serving and taking care of the bottom. It's an exquisite state of mind.

Mmmmmm~

 

Tyger~

971.400.2633

tygerkink@yahoo.com

 

http://www.daddysreviews.com/venue/usa/oregon/tyger_portland

 

http://rentmen.com/AAATygerscentXXX

 

http://m.men4rentnow.com/profile.cfm?CID=114061

[+ Tygerscent]

I have to confess that I find all this conversation both fascinating and strange. Having lived in many places and having had sex in all cultures I can say without a shadow of a doubt that the obsession with dividing men as tops or bottoms and self-identifying with one or the other is mainly a US obsession that has lately been bleeding out as US culture becomes the norm.

 

Normally men are men and they have sex. Sex takes many different forms and most men are fluidly going from one to the other without letting that define who they are.

 

In the States, however, it is advised that one choose and discloses. When one does, one is placed a specific tier in the gay men scale and a number of qualities are ascribed to one so that one can better fit the preconceived model.

 

That is why a penetrative top is expected to be masculine, but also assertive. He is expected to lead, suggest and coerce the other to submit to him. He has to please. He has to do the work. He has to be bigger and have a lower voice. He can't show any vulnerability nor doubt, just aggression and expertise.

 

An insertive receptive partner is expected to be submissive, more feminine, smaller, weaker, more passive, is supposed to accept gratefully the attentions of the top, he has to serve and mold himself to the top's needs. He can be weak, vulnerable, afraid, overwhelmed, doubtful and inexperienced.

 

I find this whole model dehumanizing and limiting. Anal insertion is not equal with domination or might. Anal receptiveness is not equal with being feminine. There are many people who receive anally and are assertive and domineering and incredibly masculine. There are many amazing femmy tops who like to take directions. Both tops and bottoms like to serve and be served. There is every single possible permutation of these characteristics with any partner at any given time and even the same partner can have a new approach in every new encounter.

 

I find that trying to define what is a top or a bottom only serves to the purpose of trying to push each other into small, constrictive cages where people can control us and understand us.

 

Personally, I believe that there is only pleasure, intimacy and joy in sex when we are able to forget all our baggage, forget all the rules and expectations (our own and the other's), and come to the table naked, present, honest and honour our partner as the naked, free and beautiful creature that he is.

 

Sorry Ty, this time I chose not to play. I mean, I will PLAY, but will not define what a good _____ is to me.

Ummmm~ No disrespect, Juan but the question was "what is a top to you", not what is a "good top"~

Additionally, I think your stereotypes are a bit skewed regarding the US's examplification, definition and exhibition of topping and bottoming...

In my global travels and experience, I don't find either "top", "bttm" or "verse" to be exclusively North Amercian or even a specifically "gay" terminology~

My Clients are men, women, same and mixed gender couples, transgender and transsexual of all different ages/personalities/cultures/societies, (in no particular order), and from across the globe~

I wasn't strictly addressing "Top" in a gay sensibility...

 

 

Tyger~

971.400.2633

tygerkink@yahoo.com

 

http://www.daddysreviews.com/venue/usa/oregon/tyger_portland

 

http://rentmen.com/AAATygerscentXXX

 

http://m.men4rentnow.com/profile.cfm?CID=114061

[+ quoththeraven]

A sense of entitlement. That you're the man for your bottom. I'm a total top with my partner. And I like that - it really works for me, I feel entitled to it, like I can meet his needs like no other man can. That may actually be true or not, but it's the way I feel, and it's a great feeling.

 

That attitude would totally turn me off. But I suspect that's because I'm female, so "total top" terminology turns me off, and I think different people bring different qualities to the table. You're not the only right person for the job; you just happen to be the one engaged in it at the moment.

 

I agree with the statement of feeling you're doing what you're meant to do. I feel that way too.

 

Yes, I bottom both ways. They're not that different. In fact, I experience pleasure more consistently during anal intercourse than the other kind. But it's probably easier for me to feel a sense of partnership through non-anal intercourse.

 

Juan - I think of top and bottom as insertive/receptive. Some of the other aspects are D/s.

 

I'm not convinced the stereotypes you refer to, which exist, are solely American, and there certainly are those of us (Tyger and myself included) who reject them.

[Rudynate]

That attitude would totally turn me off.

 

 

Of course it would - you're a woman of the 21st century, so, naturally the word "entitlement" would be repellant to you. Between men, it's different. Even when I do experience that sense of entitlement that I mentioned, it is nothing more than momentarily inhabiting a role that is conducive to a great sexual experience between partners. I don't "own" my sexual partners.

[Rudynate]

 

I'm not convinced the stereotypes you refer to, which exist, are solely American, and there certainly are those of us (Tyger and myself included) who reject them.

 

I haven't been there in a while, but it used to be common in the Mediterranean world for men to consider themselves "not gay" as long as they were top. When I lived in Germany in the 70's, Turkish guest workers cruised the parks and train stations looking for sex - with other men. Many of them had wives and families back in Turkey and they considered themselves not cheating, and not gay, as long as they confined their sexual escapades to topping other men.

 

Greeks were much the same way. As long as they didn't bottom, they were "not gay" and they were OK with sex with another man. It was extremely easy to find straight Greek men who would have sex for a hundred drachmas or so.