Knowing an Escort's true identity -- Etiquette?

[Damascene]

Do not tell the escort, but, if you develop a long-term clientage with him and are comfortable, bring up that his picture can be traced to his real name. The same can happen with their phone numbers. Unless an escort

 

That said I have known the real names of a few of my former escorts and am Facebook friends with some of them. Like mentioned above, I don't bring up anywhere where we met, but we interact like my other FB friends.

[Nebost]

Agree with the consensus here. An escort may have a family , a job or other relationship to protect, so unless he openly reveals his private life to you , be courteous and respect his privacy. I've had escorts tell me their real name or tell me about their relationships and real life. I always felt privileged when that was shared with me, and made me feel more close and intimate with the guy. But I never ask or prod for it, the information should be freely volunteered.

[+ Keith30309]

I'd never attempt to find out an escort's name and, if I did, I wouldn't mention it unless it was necessary for some logistical reason, as noted above.

I've come to learn things about the men I've known - family member's names, financial information, personal routines, etc., and it's inevitable that some elements of my personal life have and will continue to become known to them. I treat their privacy in the same way I'd expect him to treat mine - discretely and going without mention.

Little things count: one escort told me that some of his regulars will exchange pleasantries with him from time to time via text but that he never initiatives those unless the client has explicitly told him it is OK. I once took a family member of an escort I had come to know to the grocery store when he was unable - I've never mentioned it and it's likely he's forgotten - just as it should be.

It takes time to build trust but it's a necessary element to a mutually beneficial experience.

[needbodywork]

I actually won't meet a guy unless I know his real identity. Too many disappointments and scary experiences in the past to not. It's shocking to see what some people try to pass themselves out as. I've met real life 50 year olds claiming to be late 20s.

 

Around 2/3 of the time I can figure out who he is. I've probably missed out on a few gems because I couldn't confirm his identity. But that's better than the alternative.

 

I will never disclose that I know his real name. That's creepy and unnecessary.

[corndog]

On a few occasions, when I was vetting an unknown escort who I suspected was using fake photos, I ran across the name of the model in the photos (which could have also been a stage name). In each case, I politely asked "Are you really John Smith?" while trying to explain my concern about the photos seeming "too good to be true."

 

In one case, he admitted that he was also the model that worked under that name, and that he was a little embarrassed that his escort persona and his professional modeling persona were linked. I felt comfortable with what he said, and proceeded to have an excellent time with him. (He was really the model in the pictures)

 

In another case, the escort got very belligerent and it was clear that he didn't like being called on his fake photos. I'm certain that I dodged a bullet.

 

A third time, the escort was advertising using model photos that seem to be readily available from most of the stock photography vendors. (I instantly recognized him because I had actually used his stock photos for an ad I designed.) When I asked him directly if he was really the same guy, he claimed they were legit, but he was a little evasive about it. He wasn't willing to send me a selfie or any other proof that it was really him so I passed on the hire. Since then, I've seen him advertise again with less professional photos, so I'm more inclined to believe that it's really him. I may have missed out.

 

As far as I'm concerned, if the information is fairly easily discoverable, and you explain to the escort that you're doing your research to make sure they're not a scam, a fraud, or a thief, they shouldn't be upset or creeped-out to know what you've discovered. A reasonable escort has to understand that there is a lot of bullshit that goes on, and you're only trying to protect yourself when dealing with a stranger.

[Steven_Draker]

I actually won't meet a guy unless I know his real identity.

 

A reasonable escort has to understand that there is a lot of bullshit that goes on, and you're only trying to protect yourself when dealing with a stranger.

 

It's a two-way street.

 

A reasonable client has to understand that there is a lot of bullshit that goes on, and you're only trying to protect yourself when dealing with a stranger.

 

[corndog]

A reasonable client has to understand that there is a lot of bullshit that goes on, and you're only trying to protect yourself when dealing with a stranger.

Absolutely!

[+ goosh69]

I always ask if they are the guy pictured and warn them that if they are not it ends immediately.

[thickornotatall]

I actually won't meet a guy unless I know his real identity. Too many disappointments and scary experiences in the past to not. It's shocking to see what some people try to pass themselves out as. I've met real life 50 year olds claiming to be late 20s.

 

Around 2/3 of the time I can figure out who he is. I've probably missed out on a few gems because I couldn't confirm his identity. But that's better than the alternative.

 

I will never disclose that I know his real name. That's creepy and unnecessary.

 

 

I met an escort last Saturday (June 27)...he is very very well reviewed here...Each and everyone of those reviews must be written by a friend or by the escort...All of the reviews mention his HUGE 9.5"x6" cock...his macho demeanor...his take charge attitude....his beautiful body....ALL BS...His cock is about 6" and average in girth....He is probably 20 years older than stated...the body is soft...overweight...so disappointing...

 

here is a brief exerpt of one review..."He is blessed with an enormous 9 plus inch thick cock which is always hard and wow, does he know how to use it. I quiver just thinking about it! Cuddling up with this smooth, muscular 100% "all male" is an unforgettable experience."

 

All that BS..The worst/best part is..He is a nice guy.... but a deluded liar...I'm sure he does not actually believes what the mirror and the eye really show..I felt bad for him...He is sweet...but no Romeo..more of a Sad Sack....I went through the motions and finally ended the session by saying I was tired...Tired of being lied to...He dressed ..left and all I could think is poor thing....knowing that you are over the hill must be a depressing revelation...

I paid him in full and wished him good luck....I felt that was the right thing to do....Now I am trying to decide how to handle the review to give Daddy......

[+ dutchmuch]

It's a two-way street.

 

A reasonable client has to understand that there is a lot of bullshit that goes on, and you're only trying to protect yourself when dealing with a stranger.

 

That's right Steven, it is a 2-way street:

 

http://m4m-forum.org/threads/client-confidentiality.55162/

[bostonman]

To take this in a slightly different direction - what about cases where you realize you actually personally know the escort, or have some connection with them? I have had several situations like that. (And I haven't hired any of them lol.)

 

One was an escort who used to advertise in Boston - in googling him I realized we're in a professional circle together - we would have a lot of common colleagues and friends, let alone work in a common field. I was still curious to meet him - but before I had the chance, he had moved to the west coast for a wonderful new (day) job offer.

 

There was a college-aged escort I saw advertising on Rentboy last summer, and I knew the face pic looked familiar but I don't think I googled him before sending him a message. He emailed a reply back from his own email address, and as soon as I saw his real name, I realized why the face looked familiar. he was actually a student of mine for a short time before he decided to transfer. I ultimately decided that not only did that make me a bit uncomfortable, but moreso knowing his personality, I decided we wouldn't be a good fit lol.

 

There is a professional colleague of mine (like, we've actually worked together several times) who regularly advertises on Backpage and occasionally RB as well. I've seen him (socially) several times since I began to notice his ads - I've never let on that I know. Part of me would be really interested in hiring him, but I somehow feel awkward about how to approach him. Knowing him, we'd probably have a good laugh over things and then wind up having a nice session. But something's holding me back.

 

So I guess the question is - is it not a good idea to hire people you actually know (or know of) in your "everyday" life - or is it ok to do that? (And I suspect that the answer has to be up to the individual.)

[+ Keith30309]

To take this in a slightly different direction - what about cases where you realize you actually personally know the escort, or have some connection with them? I have had several situations like that. (And I haven't hired any of them lol.)

 

Wow - if I found myself in the positions you describe I would not walk but run in the opposite direction. Intermingling professional relationships with personal ones, especially where I could be viewed as having some influence over an individual, could really blow up in my face. In the simplest case - something like a casual, coincidental meeting at a social event - has been discussed in other threads and my opinion is that it's is best to be as low-key and discrete as possible for everyone's sake.

[tedbear]

One of my regular escorts once sent me an email from his personal account. It took me a bit to realize just who it was from, but once I did, I replied to it. He wrote back, upset, asking how I got that email address. I simply told him, you just wrote me using it sweetie!! He wasn't upset so much that I knew his last name (I already knew an awful lot about him) but that he'd done the same thing to other clients as well. Oops!

[Nvr2Thick]

...This is exactly why vetting escorts by reading their reviews is always the best way to decide who to hire. Checking phone numbers and pictures can also help but you really have no guarantee that the pictures you find online which match those in an escort ad are the actual escort, especially if they belong to a (semi-) famous model type. If there are no reviews of the escort, you are definitely playing Russian roulette when you hire.

 

We're grateful to anyone willing to play Russian roulette. After all, someone has to write those reviews. If we all depended on prior reviews to make our decisions no one would hire new escorts and eventually we'd run out of escorts to hire.

[thickornotatall]

one escort Googled my cell # and asked if I was really XXXX.....I said yes,,,that's is correct....I didn't think it would make much difference...He had been to my apartment before and a quick Google of that address also gives my name....no secrets anywhere...My point is that if you behave in a manner consistent with who you are and you have nothing to hide it's OK...If you need complete anonymity..not happening....traces of who you always show...

[+ poolboy48220]

Not quite on topic, but in the mid-90's I was renting a room in a house from an ad I'd found in the local gay bar rag. In the gym steamroom, I saw a guy I'd hired a few years earlier, and managed to take him home with me. I'm not sure if he remembered me as a client because this was strictly tricking, no money exchanged. He laughed about the fact that he'd been to that house before, under the same circumstances, tricking with a previous tenant in that house.

[maninsoma]

one escort Googled my cell # and asked if I was really XXXX.....I said yes,,,that's is correct....I didn't think it would make much difference...He had been to my apartment before and a quick Google of that address also gives my name....no secrets anywhere...My point is that if you behave in a manner consistent with who you are and you have nothing to hide it's OK...If you need complete anonymity..not happening....traces of who you always show...

 

I think most people who claim to want complete anonymity don't understand this. If a client doesn't want an escort to have any chance of figuring out who he is, then he best (a) not have an escort over to his place; (b) use one of those "throw away phones" with a number that cannot be traced back to an individual; and © live in a large enough community that the escort would be unlikely to cross his path under a different circumstance.

[Epigonos]

As far as my own identity is concerned - for me it’s a non-issue. Every escort I have hired, and I’ve hired dozens, knows my first and last name as they are a part of my email address. Being single and retired I have NEVER felt the need to protect my identity by using a special name neutral email address.

 

Now as regards the real names of escorts I hire - again it is for me a non-issue. In every case where I’ve hired the same escort more than once I have come to know his real name. I one case, in particular, the escort constantly complains that I fail to use his real name rather than his professional one – chalk it up to old age as I just can’t seem to separate the two names. If I happened to learn the real name of a guy I hired by accident and he didn’t ask me, at some point, to use it, I’d keep my mouth shut and continue to use his professional name.

 

This situation is somewhat similar to running into an escort, one knows, in a public place. It has happened to me only once. We were both alone. We nodded to each other and kept walk. The next time we got together we laughed about what a small would it was and that was that.

 

The key here is don’t make a big deal out of something that isn’t all the world shattering.

[Tonyko]

I paid him in full and wished him good luck....I felt that was the right thing to do....Now I am trying to decide how to handle the review to give Daddy......

 

I know of whom you're speaking, (M) he used to work in NYC too. And yes thou he advertises late 30's he is well into his 50's. And no, not a big dick. And YES a very sweet nice guy. I would be very torn about even posting a review because he is so nice, but ONLY because any due diligence that we ALL should do before hiring would pull up ads/pix that clearly show he is infiniately older than he states (even in OLDER pix lol) and would also show an obviously photo-shopped dick because his dick inexplicably remaines UN photo-shopped in other pix. Tuff call.

[Tonyko]

One of my regular escorts once sent me an email from his personal account. It took me a bit to realize just who it was from, but once I did, I replied to it. He wrote back, upset, asking how I got that email address. I simply told him, you just wrote me using it sweetie!! He wasn't upset so much that I knew his last name (I already knew an awful lot about him) but that he'd done the same thing to other clients as well. Oops!

Wow - if I found myself in the positions you describe I would not walk but run in the opposite direction. Intermingling professional relationships with personal ones, especially where I could be viewed as having some influence over an individual, could really blow up in my face. In the simplest case - something like a casual, coincidental meeting at a social event - has been discussed in other threads and my opinion is that it's is best to be as low-key and discrete as possible for everyone's sake.

Asked for a facepic from a scort before hiring, he sent. (one of those dripping wet standing in the ocean beach photos so was hard to REALLY tell what he looked like, but super hot bod) The guy waiting on the stoop of his apt building when I walked up was my good bud's BF! We'd JUST all been together at the opening of a new musical 2 nights before! It was embarassing. Thou he claimed my bud knew he also scorted, I was never tots sure about that. (no never breathed a word to my bud either) But YAH hot as he was it was too weird. We walked a little, never went up to his place, I gave him some $$$ and bought him some stuff from the drug store and that was that.

[LA Rob]

I've seen an ad on Rentboy in LA recently of someone who is clearly a retired porn star who used to advertise using his porn name. He's not identifying himself and isn't showing a face pic but it's clearly the same guy. The ad goes up for about a week then down again and I'd really like to hire him the next time it's up. Assuming it happens, do you guys think I should let him know I'm aware of who is is/was?

[Frequentflier]

I've seen an ad on Rentboy in LA recently of someone who is clearly a retired porn star who used to advertise using his porn name. He's not identifying himself and isn't showing a face pic but it's clearly the same guy. The ad goes up for about a week then down again and I'd really like to hire him the next time it's up. Assuming it happens, do you guys think I should let him know I'm aware of who is is/was?

 

My opinion is "no". If you want to make an appointment and see the guy, do it. I see no need to likely make the guy uncomfortable and doing so is more likely than not going to result in him not wanting to see you and/or take his ad down completely. We need a greater supply of escorts to choose from, not less. Same view towards those that find out an escorts real name. It's not our job to super sleuth and give advice to escorts about how they conduct their business.

[MiamiLooker]

I've seen an ad on Rentboy in LA recently of someone who is clearly a retired porn star who used to advertise using his porn name. He's not identifying himself and isn't showing a face pic but it's clearly the same guy. The ad goes up for about a week then down again and I'd really like to hire him the next time it's up. Assuming it happens, do you guys think I should let him know I'm aware of who is is/was?

 

Are you suspicious that the pics are being used by someone other than the former porn performer?

[LA Rob]

MiamiLooker, No, by the narrative on his ad, I think it's him (though you can't ever be 100% sure). Assuming it is him, he appears to want to put his past behind him as he says he's going to grad school and needs the money for tuition. So if I'm correct, I'm just not sure how he'd react to being recognized.

[LA Rob]

My opinion is "no". If you want to make an appointment and see the guy, do it. I see no need to likely make the guy uncomfortable and doing so is more likely than not going to result in him not wanting to see you and/or take his ad down completely. We need a greater supply of escorts to choose from, not less. Same view towards those that find out an escorts real name. It's not our job to super sleuth and give advice to escorts about how they conduct their business.

 

 

Thanks, that makes perfect sense.