Clean Your Room ... Please!

[Guest Starbuck]

I appreciate it when an escort welcomes me in to his home. Since I always want to be a polite guest, I've never said anything like, Why don't you clean this place!? Not that I haven't sometimes wondered. Not that I didn't come mighty close this week when a young man (well-reviewed, favorably discussed on the Forum) led me through a crap-all-over-the-place living room into a crap-all-over-the-place bedroom. Since the bed was already unmade, I knew those weren’t fresh sheets on it. (I'm pretty sure the guy’s other set of sheets was part of the pile of laundry falling off the top of his bureau.) It's a bad, bad, so bad, seriously disappointing thing when what you're looking forward to skips from sex to showering as soon as it's over. So what should I have done? What would you have done? Turned and run? Pointed out the obvious? Offered to change the bedclothes?

[dannyboynyc]

I don't have any advice for what you should have done, but, I had a similar - but not as bad - experience.

 

I connected with a well reviewed escort when he was visiting NYC. I went to his hotel room for the appointment. I was very surprised the room was very messy - dirty clothes in a pile, stuff piled everywhere. Most escorts expect - and some explicitly request - clients to be "clean" for appointments. I expect the same of escorts. The state of the hotel room is a major reason I won't rehire this escort in the future.

[AdamSmith]

So what should I have done? What would you have done?

 

Post a review on TripAdvisor?

[+ purplekow]

Had sex in the shower

[+ purplekow]

My house is usually a disaster. Most recently because I am having renovations done and prior to that it was due to having multiple dogs. Some escorts think i trained my dogs to steal their underwear, but that is just a perq of having dogs. The escorts rarely want it back and I get a nice, if slobbery souvenir of their visit.

To try and remedy the sloppiness, I do try to keep the bedroom fairly neat, and I will often have either new or freshly laundered linens which i will have the escort help me place on the bed. There is a lot to be said for sex on clean fresh sheets (of course there is a lot to be said about sex on dirty filthy sheets, just not the same things generally)

So, in your situation, I would have taken a deep breath, possible from the escort's armpit, and then fucked him silly and came on the sheets.

[maninsoma]

I'm not a neat freak, so my response would probably be different than yours. I would be turned off if a place was obviously dirty (smelled bad, stains on the sheets), but if the place is just a bit cluttered it wouldn't bother me because my place is nearly always also cluttered. (I don't have enough space for all the stuff I have.) As for fresh sheets, I have no problem getting in bed with someone on sheets they just slept in. After all, I'm going to be getting sexually intimate with him in ways that are potentially far more "dirty" than getting in a bed with sheets that have been slept on a night or two. I do think an escort should change sheets between clients, though, so if it was obvious that another client just left his place and he expected you to get in bed on the same sheets then I would not react positively to that.

[bigvalboy]

My response would have been more like Bette Davis.....

 

[rvwnsd]

...So what should I have done?...

 

Say "As a representational artist, what was your motivation for creating this piece?" while pointing at the pile of shit.

[+ quoththeraven]

Maninsoma beautifully expressed my opinion about the sheets. But since they seem to bother you, I'd suggest saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, I see you're not ready. Should we reschedule?" (I'm not suggesting you offer to help pick up on the assumption there are no clean sheets available. If they are, you can add that, stick around, and help pick up.)

 

If you go the reschedule route, stick to your guns. If you have to, explain that an unmade bed with used sheets -- even if only used by him -- is a turnoff. Do your best to end the appointment with a pledge to reschedule assuming the apartment is less of a mess. But at some point you have to make clear that a clean apartment that's picked up or cleared away is a minimum requirement for you and that a messy apartment says "unprofessional" unless under dire circumstances, like emergency repairs.

 

If you go the "let me help you pick up" route, make the same speech at the end unless you can tell he's gotten the message. As I said, I'd only sweat sheets someone else had helped dirty, but you should stick to your guns if it truly is an obstacle to enjoying yourself. As for messiness, I'm sorry, but his apartment is, for this purpose, a place of business. In addition, he's not being hospitable. Best practice is a picked up, reasonably neat and clean bedroom and a living room that's navigable and has places other than the floor to sit on, to the extent possible.

 

Clients, on the other hand, are living their lives. I'm well aware that some may live in disaster zones that could take months to declutter. (As in the house I just moved out of in November that's, you guessed it, still too cluttered to be put on the market despite renovations being finished.) If you have an escort stay with you, do the best you can. In that instance, a messy house may be a symptom of hoarding, but it's not a sign of lack of professionalism.

[Guest Starbuck]

...at some point you have to make clear that a clean apartment that's picked up or cleared away is a minimum requirement for you and that a messy apartment says "unprofessional"...

 

...I'm sorry, but his apartment is, for this purpose, a place of business. In addition, he's not being hospitable. Best practice is a picked up, reasonably neat and clean bedroom and a living room that's navigable and has places other than the floor to sit on...

 

QTR, I liked your entire, well-thought-out response. The parts I've quoted get at what, to me, is the central issue--professionalism. No one is going to be put-off by an apartmnet that's clean and neat; some percentage of people will be put-off by one that's not. Why not aim to make the best impression on the greatest number of clients? That's just good business.

[rvwnsd]

QTR, I liked your entire, well-thought-out response. The parts I've quoted get at what, to me, is the central issue--professionalism. No one is going to be put-off by an apartmnet that's clean and neat; some percentage of people will be put-off by one that's not. Why not aim to make the best impression on the greatest number of clients? That's just good business.

I see a guy in LA whose ad states his apartment is clean. It is always spotless and neat. One time, I came over and he left a bottle of all-purpose cleaner on the kitchen counter. We joked about taking truth in advertising a wee bit too far.

 

In all seriousness, the environment a guy creates is important. If a guy doesn't take care of his surroundings I wonder whether he takes care of himself.

[nate_sf]

There was a client I used to see (not a forum member) whose apartment was not only messy, but it reeked of cat litter box. I mean, reeked. The upside was he was a nice guy, the sex was fun, and he liked short get-off/get-out appointments so I was never there very long. All the same, I'd be breathing through my mouth the whole time, and more often then not when he'd email for an appointment I'd pass. I never said anything to him about it, but in retrospect perhaps should have offered a deal on "naked housecleaner" and see if he'd take the hint.

[Atlantagaguy]

Escorts are in the hospitality business, they should be clean and their environment around them should also. I would have been upfront with him, give him $50 for cancelling on him and left.

[Diverdan]

I would leave, and I have left on other occasions, both for an escort and a masseur. If he wants to use his home as a place of business, it MUST BE CLEAN and neat. I have had masseurs visit my hotel room that have brought clean sheets and covers to place over my bed before they would begin the massage. As a result, I have seen him frequently and not long ago had him and his partner for a 4 hand massage. Again, they brought their own sheets and towels to put on the bed in my hotel room. It was also obvious that they had just showered before the appointment, as had I.

[BaronArtz]

There is something really kinky and hot about meeting a jock in what looks like a college dorm room though. Like you're having a fling with the captain of the rugby team. Not everything needs to be 'pristine' ... LOL

[+ quoththeraven]

There is something really kinky and hot about meeting a jock in what looks like a college dorm room though. Like you're having a fling with the captain of the rugby team. Not everything needs to be 'pristine' ... LOL

 

So tell him that, and he'll set up the scene that way. But in general, the neater, the better.