MELLOW or GRUMPY -- What Kind of Old Man Are YOU Going to Be?

[Guest Starbuck]

Lots of men, when they are in their 50s or beyond, seem to either mellow with age or become major grumps. If you're at that age, is it happening to you?

 

I noticed this first with my father who, in the last 25 or 30 years of his life, transformed from a quick-to-smile, easy-to-like fellow into a world class curmudgeon. There was no dementia or other personality-shifting illness to account for this. I blamed it on the fact that listening to right-wing talk radio got him bitter and angry about everything. But maybe he just started looking back on life--when most of it was behind him--and regretting his choices.

 

On the other hand, some men are happier and more easygoing in older age, less inclined to let "the little things" get to them. Having career pressures or responsibility for a young family behind them seems to relieve their stress. Working on personal fitness, staying active and continuing to have a sex life can't hurt.

 

Just reading posts on this forum, you notice men who appear to be headed down one path or the other. What about you? Which way? And why?

[Rudynate]

Lots of men, when they are in their 50s or beyond, seem to either mellow with age or become major grumps. If you're at that age, is it happening to you?

 

I noticed this first with my father who, in the last 25 or 30 years of his life, transformed from a quick-to-smile, easy-to-like fellow into a world class curmudgeon. There was no dementia or other personality-shifting illness to account for this. I blamed it on the fact that listening to right-wing talk radio got him bitter and angry about everything. But maybe he just started looking back on life--when most of it was behind him--and regretting his choices.

 

On the other hand, some men are happier and more easygoing in older age, less inclined to let "the little things" get to them. Having career pressures or responsibility for a young family behind them seems to relieve their stress. Working on personal fitness, staying active and continuing to have a sex life can't hurt.

 

Just reading posts on this forum, you notice men who appear to be headed down one path or the other. What about you? Which way? And why?

 

Old guys might be grumpy because they're disappointed with the way their lives turned out. That's not me. I've had a fabulous run, and I'm not done yet.

[+ purplekow]

Starbuck you young whippersnapper, you obviously know nothing about aging or you are just another ageist bigot looking to lump people into categories. It is obvious to any of us who have had enough experience to know something about life, those of us who have loved and lost, those of us that have had great success and great failures and who are now looking to battle the greatest challenge: figuring out what it all mean before we drop dead or the mind deserts and the body fails, that life shapes the personality and the personality shapes the life.

You young people think you know all the answers and likely under appreciate the strength and diligence it takes to get to get to the peak of the mountain of your life when every step is so much steeper than the last.

By the way, fuckhead, I am not mellowing. I refuse to mellow, but I aint grumpy either. Alright, so I am grumpy what the fuck do you want to do about it?

[Guy Fawkes]

I found that "Grumpy" tends to be associated with the level of pain they're in.

[actor61]

I was very grumpy in my 30s and 40s - dissatisfied, impatient, intolerant, horny, lonely, frustrated - the whole shmear. Then, I hit my 50s, and major personal disasters occurred (the loss of loved ones, including a young niece), and I realized that all the railing and head butting I'd been doing, no matter how justified, had earned me a diva reputation and that embarrassed me greatly. I sat down to assess my life and realized I had money, a loving family, a career that was putting along nicely in spite of my best efforts to sabotage it, and per the old Rosemary Clooney song, I counted my blessings, which were abundant.

 

I'll be 63 this month and I'm happier than I've ever been. I took early retirement, moved to a city that was much more affordable than where I was, and have an exciting, interesting and fun life. I look okay for my age, people seem to enjoy my company, and I enjoy my own company on days when I'm alone. I'd like a more active sex life - who wouldn't? - but I only think about it sporadically as opposed to thinking about it ALL the time when I was younger.

 

Aging isn't easy but it's not the despairing process that some make it out to be. I'm healthy, loved and never bored. That counts for a lot. As gay people, we need to really once and for all get over this fear and loathing of old age. Almost everybody will go through it and what you make of it is what's important. If you fear it, you'll hate it. If you embrace it, you'll be comfortable with it. If you make the choice to be pleasant, positive, generous and kind, you'll be happy and grumpiness will only occur when you're constipated or can't find your glasses.

[bigvalboy]

I was very grumpy in my 30s and 40s - dissatisfied, impatient, intolerant, horny, lonely, frustrated - the whole shmear. Then, I hit my 50s, and major personal disasters occurred (the loss of loved ones, including a young niece), and I realized that all the railing and head butting I'd been doing, no matter how justified, had earned me a diva reputation and that embarrassed me greatly. I sat down to assess my life and realized I had money, a loving family, a career that was putting along nicely in spite of my best efforts to sabotage it, and per the old Rosemary Clooney song, I counted my blessings, which were abundant.

 

I'll be 63 this month and I'm happier than I've ever been. I took early retirement, moved to a city that was much more affordable than where I was, and have an exciting, interesting and fun life. I look okay for my age, people seem to enjoy my company, and I enjoy my own company on days when I'm alone. I'd like a more active sex life - who wouldn't? - but I only think about it sporadically as opposed to thinking about it ALL the time when I was younger.

 

Aging isn't easy but it's not the despairing process that some make it out to be. I'm healthy, loved and never bored. That counts for a lot. As gay people, we need to really once and for all get over this fear and loathing of old age. Almost everybody will go through it and what you make of it is what's important. If you fear it, you'll hate it. If you embrace it, you'll be comfortable with it. If you make the choice to be pleasant, positive, generous and kind, you'll be happy and grumpiness will only occur when you're constipated or can't find your glasses.

 

+1...Thank you for articulating all of this so well. Any day above ground is a good day in my book. As Michael J. Fox said once, "Foods in the frige, and the rents paid." I am loving this part of my life, and I realize that I've had a damn good run. It isn't perfect, but most days I am amazed how happy I really am, except when I'm constipated or can't find my glasses....which seems to happen with more and more frequency these days...

[+ WmClarke]

I found that "Grumpy" tends to be associated with the level of pain they're in.

 

Wise words.

 

I was definitely headed down the path to Grumpy. Hell, I had taken up residence in Grumpy Town and probably could have been elected mayor.

 

But after 37 years of ignoring my own desires, I finally acted on them. Finally having sex with men helped me immensely. I had already started to change my path and my new sex life has accelerated my mellowing. I'm much more mellow now.

 

Hiring has been a godsend which helped even more. A few more hires and I'll be walking around in a perpetual state of bliss.

[Rudynate]

+1...Thank you for articulating all of this so well. Any day above ground is a good day in my book. As Michael J. Fox said once, "Foods in the frige, and the rents paid." I am loving this part of my life, and I realize that I've had a damn good run. It isn't perfect, but most days I am amazed how happy I really am, except when I'm constipated or can't find my glasses....which seems to happen with more and more frequency these days...

 

That's the best-kept secret about being an old guy - how much fun it is. I was thinking about this question during my BNI meeting this morning, and I came to the conclusion,"I LIKE being an old guy."

 

It does help, however, to have taken good care of yourself and to have stimulating goals.

[+ Charlie]

I have always enjoyed life, but I find that I am more relaxed in old age than I was when I was young. By the time I turned 70, I had done everything I wanted to do, accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, had all the things that really were important to me. There is no pressure to prove anything or acquire anything. It occurred to me the other day that I will probably never have sex again, and I realized it was actually a relief not to worry about whether someone would find me attractive anymore. Of course, physical ailments and other kinds of daily frustrations will still make me temporarily grumpy, as they always have, but they are interruptions on a generally easygoing path toward the inevitable sunset.

[Lookin]

I've been mellow most of my life and, with the simplification that comes in later years, seem to be even more so. Thankfully, so far, intrusions into my equanimity are relatively few and far between.

 

Well, except when someone goes out of their way to aggravate me. http://nasz-metin.pl/images/smiley/argue.gif

 

Most mornings I wake up with a smile on my face and try to get at least one belly laugh du jour. Usually it's with friends, sometimes one of the escort Boards and, almost without fail, the evening news. Most days I'm still chuckling when my head hits the pillow at bedtime and stay merry till morning. http://emoticoner.com/files/emoticons/smiley_faces/zzsoft-smiley-face.gif

 

Except, of course, when someone sneaks into my house at night and leaves the toilet seat up.

 

In the late summer early autumn midwinter of my life, things usually meander along at a comfortable and relatively stress-free pace and there's typically not a lot to harsh my mellowww.

 

Sumbitch! You'd think after all these years, Apple could make a keyboard that didn't sssstick!!!

 

So, anyway, when I look in the mirror these days, there's almost always a happy face staring back, and usually it's my own. In fact, the only thing that gets in the way of full-time frivolity is the occasional nosey parker who wants to know if I'm grumpy or not.

 

Honestly, it's enough to piss off Mary Poppins! http://www.boytoy.com/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif

 

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ewuYty4I0S8/Tl3cnj5bQYI/AAAAAAAADHA/sSm_Ch5DVjw/s1600/andrews.jpg

[+ Gar1eth]

How could I possibly be a grumpy old fart when my AARP membership gets me 15% discount at Outback for dinner on Mon-Thursday (inclusive)?

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

This is what I'm going to look like as I yell "get off my lawn!"

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/07/09/article-2358828-1AB8FC74000005DC-759_634x820.jpg

But serioiusly, I wonder whether people actually get grumpier as they get older. Or does society just worship youth and the bubbliness that comes with it?

[+ honcho]

I've heard at least one relative and maybe a couple of other people say that they got tired of running their lives to suit other people and didn't care what others thought anymore, and that have made them less willing to expend the effort to

apply the politeness filter to what they said. So, in these case it might be more a matter of revealing their natures

rather than a character change.

 

I've realized that I get grumpy before mealtimes when I'm hungry; but that was true way back in my twenties.

 

and when I got annoyed with people, I wasn't very successful at keeping it to myself although when I conveyed

that annoyance, I tried to be as clinically accurate as possible.

 

Nonetheless, as I get older, I've been trying to be better about employing the editorial perspective before speaking

my mind, in hope of not making my reputation any worse than it already is

[Lookin]

and when I got annoyed with people, I wasn't very successful at keeping it to myself although when I conveyed that annoyance, I tried to be as clinically accurate as possible.

 

 

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dy_VIumKeLU/T_xqvQsc8rI/AAAAAAAAEZA/CW1SN-5wFaA/s1600/a1.jpg

 

You're a fornicating distal orifice of the alimentary canal!

[Samai139]

At 75 I obviously qualify for the "old man" label. I believe I am more "mellow" than I was at 30,40,50, or even 60.

Why?

No longer concern myself with many of the superficial things that seemed to matter so much--"stuff"---clothes, shoes, cars, hair, etc.

I manage with what I NEED, not with what the culture encourages me to WANT.

 

My health has remained good and as my peers die or suffer a litany of complaints I am thankful for that. I can even be patient when

friends and relataives go on and on about their aches, pains, prescriptions, operations.

 

There is no reason for those of you on this Forum who are young to worry about falling into the "grumpy old man" category---old age,

can be pleasant and enjoyable. Make the effort to ensure that it will be.

[wklucas]

for the overwhelming most part - mellow, laid-back, casual, easy-going, don't sweat the small stuff - has all worked for me very well up until now....I see no reason to ever change.....

(of course, I'm also very spoiled & used to getting my own way so I've never had much reason to ever be grumpy or otherwise ruffled )

[wisconsinguy]

Interesting thread. I like lists. It keeps me focused, and the goals I have, in my face. I have personally and professionally experienced the aging process. So here is my simple list on the process.

1. We are all programed in a number of ways to progress through our time.

2. Change...We are would like to think we can all handle change. We do not. Even as young individuals, (which I respect greatly) we like, and feel comfortable with our routine.

3. Hopefully as we age, and we realize that we are not the only body on earth, we can step outside ourselves and be of service to others around us.

4. We are what we eat. It defines who we are, or the struggle between the real and false self...needs and wants.

5. Individuals complain about their occupation. When you make your choice and decide it is not for your u, get out. Whatever it takes. Don't complain the rest of your life.

6. As we age, and we go through the physical changes and maladies that will befall the best of us...ADAPT and carry on the next day.

 

I need to take care of myself in order be helpful to the world around me.

 

Dance as if no one where watching. Sing if no one where listening. Love as if you never have been hurt.

[bobchitown]

Not being grumpy is something I find myself struggling with, but at least I'm aware of it and try to compensate. Just last night we had an otherwise great meal during which one course was a train wreck, I had to remember to say how much I enjoyed most of the meal rather than to concentrate on the one bad bit.

 

Part of this is, I think, just human nature. When I get off a flight that went like clockwork I forget it as soon as I'm off the plane, when a 2 hour flight turns into a 12 hour ordeal I kvetch for days.

[+ purplekow]

 

Part of this is, I think, just human nature. When I get off a flight that went like clockwork I forget it as soon as I'm off the plane, when a 2 hour flight turns into a 12 hour ordeal I kvetch for days.

 

Two things that help keep one mellow are old friends and small joys.

i recently was playing Words with Friends with a lifetime friend and managed a comeback from about 100 points behind by playing the word "pignuts" for a seven letter bonus and on the next turn playing "kvetch" with a triple word score. His chagrin was palpable and my delight continues. Now some may find my delighting in my friends pain to be immature, but we have been friends since age 8 and as a result our interpersonal dynamic has a strong base of the behavior third graders with the understanding of men who have known each other for half a century. Seeing "kvetch" in a post here has just delighted me and if someone would post using the word pignuts, I would be absolutely delighted.

[actor61]

Here's what I like best about being "older" and communicating with other "older" folks: how articulate you all are. The above posts are so beautifully composed, thoughtfully written and down to earth; they are delightful and inspirational

 

Here's what I dislike most about "younger" people: the use of the word "like". Where I will probably say "I was really amazed", what I hear from people half my age is "I'm like whoa!" THAT is one of the few things that makes me grumpy!

 

And now I shall return to my glass of Metamucil and AARP magazine.

[+ Gar1eth]

I unfortunately am not so much grumpy as I am bitter.

 

Gman

[+ Charlie]

I think that old men who are regularly grumpy are that way because they are disappointed with what they did with their lives en route to old age. I agree with wisconsinguy's advice to younger men: if you are not happy with your life, change it, to the degree that you can, NOW. Don't wait for some expected happy retirement.

[Rudynate]

I found that "Grumpy" tends to be associated with the level of pain they're in.

 

Agreed. I know from experience how toxic chronic pain is to your outlook.

[bigvalboy]

I unfortunately am not so much grumpy as I am bitter.

Gman

 

Interesting comment Gman. I think this brings up a whole new set of issues. Being bitter as opposed to grumpy is a far more difficult situation to deal with, and not so easily laughed off.

[Epigonos]

I am one of those incredibly fortunate individuals who at 74 can look back on his life and honestly say that if I had it all to do over again I would do exactly what I did. I taught for over thirty five years in a wonderful public high school where I was extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to work with wonderful students, wonderful parents, and wonderful administrators. Granted some of my teaching colleagues were morons but then the world isn’t totally perfect. I retired at 62, on my own terms, and for the last 12 years I have been fortunate to be able to do all the things I didn’t have the guts to do or time to do while I was working. I redecorate, I read, I travel, I garden, I hire escorts and I even have time to stop and smell the flowers. Sure aging definitely bring with it a multitude of physical problems. I have had two knee replacement surgeries, five eye surgeries, one hernia surgery, two wrist surgeries and three prostrate procedures BUT what the hell none of these have been terminal. I get up Monday through Friday and 4:30 a.m. workout at a local gym from 5 a.m. to 6 a.m. I then proceed to Panera’s and have coffee with friends from 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. where we solve ALL the world’s problems. At 7 a.m. I come home, have breakfast and face another fun, exciting, entertaining day – DAMN LIFE IS GOOD and I expect it to continue to be good until I’m gone. I'm definitely mellow.