Is There a Time to Say, Good Bye to a Long time Escort

[rocky]

I might be criticized for using this forum and not another for this discussion thread but I really hope to hear from my folks out there on this issue. I've been contributing for many years and remember one of my first posts was spending my first night with a man, an escort! It's been only 10 years but since then seems like many years. So here's the deal; I see an escort every weekend more or less; we vacation at my expense, cruises, etc; my sexual needs as I've grown older are more of that of companionship than sex, although I have found with new persons how excited I get, maybe that's an issue. So, my question for all of you out there; have you ever been with an escort for long period of time; but became more than that (I've met parents); and now think, hmmm what's next, is this what I want every weekend or do we divorce. I love the guy and think he loves me as a person. Sorry to get so serious over the holidays; but I'm going through some difficult times now and need some advice. Thanks

[corndog]

It's been said that when you hire a guy, you're not paying him to show up, you're paying him to leave when it's all over. I think that it's great that you've enjoyed a long relationship with an escort, but maybe it's time to say goodbye. Celebrate the great times you shared, but also celebrate that you're ready to move on.

[+ purplekow]

I know this is a radical thought, but why not discuss this with him? A simple statement: Bob, you do not get me hot like you used to do. I would love to be friends but I need hot sex and we are too comfortable together to make sure that happens. I will not be hiring you as I have in the past. I would love to continue to see you, but not professionally.

If I wanted a long term relationship with luke warm sex, I would ask you to marry me, but we both deserve better.

 

You can make that a little less blunt, but he deserves an explanation and you deserve to get what you want.

[+ FreshFluff]

How about just saying that you need some variety? That depersonalizes the issue and softens the blow.

[sincitymix]

I might be criticized for using this forum and not another for this discussion thread but I really hope to hear from my folks out there on this issue. I've been contributing for many years and remember one of my first posts was spending my first night with a man, an escort! It's been only 10 years but since then seems like many years. So here's the deal; I see an escort every weekend more or less; we vacation at my expense, cruises, etc; my sexual needs as I've grown older are more of that of companionship than sex, although I have found with new persons how excited I get, maybe that's an issue. So, my question for all of you out there; have you ever been with an escort for long period of time; but became more than that (I've met parents); and now think, hmmm what's next, is this what I want every weekend or do we divorce. I love the guy and think he loves me as a person. Sorry to get so serious over the holidays; but I'm going through some difficult times now and need some advice. Thanks

 

It does sound like over time your connection has turned from sexual to emotional. The problem I see is you are or have spent every weekend with him, Give or take. That seems more like a relationship or a marriage.

Like FreshFluff has mentioned, you could say "Hey stud, break out the whips, chains and electrified nipple clamps. Its time to do something so kinky Satan would cry."

I really like Purplecows advice. Its the most sensible.

It really seems like the lines have blurred from an escort to a boyfriend.

[+ FreshFluff]

Like FreshFluff has mentioned, you could say "Hey stud, break out the whips, chains and electrified nipple clamps. Its time to do something so kinky Satan would cry."

 

Actually, I suggested saying that he (Rocky) wants to see other men simply because he needs some variety.

[sincitymix]

oops, my mistake. I was distracted by the kitten picture. so fluffy! =^..^=

[tom1980]

If I wanted a long term relationship with luke warm sex, I would ask you to marry me . . .

 

This is a perfect description of almost every marriage I've seen. Sex becomes less and less of a focus the longer you are with someone, especially when you have kids to worry about. My wife and I try to take a romantic trip every year to reconnect and reignite our sex life, but it's hard to maintain that once we have to go back to work and taking care of the kids on a daily basis.

[+ Gar1eth]

It's probably me. But I'm not quite sure what Rocky wants/is feeling. Does he love the escort/does he think the escort loves him? Does he want to be more than a client- because I'm sorry - others may feel differently but really it seems to me that if Rocky is paying for the majority of their time together and the guy is still mostly escorting with other clients when he is not with Rocky- then Rocky is still a client. He may be a favorite client- and I mean that the escort most likely actually likes Rocky and not that the escort likes Rocky for only for the business relationship.

 

So the questions are for me- does Rocky want more out of the current relationship- either in terms of not being a client anymore and being something more or does he want to remain a client but spice up their relationship more?

 

Or does Rocky- while wanting to remain friends - I can't imagine he would have continued seeing the escort if he didn't have feelings for him- want to stop their client-escort relationship because the spark isn't there anymore?

 

Gman

[jgoo]

It's probably me. But I'm not quite sure what Rocky wants/is feeling. Does he love the escort/does he think the escort loves him? Does he want to be more than a client- because I'm sorry - others may feel differently but really it seems to me that if Rocky is paying for the majority of their time together and the guy is still mostly escorting with other clients when he is not with Rocky- then Rocky is still a client. He may be a favorite client- and I mean that the escort most likely actually likes Rocky and not that the escort likes Rocky for only for the business relationship.

 

So the questions are for me- does Rocky want more out of the current relationship- either in terms of not being a client anymore and being something more or does he want to remain a client but spice up their relationship more?

 

Or does Rocky- while wanting to remain friends - I can't imagine he would have continued seeing the escort if he didn't have feelings for him- want to stop their client-escort relationship because the spark isn't there anymore?

 

Gman

 

I also shared Gman's reaction and I am not quite sure what Rocky wants and that is the real issue....Rocky needs to come to terms with what he really is feeling and then have an open and frank discussion with the escort. It is clear that the status quo isn't working any longer so there are only a few choices to be made. Anything related to a different type of relationship will require involving the escort in the discussion to see what is even possible/workable. Even ending the relationship should involve the escort because, frankly, he deserves it to some extent after so many years (and will help to bring closure for Rocky as well).

[robberbaron4u]

In my experience, parting can be, indeed, "sweet" sorrow. I saw a particular "escort" for twenty years; in beginning, he was compelling in his physical beauty and sensuality. Eventually, however, our meetings became no more than an occasion for him to air a litany of complaint as to his situation in life, and, of course, to make demands upon my exchequer for any number of "pie-in-the-sky" business ventures that, in his opinion, would assure his financial independence, and, of course, botox therapy for his "worry lines", and, a "butt lift" for his sagging buttocks.

The day arrived on which I said, "Enough." I have yet to regret having bade him farewell.

[wisconsinguy]

In my experience, parting can be, indeed, "sweet" sorrow. I saw a particular "escort" for twenty years; in beginning, he was compelling in his physical beauty and sensuality. Eventually, however, our meetings became no more than an occasion for him to air a litany of complaint as to his situation in life, and, of course, to make demands upon my exchequer for any number of "pie-in-the-sky" business ventures that, in his opinion, would assure his financial independence, and, of course, botox therapy for his "worry lines", and, a "butt lift" for his sagging buttocks.

The day arrived on which I said, "Enough." I have yet to regret having bade him farewell.

Wow, twenty years!!! If I make it that long with my gentle man, I'll be well past the current mean age of life in the US. I'll be dead and scattered over the cow fields of Wisconsin!!!

[robberbaron4u]

I live in the country. I ain't bury in it. . .yet.

[+ SundayZip]

It's hard to know what to do, but if it were me in your situation, I'd do as purplekow has suggested (although I'd use slightly different words). Be honest with the guy. Can you simply tell him how important he is to you and that you'd like to take the relationship to the next level, which is a great friendship with no strings attached? No sex, no money exchanged, no significant financial dependencies. Just friends. If he says no, or even if he says yes, but then starts to back away, then you have your answer. You may care for him deeply but the feelings are not mutual. Better to know now than later. If his says yes, that would be wonderful. You've got a great friend and are free to explore elsewhere for sexual adventure.

[wisconsinguy]

In the end, honestly will trump everything else, in almost any situation.

[BaronArtz]

In the end, honestly will trump everything else, in almost any situation.

 

I totally agree with that, but I would add that you need to end it with grace and tact. And express gratitude for the many beautiful moments you had in the past. Not just to soften the blow, but because it is the deeply human thing to do. But not easy ...

[wisconsinguy]

I totally agree with that, but I would add that you need to end it with grace and tact. And express gratitude for the many beautiful moments you had in the past. Not just to soften the blow, but because it is the deeply human thing to do. But not easy ...

Absolutely agree. 100%+++!

[+ FreshFluff]

In the end, honestly will trump everything else, in almost any situation.

 

Well, it would hurt me to hear "I'm no longer hot for you," especially if I thought it was a result of changes in my own physique rather than just the aging of the relationship. It sounds like Rocky does need something new, so saying he needs variety would, to me, be one honest way of presenting it.

 

I agree that expressing gratitude for the beautiful moments in the escort's company is important.

[wisconsinguy]

Well, it would hurt me to hear "I'm no longer hot for you," especially if I thought it was a result of changes in my own physique rather than just the aging of the relationship. It sounds like Rocky does need something new, so saying he needs variety would, to me, be one honest way of presenting it.

 

I agree that expressing gratitude for the beautiful moments in the escort's company is important.

I always try and practice honesty with grace and caring. Believe me, in my career, I have the opportunity to practice this on a daily basis. It seems to me that Rocky would handle this situation in such a light. I would never be so hurtfully blunt to say I'm dumping you because your turning into the saggy baggy, elephant!

[robberbaron4u]

In the end and all is said and done, "escorting" is a business. A firm handshake, best wishes, and, perhaps, a gold watch, are all that are required of you.

[TruHart1]

In the end, honestly will trump everything else, in almost any situation.

 

In the case of your "gentle man" wisconsinguy, he always welcomes complete honesty but I personally cannot see saying farewell to him for good for a very long time, myself. This hobby without the possibility of an appointment or ten with him would be unthinkable until he decides to retire in 30 or 40 years! ...and even then...

 

Of course every escort is unique and every escort/client relationship is also unique.

 

TruHart1

[wisconsinguy]

In the case of your "gentle man" wisconsinguy, he always welcomes complete honesty but I personally cannot see saying farewell to him for good for a very long time, myself. This hobby without the possibility of an appointment or ten with him would be unthinkable until he decides to retire in 30 or 40 years! ...and even then...

 

Of course every escort is unique and every escort/client relationship is also unique.

 

TruHart1

So true, TruHart! It was important to find a great sensual component. Equally important, was to find a person with a lot to offer from the neck on up. Beyond good looks, I find humor, intelligence, caring, and so much more. I fathom time without him.

[jakeleyman]

I probably would tend to make another excuse and not be as honest as you guys. I have used financial problems as a reason for not continuing to see guys, or extended travel requirements, or illness. Though this guy is probably trustworthy, I am cautious about revealing too much and being too honest. I tend to seek guys on the edge, who are less reliable. Honestly has worked against me on certain occasions.

[wisconsinguy]

I probably would tend to make another excuse and not be as honest as you guys. I have used financial problems as a reason for not continuing to see guys, or extended travel requirements, or illness. Though this guy is probably trustworthy, I am cautious about revealing too much and being too honest. I tend to seek guys on the edge, who are less reliable. Honestly has worked against me on certain occasions.

Hi JM, I agree with you here in certain circumstances as well. To preserve my so called dignity, but more, or to protect someone's feeling, I have lied through "omission." Which of course is dishonest. I try not to get into those situations anymore. When someone asks me something, especially about myself, they get the truth. On a number of fronts, we all create our own history. Through poor choices in the past, my life has become an open book. And really, it took sometime to be comfortable. But, it is me, take it or leave it. It has added a certain peace to my life which I always look forward to. Now, back to our original poster.

I do believe he will make choices that fit the person he has evolved into. I just get a feeling that he will do it with style and grace, plus a lot of caring for a friend of ten yrs.

[MscleLovr]

To answer Rocky's original question: Yes, I've become friends with 2 escorts on a long-term basis. In one case, this friendship has now lasted for 15 years. In the second case, the friendship seemed solid for 4 years before he suddenly (and without any prior incident) cut off all contact

 

In both cases, the sexual relationship was intense...but the frequency declined over a few years as friendship developed. When there was no sex, I never gave money. As friends, we stay in each other's houses and we take turns to pay for dinners, sports events and theatre tickets. When we have gone on vacations together, we've split the cost.

 

I relate my experience as Rocky requested and because I am troubled by the comment made by Rocky: "we vacation at my expense, cruises, etc". I feel that if Rocky is always paying, then it is not a true friendship. I do not mean any offence but surely Rocky is being treated as a very nice guy who is undemanding but still picking up every check. So my advice is that he should keep his wallet shut and state how much he values the friendship and wants to see the man often but as friends and on a 'no payment' basis.