Sex and the Single Senior

[Will]

In a post the other day Elwood said something to the effect that he had long since "retired" from hiring escorts. At first the phrase sounded so decisive, so final. Then it began to sound wise as well. Has anyone else ever decided to retire from clienting? What were your reasons? Are you glad you did it? Did you find it helpful to make a positive decision "to retire from clienting," rather than just to sort of fade away?

 

This is my Thread One for today. I have another, related, thread that I'll post later, on the assumption that it will be more fun to keep them separate. Keep your eyes peeled.

[Guest Jocoluver]

Interesting! I am a single senior who has always used escorts. While I have contended that I am as sex addicted now as I was in my 20's, I have recently found some diminished interest. In fact, I have been bemoaning that "I want my obsession back!!!" So my hiring has declined but when I do and am with a hot one, I am as randy as ever. I don't know what is going on??!!

 

At the moment I am semi-retired from clienting!

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Food For Thought

 

Dave Ford is an excellent writer is San Francisco who writes with humor and forethought: http://www.aegis.com/news/sc/2002/SC020306.html

 

John Bellews is a well-known writer on social issues in the gay press: http://www.bodymindsoul.org/new_page_8.htm

 

and this is from our friends up North (and I do not mean Matt and Rick Hammersmith....): http://www.qtonline.com/episodes/week10/ageism.asp

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Food For Thought

 

Dave Ford is an excellent writer is San Francisco who writes with humor and forethought: http://www.aegis.com/news/sc/2002/SC020306.html

 

John Bellews is a well-known writer on social issues in the gay press: http://www.bodymindsoul.org/new_page_8.htm

 

and this is from our friends up North (and I do not mean Matt and Rick Hammersmith....): http://www.qtonline.com/episodes/week10/ageism.asp

[Bilbo]

RE: Food For Thought

 

Just a tiny sidetrack. How could I resist bragging about it? I will be one of the locals assisting John Bellew (I'm not sure if it has an 's' on the end of it or not.) when he teaches Celebrating the Body Erotic, the first of the Body Electric classes, here in Houston next month. He's also the person I took CBE from last November. He is such an inspiring healer and has such an encyclopediac knowledge of sexy music.

[Bilbo]

RE: Food For Thought

 

Just a tiny sidetrack. How could I resist bragging about it? I will be one of the locals assisting John Bellew (I'm not sure if it has an 's' on the end of it or not.) when he teaches Celebrating the Body Erotic, the first of the Body Electric classes, here in Houston next month. He's also the person I took CBE from last November. He is such an inspiring healer and has such an encyclopediac knowledge of sexy music.

[Traveler North]

Am in mid 60s and started hiring escorts about five years ago. Am as hot for them now as ever. Only restraint is finances. Am focused on one guy who is so great, he makes me feel much younger. :7

[Traveler North]

Am in mid 60s and started hiring escorts about five years ago. Am as hot for them now as ever. Only restraint is finances. Am focused on one guy who is so great, he makes me feel much younger. :7

[Guest Bitchboy]

Will, I hired pretty actively for a couple of years. Having not had much experience with gay sex I felt too inept to attempt a pick-up in the bar scene. I practiced and practiced and practiced (a few times with that hot Rick Munroe and occasionally his equally sexy partner Derek), and I think I got real good at it. In any event, I've been fortunate enough to meet the wisest, sexiest and warmest human being alive and have retired to his arms permanently. But I sure loved getting all that expeience!;-)

[Rick Munroe]

>I sure loved getting

>all that experience!

 

It was pretty fun on this end, too (pun intended). }(

[VaHawk]

Well, Will, I know that you, of all people, can understand what I look for as far as escorts go. So far, "got my fingers crossed though" I have found that in escorts that are way far from DC. As such, when I add the flight and hotel costs to go there/bring them here, I find the encounters running into the double 4 digits each.

 

Since I'm a working man, I find this cost to be more than I want to spend anymore. I have some appointments already made, that I will honor, but after that as Roberto Duran told Sugar Ray Leonard in their 1976 fight, "no mas".

 

If I'm in their town or they are in my town or a town close by, then sure we can do an evening/overnight, but the costs to fly there or fly them here, hotel costs plus their fees is just too much. For that cost, I can go to South America, Europe, Asia, Africa or Australia or whatever and have fun with the locals and have the added bonus of seeing more of the world.

 

Ooooh! Is that coffee that I smell brewing?

[Guest Tampa Yankee]

I thought very seriously about quitting it last year. I had observed some down sides to hiring for at least a year before. Because of that I altered my hiring pattern. It helped and I continued to hire. However, last year turned out to be a difficult one for me personally and professionally including an escort experience that soured me somewhat. That is when I pondered quitting cold turkey. However, coping with the issues I was facing was an uphill battle. So instead of quitting I decided to take a little 'hair of the dog' -- actually quite a bit. The suggested alternative was to seek counseling but I knew the questions to be asked and the answers to those questions. I also knew that I couldn't act on the answers at the time. So my money was better spent on 'escort therapy'. It provided the distraction to get me passed the serious bumps in the road – six or seven months. After that I slacked off, mostly in recognition of my 'therapy' expenditures. It was money very well spent at the time but the budget was drained and further intense therapy unnecessary. Later I took early retirement but deferred my pension income. So my hiring practices were altered once again. I seek escorts like I buy wine -- good value at modest prices. I always did but more so now and I don't have wine with every meal.

 

I also have an issue with the cost of this entertainment that long predates my retirement. I think the cost is just too high for my sense of value. Maybe I'm hostage to my working class origins and the benefits of money sending kids to college, purchasing a home, or filling out an old-age pension -- lasting value.

 

I do enjoy the time with most escorts but after it is over I ask myself what do I carry forth from the experience that is of lasting value to me. I have had experiences that were worth every dollar I paid and that I wouldn't take back for twice or thrice the money spent. But these are the exception not the rule. I don't fault the escorts, they are in business to make a living and they charge what the market will bear. We clients help decide that market. But I do ponder this question of lasting value and if I do decide to quit one day I think it will be a very significant part of the equation.

[+ Charlie]

I find myself hiring less and less often, and I'm not sure how much of it is financial conservatism now that my income is reduced, and how much is simply a loss of interest in sex. I had a LOT of sex when I was young--most of it free--so I have few illusions about what I will actually gain from any more of it. I am no longer controlled by my lusts as I was from my teens until my 40s, and I don't even find myself thinking about sex anymore when I am not exposed to opportunities. I still have moments when I am really turned on by someone, or just by the idea of doing something, but sex is no longer the anodyne it once was--given the choice between sex or listening to good music, or even a good night's sleep, I'll often pass on the sex. To be truthful, that frightens me a bit, since I used to feel that sex was the most important reason for living. I will probably never give up hiring completely, unless I am physically unable to perform, but each session is now something that I have to prepare for psychologically, and I tend to luxuriate in past memories more frequently than I anticipate new ones.

[Guest Gringo]

"I tend to luxuriate in past memories more frequently than I anticipate new ones." I think your words are beautiful and have great meaning. At least with memories, we tend to remember the good ones. New adventures are a risk and sometimes disappointing.

[Chuck50]

I just turned 50 last year still looking for the "Kid in the Candy Store" when I find him might quit but not so sure LOL. I am very happy with things now. I do my homework I treat myself several times a year budgeted and then a few not in the budget but can' pass up AKA Mad Money. If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with or at least have sex..... LOL HUGS Chuck:P :P

[+ bigjoey]

i stopped hiring new escorts about a year and a half ago. i still see jon ramsey every six or eight weeks for a weekend; as we have been doing this for over eight years, the relationship is an interesting one and has a large friendship componant involved. there is another "retired" escort i see every several months for a weekend and have been seeing him for about four years; i helped him start a career and retired him from escorting in general; here too a large friendship componant has evolved.

 

aside from these two men, i have not seen anyone because i have found "that special person" that i would like to share my life with; he understands my relationship with these two men and does not mind at all. just as i decided to retire from "clienting" i met two fabulous escorts from maximun in new york: dane and ross; i was set to add them to my hiring schedule as regulars when i decided to quit; these two men made that decision a hard one as they are both wonderful escorts.

 

i was hiring alot of men and at one point, i saw four in one day (i had an overnight with escort #1 and he left at about 10:00am; #2 came for lunch at 11:00 and left about 1:00; #3 came at 3:00 and left at 5:00; #4 came at 7:00 for an overnight)! sort of out of control. i would go to the gaiety and in the course of a week hire my way through most of the line up (that's where i met jon ramsey and the other now "retired" escort).

 

after meeting my "special man", i decided i did not want sex without love anymore; i got true affection from this man and while he is not as good at sex as some of the escorts i've hired (i doubt that anyone will ever surpass the oral skills of "shamus" or the kissing skills of "ross"), i don't really care about the physical gradification as i get so much more from this man. some people here can understand this (rick monroe has talked about his relationship with derick and i have the feeling he would understand). i was last in the gaiety in feburary of 2001.

 

yes, i still read the reviews and lust over some of the really fine escorts; i the look at the picture on my desk of the "man i love" and that ends my thoughts on hiring. while the money was never as issue (the sums spent were large), i am surprised at the saving since i've slowed down; most of the money was well spent and i do not regret what i did as a consenting adult and i do have fond memories of some great guys. but for now (and i think the rest of my life), the man i've found is enough.

[VaHawk]

>If you can't be with he one you love, love the one your with

 

Really, Mae West quotes last night and Stephen Stills quotes tonight. Gotta love it!

[Chuck50]

Here Here Congrats.... HUGS Chuck

[Chuck50]

Watch out for Crosby my friend you just never know with me. But something fun about us. HUGS Chuck:P :P

[Will]

As almost always happens, when I read the posts of Charlie, Tampa Yankee, and VaHawk, I think that we must have been quadruplets separated at birth, as their responses to experiences are so like mine. That's comforting, because apart from the guys on M4M I don't have anybody to talk about these things with.

 

I started this thread initially because I had had an experience with an escort whom I had wanted to meet in person for a long time. when we did meet, I immediately sensed a kind of indifference on his part. Don't get me wrong: he was perfectly sociable, pleasant, and so forth; and we were in a restaurant. So I didn't expect -- or want -- some kind of instant turn-on/come-on. When we were alone later, however, and I still had this uncomfortable feeling that he was there simply to do his job, I asked him straight out if my feelings were justified, or if I was projecting. (One reason I asked was that I myself sort of rely on the escort to warm up the occasion; and when that doesn't happen, I'm not much in the mood, either.) To his great credit, he admitted that he couldn't explain it, but that, yes, I was right: he just couldn't eroticize me.

 

Then we began to talk, and all of my let-me-take-care-of-you instincts rushed to the fore, and we spent an hour or two talking about his problems, his life, his fears, and so on. Because I am genuinely interested in people, because I actually like most escorts (well, frankly, I like most people), and because I know that I am a good listener, we got more and more comfortable as the hour got later and later. Thus we sort of got around to sex in a rather natural way; but there again, I did almost all the work.

 

When he left, I thought, "Why should I have paid this man a fee? He's the one who should be paying me. After all, I took him to dinner; I urged him to talk about himself; I listened carefully and with great attention to the stories of his life; I comforted him; and I made love to him. So it looks like the 'escort' money went in the wrong direction."

 

Afterwards, I thought about the whole thing and found in myself the memories of an old trick: make them need you and then they'll let you love them. That's a very, very, and I mean VERY, dangerous path for me to start out on. But there I was, paying big bucks to a professional prostitute to allow me to do for/to him what I used to do for free -- and I felt no better after I'd paid for it than I had when I did it for free.

 

I'm not sure what the point of all this is. But I am sure that the guys who have posted to this thread already will be able to say something that will help clarify my feelings. I'm like TY -- I ask, "What of lasting value am I getting for all this money?" After all, the evening I've just described cost close to $1,000, and I wound up feeling tired and lonely as a result.

 

One lesson is to be even more careful than I already am about choosing escorts. Another is to stick with sure-fire winners who never, ever, have made me feel the way I felt that night. But it's also the case that maybe I just can't get from escorts what I really want. (Although I'm not always sure what that is.)

[woodlawn]

>But it's also the case that maybe I just can't get from

>escorts what I really want. (Although I'm not always sure

>what that is.)

 

I don't expect you to respond to this post or even to read it, but perhaps others will benefit from reading it.

 

All that you can ever get from an escort is sex -- and some are so limited in what they do that you can't even get that. The cleverer ones can also provide an illusion of intimacy, but it's an illusion, not the real thing. When you say you got the feeling that the escort was just there to do a job -- of course that's what he was there for. What you're complaining about is that he didn't succeed in creating the illusion that something else was happening. If you're a person who feels things deeply and truly wants intimacy with another, of course you're not going to be satisfied with a counterfeit of intimacy.

 

Ever thought about having a relationship with someone your own age who can provide the real thing rather than a fake? People in this thread are talking about whether to hire or not to hire, but having a real relationship with someone who might actually want to be intimate with them is the one alternative no one here ever seems to consider.

[Will]

Woodlawn, of course I read your post. And I thank you for it. In answer to your question: Yes, I have often thought about having a relationship with a real human being. It isn't that I hire escorts instead of seeking a relationship; and it isn't that I expect an escort to provide me with what I would seek in a relationship. Indeed, I've had relationships, as I suppose most of the men who post on this site have had. After all, most people seek what they think will make them happy. Whether they find it or not, and, having found it, whether they turn out to be right or not -- that's a different matter.

 

I know that you can be a hard-nosed man; but for just that reason I expect you to be realistic. In other words, I think it's perfectly reasonable to suppose that the large majority of men who post on this site have either had relationships in the past, or have sought them. Finding what one seeks is not always possible, and it is cynical to assume that it is.

 

As for "intimacy," I'd say that plenty of intimacy was had that night. I know for a pure fact that the escort was not simply inventing a string of life's conundrums in order to keep me busy talking. He and I both knew what the fee was, and both of us knew that he was going to collect it no matter how long we talked or what he said.

 

If by intimacy, however, you mean something bordering on romance, I have never sought that in an escort, nor would I be so foolish as to think I'd find it. But there's plenty of room between the heartless exchange of money for sex, on the one hand, and the 'til-death-do-us-part marriage bed, on the other. The kinds of emotional experiences I have had with most escorts have been wonderful; they'd fall somewhere in the sex-as-recreation category. In other words, a lot of fun was had by all. By the way, I think I know when somebody is faking having a good time and when he isn't.

 

I may make mistakes in my life, but the life I lead is an examined one. What's more, I'm neither stupid nor naive.

[woodlawn]

> I know that you can be a hard-nosed man; but for just that

>reason I expect you to be realistic. In other words, I think

>it's perfectly reasonable to suppose that the large majority

>of men who post on this site have either had relationships in

>the past, or have sought them. Finding what one seeks is not

>always possible, and it is cynical to assume that it is.

 

I have never made the supposition you speak of because I have little or no evidence to support it. I don't read every post in which a member of this board talks about his life, but among those I have read I have seen very few that suggest an interest in having a relationship with a person of one's own age and background. What I have seen in this thread and others is mature men asking themselves -- and in my opinion it is to their credit that they do so -- whether there is anything to be gained from hiring an escort that approximates the value of the time and money required for it. But I also see that very little is said about the alternatives.

 

 

>If by intimacy, however, you mean something bordering on

>romance, I have never sought that in an escort, nor would I be

>so foolish as to think I'd find it. But there's plenty of

>room between the heartless exchange of money for sex, on the

>one hand, and the 'til-death-do-us-part marriage bed, on the

>other.

 

By intimacy I mean a desire to be close to and a pleasure in being close to another person that goes beyond and lasts longer than the stimulation of the nerve centers involved in sex acts. Such feelings don't always last forever even among those who are married, but when they are absent what remains could indeed be described as "heartless."

 

>I may make mistakes in my life, but the life I lead is an

>examined one. What's more, I'm neither stupid nor naive.

 

Good for you. When your examination leads you to some conclusion about what it is you are trying to get by hiring escorts, let us know. I'll be interested in reading it.

[Guest DevonSFescort]

>If by intimacy, however, you mean something bordering on

>romance, I have never sought that in an escort, nor would I be

>so foolish as to think I'd find it. But there's plenty of

>room between the heartless exchange of money for sex, on the

>one hand, and the 'til-death-do-us-part marriage bed, on the

>other.

 

Very well said. If some people find the word 'intimacy' too objectionable, maybe 'chemistry' captures what you're talking about. A one-night-stand with someone you feel nothing in common with, who is only a sex object to you, is going to be a different experience than a one-night-stand with someone you have a personal chemistry with, someone with whom you have certain things in common outside the bedroom as well as in it. Neither is intimacy in a marital sense, but the latter may offer additional pleasures to the sex that is the "main event" or "organizing principle" of the encounter.

[+ Charlie]

I don't think most of us know what we really want from an escort, or from anyone when we have sex, because the impetus is emotional/biological rather than rational. At the most cynical level we may think we just want to get our rocks off, but we can do that alone with our own hand, so we must want more than that. There is a desire for intimacy/comfort/affection/affirmation that we are attractive or loveable, in any voluntary sex with someone else, even when reason tells us that the satisfaction we get is largely an illusion, especially from someone whom we are paying for sex. And as we get older and more experienced, I think our rational sense becomes more insistent about the illusory nature of the experience.

 

Most of us don't speak very much about deeper relationships in this setting, because this site is about the pleasures of sex for pay. Nevertheless, I think most of us are aware that a real relationship is more valuable than a simulated one, and most of us have enjoyed or at least pursued the real ones. I enjoy sex with escorts largely because I have been in a very happy partnership for 35 years and don't need an escort to supply very much of my emotional needs. But no partner can completely fulfill ALL of a person's needs--it's not fair to anyone to expect him to do so--which is why escorts often fill an important role, as temporary substitutes or supplements.

 

Will, your comment about trying to do something that will make the escort want/love you is right on target. The best escorts want to make YOU feel good, not the other way around. That doesn't mean you can't respond warmly to their human needs as well (I suspect most serious escorts get into the business because they have a need to be desired as well), but you shouldn't have to work as hard with them to establish rapport as you would with someone with whom you are looking for an emotional relationship of peers.