In A Realtionship?

[jackhammer91406]

I am going to make some mistakes in this thread, I'm pretty sure. It will be a field day for the anti ANTI DEPRESSANT set. I am not even sure how to phrase what I am trying to say, which should excite the group that loves to parse errors in various posts. Before I provide evidence of the above, let me say that I am properly medicated and current with all of my therapy visits.

 

I have read over recent weeks various threads asking about escort/ client relationships, friends, what people are looking for etc. It got me to thinking, which is dangerous in itself. In analyzing the reasons why I hire, I have always come back to the same point which is that some day I hope to be involved in a strong, deep, loving, and commited relationship. Hiring an escort solved several immediate problems for me. One was that I didn't have to worry about whether the escort would find me attractive, (even tho it wounds my self esteem to be honest about this). The second was that it was the fastest way to get laid after having spent so many years in a sexless existence.

 

After my sex capades in NYC, I have begun to more closely examine the best ways to reach the point where I can develop that meaningful relationship I so much desire. Of course you have to have avenues of social contact in order to find the person you search for. That has been an ongoing problem for me because I have become so comfortable at this site, in this environment, that I have not taken the necessary steps to find other outlets. I have come to feel that I have some great friends at this place

 

This past several months I have been more actively seeking those other avenues. I had my first date of sorts last night. It went fine for a first date ( he brought flowers BTW ) and I look forward to seeing where that goes. Don't get me wrong, I have been with some of the hottest men on the planet this past 8 months or so, and I don't regret it (my banker would give a different answer tho).

 

But in the few months that I have hung out here and even met some of the men who post here, there seems to be a number of men who are involved in a relationship. Now my question is primarily to the other clients who post here and it may be intrusive to ask, but I am trying to get some instruction so bear with me. How many of you are in a realtionship and of what duration? Of those who are willing to answer, I would appreciate knowing how the escort scene fits into your life? Of those who are not in a relationship, how many wish they were and why, and how many are glad they are not and why?

 

I am trying to find a path for myself that permits establishing a healthy life (mentally and physically) allowing for commitment and finding out whether with such a commitment, there is room for hiring.

 

I was advised today that I have apparently booked and cancelled a particular escort twice. For that I apologize. I am finding my way blind without a textbook, and while I would love to get together, I have to begin to make sensible judgements without giving li'l jack all the voting power. Even if cancelling is part of the business, I don't want to become known as that cancelling guy. Each day brings more illumination for me and I know that there will be a time for all things and an appointment for all bottoms. (sorry I had to throw that in because I was getting too deep).

 

Thanks to those who took the time to read this mess and to those who will provide answers to these questions...the rest of you can move on...

 

 

[LovesYng]

Hey 91406,

 

I hear where you are coming from. PLEASE do me a BIG favor, Don't let some of the assholes from here drown you into a deep depression, something that some would love doing. Take it one day at a time and don't worry about tomorrow till it gets here. Some do care..:+

[+ Charlie]

I am one of those regular clients of escorts who also is in a long term relationship--35 years, to be exact. It is a very solid domestic partnership, and gets tighter every year. It is no longer a sexual relationship, however, because of our personal philosophy: neither of us ever got hung up on the romantic crap about love and marriage that is the staple of American culture. Men are by nature not monogamous, and therefore they practice strict sexual fidelty, after the initial passion has past, only by an act of will in service of an ideology. After a two week honeymoon, we both found our libidos starting to wander, and we were honest enough to admit it. And so we "opened" the relationship, so to speak. Occasionally, of course, that threatened the entire partnership, when one of us became more passionately involved with someone new than we had intended, and at one point we even separated for several months when I fell hard for a Svengali. Ultimately, we learned to satisfy our sexual interests without romantic illusions about the other people we were fucking with.

 

My lover (we still use that term normally to define one another) eventually developed specialized interests and found groups in which to satisfy them; he likes to party in the old-fashioned sense of that word. I, on the other hand, discovered escorts during the late 1970s sexual revolution. At first I used them only occasionally, but as I grew older and cruising for free sex got tiresome--not to mention less productive--I turned to hired sex partners more and more often. For the past decade almost all my sexual encounters have been with escorts. They are a more efficient way to satisfy my sexual urges, more stimulating, usually safer, and they present no threat to my LTR. My lover's only objection is to the expense.

 

I'm not sure that my experienceis of much use to you, or anyone else--no two relationships have exactly the same history or dynamic. In particular, you seem to have traveled a copletely different circuit, starting rather than ending with escorts. I do think you are right to suspect that no matter how exciting it is to have lots of sex with (paid) beautiful men, it is more satisfying as an adjunct to a peer relationship, rather than as the center of your gay life. If what you are really asking is, "How do I find Mr. Right?" that is grist for another thread.

[+ Lucky]

My bf of 20 years loves going to the Gaiety. We both hire escorts too, but he likes a different type than I do. The budget keeps us in check.

[Guest sdmuscl4hire]

Mr jack,

 

Kudos to you for realizing and understanding that the "hiring thing" is temporary and at best what I like to label a "game". People hire for many reasons and from my experience many are in denial to the actual reason due to the simple fact that even if you vocalized the idea that you where hiring prostitutes to find your soul mate you would probably be named the "village idiot" and yet somehow we see post after post questioning "can one find love in a escort/client situation" and another favorite of mine "how often would you say you faked being into the client"

 

Lets be real folks, you are messing with the dynamics of what this "game" is all about. The escort should never ever have to be put in the situation of having to answer questions like these. Doing so breaks down the whole foundation of what this is built on, fantasy. Of course you get warm fuzzies and feel passion and "love" like emotions when your deep in the thoroughs of fucking, we create and maintain that for you. Thats what we get paid for isnt it?

 

The reviews here are a testimony to what you are looking for, someone sexy, who has a hard on the moment he steps in the door and makes you feel like you and he where just married last night and this is the begining of a honeymoon, if he didnt give you that then you wouldnt hire him again. However when you do find one that is good, you try to trap him into telling you that he really truly is that into you and damn its a dream come true, lets elope/ see where this leads,,,,,,,, down a messy path of now having to let you down easily and slapping reality back into you.

 

Keep it simple stupid is what my dad always said, let us do what we are paid to do; pamper you, hold you and make you feel like god for the time spent together and let it go at that.

 

I recieved and email recently asking to explain in detail my sexual likes and dislikes, what type of guys I was into and what my interest where. He wanted to be sure before he spent $175 that we where going to be a good match. Well lets see, I like 21-25 yo blond smooth lean boys that like to be a good bottom boy for starters,,,,,,,,,,, hmmm this doesnt seem to be leading to a very productive conversation..... lol I am sure you get my point by now. Also my sexual likes really dont matter, yours do. Afterall you are the one paying correct? If my airconditioner was out, I wouldnt call a mechanic and ask for him to explain to me in detail everything he knew how to fix on a car, I would ask if he knew air conditioners.

 

 

Anyways, good luck on your venture. Hope you find Mr Right.

[OneFinger]

>...how many are glad they are not and why?

 

Jack, you have started a very interesting thread! Not sure I have the answers you're looking for but here's the low-down on me.

 

I've had two committed relationships since 1977 and have had more "fuck buddies" than I can remember. I gave up on trying to have a live-in, committed relationship long ago and am very satisfied my decision.

 

As you can probably guess I'm no longer young (almost 50) and am very set in my ways. I had a Lesbian roommate for almost 2 years from 1997-1999 and that totally convinced me that I'm better off living alone. Having someone living in the same house almost makes me clastrophoic and I'm much better off without a life mate or a roommate.

 

I surround myself with a wide group of supportive friends. I still have a few fuck buddies but really prefer hiring the escorts. I love the sexual interaction with an escort and the diversity they can provide. But, I also relish the lack of commitment. I try to treat my escorts with respect and enjoy their company. I'm just not the kind of guy who can live with another person.

[VaHawk]

First off, well said! Although, this doesn't directly answer JH's question, imo, I like the way you zeroed in on several points that were "sort of glossed over" in his post. I like your attitude man! I've always felt that hiring escorts really was just a "fantasy game" and no more should be attached to it than that. Yeah, some escort is enamored of me, or is my "friend" based on a hire or two. The last time I looked, my friends were sharing time with me because they wanted to, not because I was paying them to do so. Although I can understand liking an escort as a person and just enjoying his company, to get all starry eyed and put him on a pedestal is beyond my comprehension. The escort is having sex with you and being with you because you are paying and if you stop paying watch him disappear.

>

>Kudos to you for realizing and understanding that the "hiring

>thing" is temporary

 

From some of the posts I've read here, this temporary thing has been going on for several years with some people. I see nothing wrong with hiring once in a while, but only if you don't make it your only social and sexual interaction.

 

>People hire for many reasons and from my experience many are

>in denial to the actual reason due to the simple fact that

>even if you vocalized the idea that you where hiring

>prostitutes to find your soul mate you would probably be named

>the "village idiot"

 

Why is it when FFF makes this point, everyone wants to tar and feather him. Keep it real and realize that it is just a game.

 

 

>The escort should never ever have to

>be put in the situation of having to answer questions like

>these.

 

And a client shouldn't be put into the situation of feeling that way by an escort. Don't you think a client might feel this way when an escort professes friendship, etc.?

 

>Of course you get warm fuzzies and feel

>passion and "love" like emotions when your deep in the

>thoroughs of fucking, we create and maintain that for you.

>Thats what we get paid for isnt it?

 

Sometimes, but you also get paid to provide enjoyable conversation and company when a client is hiring an escort for more than a one hour fuck session.

 

 

>However

>when you do find one that is good, you try to trap him into

>telling you that he really truly is that into you and damn its

>a dream come true, lets elope/ see where this leads,,,,,,,,

>down a messy path of now having to let you down easily and

>slapping reality back into you.

 

Sounds like you've had some bad experiences dude. I don't believe most clients feel this way but then again I can only speak for myself. When I hire by the hour, I'm not interested in anything more than a great sex session (the percentages of that for me has been about 50% max). When I hire for the evening or weekend I only expect someone with some mutual interests, who is educated, intelligent, conversant and fun to be with - nothing more and nothing less.

 

 

>what we are paid to do; pamper you, hold you and make you feel

>like god for the time spent together and let it go at that.

 

I have never met an escort who made me feel like god, unless god is now spelled atm.

 

>Also my sexual likes really dont

>matter, yours do. Afterall you are the one paying correct?

 

AMEN! Great attitude, especially if you live up to it.

 

[KY_TOP]

Jack I'm one of those guys that is not in a relationship and does not want to be. I have a very active life with work and a few other interest. I enjoy my freedom and am too busy to get lonely. Hiring escorts are only a sexual outlet for me, and fulfills a need without all the bar, cruising BS just to get my rocks off. It has also given me the oppurtunity to have great sex with some of the most attractive and sexual men upon this earth. Hiring escorts has filled the one void I seemed to have in my life. I am very Happy and having the time of my life.

 

I have had the opportunity to have a few relationships in the last few years. When they seem to get too serious I just gradually stop returning their calls. I even had one start following me around from bar to bar when I would go out and started to ask if he could join me in my travels. He was cute, fun to fuck,15+ years younger than me with a good job. I was flattered but didn't need it and finally politely said thanks but no thanks.

 

We are all different in life and I wish you much luck in seeking your Relationship and hopefully Life Companion and am happy that you have developed the courage to start that search.

 

As for me...single, happy, and looking for the next Escort to hire.

[Guest Tomcal_]

Jack, great question, and I think the answers are as individual as the guys responding. I date frequently(several times a week) and usually am dating 2-3 guys at any one time. I never hire escorts here in L.A. where I live, (although I have had two BF's that did escorting)I don't want a LTR, my job, lifestyle doesn't allow for it right now. I have six guys here in L.A. who are my best friends and who I love and vice versa, so I have the support I need. Why do I hire? I only do it when I go to Rio(about 3 times a year) because I missed out on the "wild" 70's and 80's and I was told the suanas in Rio resemble that kind of wild time. the guys are gorgeous and the equivilent of $15. U.S./hr.!! Last time I went with 3 buddies from L.A. who had never "paid" for sex before, and all who are between 32 and 40, and within minutes of getting to Rio, they were "falling in love" with the "boys" there. so why do we hire, simply, because we can, it's fun, and we don't put any stigma or read any deep meaning into it! When the right guy comes along it will happen for you. There are guys who are older on this board who are not in a relationship, and feel it won't be productive for them to go and try and pick up a guy in a bar so they hire, nothing wrong in that, as long as no one reads love in to what is purely a business relationship!

BTW, are you in L.A.? send me an email if you ever want to get together for dinner/drinks. anytime!!

[VaHawk]

Jackhammer

 

First off, I know I don't know you outside of this board, but I want to say that I have enjoyed your posts and feel you are one of "real" people here who has always been open and courteous and respectful of others, whether escort or client.

 

Just my opinion, and I hope I don't sound condescending, but it seems that hiring escorts helped get you going to where you want to be and that you are ready to take the next step for you in pursuing that which you feel will make you complete. By all means seek other outlets, but don't forget us in Hooville. I wish you the best, man!

 

There are, as you say, many people who post here who have a committed relationship, but realize that sex with others, whether that is with escorts or not is not a detriment to their relationship. If that is what you seek, then don't settle for anything less, as I'm sure there is someone out there who feels the same and will be glad to find that you are the one they are seeking. BTW if you succeed will there be a Hooville wedding?

 

As for me, I do not seek a LTR with anyone and never want one. I have had five relationships over the past 30 years ranging from 6 months to five years, but find that it is just not my style. I have never been able to be monogamous with anyone and after I realized that I never would be able to do that, I decided to stop trying to be something I was not.

 

I like the freedom to come and go as I choose and to do what I want, when I want and with who I want. I wouldn't even want a roommate again, much less a lover or what the heck even a pet. Some people would say that makes me self-centered and selfish, but that is just who I am and denying who you are only makes you miserable and those around you miserable.

 

Perhaps my feelings are rooted in growing up in a family with 8 siblings and having to share a bed and being tasked with taking care of younger siblings at an early age. What the heck, I don't even like it when someone wants to drape all over you (i.e. snuggle) when you are trying to sleep and that goes for overnight escorts too.

[topcat]

Yes, I'm in a relationship....and for 3 years now it's been with an escort very highly rated on this site.

 

I'm a serial monogamist and met this guy after a 15year relationship finished (badly). At first, we just dated (and I paid) but after a while it changed. He told me the truth about himself, and was quite emotional when he did so - he felt he had deceived me. I wasn't surprised at all (that he used a false name, background etc on this site) as I expected him to want to protect his identity & fulltime job. But his opening up to me is what told me he was serious.

 

I'm 52, retired and well-off; he's 35 and works hard at his "real" job. We have rarely argued in the 3years together, and he is a great guy. He does much less escort work now but nonetheless, I do find it difficult. I find sex quite emotional and intense with him; he is able to divorce sex with others from making love to me.

 

(And to address the cynics here, Yes I do pay for dinner but he pays for breakfast and No, I don't pay for sex and we do have an exciting and vigorous love-life)

 

I don't know how others with escort-boyfriends cope....

[Guest billthekid]

Thanks for your very thought provoking post. I hire escorts to make up for the experiences I have missed. I am not in a relationship, but would love to be. There are times when I long to be in one, like Rick Munroe and Daryl, but there are other times when I savor being alone. I keep searching but it has never happened. In the meantime, I will continue to hire escorts. Guess we can only say that it is different for each of us...Good luck in finding Mr. Right.

[axebahia]

>From some of the posts I've read here, this temporary thing

>has been going on for several years with some people. I see

>nothing wrong with hiring once in a while, but only if you

>don't make it your only social and sexual interaction.

 

What's wrong with it being your only sexual interaction if you can afford it? Would you drive a Lada once in a while if you could afford to drive a Jag all the time?

[axebahia]

>Perhaps my feelings are rooted in growing up in a family with

>8 siblings and having to share a bed and being tasked with

>taking care of younger siblings at an early age.

 

Aren't you one of the guys trying to convince us that not all Southerners were hillbillies a few weeks ago?}(

[axebahia]

>I

>am finding my way blind without a textbook, and while I would

>love to get together, I have to begin to make sensible

>judgements without giving li'l jack all the voting power.

>Even if cancelling is part of the business, I don't want to

>become known as that cancelling guy. Each day brings more

>illumination for me and I know that there will be a time for

>all things and an appointment for all bottoms. (sorry I had

>to throw that in because I was getting too deep).

 

Blame it on the lunar cycles or the change of seasons, I gues. It seems to me you shared your last self-discovery journey with us about 3 months ago. Good luck, this time, but I have a feeling you will be back, quoting the encouragement of your therapist to do so in no time at all.

:o

[+ Charlie]

Does Derek know about Daryl?!

[jackhammer91406]

AdRian

thanks for your always incitefull , all knowing response. What a burden I must be for you to deal with, having to read through all of my self discovery revelations. I am so grateful there are people like you who can provide so much knowledge in so many important areas. You are such a blessing

[Rick Munroe]

>Does Derek know about Daryl?!

 

I don't even know about Daryl! I hope he's cute and lets me shop on eBay...those are my only criteria for a mate. ;-)

[Guest Bitchboy]

Hey Jack, how you doing? We struck up an email relationship early in your first visiting this site.

 

I agree with the individual who said you're going to find as many different answers as guys responding here. For what it's worth, here's my experience.

 

I've been in a relationship for almost three years now. I'm certain I wouldn't be if I didn't get my feet wet, so to speak, in the escort field first.

 

I left a long-term heterosexual marriage 3 1/2 years ago. I figure we had tortured each other long enough, and as my son had reached his teenage years, the time seem right for both my ex-wife and me. I had always known I was gay, but as is often the case, for many years I denied it both to myself and the rest of the world. I had had sex with men three times in my "married" years, so even though I knew what I liked, I sure didn't know what I was doing. Escorts seemed the perfect venue to gain some confidence and experience. In fact, I'm sure he won't mind me saying so, Rick Munroe was an early professor of mine; and Derek figured in there occasionally too.

 

For me, escorts confirmed my assumption that I was gay, had value to other people, wasn't so disgusting that I couldn't function with a man and have him respond as well. Then, when I was least expecting it, I met THE ONE! We've been together pretty much ever since. It would be great to say I met him at the library or at an art museum or book club, but truth is I met him at bar down the street from my apartment. I have no doubt that I owe a great deal of the success of this relationship to my experiences with escorts.

 

It would be wonderful to say that I've never strayed since, but like Charlie, I do find monogamy difficult. I'm secure in the fact that I LOVE my partner and my desire to experience some of what I denied myself occasionally comes to play. And, as to escorts, very occasionally I see or read about someone here that I just can't resist. Most of them have lived up to my expectations, but for me at least I've never found that comfort and passion I experience with the love of my life.

 

I'm a lucky and happy dude. I hope you will be too!

[Rick Munroe]

>Rick Munroe was an early

>professor of mine

 

Hey, you were already a gifted pupil. That mouth really knew what to do...I just guided it to the right spot(s). }(

[Guest Bitchboy]

>>Rick Munroe was an early

>>professor of mine

>

>Hey, you were already a gifted pupil. That mouth really knew

>what to do...I just guided it to the right spot(s). }(

 

 

 

Still at the TOP OF YOUR GAME, I see!

[Donnie]

>It seems to me you shared your last self-discovery journey

>with us about 3 months ago.

 

Didn't you hear? This message board is a therapy group now and jackhammer is their leader. He's part of the new wave of Prozac Posters who have hijacked the board to share their latest revelations as revealed to them by their therapists and meds. As if anyone really fucking cares.

[trilingual]

>As if anyone really fucking cares.

 

Gosh, aren't you just the brightest little fucking ray of sunshine? }(

 

As for me, I'm now 56, short, gray, and fat (although still cute, in my own opinion). However, guys don't exactly fall all over themselves for me the way they did when I was 18! I can't imagine why that would be, in an open, caring culture like the U.S.!

 

Mainly I hire for the sexual outlet. Masturbation gets boring, even if I can usually give myself a better orgasm than anyone else (because obviously I know what feels best!).

 

However, on the few occasions I was involved with someone, the relationship was always open, sexually. That didn't mean I was out looking for someone else all the time, but I also didn't want to feel restricted, or feel that I'd have to lie if something did occur. This worked for my partners and me, but I think we were the kind of guys who don't equate sex and love. Not that sex isn't great or extra-special when it's with someone you love, but not every partner can satisfy all of my sexual needs or fantasies, and I don't fall in love with every guy I have sex with. It may sound hard to explain, but there's a difference, and I can enjoy a sexual experience with someone without ever wanting to see him again or repeating the experience. On the other hand, the people I have genuinely loved, as I understand it, really were "soulmates" in many more ways, and on many more levels than the sexual one. Even when the flames died down to glowing embers in those relationships, sexually speaking, I still loved them and always will love them, because there was something special about them that goes far beyond their abilities in bed. Am I making any sense here at all?

 

And now it's time to drift off into the balmy Rio night. . . (Where I'm going to cruise the supermarket and stock up my new furnished apartment!)

[VaHawk]

Come and listen to the story of a FAG named Hawk

Just a Southern hillbilly trying to walk the walk

One day he was out sucking a Yankee dude

When up from the balls came a bubbling crude

Cum, white gold, Yankee tea

 

Well the first thing you know old Hawk's a fucking queer

All the family said "Get the hell out of here!"

New York City is the place you out to be

So he packed all his Rebel flags and left DC

 

New York.... Gaiety.... Broadway.... lots of queers

[Donnie]

>I can't imagine why that would be, in an open, caring culture

>like the U.S.!

>And now it's time to drift off into the balmy Rio night. . .

 

We get the fucking point already. You hate the U.S. so you moved to Brazil. How many times do we need to be told?